Pregnant at forty and over - thread 2

[cloudjumper]

To continue the support for those of us who are pregnant at forty and over.

I've been put on aspirin since 12 weeks because 1st baby, 40 at edd, and 'better to than not', to use my midwife's words.

TheGreaterGood, that is such great news about the scan! What a super pic- leggy baby! Are you going to discover the sex of the baby?

notfrom, femur length and abdominal circumference is bang on the50th centile for use. The head is about the 20th at the moment, so still within the normal range.

It'll be me, as DH and his parents take the mickey out of me every Christmas as they sit there with cracker hats fitting nicely and the only thing holding mine up is my ears

city - thanks for the aspirin info - think I'll keep at it then. The legs are still making me laugh - they even look crossed! Think we will find out the sex at 20 weeks if we can. Had the option with harmony test to find out but it felt too soon if that makes sense?

Gorgeous pic greater. Ours was a blur!!

Great news Greater, congrats. Lovely pic! I am on aspirin too in view of prev. rmcs and Plan is to continue atleast until 34 weeks x

greater that totally makes sense. We hummed and hawed about what to do about our harmony gender discovery choice. In the end, when the doctor who had taken the bloods was filling out the form, she accidentally knocked over my cup of water and it nearly hit the form, and we all giggled as she continued to fuill it, so when she said "gender?", I just said 'yes please' without even thinking about it. when we got the test results, we didn't feel ready to called us to tell us the risk category (low, thankfully) and then when we were ready, they sent us a package with some blue booties in it (squeeeee. Sorry, I am not remotely girlie as a person, but I come over all funny when I think about that day ).

I didn't feel ready to know at 10 weeks, plus I had seen the scan at the harmony test, but my partner hadn't and he wanted to, like me, have one experience of seeing our baby on screen before knowing what its sex was. Completely irrational, but that was just how we felt, so I understand. You can just see how you feel at 20 weeks, (I sometimes wish we hadn't found out!) I think we found out just after 12 weeks, as the family member who was "guarding" the not-so-secret was my mother, and my sister had also found out and it was only a matter of bloody time before one of the buggers slipped up! :D

how weird, a bit of text just vanished in that post.

I meant to say... when we got the test results, we didn't feel ready to know the gender, so we sent on the results to a family member, who then called us to tell us the risk category ...

Aw city that's such a lovely way of doing it - wish we'd thought of that! We just dithered a bit and said no (past experience has made us both very cynical about anything working out well and we thought it would be harder when things went wrong if we knew the sex). I think by 20 weeks I'll be dying to know!

We both kind of have an idea whether we'd prefer a boy or girl, although I know the done thing is to say 'as long as it's healthy'...does everyone have a bit of a preference either way do you think? I guess we think this will probably be our only child given our age so it's not like we can say 'one of each'! I'd love more but I'll be 42 when this one comes out and it took us nearly 3 years to get this far!

Oh bollocks - I need to go back and have more blood taken for then to re-do the harmony test. Not enough baby DNA in previous samples. So that's over 2 weeks wasted! Not happy.

I think it's totally normal to have a secretly (or not so secretly) held preference. My partner was very much hoping for a boy, and I really wanted a girl -mainly because our family is all girls, and I know girls (nieces and goddaughters aplenty). What the hell am I going to do with a boy, wah? Couldn't be happier now I've got my head round it, of course. This will probably be our one and only too, because even if I thought my work could cope with the idea of me having two maternity leaves very close together, I wouldn't bet on us getting pregnant so easily. Although, never say never. Life has a funny way of doing what it wants anyway, and this baby although very much wanted wasn't quite planned

By twenty weeks, you'll be ready to know, and you'll also hopefully feel much more secure in the pregnancy having got to that stage, and the fact that almost certainly, there's going to be a healthy baby at the end of it- can't imagine how tough it must be for those of you who live in the fear because of previous loss and sadness. I'm so glad that there are threads like this to provide support

Argh, greater what a total pain! I think this happened to another poster too. how completely frustrating! Can they expedite the process for you, given the circumstances?

How frustrating Greater! There was some one else who had the same problem. Do they take 2 vials of blood? I thought they took 2 so they had one as back up. Beautiful scan picture by the way.
Well I got my first scan appointment through, 2nd Feb!! I'll be 13+3 by then! Needless to say I've caved in a booked a private scan for Sunday. I don't feel sick any more and have more energy now. I'm hoping that just means I'm adjusting and nothing more sinister, I'll know soon enough.

Hi folks 😉 I'm 41 and 6 weeks and 5 days now. I have 2 girls already 17 and 11 and have had 2 m/c the most recent being 2 years ago. Found out I was expecting again on 22/12/15. Was feeling confident and strong until last Sunday when I had pink spotting after a BM. Had a scan Monday morning to check it wasn't tubular but refused an internal because I was a bit freaked out, she had also said the sac was slightly irregular but she would worry about it at just over 5 weeks.. After that I imagined all my symptoms had disappeared so phoned hospital and the booked me for another scan next Friday, I should be 7+5 then. Have had a couple more incidents of spotting but always with BM so I am thinking (hoping) it's down to cervical erosion. I am feeling my symptoms again and getting new ones but find it hard to have confidence in any of this as I carried a few week without losing my last baby oblivious to the fact it had died. I am trying so hard to have a positive mental attitude but because of experience it is hard. Next Friday can't come fast enough xxx

Hi Solan, really sorry to hear about your loss. It does make you much less confident about the path of subsequent pregnancies.

Excuse my ignorance, but what is BM?

Not sure if this is relevant but as a graduate of plenty of ivf and early losses I've ended up having more fanny cam scans than hot dinners. They are often much more useful in the first weeks if you can manage it. Once you see a good heartbeat, and I'm sure you will, an obstetrician told me that your chances of a successful pregnancy rise to above 90%.

Very interesting about the aspirin. I have to take it for blood clotting issues, but fascinating to hear that it reduces complications for the general 40 plus group. Amazing.

They did take 2 vials of blood but had the same problem with both (unsurprising since they were taken at the same time! Wish they'd just asked me to come back a week ago when the first batch failed). Read the riot act (well, cried down the phone - same thing, right?) yesterday and just had a call back to say I can go back this PM (2 hour round trip and I'm supposed to be working - convenient) and they'll do their best to get results back before the end of next week.

city - we both want a girl, me for similar reasons to you (I'm one of 3 girls) and my husband I think because he had/has a problematic relationship with his Dad and worries about being a good Dad to a boy - too many memories. I really think he should get some therapy but that's another story. I'm sure we'd both adapt well to news that it's a boy, but I definitely want to find out at 20 weeks so at least we have time to get used to what ever we're told.

Hi solan - sorry to hear about the spotting and I hope the wait for a scan goes fast for you. I had spotting on and off between 4 and 8 weeks and had 2 scans to check all was well (previous MCs made me super nervous/negative too) and to my amazement everything's still OK at nearly 14 weeks. So hard to be positive when past experience tells you otherwise, but history doesn't always repeats itself.

I think solan means bowel movement with BM.

solan I'm so sorry you're stressed. I have a cervical erosion too and get some pink spotting after sex (although HELLO OLD FRIEND SEX, what are you again?) Sometimes after I poo I get some pinky spotting too, if I've been straining. try not to worry if you can- pooing will inevitably irritate your erosion sometimes if your bowel is distended in a way that brushes against it (same with a willy or indeed anything else that might go up there, including a dildo cam.)

I too have been the beneficiary of the dildocam at a ten week scan for the harmony test, and it was amazing for me- the clearest scan we've had yet! (I have an inverted uterus though, so normal tummy scans are pretty rubbish on me, disappointingly.) If you go for your scan next week and they can't see much and offer you the internal, I can assure you, it's not too bad. they slip a condom on it (it's quite amusing to watch the technician grapple with this part) and it is lubricated and it is over with very quickly and painlessly. I hope the wait isn't too difficult and wish you luck and love x

Greater my sister had an issue with her partner who desperately wanted a boy and was quite heartbroken and bereft when they discovered she was carrying a girl. He completely dotes on his daughter now, and he has from the moment she was born, but I remember thinking at the time that his pain in it not being a boy was VERY real, and I wondered if there may be a reason behind it (suspect it may be to do with the loss of his own father at a tender age) which might be helped with therapy.
Why not wait and see what is in store for you, and then perhaps explore whether some talking therapy might be helpful. (I am actually seeing an NHS psychologist next week as I have some control issues I am keen to talk through in advance of the baby getting here- I'm usually the last person to seek help for stuff like this, but I reckon it's not just about me any more. [grin and bearing it icon]

Yes, BM meaning Bowel Movement. I also went back to work this week. I work in school and there is a lot of bending, squatting, sitting in low chairs work8ng withe younger children and my spotting increased and I believe it is my cervix. Rested up last night and it eased but pink again with BM this morning x I think even sneezing and coughING can affect it at the minute. My positive side when im not feeling despondent is seeing it as a positive pregnancy symptom x

Weird moment! Should be going to hospital for induction in an hours time. Instead I'm feeding my 12 day old little man

I've had the date for my c-section. Fri 22nd. Shit that's next week!

Grizzer- how is he getting on?

Isla, that's great news!!!

Solan, how are you feeling today?

Any other updates?

I have some appointments this week, which is great as it feels like ages since I've been prodded

Hi all , that's lovely grizzer and so exciting isla!

I've got my midwife apt tomorrow thank goodness (26 + 4). The last couple of days I've gone into worry mode. No particular reason. Perhaps it's because we have started shopping for prams and everyone is getting excited and I've let the fear has crept in that something could go wrong.

I had around 3 small 'leakages' recently and read about amniotic fluid leaking out and then I thought my bump looked smaller, etc, etc. So hopefully my mind will be put at rest tomorrow.

Hope the appts go well city

Well, to be completely honest I am none the wiser after the scan. I had abdominal and vaginal. They could see gestational sac and yolk but not enough to say either way. It had grown a small bit but not what they would expect for a week later and the shape was irregular . I have to go back next Monday for another scan and take it from there. So, I honestly feel that I know the outcome and the process is being prolonged. I had built myself up to be strong yesterday and ready to take on any difficult decision making. Instead I have 6 more days of torture. Unless something happens naturally. If anything is different next Monday it will be a miracle.

Solan sorry you're having to wait another week, fingers crossed for Monday.

Grizzer hope you and the little man are doing well

Isla wow how exciting!

Brooke and city hope all goes well with your appointments

I'm 29 weeks today so only 10 weeks left if it all goes to plan which is no time at all really. Getting my whooping cough vaccine on Friday, so that's sorted and then it's a case of waiting for the next scan in 3 weeks to make sure everything is progressing as it should.

Hope everyone else is doing well. Have a good day ladies

solan how upsetting and frustrating for you! I am sure you can take some hope from the fact that there has been some growth, and it's still early days, but you must feel torn between hanging onto that hope, and managing your expectations. So difficult, I am thinking of you

brooke good luck today! Let us know how you get on. I know what you mean about the anxiety.

notfromstepford you're a few weeks ahead of me, but when you say you're on the ten week countdown, that has made me feel VERY AFRAID (and excited) OMG, this is getting real!! You must be very excited for your next scan. Is this one of the growth scans they offer to us "oldies"? when do they tend to give those? Is it 32 and 36 weeks?