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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Mum wants to come to scan partner says NO!

182 replies

Tia2005 · 21/03/2015 22:41

I'm 32 just sayin . My mum wants to come to my next scan 20 weeks ? My partner says no it should just be the two of us I can't see the problem he's gone off on one is it just me I can't see a problem with it

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Bilberry · 21/03/2015 22:48

I'd be surprised if the hospital would allow it. Scans are for health reasons not for fun (lovely though it can be). Having too man people in the room can be distracting for the sonographer. Also, if there were any problems (heaven forbid) discussions should be between you and your dh, it would be unfair on your Dh for your Dm to be part of the discussion at that stage.

SavoyCabbage · 21/03/2015 22:49

I wouldn't have wanted my mother in law at my scan I have to say.

Perhaps you could get a private scan later and go with your mum. At a lot of hospitals, you aren't allowed to take extra people in anyway.

HollyBdenum · 21/03/2015 22:49

You are generally only allowed to have one person in with you (and actually, sometimes not even that).

Withalittlesparkle · 21/03/2015 22:52

This reply has been deleted

The OP has privacy concerns about this post and so we've agreed to take it down.

BIWI · 21/03/2015 22:53

What has your age got to do with it?!

You may think it's fine, but your partner doesn't. Why don't you just talk about it?

2015isgoingtobeBIG · 21/03/2015 22:58

I think in some hospital,s you can take more than one person as I definite know of somebody who had her mum for the 12 week and then her mum in lw for the 20 week. Saying that, I'd suggested my mum could come to some of our later scans (I get scanned every four weeks) to save my DH from having to take too much time off from his new job and he was completely against it like the OP's DH. He said the scans were important and something special for the two of us and was really against my mum coming. I'd only suggested it as an idea so didn't mind going with his wishes. As it turns out, we chose to find out the gender but haven't told anybody but it is becoming increasingly obvious on the scans so even my mum would have worked it out if she'd have been there.
If your DH is completely against it OP then I don't think it's fair to insist your mum comes along. I know it is her grandchild and she is excited but if this is you nhs your dh's first child together each scan is special. And as others have said, if there is a problem you need to talk about it just the two of you. Can you offer to record it on your phone and then show her afterwards if all ok and your DH is in agreement with this?

Original poster

Tia2005 · 21/03/2015 22:59

Like I said I was just sayin we have talked about it but I thought this was for asking advice and opinions??!??!

OP posts:

queenofthepirates · 21/03/2015 22:59

Your bump, your scan, you say who goes!

Allstoppedup · 21/03/2015 23:01

I went for my 12 week scan yesterday, my MIL did take us as we don't drive.

As soon as DP and I had gone in and found out that everything was ok, saw the heartbeat etc, I asked if my DP wanted to bring his mum in to see.

She was made up and it really wasnt intrusive at all. It really did mean a lot to her. Obviously I totally understand that's personal and depends on the person/situation.

Would that perhaps be a compromise? Like you and DP go in first, he can have a personal moment with you and the baby and then your mum could come in?

On your hospital letter it will usually say how many people are allowed in with you (ours was max of two adults)

Original poster

Tia2005 · 21/03/2015 23:04

I will have to find out

OP posts:

mayfridaycomequickly · 21/03/2015 23:12

I agree with him - it's between you and him. How would you feel if he invited his mum along too? It's a medical appointment, not a day out.

mayfridaycomequickly · 21/03/2015 23:14

queenof she didn't get pregnant by herself - their baby, their decision surely?

volvocowgirl · 21/03/2015 23:18

My mum came to my 20wk scan. My OH had no problem with it though. My MIL has no daughters so I've said she can come if we have another baby (even though we don't get on completely, I know it would mean a lot to her and probably be the only chance she gets to see a grandchild's scan).
It was nice to have my mum there as being a first time mum and over 30 I was paranoid the scan would show me something was wrong.

MrsGSR · 21/03/2015 23:32

We had a private scan at 18 weeks that my MIL and sister came to. DH came to one NHS scan and I was alive for the other.
Could you compromise and have a private scan for your mum?

MrsGSR · 21/03/2015 23:32

*alone. I was alive for both scans

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 21/03/2015 23:36

My mum came to one of the growth scans at 28 weeks instead of DP (at his suggestion). She was my other birth partner and loved the experience, plus there wasn't the pressure of it being an anomaly scan or the risk of finding out bad news.

Maybe I'm hypocritical though as there is no way on earth I'd have MIL in for a scan, even if OH asked.

It has to be discussed by the two of you but really it's your body, your decision.

Original poster

Tia2005 · 21/03/2015 23:42

I've said about a private and I will take my mum he saying no that's that and he won't talk about it anymore

OP posts:

Oswin · 21/03/2015 23:49

He thinks he can even tell you you can't take your mom to a separate private scan? I would be fuming.

Oswin · 21/03/2015 23:50

Tell him you will be booking a private scan and you will be taking your mom and that's that!!

GatoradeMeBitch · 22/03/2015 01:30

Is there any backstory to this OP? Is he controlling over other aspects of your life? Or is it that he doesn't get along with your Mum?

A scan shouldn't be of "that's that" importance! But maybe call and find out if you are allowed family members there. If not, I guess that's the decision made. But just as people are saying you shouldn't get to call all the shots because it's his baby too - it's your baby too! Only one of you absolutely has to be at the scan and it's the one with the occupied uterus!

Hazchem · 22/03/2015 01:36

It is not his decision to make. It is your body, that is being scanned you have the say over who can and who can not see it. He does not get to put his foot down over anything regarding your body.

squoosh · 22/03/2015 01:41

Personally I'd keep it to just the two of you. She won't be missing out on anything by not being there but he might feel he's missing out on the privacy of the 'ahhhh, that's our baby' moment.

comeagainforbigfudge · 22/03/2015 06:35

Personally, we kept it to ourselves. Me and OH. then shared scan pics

If something were not right in the scan it'd be hard to deal with an extra person.

You might need to ask your partner if he's worried about scan. I know mine was. It's a big thing imo.

Plus you might be carrying baby but it's HIS as well. Equally valid opinion.

And as an aside, if he was insisting his mum there would you be okay with that?

Keep this scan for you two, then do as pp suggest and go for a private one with BOTH of your mum's.

THEworrywart · 22/03/2015 06:43

It's up to you and sometimes you're allowed two in with you you are in my area.

If you want your mother there have her there! It's not really up to him.

GymBum · 22/03/2015 06:45

My MIL wanted to cone to my 20 week scan but I said no to DH. It's such a private moment and you have to respect the other persons feelings. It his DC as well as yours.

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