Mum wants to come to scan partner says NO!

[Tia2005]

I'm 32 just sayin . My mum wants to come to my next scan 20 weeks ? My partner says no it should just be the two of us I can't see the problem he's gone off on one is it just me I can't see a problem with it

If you want your mother there have her there! It's not really up to him.

Your bump, your scan, you say who goes!

I find this attitude utterly repellent.

It is his baby too.

For me the compromise would be - 20w scan just the 2 of you then as you suggested, private scan with your mum and his if need to be.

24 hours ago you were scared to tell your mum you were pregnant.

So that conversation went quite well then?

I agree with your partner. I think it's odd that your mum wants to come to your scan.

Is your mum controlling and overbearing in other ways?

I went with my niece and her then dp to their 20 week scan - mainly as their driver but niece wanted me to see as I live abroad and wouldn't be around much. Sadly, at that scan it was discovered the baby had HLHS. I was glad I was there for them. I think they were too. But consider that the 20 week scan is pretty crucial. Do you want anyone else there?

Does your mum go to other medical appointments?
Did you state your age because you've not quite grown up?
I find it really odd that you would put your mum's needs first before your partners needs and wishes
Is your mum controlling in other areas of your life?

Owl so by that if he wanted her to get rid of the baby she should?

No.

How odd! People do complicate things these days. It is an appointment and not a social occasion. It doesn't seem to auger well for the future if your mother comes first. I would be like insancerre and want to know if your mother was controlling in other areas.
I also think it is double standards and if DP's mother wanted to come all advice would be to stand up to her and refuse but because it is OP's mother the advice is quite different !

It's the fact that he won't allow her to go for the private scan with her mother that's pissed me off, why exactly can't OP go for a private scan with her mother? Is there any proper reasoning?

Your mum sounds over involved and baby isn't even here yet.
I agree with your partner. It's nothing to do with your mum. Does she work, have many interests or hobbies?

I would have as few scans as possible- not have extra just to fit your mother in.

The advice is unbelievably double standards! Image if MIL wanted to be over involved! Yet it seems quite OK if mother wants to be over involved.

I think that the partner has priority, it is his baby.

Of course the advice is double standards! If it was DP's mother he would be expected to 'man up' and tell her she couldn't but because it is OP's mother he should just keep quiet and be understanding!

Never occurred to me to have someone else in the scan room. They are medical appointments to check on the health of the baby that DH and I were responsible for together. If they found something wrong I definitely wouldn't have wanted anyone other than DH there.
I can't see why he is digging his heels in over the private scan though. Does he generally have problems with your DM? Is it a financial thing?

I can't imagine why you would want your mother at a scan anyway. Is she usually over involved in other aspects of life?

Just book a 4d one for later on.

Gamer her other half doesn't want her mother there for any scan private or nhs!

Gemerama i think that what ppl are saying is that typically only one person other than the pregnant woman can be at the scan and it is teasonable for the partner to expect to be that person.

I dont think it is a matter of not wanting grandma to be there, but to want daddy to be there more.

Medical opinion is that it isn't good for the baby to have more scans than necessary. To book a private one just so that mother can come seems madness. It isn't a social occasion. What is she going to be like at the birth or after?!