My mum is not happy I'm pregnant

[061678719x]

I am 17 and my boyfriend is 23. I recently found out I am 4 weeks pregnant and my mum is so unhappy and keeps on pointing out the negative points which is making me really angry. I didn't have a second thought about keeping the baby. I have a steady full time job and my boyfriends mum is so excited and happy for us and said she will support us. Any advice on how to deal with this situation?

[expatinscotland]

It's not the end of the world, but I'd be disappointed for my daughter, honestly. And I would not want to do a lot of childcare again. I did not really enjoy the toddler/pre-school age even with my own children.

I can understand where your mother is coming from.

My first cousin had a baby a couple of days after she was 17. She married the father, who was 21, before the baby was born. He finished university the following year and was able to support her whilst she went to college and they didn't have another baby for 6 years. They are still together, but she says it was very hard.

[LilacSpunkMonkey]

Have you posted about this before OP many, many times?

[BusStopBetty]

This sounds awfully familiar.

[Beth2511]

I had my dd at 21, im now 23 and despite being the best two years of my life in many many ways it has also been the hardest. I am pregnant with my second to avoid a huge age gap but i can safely say its exhausting.

Luckily i have a very supportive partner but just for an example of an average day...

Dd is up at 6am. She naps perhaps evety other day 12-1 and goes to bed at 8pm. Meanwhile friday-tuesday my partner is out of the house 8am-10pm working. Sunday monday snd tuesday i have dd vompletely on my own and am skint. Weds and thurs dp has dd whilst i work 2 x 12 hour shifts. Friday dd goes to childminders 8-6 whilst we both work and saturday dd goes to a family member depending on whose week it is to have her. I havent bern out without her other than for work since she was born. I can't sit down often until 10/11pm and it is relentless.

It is the hardest thing going and yes there are pros and cons, just think practically.

Im doing an ou degree once i finally sit down every evening and i wish id done a degree first, its hard to find childcare for thr none standard 9-5 hours. Im very luvky as my dp is hands on, i have an amazing boss and family who are willing to cover one day a week but it means we dont get a day as a family except for annual leave and if any of the fine balancing act fails the whole system tumbles down.

As an aside it cant be that awful, we planned the ds we are expecting because im aiming to have done my degree for when he starts school full time but using his free nursery hours at 3 to start building up work experience placements.

I can see why your mum is very upset, i was 4 years older and even that difference has meant 2 years travelling and 2 years setting up my independence and life and building my relationship that you wont have had.

[paxillin]

I actually can't believe the nastiness in some people in this thread, it's quite shocking.

No, it isn't nastiness, OP. This forum is full of parents. This thread has mostly mums I believe. Some of them former or current teen mums.

They are mostly telling you what your own mum told you. Which is of course what you didn't want to hear. You could listen or you could storm off slamming the door behind you. One of the two would be a fairly grown up reaction.

You won't find a group of mothers telling you it'll all be hunky dory, because that would be a lie. It will be tough and you have to do an awful lot more planning and mature thinking than you have done so far.

[Desmondo2016]

I had my first son at 18 and my daughter at 20 and for me it's actually turned out ok (eventually, and mainly thanks to me meeting and falling in live with my AWESOME second DH!) I have a great career, house and financial security but it's been bloomin hard work along the way with many many periods of unhappiness and terrible financial worries during my 20s. However, would I support my now 18 year old daughter if she got pregnant and decided to keep it. No, I wouldn't. Id love her and still want our relationship but I wouldn't be SUPPORTING her. It's an adult choice and one that she would have to manage on her own. By this I mean i'd babysit occasionally, in the same way I would for a friend, but I wouldn't be housing or paying for her choice, nor would her choice impact my own lifestyle. Harsh maybe. Or maybe just honest!

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

I always feel odd about these threads because teenage pregnancy is top fodder for trolls, for some reason, but I always post because you never know when it might be real.

I got pregnant at 19. My mum was devastated, furious, hurt, every emotion you can imagine. At first I didn't understand it; I got angry too, the way you are now.

Throughout the pregnancy our relationship improved as she realised that I had no intention of giving up uni or even taking any time out, no intention of relying on her for childcare and no desire to give up on my ambition, and I realised that she was just worried for what it meant for me and my future, understandably so.

She was at the birth of DD and, two years later, she and I have such a close relationship. What she is saying now is coming from a place of shock and fear and concern - what happens next is within your power, really. You can walk away and go it alone; you can fight with her until your relationship is broken beyond repair, or you can prove to her that this is something you can cope with, and although you may ask for her advice at times, and sometimes you'll just need a hug, you are going to take responsibility for this pregnancy, whether you continue with it or decide to have a termination.

You are seventeen and pregnant. Now is not the time to kick off because your mum is angry with you (understandably so, and I say that as someone who has been in a position not dissimilar to yours). Now is the time to pull your socks up, grow up very quickly, and prove yourself.

[OvariesBeforeBrovaries]

(Oh, and I wouldn't change a thing about having a child young. This choice is yours to make)

[balence49]

I had my daughter at 20. And I was too young. It's scary now looking back at how grown up I thought I was my parents must have been thru hell. My DDs dad has been less than useless and still causes trouble now ten years later. Luckily I have married a lovely man and he supports us in every way. I am only too aware that if I hadn't met him we would be living in a council house on a minimum wage job, with it being much harder to better yourself with little ones in tow. Not impossible but bloody hard work. proberbly not being able to drive let alone afford a car. No holidays and very little social life. I know the things Iv mentioned are not all nessisary but what I'm saying is I have been one of the lucky ones. And life would have been so different and much harder if I hadn't by chance met my dh. Just because your boyfriends mum is happy now just wait till you for instance have a different view on how to bring your child up and see how she is then.

[balence49]

Ps. I would be heartbroken if my daughter followed me in getting pregnant young before she had lived a bit and settled with a long standing partner. Not trying to be horrible but the truth hurts and it's hard work and actually don't mind saying there's times when I have privately resented having a child young. Obviously i wouldn't say this to her but I would strongly discourage it.

[giraffesCantReachTheirToes]

I am in no way trying to vouch for the op as I don't know them but just pointing out that not everywhere in the UK has a compulsory education age of 18.

It used to annoy me when I got told I couldn't possibly be in ASDA at 11pm on a Sunday when in fact we are 24 hours 7 days a week. Doesn't stop for Sundays. And when I got told I couldn't possibly be doing the school run on 16th August as still holidays. ..wen we go back much earlier.

[SuddenBeetE]

Haven't read the whole thread..

I had my DS1 at 18. I love the bones of my boy (he's 10 now) but I won't deny that it's been bloody hard graft. I have a decent job now, not mega bucks or high flying but I love what I do. However, it's taken me 10 years to really get back into work, and that's with an incredibly supportive DP, and family.

OP, that's 10 years of watching my mates go to Uni, start careers, travel the world, meet and date all sorts of blokes, get engaged, buy houses, get married, or just decide on a Friday afternoon to get dressed up and go on a big night out up town.

Do I regret my DS? Of course not.

Do I think I've missed out and would hate for my DD to miss out on the same? Absolutely.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

Sure this is very familiar

[Porcupinetree]

On the off chance you're genuine OP I'm going to go against the grain and say when I was a teacher I worked with lots of younger teenager mums and if you want to make it work you will with or without the support of your mum. A couple of girls I taught retake/delayed GCSEs are now at very good universities or in decent jobs.