Helpful things you wish you had known before labour/birth?

[RL20]

I'm 35 weeks and although I posted last week, I'm still terrified at the though of going into labour and giving birth! At the beginning it's almost as if brith seems like a lifetime away. I've got to come to terms with the fact that it's not very long away at all, now!
So not needing full birth stories really, and I'm aware that every birth is different!
But any advice on things you found helpful during labour, or things you wish you'd had, is greatly recieved! Thanks

My labour was 36 hours from waters breaking, v v large baby, big tear etc. I found it unbearably painful and very traumatic to recover from. But I did it! My advice would be: dont compare your recovery to anyone else- your experience is unique and also don't worry about how you're doing until at least 6 weeks, it's amazing how much will have changed.

I've had 2 children, and would go through labour again to have a third. Wasn't so bad :)

Primaryteach87- after PFB it took me 5 months before I felt like myself again.

I felt the same way @ 35 weeks OP
From water breaking to birth it was 55 hours. I chose to stay at hospital far too early so like others have said stay at home as long as you can.
If your hospital allows and had a docking station have some music ready to take in with you ( my DH didn't have a specific playlist but his iPod selection really helped to distract me once I was in active labour )
It was long and hard but just remember what you get at the end. My LO is six months on Friday and is a constant source of giggles and cuddle ( currently wriggling away from me on her back!!)
Oh, and it's not put me off at all!!

Oh and definitely get a TENS machine!!

Eat, drink and SLEEP as much as you can before active labour starts. My labour was harder than it needed to be because I hadn't done enough of any of those things. I remember thinking, once it was too late, that there was nothing in the world I wanted more than I wanted to go to sleep, but I had to HAVE A BABY before I could. Worst moment of my life!

I found food textures and flavours very difficult to cope with from early on in labour (dh brought me some ordinary pizza but I couldn't eat it because it smelled too much of garlic), so my choice for next time would be something very plain -- maybe soft white rolls without anything on, and some fruit.

Contractions are really not that bad.

It's a very 'natural' kind of pain, a bit like when your muscles ache after you've worked out too hard ( chance'd be a fine thing these days!).

Just breathe deeply for each one, think of it as a wave that gradually builds, builds, peaks .... And then recedes. Sigh. You can chill in between contractions, they are not constant.

Don't bother with birth plans - they don't work!

Drink loads and loads (as much as you can) of water after the birth, this will help get you back on track!

Good luck!

I wish I'd known that being calm and polite during labour = people not believing the baby was on its way. I was 5cm and a midwife was trying to book me in for an induction in three days time, with me timidly interjecting "but.... I'm in labour now..."

I also didn't know that all examinations are optional. I didn't have any the second time round.

I wish I'd stood up for myself when they laid me down on my back to push. For baby number two, I was standing up till I felt the burning sensation.

To repeat what someone else said upthread, the bit when you really panic and think you can't do it probably means it's time to push!

All my regrets are about not speaking up for myself, it's not something I'm good at

Good luck, it feels so amazing when you've done it, it's like climbing Everest or something

I think it is so personal. I've just read the thread nodding along to some and shaking my head vigorously to others. I hated TENS and my epidural was shit (despite technically being fine and leaving me with dead legs for 8 hours afterwards we had topped it up so much). Nor could I have physically eaten anything if i'd tried. I also loved my birth plan ( not as a wish list for how I wanted the birth to be, I think that's where a lot go wrong).

What I think is generally applicable is this: it is unknown, and unknowable. Try to make peace with the unplanned or unexpected and be wiling to listen to both your own body and the advice of the medical professionals caring for you.

Each contraction is one less.

Each contraction is one less.

It can last ages and if your poor Mum like mine is waiting outside to meet precious first born grandchild and then gives up and goes to her hotel in the early hours of the morning then she might not be allowed onto the ward for ages the next day to meet said new grandchild and might hold this against you for ever more.

What I think is generally applicable is this: it is unknown, and unknowable. Try to make peace with the unplanned or unexpected and be wiling to listen to both your own body and the advice of the medical professionals caring for you.

THIS.

Of course you need to plan and be prepared as much as you can.

But please don't worry if it all goes to pot as it did for me. I'll spare you the details but suffice to say, its all worth it in the end! :)

That's is not as bad as you think, I had my 1st baby 6 months ago and I was dreading the birth

Id give birth 10 times over than endure 9 months of pregnancy again

Don't worry it really isn't as bad as people make out.

Have a birth plan, but most importantly have an open mind. Situations change, it may be you are vehemently against epidurals but once you're there, it's all ok. You may want to stay at home, but change your mind. It's all ok.

Take snacks and water/drinks. I ate all the way through, and couldn't have done it without. Some people like energy tablets.

If you have a back to back labour, the pool is bloody helpful. I didn't progress (and therefore couldn't have pain relief) for 34 hours, but once I got in the pool and snorkelled with the G & A, it was 2 hours 34 mins. I was able to move and flip around a lot, and it helped to move her.

Labour (particularly b2b) can make for a sore back. Birthing partners can be angelic 99% of the time, but you may well want to hurt them. And if you can only listen to one radio station whilst in the room, switch it off when Chris de Burgh starts warbling. I crossed my legs because DD could NOT be born to Lady in Red.

And something quite twee, but I liked thinking it all the same - every contraction is one less towards meeting your baby....

What I think is generally applicable is this: it is unknown, and unknowable. Try to make peace with the unplanned or unexpected and be wiling to listen to both your own body and the advice of the medical professionals caring for you.
THIS.

With bells on. Nobody can tell you what it will feel like, how much it will hurt or what will help. There will be you, a set of circumstances peculiar to you and your baby and what is right for you. Do that. What is right for you and your baby. Your greatest tool is knowledge and your biggest weapon, support.

That it can happen quite quickly with a first one! And that actually means it gets really string really quickly.

No hanging about on an inflatable ball for me!

If you feel like something's changing (huge pressure, increased contractions, involuntary mooing...) ask someone to check. I was ready to push for ages with my first but didn't realise! MW doing a routine check on me was amazed I'd just been there, mooing away, thinking I was still not fully dilated.

If you feel like you want pain relief, go for it. I knew I wanted G&A after labouring for a few hours. I waited it out longer for, well, I don't know why. Because I thought I should. Took every ounce of strength not to scream at anyone and everyone to get the stuff when my contractions got rapidly stronger. As soon as I got it everything got much, much more manageable.

Push like crazy. If you thinking you're pushing your hardest, push more. Just seriously go for it. Following your MWs, of course! It's a bit like pushing yourself another 10mins in the gym but more painful and beautiful all at once.

Interventions aren't the end of the world - I had induction, forceps, episiotomy - but all that was fine really. In particular I may have been lucky but I wouldn't have even known about the episiotomy if I hadn't been told about it, no additional pain, no lasting effects.

I'm glad I knew I could still be active despite being on a monitor (stood next to bed and swayed). I wish I had NOT agreed to go back on bed to push - everything slowed down. Think we could have avoided the forceps if I hadn't laid down.

"Push like crazy. If you thinking you're pushing your hardest, push more. Just seriously go for it. Following your MWs, of course! It's a bit like pushing yourself another 10mins in the gym but more painful and beautiful all at once."

Ooh gosh, that's another one that's very personal. I just followed my instincts and pushed like hell with DD2 (DD1 was instrumental). She shot out and I tore. By DS I was actively holding back the pushing, breathing, not pushing. He came out much more controlled and only a graze.

Try to avoid lying down, stay as upright as possible, but rest if you get the chance to.

Tens machines work, start using it as early as possible.

Gas and air is great, start using it as early as you can so you get used to how to use it.

Good luck!!

You're right Penguins, I didn't cover that very well with "following the MWs" What I meant was that when I was told to push, I kept holding back at first, so pushing 'properly' required a lot more effort than I thought! First labour ended up being 2 hours of pushing until I got the hang of it, MWs kept encouraging to push harder (as opposed to constantly), result was minor haemorrhage, exhausted me, exhausted baby, bad tear. Second time around when advised to push I gave it much more oomph and it only took a few pushes and all around much better!

'Try to avoid lying down'...also remember first labours can have a long latent phase. If you try to remain upright and active for a number of days you will have nothing left when the action really starts. So pace yourself.

Wow the advice keeps on coming. It's great to read!

Jauntynomates - thank you for the pushing advice! Going to feel very unreal pushing so hard for something to come out of that way instead of...well, the other!

Squizita - Really?! And I haven't et used a ball, haven't felt the need to but we'll see if that changes nearer the time!

Grantaire - Thanks, wise words there!

Tobeemoree - lol at the radio station thing! Hadn't really thought about music etc.
I've seen some people mention that a dimmer light works well which I feel would be nice, but no idea if that's offered in my hospital!?

Salene - That's nice! I hope I'll be saying that afterwards!

Jackiebrambles - this is why I haven't yet written a birth plan. Have no idea what even goes into a 'birth plan' seeing as you can't actually plan anything... can you?! I have no idea when I'm going to go into labour, where I'm going to be when I go into labour, who I'm going to be with, etc... So I'm not too sure. Anyone who wants to enlighten me on how a birth plan works... feel free!

JiminyCricket - Oh dear! I have been thinking about that though. If my labour is ages and I'm in hospital for most of it, surely my partner and mum will want to go home to go to sleep?! I don't know how it will work! I don't really have any qualms about being on my own in hospital, it doesn't bother me, but it may bother them!

Catsize - Will try and remember that!

Thank you penguins - yes there has been some very contradicting advice obviously, but very interesting to read nonetheless! What sort of things did you put down on your birth plan if you don't mind me asking?

Molten pink - what sort of examinations are there that you don't have to go through with? I think I would prefer not to!

Thanks toffeeboffin!

And thanks to anyone else I haven't had the chance to reply to!