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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Mum wants to come to scan partner says NO!

182 replies

Tia2005 · 21/03/2015 22:41

I'm 32 just sayin . My mum wants to come to my next scan 20 weeks ? My partner says no it should just be the two of us I can't see the problem he's gone off on one is it just me I can't see a problem with it

OP posts:

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GymBum · 22/03/2015 10:10

Bit dramatic there again.. Maybe a simple grown up conversation between the child's parents to agree how it works and how the father can stay involved through the pregnancy and after.

There have been a lot of threads on MN over the years where women where devastated that they had split with DP and he was refusing to be involved in the pregnancy (emotionally and financially).

basgetti · 22/03/2015 10:12

Why is it dramatic? You have said that the father should have the right to attend against the mother's wishes. If neither are willing to back down after their grown up conversation I'm interested in how you would see things panning out.

GymBum · 22/03/2015 10:13

Well it wouldn't work would it. But that doesn't mean the father shouldn't have the right to want to be involved.

Mehitabel6 · 22/03/2015 10:14

Strange how having a baby turns into a war! It certainly shows up any weaknesses in a relationship- and even more so when it comes to parents and in laws.

basgetti · 22/03/2015 10:15

So if it comes to it, you agree that the mother's wishes would ultimately be respected? Good.

Gemerama · 22/03/2015 10:17

This reply has been deleted

This poster has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to remove this now.

GymBum · 22/03/2015 10:17

i do think if a woman was been bitter and refusing the father to get involved prior to the birth then the father should not support her in any way financially.

Gemerama · 22/03/2015 10:18

This reply has been deleted

This poster has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to remove this now.

basgetti · 22/03/2015 10:20

So if a woman wants medical privacy before the child is out of her body, a child should be denied the right support from its parent for the rest of its life? There is no correlation between these two things, beyond a weird desire to want to control and punish women.

popalot · 22/03/2015 10:20

I agree with your dp, she has no need to be there and it is a special time for you as a pair. What if he wants to ask a question and feels he can't because he'll look stupid infront of your mum? Where did she get the idea that she could come anyway? Noone I know has ever had mum there.

GymBum · 22/03/2015 10:21

Oh I see so he can't be there to understand how his child is developing or see his child for no other reason other than the woman is been bitter but he should cough up the cash. Double standards which I don't agree with. If she wants to go it alone then she should go it alone up until he can have a relationship with his child.

Mehitabel6 · 22/03/2015 10:22

I feel very thankful that we were in agreement about 'our baby' and that we had parents who didn't expect to be intimately involved with the pregnancy.
MN never ceases to surprise me - nothing more surprising than the attitudes around a first baby. If you are saying 'my body- therefore what I say goes' there must be fundamental problems in the relationship. It should never get to that point.

redskirt · 22/03/2015 10:23

At the end of the day op, you are the patient, who you want to accompany you is your choice.

basgetti · 22/03/2015 10:24

A father isn't obliged to financially support and unborn foetus so what cash would he be coughing up anyway at that point?

ChopperGordino · 22/03/2015 10:26

Ideally it wouldn't get to that point no, but it is a fundamental and crucial right for the pregnant woman.

Mehitabel6 · 22/03/2015 10:26

It would be wise to sort out how involved OP's mother is going to be in the birth,and after, now- or I can see future posts as the battle continues!

Justusemyname · 22/03/2015 10:26

Is your mum muscling in or do you want her there? You wee scared to tell her you were pregnant, do you have a good, equal relationship? I feel sorry for men. Good enough to make a baby with and fund it but when they want a private scan withmtheir partner it's all about what the precious mother to be wants.

GymBum · 22/03/2015 10:31

Bas surely you must know how much stuff needs to be purchased before a child is born?

ChopperGordino · 22/03/2015 10:34

Women having the right to decide who supports them through medical procedures relating to pregnancy doesn't mean they're all going to decide they don't want the father to be there. But the right to decide has to remain with them, it is the only ethical way. Whether they are in a strong, equal, supportive relationship or not, if there is disagreement it has to be the woman's final decision.

In the case of the OP, it's all about what her mother and partner appear to want, nothing about what she wants.

basgetti · 22/03/2015 10:34

Yes, I'm just not sure that poor men being forced to fund things for unborn children is a social trend warranting much concern. Two thirds of them not providing for born children is a bigger worry. I also think that anyone attaching conditions to supporting their children, such as overriding a woman's wish to medical privacy, is a bit of a knob.

GatoradeMeBitch · 22/03/2015 10:39

i do think if a woman was been bitter and refusing the father to get involved prior to the birth then the father should not support her in any way financially.

Great advice GymBum, really super. There you go OP - take your Mum to the scan, but you had better believe your Mum won't get any petrol money back from your DH

GymBum · 22/03/2015 10:39

In the same way I think a women denying a father that wants to be involved in his child's life from the start for no other reason than she is bitter is selfish and also a knob.

GymBum · 22/03/2015 10:41

Gator you need to RTFT to understand how I came to that.

ApocalypseThen · 22/03/2015 10:43

If you are saying 'my body- therefore what I say goes' there must be fundamental problems in the relationship. It should never get to that point.

I don't think anyone is talking about their personal relationship here, but rather about a general principle that women have a right to personal bodily integrity and medical privacy. When things are fine in your relationship it's not an issue and it's all easy to negotiate, but surely it's wrong to forget other women who are in a harder situation?

basgetti · 22/03/2015 10:44

Difference is, GymBum, you are advocating punishing the child to spite the mother.

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