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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Mum wants to come to scan partner says NO!

182 replies

Tia2005 · 21/03/2015 22:41

I'm 32 just sayin . My mum wants to come to my next scan 20 weeks ? My partner says no it should just be the two of us I can't see the problem he's gone off on one is it just me I can't see a problem with it

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S2b16 · 22/03/2015 09:21

My partner wanted us to go alone to first scan, we did. Then we paid private for reassurance scan to take our other children. My 20 week scan I took my mum and step dad (with partner) and we've a 4d scan booked for May for the two of us.
I don't think it spoils the experience taking parents or the children, my partner still sat near me and held my hand x

Gemerama · 22/03/2015 09:21

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basgetti · 22/03/2015 09:24

Well it is lucky that the NHS disagrees and affords women the right to privacy, rather than treating her as a walking incubator.

GymBum · 22/03/2015 09:26

Oh for God sake it's a scan. Please try not to get over dramatic. A father should be allowed to attend his child's scan unless there is good reason for him not too. why would any woman not want a father to be involved in his child's life again unless there was very good reason.

ApocalypseThen · 22/03/2015 09:27

You think a man a woman is no longer involved with should be allowed at her medical appointment against her wishes?

It is extraordinary the lack of respect for personal and bodily autonomy women are expected to tolerate.

Gemerama · 22/03/2015 09:27

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PilchardPrincess · 22/03/2015 09:29

I don't understand the idea that the 20 week scan has nothing to do with the body of the mother. Obviously it does Confused it is her being scanned, the foetus is a part of her body. This pretence that foetuses are separate entities and women are just like jars or something they live in is so damaging to women's rights.

Incidentally at my 20 week scan they had to do it transvaginally which felt to me at the time both internal and invasive. I expect it probably wasn't really though and no different to the experience of my husband sitting in a chair next to the bed.

LemonYellowSun · 22/03/2015 09:29

I don't see why a mum needs to be there. It's about the parents of the baby surely.

basgetti · 22/03/2015 09:33

Oh for God sake it's a scan. Please try not to get over dramatic.

But scans aren't necessarily straightforward. My early scans were internal and undignified, and I was shaking and crying during my 12 week scan due to a recent MMC. It was surely up to me who, if anyone, accompanied me to them. Why would anyone advocate causing a pregnant woman distress by forcing her to have someone she doesn't want in the room with her?

MorgansMummy24 · 22/03/2015 09:35

If he is supporting you through your pregnancy I think he has got a say, it's his baby aswell as yours and all these people saying its your body it's not really up to him obviously have no respect for their DH's

basgetti · 22/03/2015 09:37

Also, the scan may be a time for a woman to raise other concerns of a personal nature, be it DV, health worries or anything like that. It is vital for women to have space and privacy to do so at all stages of pregnancy. Enforced attendance of an unwanted third party could actually put women at risk.

ApocalypseThen · 22/03/2015 09:37

Indeed. Respect for men watching a pregnancy is far more important than respect for women doing a pregnancy.

Gemerama · 22/03/2015 09:38

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GymBum · 22/03/2015 09:40

look if it's a straight forward external 20 week scan then I can't see a problem with it. If you want to pull out every other possibility speaking as someone that's had a MC and an internal go ahead but my opinion still stands on every day, bog standard 12 and 20 week scans.

PilchardPrincess · 22/03/2015 09:42

Mine was a bog standard scan I was terribly taken aback when they suddenly said I had to get my knickers off so they could such a wand thing up my cunt.

Gemerama · 22/03/2015 09:43

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MorgansMummy24 · 22/03/2015 09:45

It's about equal respect though isn't it it's a two way street

MorgansMummy24 · 22/03/2015 09:46

Oh my Christ Shock

ApocalypseThen · 22/03/2015 09:48

It's not a two way street, men don't get pregnant. However much you argue that it's the same, it just isn't. Women do not surrender their personal autonomy and right to medical privacy because they are pregnant. They are still human beings.

MorgansMummy24 · 22/03/2015 09:48

Respect is a two way thing and so is pregnancy if you have a decent man

Gemerama · 22/03/2015 09:53

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GymBum · 22/03/2015 09:56

Respect is a two way thing and so is pregnancy if you have a decent man

^this^. I would also add, a man that was also taking financial responsibility for the things his DC would need when born

ApocalypseThen · 22/03/2015 09:59

Pregnancy is not a two way thing. If it were, I certainly wouldn't be doing it - the only way I'd be facing into giving birth is if we'd tossed a coin and I'd lost. But that's not possible so I'm doing it, I'm having all the restrictions, all the discomfort, all the medical risks. Me. So while my husband is great and looking after me, it's not the same for him at all.

basgetti · 22/03/2015 10:01

Have those advocating this envisaged how it might work, in practical terms? Would security be called to enforce the father's rights to attend if the mother was refusing him entry? Could he force his way into the room in spite of the mother's distress?

And as for the pain/bleeding/worries about previous termination etc that she planned to bring up, well she won't now because she doesn't want to speak about it with him there.

What a giant leap for women's rights.

ChopperGordino · 22/03/2015 10:01

no, a man being prepared to support his child (which is really the minimum one should expect) does not buy him access to medical procedures if the pregnant mother does not want him there

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