Helpful things you wish you had known before labour/birth?

[RL20]

I'm 35 weeks and although I posted last week, I'm still terrified at the though of going into labour and giving birth! At the beginning it's almost as if brith seems like a lifetime away. I've got to come to terms with the fact that it's not very long away at all, now!
So not needing full birth stories really, and I'm aware that every birth is different!
But any advice on things you found helpful during labour, or things you wish you'd had, is greatly recieved! Thanks

I was the same as you at that stage

One thing that I clung to during labour was what I'd read in a Caitlin Moran book - this is the one time pain is good. Pain is normal. Pain is your body doing what it should do.

I'm not saying that it made me throw a party during my labour or anything, but thinking about that did calm me down sometimes.

You have time to read a hypnobirthing book, and I'd really recommend that. I managed 8 hours of drug free, pain free labour using hypnobirthing. My friend managed 15 hours and had a 12lber!

You may not have the time to practice all the breathing etc, but the Marie Mongon book in particular explains what's happening, why you feel the things you do, and how to manage the contractions. For me it really helped dispel some of the mystery and meant that I felt in control.

Hth.

Agree: 5 weeks is plenty of time to read Marie Mongan's hypnobirthing book. It presents an alternative way to approach labour: without fear.

The basics of the premise are: the less scared and panicked you are, the less it hurts.

I used her breathing techniques in labour and although I found the contractions unpleasant and uncomfortable I would say they were painful or agonising like when you accidentally cut yourself with a knife or something!

For me it was more like strong belly cramps you get with food poisoning. Unpleasant: yes. Scream worthy: no.

So to answer your original question: what I wish I had known beforehand was that it wasn't necessarily going to be 'agonising' like people always say. It was ok.

Gah: they WERE NOT painful or agonising

I would say to my DD:

Look, it does hurt, there's no getting away from it.

But focus on something amazing - having your baby born.

Yes: don't be frightened of the pain, you can handle it (although you will deserve a medal) pain is normal.

Also, advice that helped me (and that I stand by) was don't go to hospital too early. Early labour can be loooong and there is more chance of a medicalised intervention. So however tempting it is the advice given to me (by a midwife I hasten to add!) was to try to wait until the pain is "excruciating" - hope that doesn't scare you. You'll be grand!

Pack food. Cereal bars/cake/whatever for afterwards.

And lip balm.

Also, don't be afraid to ask the midwife to check on your progress. I was told off for asking her to check, until she noticed I was fully dilated after an hour!

Keep in your head that every contraction gets you that little bit closer to meeting your baby and also don't panic let your body do what it needs to

tens machine is helpful. I had no pain relief as there was no time and coped - there is a point during labour when you think you can't do it, but that is the point where the baby will be born imminently. Also make up for after!

I found the most helpful thing was to just put my head down and ignore everybody and everything in the room. I stuck the gas and air thing in my mouth and just did whatever felt natural despite the midwives telling me otherwise

I couldn't eat after my emcs, the after effects of the spinal made me feel really sick. So no matter how little you want to, EAT during labour!

That when it feels like you really badly need a poo, its the baby/the urge to push.

I really wish I'd known that. I spent 15mins while we were outside waiting for our lift, repeatedly telling dp I needed to go and worrying that I was going to poo myself! As soon as we got to the hospital the midwife told me straight away it was the baby.

I took the TENS machine off because I was getting annoyed with it and thought it wasn't doing anything anyway. Then the next contraction came and I thought "fucking hell, it was working afterall"

I never managed to get it back on.

Contractions feel like bad constipation pains and nothing like period pain.
Take paracetamol when the contractions start.

Definitely read that hypnobirthing book. I read it before my second vaginal delivery and it changed my whole attitude. Even though it was a drip induction it was my best birth. I felt really positive throughout and relaxed. Good luck!

It depends on what kind of labour you are aiming for/end up with, but if you have a semi-active labour then DON'T LIE DOWN! I spent most of my first labour on a ball and holding onto some rope thing that was fixed to the ceiling and it was great; but quite late in the day, U agreed to get on a bed to be examined and that was it - I couldn't get up again. Pain was worse lying down but I was starting to push and I couldn't find the time or energy between contractions to shift myself. Labour with my second baby was better, I spent quite a lot of it in a birthing pool and ended up on all fours to deliver him - he was a back-to-back delivery, and the pain was objectively worse, but I felt perfectly in control of it all and I didn't tear or anything. Just for the record, I was never obsessed with a natural birth at all costs - I just thought I'd see how it went, and I found I didn't need pain relief really (I live in Germany, and they don't do gas and air or pethidine here, so I really had nothing). It was more like extreme sport than real pain - I shouted a lot, and it was ok. But I think if I'd had a really long labour, I would have needed some kind of relief.
Good luck!

I've had a variety of experiences, positive and negative around birth. The best advice I think is to have an open mind, don't rule anything out, and don't get too hung up the process, so long as the result (baby!) is OK.
That is said after 2 planned natural births which turned into emergency c-sections! They were both lovely special experiences despite being what I wanted, and I'll treasure holding my babies for that first time forever!

Wow thanks all. Really great suggestions and advice.
Looks like I'll be on the lookout for some books then. Will also look into the TENS machine as I haven't done much research on those at all!
Isn't it strange that we (or at least me) are so scared about something that is so natural!
I'll be missing an antenatal class tomorrow as I've been booked in to go for a growth scan at the hospital around the same time. I have a feeling it's about breathing techniques, I hope it's not and that it'll be next weeks as that's the last one. I'm going to ring up and ask them to save me any leaflets anyway.
There is still potentially 5 weeks to go but yet I feel mentally unprepared for the labour and birth!
Thanks again

I found a cold wet flannel on my head quite soothing at times - and it gave dh something to do to feel useful.

Definitely food and drink for afterwards.

I also wish I'd realised it can happen quickly for a first baby and I wish I had trusted my instinct, rather than being fobbed off by the midwives and told 'it will be hours yet, don't come in' - which panicked me as I thought 'I can't go through days of this!'. Yet I just got to the hospital in time for the pushing stage. Trust your instincts if you want to go to hospital to get checked out - just do it.

A tube of lansinoh for afterwards if you're planning on breastfeeding.

I thought that waters just went. And that was it.

After the initial ping then flood mine leaked heavily for hours right up until I gave birth. I was not prepared for having to change so often

Don't lie down, it slows down labour. If they need to monitor you continously then they need to hold it in place, you don't need to lie down for it.

Be active - walk up and down stairs when you're still at home, change positions frequently (squat, all fours, stand, birth ball when tired).

Concentrate on you and no-one else in the the room. Let yourself go. Allow your body to work. Every contraction is one less.

Stay home for as long as you possibly can. Each small snacks, keep hydrated, empty your bladder frequently, keep mobile. It won't happen any quicker in hospital so don't go too early.

Suck on that gas and air - it won't run out!

(am an ex-midwife)

Be prepared early. There was nothing 'wrong' with either of my pregnancies, but I went into natural early labour with both at between 35 and 36 weeks. I had not a thing packed.