Pregnant at forty and over - thread 2

[cloudjumper]

To continue the support for those of us who are pregnant at forty and over.

Ellie to reassure you, I've been soaking wet since about week 10, am now 37weeks, and I'm sorry to say, it only gets worse. Some days, I can have a shower, dry off, put knickers on, walk to wardrobe, and need to change my knickers again. Other days it's a few hours before I need to change. It smells a little like urine but not, if you understand? It's annoying, but normal.

City I was leaking more! Its a clear fluid like urine but colourless. I am in EPU now. My tummy and back feels cold..my knicker is damp wet. I am a complete nerve wreck at the moment. Oh i cant believe all this..I hope i go home reassured and it all stops soon!

Thanks Isla. Just read ur post. Thanks for reassuring. I asked this Q from City. Did u have any test done when u started to soak first? /how did u reassure yourself that it was not amniotic fluid?

A long wait at the moment. 2 hrs already in epu not been seen even by a junior doctor!

Ellie because I've had a baby before I know what waters breaking is like, and this is nothing like it. That's it really. Waters breaking is a gush, not a slow drip.

Hi Isla, i exactly know what you mean. I too have had the experience of water breaking before but I wasnt as lucky as you, I lost my bubba midway in pregnancy. But i did have the trickle a week before that and no one believed me at the time but eventually they did. So I know water breaking is not always a gush, it can be a slow drip if there is a tear in the water bag or if its impending ROM.

Anyway i have been reassured by the docs today. I hope its what you and City are talking about..i have to observe another few days..

Greater congrats on ur harmony! i am feeling less anxious now :) It is indeed unbelievably exhausting. Gosh it's scary! i am not sure when will I stop worrying in this pregnancy but yes fingers crossed (for u and everyone here too!) xxxxx

Hello ladies, anyone in here? I'm still feeling rotten..although the discharge is settling..i dont know what it is but perhaps the whole scare has set my mood quite low/panicked. I am having constant headache. My tummy got upset too and i just didnt realise i didnt poop (sorry for tmi) in the middle of all those pokings and proddings! Now with they have gone hard and made my hemorrhoids painful! I am also taking progesterone through back door but i'm not finding it difficult but cant afford to switch back to front door due to past experience! :(

I think i will be having maximum no. of scans too! Starting from 6 weeks, it has been every 2 weeks which actually i didnt mind as from 8 weeks it was external but now they are back to doing internal scans every 2 weeks which i am not a great fan of as i am fixed with the mindset 'nothing inside the v---na!). Ohh..9 months isnt the shortest time in life..as they say! For me, everyday seems a lifetime!

I think i need to go for some therapy! Do u think..??!!
I know i'm not sounding right..sorry..xx

ellie {curly hugs}
I worry that what ought to be a special time for you is being beset with anxiety! Definitely ask for a referral to the psychology team. I am seeing a psychologist about a previous traumatic event, in case pregnancy and birth triggers it. I've actually been very un-anxious throughout the pregnancy, thankfully. I think the hormones are chilling me out, but I am definitely finding the therapy so helpful.

Hi Ellie. I've had a slow leak too, in the run up to the big gush. I think I may also have had leaks much much earlier in two earlier pregnancies. Went into to have one of them checked, happily on the day I was seeing the obstetrician, and they couldn't find any evidence of a leak (they equally couldn't when I slow leaked at the end though!) but said it might be a minor leak. No one seemed bothered! Nothing bad happened! Both babies waited til 40+4. Maybe it's OK to have a little leak?!

I have leaked wee this time too (age, third baby, no kegels) and it's not easy at all to distinguish between them.

Aw, Ellie, you poor thing - big hugs from me too. I can definitely recommend therapy. I started seeing someone weekly after my second MC as I was finding it all very hard to cope with, and am still seeing her every other week now. I find it very useful to be able to offload the thoughts that I KNOW are unreasonable, and to have someone help me make sense of them...or not! Sometimes it's enough to get them off my chest and have someone tell me it's OK to feel like that. Do it!

In other questions...I've got to the point where I need to buy some maternity clothes. Yay - never thought I'd see the day!

Anyone got any suggestions though? In particular I'm after decent jeans (skinny or straight leg) and tops that aren't all bloody stripey (what's with that?) and/or very high necked! I've found some good looking frocks on Seraphine, am considering topshop for jeans as I have lots of their non-maternity ones and have found a few bits on H&M. But to be honest I'm finding it all a bit uninspiring...and just can't afford the likes of Isabella Oliver...help!

I'm afraid maternity clothes have just got worse and worse. Less selection, less high street availability.

It is all very uninspiring. I buy voluminous stuff from Cos.

I am thinking of posting on style and beauty about shoes or boots that will be fairly warm but I can get on without bending down! I realised that in my previous pregnancies the weather meant that I could wear (two sizes bigger) ballet pumps. But what the shite am I going to do in February and March? My toes will fall off with the cold.

Thank u all..so sweet of u..I am a bit better today.

City cant believe wrote a long response to ur post last evening and just realised that perhaps I didnt post it or my phone played up!? Anyway, love the way u say u are un-anxious in this pregnancy. I wish I could wipe out all my past memories and do the same too, although I am already brave to go for a 6th pregnancy after previous horrible experiences but I guess its the want of a child..the longing..that is keeping me going. This pregnancy is also highly medicated and frequent visits to hospital also doesnt help as sometimes I want to be left alone.

I had some psychology sessions before but tbh i didnt find them helpful. It may be because part of my job involves being on the other side too, so I almost can pan out the whole session before even it has taken place plus its almost like i want some one to guarantee me that all is well and all will stay well!! Nevertheless, I am waiting for my first psychology session in this pregnancy sometime by the end of this month, hoping that this time it does help me!

Also, knowing too much sometimes makes it worse too. If anything goes wrong, I kinda jump and start imagining worst things which a normal person wont do...like u didnt know about the possibility of amniotic fluid.

I am sorry to hear abt ur post traumatic stress disorder and so glad to know counselling is working for u and Greater..are u guys having any alternative therapy too?? Xx

output thanks. Yes they say that small tears in amniotic bag heal by their own sometimes. I just want to reach term uneventfully and a healthy baby in the end. love to hear its ur third one. Congratulations to u x

Greater ooh we are same gestation..i havent yet started thinking of maternity except bra ;) would be interested in responses to ur post. Have u now shared the news with everyone? I bet it must be an amazing feeling! We are still keeping it close friends and family..xx

We've told close family and friends Ellie but I'll be going public at work tomorrow - feel a bit nervous!
I know it sounds like a cliche but I do find yoga helps with my stress levels - the breathing and focusing on something else just for an hour is a relief.

I am another yoga devotee, although I'm giving it a rest just now because I am too bendy and I will hurt myself (relaxin, grrr).

I haven't done it myself for this purpose, but one of my friends swears by acupuncture. In fact, (I hope I am getting this right) I think credits acupuncture with helping her conceive and successfully carry to term where conventional medicine hadn't always worked so well. I'm afraid I know very little about it. Maybe it is a placebo, maybe not, but certainly a lot of people believe that it is a helpful resource.

City Greater I do regular yoga too..just limited to deep breathing but when I am stressed, dont feel like doing them and even if I do, they dont help! Its funny..

I was having accupuncture in first trimester this pregnancy, had block booked for 6 weekly sessions, so when they finished I didnt think I would need it anymore until perhaps 3rd trimester. I am not sure it worked, it might just be placebo, in my case, esp when I needed so many other meds to support my pregnancy but then now I am giving it a second thought. I might try a few more sessions, who knows..atleast some of it is evidence based. Did u not feel tempted to try it yourself City when ur friend swore by it?? I'm now!! :) xx

Greater good luck for tomorrow's announcement. I dont look big as yet so I can keep it few more weeks. I'm sure you are gonna love sharing the news!let us know how it goes xx

Ellie it hadn't occurred to me tbh because I'm not sure I really need it. We have been fortunate enough not to have any historic problems conceiving or carrying (at least so far, touch wood) and the only thing that isn't quite right is this ancient trauma thing, which is very much just something that I have locked away, and I just need to take out of that box in my mind, talk it over, and then put it away again (I know it's a bit more complex than that, but really- I think it's a talking therapy that I need, although I can understand the reasons why that might not have worked so well for you, if you have so much else gong on, not to mention your job too).
So for now, I don't think I really need any extra support, but I would be very open to trying acupuncture should any problems arise!

greater hope you enjoy telling people tomorrow!

So, I'e spent most of today at work telling people the new and crying! I've been unable to get the words out without having a sob so after the 3rd or 4th batch I emailed everyone else. And they've all been so lovely...really genuinely delighted and excited for us. Only odd comment was one bloke who asked 'was it intended?' - why would you ask that?

Anyway, it's a big relief to have it in the open and I ordered mat clothes from 4 different places (on the understanding that most of it will go back!) yesterday too so this shit is starting to feel real!

That's lovely greater! Oh just ignore the weird comment - people can say the strangest things when they hear the news - that seems to be a common one

I've had quite a bit of acupuncture before. Who knows if it helps with conception etc, but I did find it very relaxing and it's a real treat. So I would do it ellie if you find it relaxing.

I went swimming yesterday for the first time with the bump! I had to make sure it was sticking out because I'm still convinced I just look portly I'm almost 28 weeks and DH says not to be ridiculous, I look totally pregnant. I still think I just look like I've seriously overeaten!

I'm now waiting for my growth scan in a week's time. I have no idea how they scan such a big area. I guess I'll find out!

Hope everyone is doing well.

Greater, my MIL's first comment was, 'Was it a mistake?' She's since apologised...

One of my work colleagues said 'how did that happen?'. I asked one of the others to take him aside and explain...

Glad it went so well Greater. That was funny Output hope ur colleague later got a goooood X-planation! ;) Brook congrats on reaching 28 weeks. So lovely u r already into pool and enjoying the buoyancy! Do u have a birth plan already or its something for later? I'm sure growth scan is gonna be great xx City thanks again for settling me down last few days.

Hope to have some BAs soon..Blooming..? Isla?? How are u two doing? xx

Hi everyone, could I join? 42 and 6 weeks pregnant.

I've told no one, which I guess is sensible for this early stage at 42 and I am absolutely terrified to go back to the baby stage (my youngest is 10!).

Welcome apple and congrats! I'm 42 and 27 weeks with my first. At least you've had practice - I'm learning everything I know through mumsnet . . . . .

Hello, everybody! Grizzer, thank you for sharing what worked for you during labour. I got my husband straight onto youtube to research acupressure and he thinks he's cracked it (I won't let him practice as Dr Google says it can start labour off...is that correct?) The book I'm reading (and getting most upset about, in parts) is The Mongan Method. I just don't like the complete denial that childbirth is supposed to be the slightest bit painful! I'm concentrating on getting the breathing right but my biggest obstacle, Grizzer, is my lack of belief. I had an agonising birth last time which ended in epidural, forceps, episiotomy and retained placenta, and I just don't believe that I can 'do it' 'properly' All this visualising my perineum is an unfolding rosebud just makes me want to lob the damn book through the window, though I am aware it is my fear of 'failing' again that makes me angry that there is, perhaps, another way to birth. Does that make sense?

How is your son, Grizzer? How is breastfeeding going (I'm dreading it)? How has your daughter adapted to the baby? Please come back and talk some more when you have time

Cloud, where are you and your little girl? Come and talk to us about the birth and how you are doing...

Isla! You'll meet your baby on Friday, I think? How do you feel? Are you ready? I haven't packed my bag yet I hope everything goes smoothly for you

I'm sorry to read about the anxieties some of you are suffering. It's horrible that pregnancy is loaded with trauma for those of you who have experienced terrible losses. I'm so sorry you're having to cope with the baggage of past heartache and I hope you can find peace very soon. Ellie, I think counselling is imperative. I see a MH midwife simply because I have needed help switching from Paroxetine (unsafe) to Cetalopram (safeer) and had nasty PND after my last pregnancy. I hope you are brave and can spill your guts to the people who can help you tremendously. Don't suffer alone

I am 38+5 and baby is due next Thursday (28th). My SPD is worse than ever (I really didn't think the pain could get more crippling but it has) and I'm now having acupuncture twice a week to cope. I haven't left the house in weeks except to go for acupuncture in a taxi. Nearly there...

P.s..I found Gap maternity to be excellent (but the ubiquitous stripes are unavoidable there, too!) and JoJoMamanBebe's denim skirts are brill. Mothercare has been a godsend in terms of long-sleeved quality T-shirts (nice and long with slight ruching at the sides, but do avoid their nursing bras, unless you want to look like a lacy slut ). Everything I bought from Topshop was returned - they haven't a clue what a real pregnant woman looks like!

Thanks Blooming & Ellie for asking. Truth be told I'm in a panic. Starting to have dark thoughts that I won't be holding baby, that something will go wrong. It's stupid as I'm a HCP so I know how rarely things do go wrong, but I've waited so long for this little one that I can't allow myself to believe I suppose. I'm also worried how I'm going to cope with the post op period at my age.