Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

Mum wants to come to scan partner says NO!

182 replies

Tia2005 · 21/03/2015 22:41

I'm 32 just sayin . My mum wants to come to my next scan 20 weeks ? My partner says no it should just be the two of us I can't see the problem he's gone off on one is it just me I can't see a problem with it

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ChopperGordino · 22/03/2015 10:46

In the context of rights, it doesn't matter whether a woman is "bitter" or not. It is up to her who is present when she undergoes medical procedures and it shouldn't be any other way.

PilchardPrincess · 22/03/2015 10:51

"There have been a lot of threads on MN over the years where women where devastated that they had split with DP and he was refusing to be involved in the pregnancy"

So if the woman wanted him there you would similarly say she had that right and the man must comply...?

So many men don't pay for children they have got. There is no legal requirement for them to buy things for unborn children

All of this seems to point to an idea on the part of the poster that while men are upstanding decent sorts who always put their children both born and unborn first and women are unreasonable bitter harpies. Right then glad we have that sorted out

GymBum · 22/03/2015 10:51

abas The mother is punishing the child to spite the father.

basgetti · 22/03/2015 10:52

Yes and men are completely equal parents, unless they don't get their own way, and then it is entirely the mother's job to support the child.

PilchardPrincess · 22/03/2015 10:52

Punishing the child by not having the father there at a scan?

What on earth.

The FOETUS is a part of HER BODY.

PilchardPrincess · 22/03/2015 10:55

So many people believe that women who are pregnant and birthing should lose their rights to bodily integrity don't they, and this is increasing.

Certain right-wing pressure groups from other countries are getting their message across unfortunately.

basgetti · 22/03/2015 10:55

The foetus doesn't care if the Dad is at the scan or not. And why assume it is about spite? Maybe the break up was acrimonious and she feels uncomfortable around him. Maybe he is an annoying dick and she doesn't want him in the room irritating her. Or maybe there is no issue but she just wants to go alone? That is her right.

PilchardPrincess · 22/03/2015 10:56

No no the foetus is a CHILD and can see through the walls of the incubator it's in and understand that mummy is a bitch. Obv.

GymBum · 22/03/2015 10:56

Pil you can't make anyone comply. I would say he was a selfish knob which I have on such threads. Two adults should overlook their own feelings and try a come to an agreement that is right for the child. Clearly this isn't always possible and which ever adult is been unreasonable, well they are the knob.

ApocalypseThen · 22/03/2015 10:58

So many people believe that women who are pregnant and birthing should lose their rights to bodily integrity don't they, and this is increasing.

Maybe lots of people still aren't sure that women are fully human. Or haven't thought about it and just accept that men are more real and have proper feelings and genuine rights whereas women are more permeable and exist for the welfare of others.

ChopperGordino · 22/03/2015 10:59

In the context of a medical procedure and who can be present, a pregnant woman is never unreasonable to decide who she wants with her. Fathers who accompany mothers are there because the mother has granted him access, not because he has the right.

basgetti · 22/03/2015 11:00

And even if the woman is just nasty and bitter, it is still vital that her rights are enforced. Giving anyone else any kind of say over pregnancy is a slippery and dangerous slope.

Feckeggblue · 22/03/2015 11:01

My SIL took her mum and in laws which I thought was very odd- it's a medical scan- what if you got bad news? I would've hated to have that with my in laws there (my parents less so
For obvious reasons, but that's why it's better none of them are there)

LithaR · 22/03/2015 11:06

I was dumped whilst pregnant because I wouldn't have an abortion. I had my mum present for my last scan and the birth.

AGirlCalledBoB · 22/03/2015 11:09

Can you even take in more than one person? I had only my partner with both the 12 week scan and the 20 week and it was lovely. Very personal to us and we went shopping after our 20 week scan when we found it was a boy.

Having said that, I needed a scan again when I was 22 weeks to check something and my mum was able to come to that one which was nice as well. She also saw him be born so she was really involved.

Is booking a private scan later a idea? Then you could take who you like.

PilchardPrincess · 22/03/2015 11:12

Ours was one person only with you.

GatoradeMeBitch · 22/03/2015 11:16

The mother is punishing the child to spite the father. You remember your 20 week scan do you?

BUT - in this case it's the father who is punishing the mother. Her mother can't be there 'that's that'.

Now just imagine it was the other way around - the couple is shaky (as this couple clearly is) so he wants his mum there for support. She says 'No. And that's that.' I can imagine your thoughts on that. Loads of you would be up in arms about him not getting his way - he's going to be a parent too!! - and I know that because of the other active thread about the guy who intends to call his Mum for support at the hospital the minute his partner goes into labour, against her wishes.

This week in the press I've read about a 19 year old woman who died from septicemia just after giving birth, and another woman who had a heart attack and died during childbirth. The mortality rates of mothers from childbirth are going up in this country. It is an actual possibility that you could die. So, no, it's not a 50-50 'his baby too' issue. Pregnancy is a fucking scary thing that if it goes wrong could kill her, not him, and she should be entitled to having whoever she wants around her - even if it's at the 20 week scan, so there is someone there who understands how awkward it is to have a scan after drinking loads of water and busting for a wee!

MrsGSR · 22/03/2015 11:16

Gym I'm pretty sure, in the UK at least, that contact and maintenance are considered two seperate issues . It doesn't matter of the father never sees his child, he should still pay for them as he created them. You don't pay maintenence in order to see your child, you pay it because they need nappies and cots and clothes. They made the child, they should help pay for it.

Obviously, except in rate cases, the child should be able to have a good relationship with their father, but it's irrelevant to the issue of child maintenence.

DH said that dispite coming to a scan he didn't feel connected to our DD until she was born, they have a great relationship now and he's a brilliant father.

GatoradeMeBitch · 22/03/2015 11:21

Actually, it's fucking laughable that in a thread where a man is emotionally abusing his pregnant partner - she is deemed to be punishing their child. Absolutely fucking laughable.

ApocalypseThen · 22/03/2015 11:22

I was dumped whilst pregnant because I wouldn't have an abortion.

It's interesting the number if people who would like to extend the right for him to be present at any medical procedure connected to your pregnancy despite this.

HermioneWeasley · 22/03/2015 11:22

Gym it makes no difference to a child if their father is at the scans. Pregnancy and birth are about the mother as much as the baby and the baby can't survive without her, so her wishes are paramount. Equally in yearly days and months (especially if BFeeding) the baby's welfare is usually inextricably linked to the mother (as she is normally the primary carer). If she is stressed, anxious etc it is not good for th baby's welfare.

I agree that as children grow, assuming their father is not a waste of space or abuser, it is generally good for them to have a relationship with their father.

Seeing children is irrelevant to whether you should be financially responsible for the life you chose to create. They are not pay per view.

Feckeggblue · 22/03/2015 11:27

I'm saddened by the latter misogynistic posts. The woman is the patient and the only one whose say goes in pregnancy. She might be a bitch, many people are. That's a shame for the father and those around her but doesn't mean her rights can be curtailed

Inertia · 22/03/2015 11:29

While you are pregnant, any medical check on the foetus is a medical procedure for you.

The only person with any say over who attends scans or any of your other medical appointments is you (within the hospital's own rules, obviously).

You can choose which person you feel would be most supportive at your medical appointment, or you can choose to have nobody else there if you prefer.

At this point, there isn't a baby over which the father has 'rights' - there is a foetus, which is part of the mother's body. Once the baby is born, the baby has rights, and both the mother and father may have responsibilities.

I'm with Apocalypse- it terrifies me that there are people who genuinely believe that pregnant women lose all rights to medical and bodily privacy.

GatoradeMeBitch · 22/03/2015 11:32

Exactly - the scan is a health check for the mother and foetus, not a fun optional event to watch the foetus wriggle on a screen. From what we've heard it doesn't sound like the OP' partner is capable of meeting her emotional needs, I can fully understand why she might want someone there who would be able to support her in the event of bad news.

basgetti · 22/03/2015 11:35

There will always be some who think what a man wants comes first, even with something as woman focused as pregnancy. They tend not to like women very much and their names often crop up on threads saying that men should have the right to walk away without providing any financial support if a woman refused a termination. One poster who supported that view also argued that a man should have the legal right to prevent a woman from aborting his child. So the side of the argument doesn't matter, as long as the man gets his way.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Swipe left for the next trending thread