Pregnant at forty and over - thread 2

[cloudjumper]

To continue the support for those of us who are pregnant at forty and over.

I'm new on mn.
Hola!
Just wanted to share some news (and give some hope) to us 40+ TTCs.
I fell pregnant with my first DS at age 43, naturally and after trying for about 4 months. Now at the ripe old age of 46 I have just found out I am 4 weeks pregnant again, took a bit longer at around 6 months this time. It's early days of course but so thankful.
Went to see a fertility specialist 5 months ago who basically told me to 'forget it' 'don't waste your money on IVF as it is probably not going to be successful as your eggs are old and what is left is probably not viable' and 'to think myself lucky I had 1 DS already'(which of course I did, I didn't need him to tell me that). I chose to ignore this negative talk, blocked it from my mind and we kept trying.

So just to say, if you are 40+ I hope reading this gives you hope too I don't believe I am unique and I also don't believe everything the doctors say, they are only human and sometimes I think rely on statistics too much. Sure it may be harder at our age but not impossible!

Isla, fear not - we are all having these late pregnancy irrational thoughts, in one form or another. I have dark thoughts, too, but I always draw myself back to the present, where it is safe, by remembering some great advice: stay out of the future. It hasn't happened yet. It is a fantasy of your own imaginings. Try to stay in the present and ignore the temptation to explore the 'what ifs'.

You will cope with the physical and emotional strain of a new baby after your section. There is no evidence that says you won't, right? That's the darkness talking. Ignore it. We will all fall, exhausted, at various points, but we will survive and keep loving our babies. And that is all that is asked of us. Look forward to Friday, love....all will be as it should be

Mykae, how kind of you to encourage us all. I wonder if you'd consider nipping over to the TTC Over 40 & Success Stories in the Conception forum. The ladies there would be tremendously encouraged by your story

Hi I'm 40 today! And 24 weeks pregnant with my first baby....can I join this thread?

Happy birthday Melinda and welcome to the thread! I'm 42 and almost 28 weeks with my first. Glad to see another first-timer

Thanks for the birthday wishes

Yeah it's pretty nerve wracking but exciting too!

Mykae, thanks for sharing - I do find that encouraging. I'm 15 weeks with my first and will be 42 in 2 weeks time, but would love to have another. Had been thinking that unlikely but perhaps we shouldn't give up that easily! Is it wrong to be planning the second before having the first?

Hi Melinda - love that you're joining on your birthday - like you've been counting down the days until you can join this thread! Happy birthday to you!

Isla, sorry you've got the fear - so frustrating when you know you're being irrational but can't stop the thoughts. Not sure I can offer anything more than what Blooming has already said so eloquently...I shall try and take some of that advice on board myself!

One of my colleagues has just given me a 'such wonderful news' card following my announcement yesterday...so that's me sobbing again then. Hard to believe I'm part of the 'leadership team' in this joint.

Happy thoughts to everyone. xxx

greater that's so funny. I'm 28 weeks with my first and DH and I are thinking oh let's just click our fingers and do it again right after to make it two . . . .

I think we better see how we get on with this one first (I'll be 43 a month after the bub is here)

Congratulations on your pregnancies Mykae, Melinda & Apple. Happy birthday, Melinda.
I've just had my 2nd at 43. I had 3 losses after dd so this one was a surprising success story & relatively straight forward. Dh announced the other day that he'd have another one tomorrow but I can't face being pregnant again. It's such a worrying experience, even without all the physical stuff. I totally understand your fears Isla, every stage gave me something new to worry about. If someone would just hand me a baby I'd love a third but it's the 9 months of cooking that I can't face!
My lil man is 3 weeks today! He is doing very well but his bum has become really red & sore in the last 24 hours & there is some blood in his poo. I'm seeing the midwife today so hopefully she can help but I'm sure it's down to the constant pooing!
Dd is loving being a big sister, Blooming. She wants to help with everything! I was worried about the 5 year age gap but it's actually really nice to have a little helper who goes to school so I get baby time as if he's the only one.
I think you can practise the acupressure but without actually applying any pressure! Dh can just feel for dimple bits or something! Probably safer to wait for a bit as you're so close anyway.
Your hypnobirthing thing does sound a bit sickening! I used the Maggie Howell cd which is about visualising yourself somewhere lovely while you experience the 'sensations'. (You're not allowed to say pain. I didn't have any faith in myself either, which is weird because I managed it last time. I still think it helped through the early stages but I was happy to have the pain relief when I really needed it.
Breast feeding is fine although he definitely prefers one side so I struggle to latch him on to the other side at times. There are plenty of support groups & I think you can get someone to come to your house & help you if you are struggling. Most babies seem to know what they're doing though so don't worry too much. (I'm doing it now!) We give a cheeky bottle at night already so Dh can do that while I sleep. Totally frowned upon by all midwives & literature but it works for us & I know that ds will happily take a bottle so there is less pressure on me.
I hope you're feeling better Ellie. it's totally natural to worry after everything you've been through.
Good luck with growth scan Brook. I had them every 4 weeks due to placenta issues last time. They measure each thing separately & there are a lot of silences while they concentrate so be prepared for that. As the minutes went on I would feel the panic rising that something must be wrong but it's just the way they work.
How lovely that everyone is so happy for you at work Greater. Milk it for all it's worth!
Well, that was an epic post. Helps to pass the early hour breast feed. I think ds is actually snoring on me though so will attempt to put him to bed without waking him...
I totally recommend the zip up swaddle things too by the way. Ds wakes himself up constantly unless he's swaddled. Life saver!

Lovely update grizzer - I'm adding zip up swaddle to my list! And thank you for the warning about the scan - there's nothing more terrifying than a silent sonographer! Really glad to hear things are going well, I'm sure the midwife will reassure you about the poop.

I know what you mean about the 'cooking' - pregnancy really does take a long time, with quite a few bumps along the way. DH is jumping up and down with impatience, he wants to meet the baby NOW. I say I really hope he stays in for quite a while

I hope to bf, but of course haven't a clue how things will go. DH and I watched one of those training videos - Neither of us will ever look at breasts the same way again - so many close ups!

I'm 28 weeks tomorrow - is that the start of the 3rd trimester, or is it the following week?

Hope everyone is doing well

Hi all. Grizzler congratulations on your new baby, 3 weeks old! What a gorgeous squishy age. I'm sure he'll be smiling soon.

I am 6 weeks today, if I am doing my math correctly (possibly 6 + 2) which I think means my risk of MC is slightly reduced, correct?

thanks everyone

Congratulations Apple,Mykae, Melinda and welcome

Apple yes you're right! statistically as soon as you hear the first heart beat (which is generally around 6 weeks), the risk of mc starts reducing and ofcourse past 1st trimester, the risk reduces significantly.

Grizzer so lovely to have an update from you. Hope Declan has picked up good weight by now. Ooh sore bottom can be annoying, hope midwife gives u some good topical cream/ointment so u nip it in the bud and Declan doesnt have to suffer. Let us know what the midwife thought the cause of blood in poo might be. Hope it settles soon too. Re my anxiety, Thanks, I am gonna try counselling and see if it works this time for me. F x

Isla I understand your scare so well. I am at worst position than you as I see 'em more closely but I am glad you do realise that these scary events are RARE and as Blooming has beautifully put it down for you, there's no evidence that it wont work right for you. Think of us who desperately want to reach the stage you are in..you have done so very well so far...now its time to reap your efforts..holding a healthy baby in your hands..just one more day! I am gonna keep my fingers crossed for you and will wait for your update (as and when you are able to). Buckets of luck for tomorrow xxxx

Sorry blooming69 if I came into the wrong thread! New to mn so no worries I'll jump out of your conversation and try where you suggested.
Good luck with your pregnancies everyone hope all goes well!

Mykae! Please stay! You are pregnant and over forty! I just thought your story would be encouraging also to those over on the ttc thread - one of whom is also 46 and had her first at 43. Your successes are so encouraging.

Grizzer, thank you for talking to me about your labour. I'm sorry about Declan's sore bottom and bloody poo. It's so scary seeing blood but thankfully almost always innocuous. I'm jealous of your bfing success; I lasted all of two weeks last time, despite FAB (Families And Babies) support group coming out and declaring a 'perfect latch'. My right nipple bled persistently and was excruciating until I gave up. Is your cheeky bottle a formula one or expressed milk?

I'm high-fiving you on the gestation period being exceptionally difficult. My first pregnancy was gloriously unproblematic and pain free. This one feels colossally hard to bear in terms of the relentless pain & being housebound. Very depressing.

Isla, best wishes for tomorrow. We'll be thinking of you

Ellie, how have you been today, love?

Acupuncture was a disaster today. I collapsed from my hip locking as I tried to get on the bed and the acupuncturist put me in a wheelchair and sent me home. I now have a wheelchair taking up valuable space in the lounge. I am sorely tempted to cut a whole in the bloody seat and use it as a commode.

Love to everyone else. I promise I read all your posts but late pregnancy sickness means I can only tolerate so long typing

The midwife appointment was the most thorough I've had - she even checked my stitches! (Thank goodness I'd managed a shower before I went . She told me to go to the Drs to get blood checked. When I said at the desk that Declan had blood in his poo the Dr saw me straight away. Started to feel a bit anxious & emotional then (baby brain totally kicked in & when they asked my postcode I couldn't remember it - only lived here 4 years!!)
The Dr rang the paediatric consultant at the hospital & they think he has gastroenteritis. Because he is feeding well & shows no sign of illness they aren't doing anything but I am to look for any change. He has been fine all day though & no more blood so hopefully he is over the worst.
I think 28 weeks must be the third trimester Brook. Time will fly now...
It's formula Blooming. The devil's work it would seem! .
I have absolutely no desire to breast feed through most of the day & then use a pump too! Don't feel bad about it not happening for you. The important thing is sanity in the early days/weeks/months & bleeding nipples is not good for sanity! I don't really enjoy it I must say. I did 4 months with dd & I think that's enough for me. So many rules with making up bottles too it's like a minefield out there!
And OUCH for you too! That sounds awful (and why does your acupuncturist have a random wheelchair to hand??)
Thinking of you today Isla, let us know your news as soon as you can.

My acupuncturist is an NHS physio, Grizzer (I've also had a course of hydrotherapy on the NHS for the SDP)...you don't think I'm actually paying for this nonsense, do you? Poor Declan. Thank goodness he isn't displaying signs of pain (I always assumed gastroenteritis would feel horrific); what a brave little boy he is just soldiering on regardless! I hope your anxiety eases. I'm sorry to bombard you with questions when you are so busy, but can I ask: is there a specific time you give the formula bottle, like a 'dream feed'? Would that be about 11pm and would you wake Declan for it? And finally..did you have an episiotomy or did you tear? Thanks again, lovely Grizzer, for coming to talk to us.

Isla, lovely, can't wait to here your happy news and relief

So..here I am at 39 weeks (and fifteen stones exactly ). Surely this boy's ready to make his entrance?

Extremely proud to announce the safe arrival of Órla Ivy Adrianne this morning weighing a bonny 8lb 3oz. Am absolutely besotted

She is absolutely gorgeous Isla, congratulations! What a lovely name too xx

Oh I am drooling over Orla! I love the name Adrianne, too. Isla, what a thrill to see her, thank you for sharing her picture. I hope you're home soon, well done love

The pattern we seem to have got in to Brook is putting Declan to bed about 7/8pm when he falls asleep after feeding. He then wakes about 10pm & Dh gives him a bottle. I did the dream feed with dd but she was a bit older I think. At the moment we are just letting D sleep as much as he needs to & not waking him. Apparently the more sleep they have the more they want so you don't need to worry they are sleeping too much during the day therefore won't sleep at night.
It does mean I am going to bed about 9 myself which seems ridiculously early but then I am feeling ok when awake at 2/3am because I've already had a few hours sleep.
I had a small tear this time, episiotomy last time. I don't know if an episiotomy is worse or whether I had a better midwife but the stitches were agony last time & didn't hurt at all this time.
D has had no blood in poo today & seems fine. His first little brush with illness doesn't seem to have bothered him at all! Don't worry about asking questions, they get me through the early hours!!
I keep looking at your lovely picture of Orla, Isla. I love those little cheeks, she looks so perfect x

Fantastic news Isla and what a beautiful pic, and name.

Thanks for the update grizzer sounds like everything is going well.

I'm now officially in the third trimester!! And with it had come my monthly spate of worry. I've gotten used to feeling quite strong flutters and kicks here and there throughout the day, but it's been quite a bit less in the last 3 or 4 days. This has come after what felt like an almighty flip the other night - I got quite a fright - I could feel a turning sensation. I can still feel the odd kick, they just feel further away, if you know what I mean. I just feel the kicks at my stomach so reassuring, and this feeling weaker and less often. I wonder if he's just facing the back now aand it's normal for them not to feel so strong.

I have a growth scan on Tuesday. I guess I'm looking for reassurance until then, or to know whether this is something I should get checked.

What a fabulous news Isla! Congratulations!!!! Gorgeous baby with a super posh name-really sweet!! Hope u r doing well urself and get discharged home soon

Brook sorry to hear about ur fright. Dont have too much of personal experience myself but i remember when I was desperate to feel the kicks of my bubs last time, they told me that u can best feel the kicks lying on ur left side and during an hr after dinner- just past midnight. Have u been counting the kicks? (Is there something like kick count band???). RCOG recommends there is nothing to worry as long as u can feel 10 kicks in 2 hours. Having said that i believe there is a huge variation in the pattern and it varies widely especially for first time mums. If ur bub has indeed turned and u feel weaker kicks then it might just be a case that due to his position u r missing some of the kicks. I'm sure experienced mums here should be able to reassure you but if u r still concerned, could u possibly call the midwifery helpline and seek their view on it? Good luck for scan next week xx

Blooming oh that must be painful the hip lock! How r u now? Ooh 39 weeks and a gorgeous bump! Can't wait for ur BA!! I am ok hun, thanks. I have my serial scan for cervical length measurement next week on Wednesday. Keeping fingers crossed for it x

Thanks Ellie, how have you been getting on?

I never counted kicks Brook. I just couldn't establish any kind of pattern. I had plenty of days of constant movement & then a day or 2 that seemed very quiet. Always get checked if you feel worried though. It sounds like baby has moved in to a different position so the kicks have changed but no one will mind you making sure.
Perfect bump Blooming. Are you being induced at 40 weeks?

Grizzer, it's great to hear Declan's poo is clear, the little trooper. No, I refused an induction with my last baby, despite being under a huge amount of pressure to do so at 39 weeks by cons and midwives. This time they're not even bothering throwing the stillbirth stats at me as ive told them they are a nonsense (2%) when compared to the risks for a twenty year-old (1%).

I've also refused offers of any sweeps (I had 3 last time and they did nothing) and so they are letting me be until 40+12, like any normal woman. I could cry, though, when I think of being in this pelvic pain for another 17 days.

Brooke, I'm sorry your worries are so real and pressing. I agree with you and the other ladies that these 'distant', weaker kicks are a baby who has scuttled away to be cosy at your back. It must be so hard for you & Ellie and others who have suffered so much in the past and continue to be haunted. Bless you, try to banish the demons that would make you think irrationally, but do pick up the phone to a midwife when your head just won't keep silent. I have more than once rung the birth unit here simply to cry about my pain despite knowing there was nothing practical they could do. Their reassuring words, though, were a salve.

Ellie, was your cervix length the problem with your previous losses? I know you've related the detail before but my memory is shot. Can you remind us, please?

How are all you other ladies?