My mum is not happy I'm pregnant

[061678719x]

I am 17 and my boyfriend is 23. I recently found out I am 4 weeks pregnant and my mum is so unhappy and keeps on pointing out the negative points which is making me really angry. I didn't have a second thought about keeping the baby. I have a steady full time job and my boyfriends mum is so excited and happy for us and said she will support us. Any advice on how to deal with this situation?

I'm sorry but what sane rational real person actively tries for a baby when they are 17

I had a baby at your age. I found the whole pregnancy and baby part very easy. Fast forwards a few years, and it wasn't so easy. It's not just about now. Your mum can see this. I would never ever recommend having children at 17. I'm thirty eight now, and I can't remember not being someone's mum. I wasn't developed enough as a human being - even though I was very mature and independent.

That said, if you're determined to go ahead, why care what others think?

Congratulations on your pregnancy - I hope it's happy and healthy and you manage to sort this out with your mum.

She's just disappointed. 17 is really young to be a mum. I'm a mum and I want my child to have choices. I don't care where he ends up or what he ends up doing at all - I see my job as making sure he has choices and opportunities, so that he can do exactly what he wants with his life, by choice, not by accident.

I imagine your mum feels the same way. She sees your future as closed now. Many of the possibilities gone. You have a set path, and you are just 17. She's disappointed.

She's also wrong. You can be a terrible unprepared mother at 17 or 27 or 37 or 47. You can be a brilliant mother at all these ages. There are advantages to having your children young. By the time your baby is independentish you'll only be in your early 30s. Many men and women don't even start to think about what they want to do with their lives until then. There are distinct advantages to the situation.

My sister had her children young. So did one of my friends. My sister is happy, her children are happy, the world is fine. My friend has a truly kickass career, amazing house and wonderful lifestyle. It's not the end of the world - if you're happy.

But your mum needs to time to realise this. She's only thinking of you, but it's not helpful right now. You need your mum right now. I'm sorry.

Good luck.

I know statistically young parents struggle more. I think as useful as that is to point out it also worth showing you are not doomed by statistics. The OP may feel overwhelmed, upset and scared. If she has decided to keep her baby she needs support with that decison. It can be harder for family to offer support because they are so worried for their baby but a forum like this should be able to offer that.

The OP didn't ask for support on her decision to go ahead with the pregnancy.

so according to hyour other thread only on sat your boyfriend doesnt want to keep it and the only person who is happy is his mum

how is this going to work-your mums prob upset coz she knows how unreliable your boyfriend is

I totally agree with your Mum. It's a disaster. You're not even old enough to drink alcohol or vote in England. I hope you won't be relying on your Mum and other people for financial help and childcare. You should have thought this through first.

I'm going to go against the grain. I had my first child at 18 and my second at 19. I then met a new partner after I split with their dad at around age 22. I had another baby at 24 and another at 29. People thought I was mad to have kids so young, why couldn't I be like my awesome younger sister and go to uni first etc. 6 years ago I was diagnosed with several autoimmune diseases and I now cant have children due to the low dose chemotherapy and constant medication. I now have 4 fab, high achieving, stable, well rounded kids between the ages of 8 and 18. I am thrilled I had my kids when I did, if I had waited until the same age as my sister then I would never have been able to have them.

None of us know what is going to happen in the future. Its just a little baby. Women ( even young women!) have been having them for a millenia. They do not need much, just love, food and a warn place to sleep. My kids are proof that you don't need expensive clothes or a massive posh house. I have a budding genetecist, archeologist, Chemist and beautician and they didnt need private schools or reebok trainers. Just a family that adore them, feed and protect them. Oh, and a firm moral code

I'm sorry but what sane rational real person actively tries for a baby when they are 17 hmm

When I was at school in the 90s, one of my classmates got deliberately pregnant at 15, thinking it would stop her 26 year old 'boyfriend' from leaving her. She'd always said that she wanted a baby from about the age of 13. :/

It didn't, he ditched her during the pregnancy. Her mom ended up doing a lot of the childcare, and she still lives with her parents now.

Btw, in terms of studying and managing childcare costs, the government has a scheme for young mums under 20 called Care to Learn. They will help with childcare costs when the time comes so that you can continue to study if you wish to do so.
Have a look at the NHS website: www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/teenager-pregnant.aspx
There are also helplines you can contact where you'll be able to talk to professionals qualified to give you proper advice on all of these matters, including work and maternity. Remember that, no matter what, you cannot be treated differently from other employees because you're pregnant. Even if you started your job yesterday, they cannot dismiss you regardless of the type of employee you are (temp, full time, part time, whatever). Any changes at your job must be given in writing and if you suspect it might be at all related to the pregnancy, do contact Citizens Advice Bureau. :)

Oh. Just read there is some sense that your boyfriend isn't happy and is unwilling to give up his party lifestyle to be a father.

Hmmm.

Being a single mother is incredibly hard. INCREDIBLY. If you and your boyfriend are on the same page and happy, fine. If you are not, and your mum knows this, I can see why she is (very justifiably) upset.

You need to look at your motives for having this child. If it's to fulfil some kind of family fantasy with your baby's father, I think you need to do some hard thinking. I can almost promise you that if he is unhappy now, it will only get worse with a newborn in the mix. They're like little bombs. They explode everything in your life. Only a relationship that's nuclear bunker-strong escapes unscathed. Having a baby ended my marriage, and I was 30 and had been with my son's father for 12 years. Please please please do not underestimate the stress this will put your relationship under.

If you're happy to be a single mother, I'm still happy for you. You're choosing an incredibly hard path, but that's cool. Nothing wrong with hard work - and it's also incredibly rewarding. But your mum will understandably be freaking out.

If you believe this will end in happily ever after - I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound old and cynical, but all my experience shows that warning bells now become shrieking air raid sirens when they baby is born, you need help and support and your bloke is off to the pub every night leaving you home to hold baby.

I suspect the op won't be back either

Congratulations OP. It'll be fine. My Mum had my oldest sister when she was 16...back in the 1960s. She went on to have three more...with the same man, my lovely Dad...and we all grew up, went to University and got good jobs.

ed much, just love, food and a warn place to sleep. My kids are proof that you don't need expensive clothes or a massive posh house. I have a budding genetecist, archeologist, Chemist and beautician and they didnt need private schools or reebok trainers. Just a family that adore them, feed and protect them. Oh, and a firm moral code

Where has anyone on this thread said private schools, massive houses and expensive clothes are essential needs for children?

My DS won't have any of the above.

My mum had me at just turned 18.
My dad was 20.

Whilst they have never regretted having me, I know they wished they had waited

Heh heh at the idea that the worse thing facing this op and her child are a lack of "massive posh houses" and Reebok trainers! What the hell has that got to do with anything?

one of my other sisters had a baby in her very early 20s, before her career was sorted and she wishes she'd waited as well. Her relationship didn't survive, and doing it all on her own was much harder. She has relentlessly drilled her DD against having children before their careers are settled.

Very much wondering if the OP still lives at home and how many younger kids her Mum might have.

I think I'm repeating myself here but anyway....

OP, if you're still reading this, please try and call one of the helplines on the NHS website (once again, here's the link: www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/teenager-pregnant.aspx).

You really should be getting advice from professionals who are used to helping young women in your situation. This forum is great but you'll get a lot of mix messages here, including some that might not be entirely helpful and cause you even more pain and confusion.

Please please please, go and talk to somebody qualified to give you proper advice.

Best xx

If you want to keep the baby, then that's up you. Your mother should be supporting you in which ever decision you make.

I had DD 6 months ago after getting pregnant in my first year of university, at the age of 23. I'm 24 now. Om on my year out I'm going back in September for my second year and there's an overwhelming amount of support out there for young people with children.

Who knows...when baby is here your mum may surprise you and regret not supporting you from the start.

4 weeks? Don't get too excited until you pass at least 10 weeks.
Saying that, do you have a place to live as a family, in your own place? If not who will put you up in a cramped room begrudgingly? Not a good start to life.
Will you have enough money coming in that will satisfy you, you obviously have money to spend now?
Will you still want to go out with your friends for the night?
Are you prepared to be a Stay at home mum as it is very boring at times?
Unless your boyfriend is solvent, you won't have any money to do anything extra.
Your mum is just worried for you as all on here are when we hear of someone straight out of school getting pregnant, the novelty quickly wears off, we have seen it so many times.
Love can't keep boredom away, nor arguments.
Hope all goes well, I think you are living in a dream world at the moment.

I had a baby at 19, I lived with dp and we both had jobs. I wouldn't advise anyone to have a baby at a young age. DS is 3 now. I have him all week while DP works and then I work all weekend. My friends are all out partying, going on holidays, climbing the career ladder and I get 1 day a month that isn't child/work related.

I'm not saying you should have an abortion but I understand why your mum is so upset. You can't comprehend how difficult it is until you've had a child and chances are you will be left doing the lions share while the dad's life hardly changes.

Oh for fucks sake I was simply pointing out that its not about material things. People are always spouting the " but we want better for our children, thats why you cant have a baby at 18, it would be a disaster" . Wait until you have a mortgage, a career, a pension pot , a 3 car drive with new cars AND a dresser painted with Farrow and bollox paint. Parent hood isnt about the trimmings that you provide to your child.

The simple truth is not one person on here knows whether the OP would make a good parent or not. She doesn't NEED all the extra crap to be a good parent. She didn't come here asking for advice and yet people think its ok to tell her her life is now a disaster and be cross with her and have to leave the thread. I was simply offering some support and another view point for all the doom and gloomers that have their judgey pants wedged firmly up their arse cracks today.

GD that's an awful comment. I'm reporting it because it is insensitive and unnecessary.

Parenthood is very limiting. Yes, a few very determined young women still achieve the lives and careers they would like, but many more founder because they simply can't find their way through the sheer demands of a small child.