Pregnancy after infertility

[bananafish81]

Thought I’d start this thread as I find myself feeling quite out of place on the ‘normal’ antenatal club threads - find it difficult to relate to being upduffed after 'just' having some sex, and thinking ahead to buying maternity clothes, how much maternity leave to take, where I’d like to give birth etc

I realise it’s entirely my own issues and that infertility world has clouded my views, but I want to scream ‘DON’T YOU KNOW EVERYTHING THAT COULD GO WRONG!!’.

There’s a thread for pregnancy after previous loss, but thought there might be some kindred spirits who are navigating the world of pregnancy after infertility

I'm so very sorry Lucie x

I'm so sorry Lucie. I was praying for better news for you

Lucie I am so devastated for you, my heart is actually breaking thinking of what you are going through. Life/TTC is so so unfair for some of us. Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself time to grieve. Really wished for a different outcome for you

Thanks Birchy and thanks to everyone for all the support on here. You really have been brilliant and so caring. It is really hard at the moment and obviously the fog has come over me and I'm feeling all negative like it won't ever work for us now but hopefully in the days and weeks to come we will gain strength again and can move forward.

The hospital have rung and my beta is only 119 now so I'm hoping that means it won't be ectopic and will continue to fall quite quickly and resolve itself in the next week or so.

I'm really so sorry to hear your news Lucie, I feel like we've become such a nice little group of friends and I am so sad that things have not worked out for you the way we had all hoped they would. I hope you and your husband can take some time out to process and grieve. I wish you all the luck going forward and will keep you in my thoughts. Xx

Oh Lucie I'm glad the medics are doing all they can. Take some time to grieve. Can you access counselling? Much love. Xxxxx

Thanks hp, this has been a great board and definitely feel like I've made some good friends here.

Boris, they offered us counselling today. We said we would have a think about it. They have given us a follow up appt for 2 weeks time so if we decide to go ahead I will book it in then.

Hi
Great thread! After 4 years of trying incl 3 rounds of failed IVF, I was told I had a less than 5% chance of conceiving, which was gutting. I started to hate hearing yet another pregnancy announcement. We has just started proceedings last year with an egg donor when I became pregnant naturally!! Unfortunately I lost the baby last August at 20 weeks due to an incompetant cervix and he lived for 3 hours. I had to then register his birth and death in the registry surrounded by newborns, pretty hellish. Somehow I managed to become naturally pregnant 4 months later and I am now nearly 22 weeks. I had a shirodkar stitch placed by a private doctor at 13 weeks and it seems to be holding, but I dread every scan! Every week I have some sort of panic attack and I really envy everyone who has a normal pregnancy and doesn't think twice (although I am sure everyone has some sort on anxiety). But when you are approaching 40 you know you don't have many chances left...

Lucie, take time to deal with your grief and seriously consider counselling, I found it helped with practical and emotional matters and the counsellors really are very experienced.

Hi Harvey, sounds like a very stressful experience. Hope all goes well.

So sorry Lucie, my thoughts are with you. I hope you are looking after yourself and being looked after.

I would also recommend considering counseling, I have also found it very helpful.

Hello Harvey, sounds like you've been through it and I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. I hope the cervical stitch does the trick for you and baby. Welcome to the group, I hope you will find it useful.

Hi Harvey welcome - what a rollercoaster you have been through.

Lucie, if you are still checking in, I am still thinking about you. Hope you are taking things easy

How is everyone else? HP07, I am hoping no news is great news for you!

I went to GP yesterday as I have terrible IBS symptoms. I just cried and cried with stress of it all. Never thought this would be even more stressful than TTC. She was lovely but her helpful advice of taking a holiday was not very realistic!

Hi Birchy, yes I'm very well thank you. Had a slightly stressful night at work as we had a dog in that may possibly have been positive for leptospirosis. I shouldn't really have handled her at all but there was very little option so I just put on all the PPE in the practice and took a blood sample from her for the Vet. The Vet was lovely and did all the clearing up afterwards. Sadly it was a bad outcome for the dog but we didn't manage to reach a diagnosis. I hate that my job is high risk, normally I wouldn't think twice but having the responsibility of the baby is very stressful at times. Other than that all is well and I can feel the baby fluttering away inside :)

Sorry hit post too soon. Sorry to hear your feeling down. It's hard enough with all the pregnancy symptoms without other issues getting in the way too. I hope you feel better soon.

Hi Lucieloos
I just wanted to say i wish you luck, take time to grieve and look after yourself. It takes a while but you will start to feel better in time, you will surprise yourself at how much strength you have. Best wishes xx

Thanks for the welcome too everyone! x

Welcome Harvey, hope things go smoothly for you from now on

birchy sorry to hear that. Did letting it out make you feel any better? Hope you can have a nice relaxing weekend.I know it's tough, I never realised this bit would be so difficult!

hp that does sound stressful but must be a rewarding job.

Update from me, I called hospital today as GP had sent self referral form a week ago and I'd heard nothing. Got my first appointment on 6 May at 11 weeks and scan on 13 May at 12 weeks. So long to wait but at least I have dates for them!

Hope you all have a lovely weekend.

Oh yes very rewarding, so many interesting cases and fantastic patients. Animals are so much better at being sick than people, they just get on with things and recover so much quicker from surgery than us. Very brave.

The ladies on here that have been suffering from bleeding - after the night I've just had, I don't know how you've managed to keep it together!

I'm in Paris for an anniversary weekend planned long ago, we decided we'd come whatever happened with the treatment. So tonight, when I popped to the loo during a meal at a posh restaurant, I realise I'm bleeding. The toilet bowl is bright red.

I tell DH straight away but finish the meal on autopilot cos I can't think clearly. Call the emergency line at the clinic and get through to my consultant, she advises that she doesn't think it's a miscarriage but wouldn't know for sure unless I came in for a scan on Monday (I already have one booked on Wednesday). She wouldn't do anything over the weekend, even if I was in London.

I call my travel insurance people and they tell me to go straight to A&E. Restaurant arranges taxi. I'm not convinced A&E will have access to an ultrasound but miraculously the hospital has a separate area for gynaecological emergencies.

Although there were only 2 people ahead of me in the queue, we wait for 3 hours til nearly 3am to be seen by a doctor. She did an ultrasound and found a heartbeat. Unbelievably relieved.

Like I said, I don't know how you ladies have been coping. If we hadn't been able to have a scan tonight I know we'd be writing off the rest of the trip and coming home tomorrow, even if the clinic wouldn't see us until Monday, and just fearing the worst.

Very grateful to the French medical staff.

Sorry for the long and rambling post!

One more thing, the clinic was very insistant on finding out my blood type, I know I'm O but not sure if O+/-. If - they want me to come in for an antibody injection. Has anyone else had that? I thought it would be better to do it when I get home (I'm seeing midwife on Thursday for booking in appointment) but they seemed to think I shouldn't wait. Any advice?

I've no advice but sorry you've been through that blueroses - you must have been terrified . But good news on the little heartbeat I hope the bleeding has stopped for good now.

Sorry to hear that blueroses- how terrifying! Sorry I don't know anything about antibody injections. Glad they found a heartbeat and hope you're doing OK today.

Hello Bluerosses, yes I am all too familiar with the anti d (antibody) injection. If you are a negative blood type they will give it to you if you bleed and are past the 12 week mark. Before that it is not an issue. The concern is if your baby is a positive blood type then you could develop antibodies against the blood and reject and further pregnancies where the baby may be positive. You do need to have it done quite quickly after a bleed bur I think you have a little leeway. Waiting til Thursday would've too longest if you are going for a booking in appointment I would assume you are under 12 weeks so you don't need to worry about it. I have had 3 anti d injections already due to bleeds. I feel for you as I came home from a hen weekend a few weeks ago due to bleeding, I was too anxious to stay and knew I wouldn't be able to relax. I hope this has put your mind at rest and the bleeding has stopped and you can enjoy the rest of your anniversary. I have had lots of bright red bleeds, they are very scary but every time baby has been quite happy snuggled up inside and not taking a jot of notice! X

Thanks for the words of support. I've spoken to the clinic and they think it's the second sac miscarrying naturally.

It was terrifying and we just feel so guilty for trying to enjoy ourselves! It's the first time during this pregnancy that I've dressed up and put on make up and jewellery. The restaurant made pregnancy safe adjustments to the set menu and were just fantastic. It's the first, and probably only now, time we've been away since the treatment started.

Thanks Birchy and everyone else who has been so kind to me these past couple of weeks. We won't give up and are thinking of another transfer hopefully early June. We are undecided yet whether to use one of our 4 frosties or to start straight back on another fresh round on the NHS. We are leaning more towards a frostie at the moment even though we didn't want to use them up quite yet and were hoping to keep as many as possible for a sibling. We just feel it will be a lot less stressful right now rather than going through another egg collection and all the worries that go with that just to get one or maybe 2 day 3 embryos for transfer. We will probably try and put the NHS round off until the summer when we are feeling a bit stronger.

I hope that sometime soon I may be able to join you all again on here but in the meantime I wish you all the luck and success in the world x