Pregnant at forty and over - thread 3

[Marquand]

To continue support for mothers to be over 40.

Hello everyone, I hope you're all feeling well.
Welcome to just and last

It's been quite a while since I've posted- combination of work travel, tax, work, work, house refurb and a bit of a burn out.
27 weeks today though so thrilled to be this far as ever.

Cake I'm really so sorry to hear about your mum. I hope you're finding your way through.

My mum had a heart attack on Friday, which has totally thrown me. She was found and treated very quickly so the outlook is promising but I can't quite get my head around it. Spent the entire day yesterday losing myself in mindless internet browsing-anything to stop me thinking about it. Everything feels very surreal but I'm going to see her today which should snap me out of it.

Bloop how's the sickness? Has it waved away again? Mine really dialled back around 22 weeks and I had a rush of elation and energy, but honestly I still feel a bit queasy most days at some point. Lots of protein works best for me in keeping it at bay. It's going to be really weird not to feel like this in a few months time after it becoming a kind of new 'normal'!

On the maternity clothes front, when I was in the in-between stage I found a few non maternity drawstring waist whistles trousers cheaply on eBay, and also dropped for a new kind of fine knit wide leg cropped trouser with a big flat waistband from there too. If you're not a dress wearer (which I am not) you basically need anything with a deep crotch, allowing you to pull the waistband over the bloat/bump and let them hang comfortably. It comfortably gets around the issue of not filling the excess fabric on maternity gear. Put a loose long top on over it and gets rid of the simon cowell effect.
I've got through the last two months with that trick, but now I look like an orange on a very short cocktail stick, I'm well and truly screwed for options!

Oh and I found seraphine mat leggings were the best fitting/least baggy during the transition- maybe worth a try.

Blondes I'm glad you've been given an all clear on the dvt. On the picking up things from the floor, get one of those grabber sticks! Takes away the 'ffs' of having to squat down constantly, followed by the standard headrush

Ok epic catch up post over, I'll try to stay in more regular touch now so you don't get essays from me!

Have a good day everyone

Afternoon all, hope everyone is well and enjoying (a wet soggy) Sunday.
Hope your mum is doing ok mighty and will soon be on the mend. Hopefully you'll feel better once you've seen her and know what's happening.
Bloop I found asda leggings quite good for the price, my bump still seems to alter, depending on how much I've eaten I think so I know where you're coming from!

Hello everyone - lovely to hear so many positive stories. Am 43 and pregnant with first. This is a bit of a weird one but wondering if I'm the only one not dtd with partner now pregnant. We've managed it twice - am nearly 7 months now - relationship a bit rocky too - is the lack of dtd normal in pregnancy or a symptom of our problems? Last time was about 4 months ago?

Bloop. Hope you move soon and can change gp

Mighty Mouse - think I need one of those picker up things 😂

Also socks. Bloody hard to put on :(

Why can't be it warm so no socks needed 😂😂

Brokenchair. Congrats and welcome

Df and I haven't dtd for months :(

Didn't even dtd to get preg 😂😱😛 5th ivf attempt

Was advised by ivf clinic not to have sex for first 12w to lessen risk of mc

Tho many have sex but df and I felt if we did and have a mc/bleed would always wonder if our fault

Went to 12w scan and consultant led as I'm high risk due to

Age 43 and first baby over 40
Ivf
Dvt
Short cervix due to cone biopsy 20yrs ago

I also have a low laying placenta so consultant said some have sex but he advised to try and if bleed then stop then when pushed by df said better not to have sex due to small risk of bleeding

So obviously we haven't even tried as taken so long to get preg that we aren't taking any chances

Now 34w and apart from gagging for sex the last few months 😉😳 all is good

Have scan and consultant tomorrow

Waves to all x

Who can be bothered with dtd- I struggle with brushing my hair some days let alone brushing anything else ;)

I have urges !!!

So bloody horny (sorry)

Nope. I am more 'in the mood' than usual actually BUT my nipples (and boobs) are so so sore and sensitive that I can hardly turn over in bed, let alone have them twiddled with! Fate is very cruel. DH isn't one to moan but there won't be much action for a few months after the birth, if last time is anything to go by, so this will be quite a drought! 🌵 I wasn't so sore last time but again, more in the mood, so he did much better then...

Same here - plenty of wanting to but no dtd. DH doesn't want to, he feels weird about it and doesn't want to risk anything going wrong. I've warned him he may be in for a long wait if he waits until after baby comes...

Thanks everyone, I guess we're not so out of the ordinary then. I need to sort the relationship out though, and it isn't perfect by a long way.

Blondes your story is amazing. Been reading back through the thread. Many congratulations.

Bloop that really made me laugh - I know what you mean. I'm starting to feel the same about socks.

Christmas that sounds painful and a good reason not to did and Gizmojo it's nice you can talk properly to your husband.

You all sound like you have such lovely relationships - your very lucky.

I have enormous hooters at the best of times but they are ridiculous now. It does seem a bit of a shame to waste them though.... maybe I should give it a try. Obviously not during the week. Or after a busy day. Or a big dinner. Or a row.

Come to think of it, maybe Easter. Or maybe not .

Chair how long have you been together? Has the strain of pregnancy made things worse? I hope it works out for you.

Thanks Christmas - we'd been together just over a year when I got pregnant. It's all my fault - I stayed in what I knew wasn't the perfect relationship because of wanting a baby and my age. I feel so guilty.

I have big hooters too - growing ever more ridiculous.

Don't feel guilty. TBH, i'm with DH but if I wasn't I would have put having a child v high on my list of priorities anyway, even if it meant going it alone.

A friend of mine did the same - after a long marriage and rather sad divorce she met a younger man, had a baby just before her 40th birthday... man long gone (though they are in contact he is overseas) and she is a single mum. Loves her DS more than anything and has absolutely no regrets.

However it works out with your DP you will manage. And your child will be very much loved and wanted by you.

Now, do you really think you can take me on in a duel of the norks? Am currently a 34KK. Not comfy at all.

@broken. Perfect relationships can go wrong as well so don't think you have done wrong by staying with someone for - possibly your last chance to have a child

As you've read, I've struggled to get preg so over the moon and can't believe next month will finally be a mummy

Df is very supportive and understanding and we would both feel awful if dtd and something happened to bubs. So we don't

But have told him we will be dtd the after she is born. Well weeks /months later 😱😂

Brushing teeth and hair. No probs

Putting socks on and off major hassle. I hate cold feet !!!

Hi broken, what's your edd? We sound similar- I'm 27+2 and have dtd twice in that time. As you can see from the consensus here, hot sex (or any sex?!) in pregnancy seems to be the exception, not the norm!
Don't put yourself under any more pressure-this growing a human life lark is full on enough as it is. I thoroughly second everyone's feedback here too on the relationship side. Don't feel guilty, whatever happens.
I have two friends in our age bracket who have conceived with the actual intention of going solo-one through donor, one through an arrangement with a friend. Others who got pregnant with very new partners, some have stayed together, others haven't. All are amazing mums with genuinely lovely kids. The circumstances in which you conceive the child are less important- none of us are in full control of the relationships we might be in. What matters is that you really want a kid, so you'll be a great mum regardless of the set up. But look, it's not over yet, and pregnancy with all it's complications can be a strain on even the most willing of relationships. God knows I'm seriously testing mine, but come May the dynamic will shift again for us. So try not to focus on it- just make sure you're looking after yourself mentally and physically first, to keep yourself strong and happy. You're the priority for now. x

Thank you everyone, your kind words have really helped me today. I can't help but feel guilty as he is trying so hard to make it work. I feel so blessed to be having the baby that I need to hold on to that. I just don;t want to cause her or her father any pain.

mighty - I'm due beginning of May so yes we sound cry similar. Your kindness was really appreciated - I will take care of myself and my partner is supportive in that. He'll be a good dad too.

Blondes - wow next month! that is soon. You must feel amazing after having waited so long. A lovely time. Your feet will also be warm again soon.

Christmas - that's sad about your friend's divorce but glad she had a happy outcome. Now for the serious business - I thought I could take anyone on but I think you may have beaten me - 38J (pre baby was a 32 F-H depending on weight) - so you'r' less in inches but more in cup - who wins?

Hi everyone
Broken - DH and me haven't DTD either.
Well once since we found out! Huge difference from last time but since having 4 mc's and also having every symptom under the sun this time round we don't want to jeopardise anything. Silly I know but I'm seriously not feeling it. We talk about it a lot and we still make time to be close in other ways. After DD was born we waited til my 6 week check and things went back to almost normal. Our relationship isn't perfect by any means and we did find it hard when DD came along as things changed so much but we got through it. We hadn't been together long and had married, bought a house and had a baby within 2 years of meeting so a bit full on.
Sorry for the essay but your not alone. And you will manage whatever happens.
On the boob front - mine are enormous too. The past week they are rock hard and could put Pamela Anderson to shame!
Had awful trapped wind over the weekend and also suffering bad backache. Seriously do think this one will be soon in arriving. I've DD1's birthday tomorrow and her party Sunday so need to get through that and can wind down a bit. Can't believe this time 4 years ago I was being induced!
Consultant midwife tomorrow to get birth plan done and filed at the hospital. Bit more realistic this time around! My last one was a waste of time lol. Then midwife appt straight after. Have a reflexology appt Friday and a confident birthing class Sat so all go. Hoping the reflexology will ease things a bit as everything so uncomfortable now.
Kicks are getting really violent now also - don't think he has much room left - everything is certainly being squashed from my POV!
I'll stop rambling now - didn't mean to write War and Peace!

Broken this is a very important matter. I think bigger cup size = bigger handful. So possibly i win. But we must be similar on boob girth so happy to declare a tie?

I am glad you feel a bit better about your relationship situation. None of ours are perfect! From what you said you have two important things going for you: first, he is trying hard to make it work and second, he will be a good dad. That's so valuable however things turn out!

For now I hope you can both just be kind and cut each other a fair bit of slack on expectations for the next few months. The first few weeks with a newborn are quite tough and can be really hard on a relationship (if you focus on the quality of your own interactions!) but can also be incredibly bonding as you both get to know and love this little one. It's a turbulent time (in a good way!) and so it's hard to really evaluate a relationship against this shifting background. Hang on in there for now and try to enjoy your much-wanted pregnancy.

Hi Womble! Cross posted with you. Glad all is okay, how many weeks are you now?

I loved the violent kicks, I really missed them once DS was out. I am still only getting faint feelings (22 weeks but anterior placenta) so am looking forward to feeling more as time goes by.

Hi seacow
Im 35+4 now. Counting the days he's so active at night hence me posting at this ungodly hour. That and the backache. Gosh third trimester - I forgot how "glamorous" it was!!

I go offline for a couple of days and come back to a boob-off between Seacow & Broken!!

Feel like a bit of an outlier but still dtd at 28wks. Just taking it as it comes (as it were ). If it gets too tricky or sore then we won't. Just feel like the new little life growing inside me is bringing us closer together. Am v lucky and sending hugs to folk struggling at the moment. We may have that to come, but feeling blessed ATM.

Ah, I've been jealously observing this awe-inspiring nork-off.
I thought I was doing well...for the first time in my life I properly fill a bra. Yep, an A cup.
Ladies, step aside, I'm taking a bow. This is a great achievement in my disappointingly uncurvy existence!

Now my newly shaped rear on the other hand...could block out the sun.
Mother Nature is full of little gifts, isn't she?

Mighty #bootylicious

Boob off you say? I feel mine are huge. I'm a 36G at the moment - Usually and E so haven't grown that much and thanks to the uber sexy maternity bras they're plastered flat to my chest... I'm more Ned Flanders than Pamela Anderson

Hahaha! Bloop, 'more Ned Flanders than Pamela Anderson'!
I know exactly what you mean, though! I'm 34HH and can't find any maternity bras that fit at all so I'm alternating between wired one that has to come off the minute I get through the door at home, and some ill-fitting maternity ones that are about as supportive as going naked. On top of the stomach that just looks a bit flabbier than normal rather than pregnant, it's a deeply unattractive look...

Teaspoon, bloop, christmas, seacow, giz and the rest of the gang, I salute you.
We're in fine form indeed for the 'mature' thread