Helpful things you wish you had known before labour/birth?

[RL20]

I'm 35 weeks and although I posted last week, I'm still terrified at the though of going into labour and giving birth! At the beginning it's almost as if brith seems like a lifetime away. I've got to come to terms with the fact that it's not very long away at all, now!
So not needing full birth stories really, and I'm aware that every birth is different!
But any advice on things you found helpful during labour, or things you wish you'd had, is greatly recieved! Thanks

Oh, and don't drive yourself to hospital while in labour.
You will be stuck on a huge traffic jam.
You will only be able to park right at the back of the hospital car park and will have a endless long walk into the hospital.

One for after the birth, especially if you transfer to ward - be prepared for lots of "official" visitors - midwives, doctors for baby, doctors for you depending how birth went, dreaded Bounty rep, health care assistants, hospital satisfaction survey people, bf peer supporters....... I very nearly told one of the less medical ones where to go! (Managed to be a little bit more polite.)

That in hospital midwives can change half way through your labour, and if you don't like the new one, ask for them to be swapped out sooner rather than later. My second midwife totally ruined my relaxed state and I wish I'd just said something.

Have stuff like painkillers in the house (paracetamol) and also work out how the tens machine actually works before going into labour....

I spent a fairly bit of time hanging round in the bath at home which helped fairly early on, and second the advice about trying to keep active.

That even if you do all your preparation and reading, sometimes labour goes how it goes anyway - that does not mean you have somehow failed. A lot of women imagine their perfect birth and are upset and disappointed for years, if it does not go exactly that way. Keep an open mind - some things are not under our control, and that's it.

I froze some squash in a water bottle with a straw in it, found it really refreshing to sip as the gas and air dries your mouth out.

Get your bag packed now and make sure whoever will be with you in Labour knows where anything that you need to add in last minute is.

If your birth isn't all that you've planned and hoped for, it's ok to be upset about that.

I did Hypbobirthing and really recommend it. My labour was short (less than 3 hrs from being 2cm to delivering), drug free and in the water. I won't pretend it wasn't a raw, intense experience but I genuinely look back on it with happy memories and hope I get to do it again someday. The biggest surprise to me was what a superhero I felt afterwards. A year on and I still want to stop strangers in the street and tell them I pushed a baby out of my vagina like I'm the first person who's ever done it!

Also - don't get hung up on breathing etc. It's great to practice but honesty, your body knows what to do and you're just along for the ride!

Sorry to put a downer on the thread but I felt passionately at the time that I wished someone had said this to me.
'Actually, you can read books, be open-minded, be relaxed but it could still be shockingly, horrifyingly awful.'
No-one prepared me for just how painful and scary it would be, or how long it would take to recover.
Advice like 'you'll be fine' and 'it's just a day' were unhelpful as I wasn't fine and it wasn't just a day.
Someone should have said to me 'prepare for the worst, you may have to have pain relief whether you like it or not, there may be complications... but if the baby comes out you've succeeded.'
So I'm saying that to you. Hopefully it will be ok, but there is a chance that it will hard in ways in which you cannot control or influence.

I found TENS very helpful and a warm bath was surprisingly good. I got to 9cms after being induced with these.

It was following the birth that I was most surprised tbh.

Buy more maternity pads than you can carry - I was amazed at how many I got through.

Be prepared for your milk coming in about day 3 - I had no idea that my boobs would literally turn into red hot boulders overnight!

After pains - nobody mentions them, but they were pretty awful tbh and worse after dc2 than dc1.

The things that helped me the most:

• you might instinctively want a dark, quiet, safe space. That's very normal, go with your instincts
• you might also want to walk in the initial stages, especially up and down stairs, or circle your hips a lot. Again, go with your instincts, you're helping the baby get in position
• pre-labour can last for days (mine lasted 6 days). I stuck the tens machine on and let things happen. As long as your waters don't break you don't need to be in a hurry, if nothing feels wrong (other than being slow) then nature will take its course
• as a pp said, every contraction is one you never have to do again and one closer to meeting your baby
• if you can't get to a breathing course, don't worry - breath in through your nose and out through your mouth as deeply and slowly as possible. Breathe loudly, it makes a difference
• relax your jaw, it relaxes your cervix
• very few things that go wrong in labour happen in a hurry, you almost always have time to ask what the options are and what the implications are, so you can be comfortable with your choices. If you don't have a lot of time, you'll know - hospitals don't mess around with actual emergencies and they know what to do, but that's rare
• labour is bloody painful. Be ready for that. But it's not bad pain, as a pp said, it's not the pain of sickness. Everyone deals with it differently, and every labour is different - don't feel like there is a "right" way to do it, there isn't

Good luck

I'm scared to RL. But Im just thinking il cope the best I can - and if I can't il go for the epidural. All births are different and pain relief is fine if u need it.

We will get through it! In 6 weeks it will (hopefully) have been done.

Good luck Hun x

Try and stay at home for as long as possible when labour starts, also labour can be frightening at times but try to control any fear and remember it only hurts when contracting and there will be breaks between them. Also every contraction is one closer to meeting your baby. If like me, afterwards you will be amazed at what you has gone through and that you made this little person, it's pretty mind blowing. Another thing to remember is that if labour was really that bad everyone would only have one child best of luck

Tell your midwife and your partner what you need when you're in labour. Sometimes this can be easier said than done if you're normally non - bolshy and polite! If you need a birthing ball or water or pain relief, say so during the next break in contractions. If you need your partner to leave the room, tell him to leave for a fee minutes. If your midwife is asking you something and you're in the middle of a contraction, it's fine to ignore her until you're able to talk. She really won't mind and you will feel calmer.

If you need to be continuously monitored for whatever reason, ask for a mobile monitor and try to stay off the bed.

Bring loaaaaaads of food for after!

I wish someone had told me you can feel labour pains in your back. I didn't feel any "pains" in my belly, just a squeezing feeling.
Come to think of it, pain wasn't the problem - the pressure, need to go to the loo feeling was much worse.

And listen to your instincts - head was visible by the time I got to hospital, but had been put off going by midwives as my contractions were every 3 minutes, but apparently not long enough (something like 55 seconds when they wanted 60 ). If I'd waited any longer I'd have given birth on the bathroom floor

Take biscuits/dry food for when you are on the ward after. Only bit of my labour bag I used.

Any if there is something really important on your birth plan don't wait for them to read it - tell them when you get there!!

definitely pack food, and an extra pillow so you can be comfortable. I actually didn't have it to bad with my 1st (34weeks with my 2nd as i type!) as i did most of early labour in my sleep, woke up, waters broke, contractions moved on quite quickly and then i had pethadine which sent me to sleep only woke up for contractions until it was time to push!

Don't worry about it too much, best off to take it as it comes and just be open minded and positive as there's no point trying to plan/vision it really as every birth is different. I also actually found healing afterwards much worse than labour!

For that I'd say make sure you're checked properly for tears and don't be afraid to insist.

Breath!!!! Believe it or now wasn't told that with first dd, second time round was reminded that muscles need oxygen to work so no holding of breath and the pushing stage was so much easier.

No advice for the birth really, I think most things have been covered, but for afterwards when you get home:

If you want to stay locked in your room with your baby for a while - that's ok. everyone else can wait and if they kick up a fuss don't worry about it, they soon forget about it. Whatever you feel like doing is perfectly normal.

Don't put so much pressure on yourself to try to do everything perfect and be the best mum ever - seriously. Nobody gives you a medal.

Its more important to be rested and calm as much as possible so if that means letting your mum or partner take the baby for a walk whilst you have a rest in bed then so be it. It won't be the only time the baby ever goes for a walk. I wish I had realised this sooner as I wore myself out to the point of a close breakdown, feeling and thinking I had to do everything for my baby myself and be super perfect. 2 years on he is perfectly fine from that time mil took him for a walk and I spent the hour worrying solidly about that would become of him because I wasn't there with him .

Ensure who ever is assisting with your birth keeps you fully informed so you can make informed decisions. No one told me my baby was in distress and they forced me down a trial by forceps. If I had known, then I would have said just go straight for CS. Why they wanted to put my baby in danger I have no idea.

If your contractions are never regular it doesn't mean don't go to the hospital. Mine were never regular and it was a sign that DD was lying funny on my cervix.

However- the majority of women have uneventful births but be prepared that its more likely you'll need some form of intervention for a first birth. Knowledge breeds confidence.

I remember hearing, after I'd already had my first dc, that when you get to the point where you feel it's just too painful and you think you can't cope any more - that's when baby's very nearly out. I actually had a relatively easy first labour and never felt unable to cope, but I bloody well did during my second labour, and keeping the thought that it would be over soon in my head really got me through the worst bit of it - and it turned out to be completely true!! The truly 'unbearable' pain really didn't last very long.

That said, I was gulping down the gas and air, too...

I felt much like you with my first child, but as I neared my due date, a change happened within me. I think nature knows when your baby is ready to be born and rather than fear the birth, you start to be really ready to GET THIS BABY OUT. It's probably a combination of hormones and the increase in physical discomforts.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't come over all calm and collected, just felt more ready - an acceptance I suppose.

My birth partner for my 2nd was my sister and honestly, I would recommend her (!) for anyone. Having someone who'd had three uncomplicated births, who I trusted implicitly was absolutely the best thing. She gave me such confidence.

I'm 38 weeks with my second and this has been really useful to read - thanks. Does anyone have any suggestions for food to pack in my hospital bag? I had really bad heart burn all the way through my first labour and so didn't end up eating anything. But there's a chance this time I'll be ravenous! I'm having a total mind blank and can't remember for the life of me what I took last time.....

Did hypnoborthing twice, totally swallowed the Kool Aid. Did naff all, labour was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. Epidurals were wonderful.

The only really helpful thing is an open mind. You have no idea what kind of labour you will have, or how you will deal with it until you are there.

If the pain and situation that you find yourself in in labour bear no resemblance to all the books and advice that you have read: that's okay. You have not got it wrong, you have not failed, you will not fail, you will not be a failure.

Ask for whatever assistance you need, it's okay and (if in the UK and NHS) it's free.