Helpful things you wish you had known before labour/birth?

[RL20]

I'm 35 weeks and although I posted last week, I'm still terrified at the though of going into labour and giving birth! At the beginning it's almost as if brith seems like a lifetime away. I've got to come to terms with the fact that it's not very long away at all, now!
So not needing full birth stories really, and I'm aware that every birth is different!
But any advice on things you found helpful during labour, or things you wish you'd had, is greatly recieved! Thanks

Re stitches in your fanjo after the birth. They can make going to the loo very comfortable, and going for a wee stings like mad. I found that sudocreme helped me as much as it helped my baby. Smearing a little onto the stitched area beforehand helped stop the initial sting.

Just to add to the posts about waters going. A maternity pad and spare pants may well help if your baby's head is well engaged, but none of my three engaged their heads, even the two who were born vaginally.

If the waters break whilst the head is not engaged then there is often nothing to stop the flood, and flood it really is, one that keeps coming for hours afterwards as amniotic fluid is still produced for some hours by broken membranes. This happened with two of my three. The first sign of labour was a massive, unstoppable flood. I don't want to scare you, but I wished I had been aware that this could happen. I got through a couple of packs of maternity pads in less than 5 minutes before I had to give up and just live a wet life for a while.

Dignity has little to do with childbirth. I shall wish you very good luck.

It's fine to have pain relief. It's lovely for your friend that she had the natural birth she wanted, but it doesn't make her better than you. If you went around telling people you'd had your wisdom tooth removed without any anesthetic they'd just think you were fucking stupid...

Be assertive, you don't need to be rude or difficult, but ask questions, find out what your options are, politely decline unwanted examinations... My labour was pretty much nothing like what I wanted but I actually ended up coming out of it feeling, if not happy, then proud of myself that I'd dealt with it really well and made all the right decisions.

Expect a tear/cut. You might get lucky in which case great, but I found it helped to take the fear away once I'd accepted that it was going to happen and thought about how I was going to deal with it.

Natal hypnotherapy (Monans again) and the book "birth skills" are useful. Both make it clear it's hard and hurts ... but train you to expect it, and not panic.

I haven't read all the previous comments but I wish I'd known I wouldn't be able to eat anything after I'd had the epidural! So eat before Epidurals are amazing btw. I slept for a bit while in labour!

I feel I should mention DS was back to back and I'd had bad SPD so didn't feel I could cope with more pain in my back. I did however get to 5cm with no pain relief at all.

I actually found the giving birth bit to be the easiest bit of being pregnant!

for tears I found a few drops of tea tree in a warm bath really helped soothe.
The smell of tea tree oil takes me right back to those first hazy, crazy, newborn days.....

nb. I only had a graze actually, which wasn't stitched so maybe it's not the same for tears.

I was warned that when going through transition I'd start screaming for an epidural and BOTH times (yes, not very bright me) didn't recognise when it happened.

With DD1, they had to do a blood test to see if I could have the epidural and the results didn't get to the MW before she did. DD2 arrived about 6 minutes after I asked for it (she fannied about for hours and then once she decided she wanted out, she arrived. MW catching baby kind of scenario)

So, when you start asking for the epidural, that's when your in transition .

Good luck! You've had great advice here.

your!!??

you're obviously

from a midwife from eastern europe,a flannel rung out in hot water[not too hot] held on your lady bits apparently eases the pain.Worth a try,cant do any harm.

from a midwife from eastern europe,a flannel rung out in hot water[not too hot] held on your lady bits apparently eases the pain.Worth a try,cant do any harm.

from a midwife from eastern europe,a flannel rung out in hot water[not too hot] held on your lady bits apparently eases the pain.Worth a try,cant do any harm.

from a midwife from eastern europe,a flannel rung out in hot water[not too hot] held on your lady bits apparently eases the pain.Worth a try,cant do any harm.

from a midwife from eastern europe,a flannel rung out in hot water[not too hot] held on your lady bits apparently eases the pain.Worth a try,cant do any harm.

from a midwife from eastern europe,a flannel rung out in hot water[not too hot] held on your lady bits apparently eases the pain.Worth a try,cant do any harm.

from a midwife from eastern europe,a flannel rung out in hot water[not too hot] held on your lady bits apparently eases the pain.Worth a try,cant do any harm.

from a midwife from eastern europe,a flannel rung out in hot water[not too hot] held on your lady bits apparently eases the pain.Worth a try,cant do any harm.

sorry,finger slipped on send button

Definitely read the hypnobirthing book, and if at all possible attend a class with your birth partner so they can coach you if need be. Practice the breathing techniques as much as you can. My labour was pretty fast a furious but I couldn't belive the difference when I got the breathing techniques right. If I do it again I'm going to practice like mad so it's second nature when the time comes for real.

And everything everyone said about staying active and trusting your body.

The pushing is the good bit, your baby is nearly here. Good luck!

Not sure if this would happen in the UK but don't let the midwife give your DP permission to go for a coffee and food without first checking how dilated you are!

DP left room, midwife checks and asks me if I want to feel the baby's head - er yes but I would also like my partner here for the birth! Cue ringing his mobile frantically multiple times with it going straight to voice mail. Mobiles don't like to work in lifts :-o Luckily he was on his way back up which is why I could not get through to him

I really wish someone had told me how utterly battered I would feel for days and days afterwards. I was very fit and well, yet rendered almost immobile by a forceps delivery and 3rd degree tear. I also wish I had known about how things can escalate once intervention starts. 2.5 hrs of fruitless pushing was followed by a whirlwind of attempted ventouse, episiotomy, more attempted ventouse, then forceps. And I really really wish they had warned me how damn hard they would be pulling to get the baby out - horrifying and terrifying in equal measure. But very worth it.

F1fan my mum tells the story of my dad being told he was NOT going for a fag by the body 1970s mw moments before dsis arrived!

Beware the pooing bit though - doesn't necessarily mean you are ready to push. With DC1 the MW kept asking me if I was ready to push. Never having done it before I had no idea so kept saying no until I remembered what a friend had told me about it feeling like pooing out a watermelon - I then realised that I was indeed ready to push. With DC2, remembering the above, I got 'the feeling' and proceeded to push uncontrollably. Unfortunately it wasn't the baby .

Yes yes YES to the 'feeling battered afterwards' thing.

Again, I know people tell you that you'll be tired, and obviously tears and cuts have an impact, but I couldn't believe how physically exhausted I was. I had a small second degree tear and some stitches, but they weren't any sort of problem - genuinely, apart from being able to feel them with my hand, I wouldn't have noticed they were there. In terms of my lady-garden I could have ridden a bike within 10 days.

In terms of all my other muscles though, I was walking really slowly for a month - everything hurt. A walk into town from my house normally takes 35 minutes, I was doing it in over an hour for a good few weeks. Going up and down stairs was hard going on the thighs, my arms and shoulders hurt to pick her up, or lift myself out of bed. I guess I was on my hands and knees and tensed for about 10 hours + squatting in a pool for another few hours + who knows how epidurals affect different people. Ached like I'd run a few marathons. Take it really, really easy.

You can do it.

There's a bit in the Marie Mongan book 'Hypnobirthing' talking about women in China just giving birth in the fields. Now, I am not saying that it's quite that easy but, ideally, try and keep in your head these things:

• Your body was designed to do it.
• Your body will take over and do it, you sort of just have to let it (if you are a control freak like me, that's the tough bit).
• Learn some breathing techniques. Move around as much as you can (I was doing the funky chicken at the end stages).