Helpful things you wish you had known before labour/birth?

[RL20]

I'm 35 weeks and although I posted last week, I'm still terrified at the though of going into labour and giving birth! At the beginning it's almost as if brith seems like a lifetime away. I've got to come to terms with the fact that it's not very long away at all, now!
So not needing full birth stories really, and I'm aware that every birth is different!
But any advice on things you found helpful during labour, or things you wish you'd had, is greatly recieved! Thanks

My mum said "there will be a time when you think you can't do it. You can. You can do it and when you have you'll finally see his face."

This really helped me. It seems silly but there did come a moment when I felt I couldn't push any more and my mums words and the thought of that little face just kept me going.

Good luck

Epidurals are great. I was frightened of the idea of the needle in the back - on the day, it was fine.

Pack drinking straws. Sipping from a cup while in labour is tricky. Sipping from a straw is easy!

Epidurals are AMAZING and an emergency c section can be fine - calm and easy after a hellish labour.

Also, My baby is 20 weeks and labour really seems like a far, far distant memory.

Some advice after having 3;

Stay at home for as long as you can manage the pain. Keep snacking and drinking if you fancy.

Keep moving remembering that however tired you are you need to muster strength for the final pushing stage.

When they say push they mean push - give it some welly.

Try not to be scared, it hurts but once is over all this is forgotten.

Pain is not ennobling, take what you need, you don't get a medal at the end.

Sleep when the baby sleep (never did this myself but it is very good advice)

Good luck all

As poster above mentioned when you shout 'I can't do this' it means that you are really close to having the baby, give it some welly

I haven't read all the replies and I'm sure there are some really helpful ones, all I would say is yes it's a bit uncomfortable but I've honestly had worse pain with tooth problems and you will be well supported by midwives and at the end of it you will be a mummy, and I promise that whilst you'll remember it was ouchy at times you will happily be recounting the birth story to anyone who'll listen with a very positive attitude and sound like a total pro.

Have a plan, but be aware that it may not go that way. I had to be induced after weeks if curry, long walks, sex and pineapple (sometimes all in the same day). I had not even thought about induction, as my NCT class leader had told us there wouldn't be any need for it if we did x,y and z..... what a load of shit! The hormone drip started 27 hours of unbearable contractions 2 minutes apart. I relented and had an epidural after 12 hours, and i felt like a failure for having it. Which is ridiculous, as it meant i could get some rest in before pushing, and the rest went swimmingly. i wish i found out more about induction so that i could be prepared, and dh and i could have discussed what we would do. Because some babies (like mine) just do not want to shift. In hindsight i was very closed minded thinking that babies went over due date because their mum wasn't doing all of these surefire things i was doing.... what the hell did i know?!

agree an "escape" word/phrase with the midwife - mine was "I need some help" -

I was well beyond "I can't do this", the baby was getting distressed and so was I, they intervened and got her out, I was grateful.

Thanks again all. Trying to read through all of the comments!

I ended up asking the health visitor about it today as she asked if I had any general worries, so I said well nothing in particular other than the labour and birth.
She was nice and did make me feel a bit more at ease, talking about breathing techniques.
She echoed what a lot of you have said, with try and stay at home as much as possible where I'll be able to distract myself for a while with watching TV, snacking etc.
She wished me a short and easy birth, ha ha! If only if was that easy

Tinymeteor - I'm also feeling a bit about having a needle in my back (not scared of needles in general though?!) but I'm sure in labour I won't be thinking about that!
I'm just generally a bit scared of any intervention they may have to do 'down there' makes me squirm a bit thinkingabout it!

Rosieliveson - another thing I've been panicking about! What if I actually can't physically push anymore!? Would anyone believe me?!

VeryPunny - yes that's what the HV said to me today, to 'keep an open mind' about it all. Although I don't think my mind could be any more open, I'm overthinking as it is!

Roastpots - glad it's been useful for you too. RE food, I think someone mentioned like yoghurt drinks/smoothies to me as they feel quite filling. Echoing what someone else said, probably through a straw would be easier. I think I'm also going to pack lucozade, ribena cartons, crisps, some sort of breakfast bar, and maybe some dark chocolate for the iron.

Bonkers - I do hope so!

TiedUpWithString - How awful that you weren't properly informed. Although my HV has said to stay at home as much as possible and obviously people do recommend it, I think I'll probably ringing them up with the first contraction!

Mumofsnotbags - thanks for the after-tips.

Still some very contradicting stories so it definitely proves that every labour and birth is different!
I suppose it's impossible to ask for advice when you just really never know what it's going to be like for you!

Thanks everyone I appreciate the help

Somewhereibelong - glad to hear you got the help you felt you needed. That's handy to know. I hope the midwives I have believe me if I was to say that I needed help and couldn't push any longer etc

RL20, Just before the pushing stage my midwife told me that I had an hour. After an hour they would consider intervention for the safety of the baby. If took me an hour and an extra massive push (once they started talking intervention options) as I was determined to do it. I don't know of that's a standard time limit but it doesn't feel as long as it sounds.

Over a toilet or on hands and knees helped me. Also my labours were horrible and I still found them easier than being pregnant last trimester. No matter how long it goes on it's nothing to the hell of being 35 weeks pregnant!

And definitely, disregard any stigma and pressure of a 'natural birth'.
I had an epidural and it was almost blissful! I even had a little nap at one point
Take whatever pain relief you feel you need or want. Don't feel pressured into 'bearing with it'

Oh milk, you've just written my birth story too! To the curry, long walks, sex and pineapple, can I add acupuncture, homeopathic remedies, multiple sweeps- and even castor oil?! I finally caved in and was induced at 40+ 15.

The shock, for me, about induction was that nobody had thought to mention that the first 24 hours are kind of latent, as you go into the general pregnancy ward and they give you a pessary....I thought it was straight to the drip, and the delivery suite!

I was expecting, and prepared for, period-style pains too- and my contractions turned out to be horrible niggly pains in my cervix instead. YY to the poo turning out to be the baby....

I'm grateful for the advice about moving around and mobile monitoring- last time I was strapped to the bed and forbidden from moving in case I pulled a drip out or a belt fell off . I remember having a pretty heated argument with the MW because I wanted at least to go on all fours on the bed and she wouldn't "allow" it .

I really really hope I won't have to be induced this time, but I'm 41 now, so the pressure will be even greater to cave in, and I'm told that if you go overdue once you might well go overdue again .

Look into the unexpected.
You may not go into labour -you may go straight to c section.
Find out about c sections and have an idea about how you'd like that to go.
You may be certain you'll breastfeed -but find out how to sterilise a bottle and make up formula.
Don't go in too early,and if your waters break,consider whether any examination is a good idea unless your contractions are regular and strong.

If, like most women, you have been brought up to be nice and not make a fuss, forget about it and practice being assertive. You are the one giving birth, so (unless it's an actual emergency) whatever you say, goes!

This is my main regret - I felt I was being bossed around and told what to do, and I did it, even if I didn't really want to. Exactly like stubborn describes - if you want to be on the floor, or move around and someone tells you not to move from the bed as the belt will fall off - tell them to fuck the fuck off

herethere thank you for your post, it really resonated with me.

To the OP I'd say if you do hire a TENs machine try not to leave it in a drawer when you leave for hospital like I did

I'd assume it will take ages but also prepare yourself that it might not, my labour was 6 hours long from waters breaking and hadn't had any signs. I know other people will have had far quicker but I found it quite overwhelming.

Lastly, I had things happen in my labour that I've dreaded for years (ventouse, catheter, episiotomy). If I'd known before hand that I'd need them I wouldve been terrified but as it happened I just kind of had to go with the flow and it was ok.

I struggle with the fact I didn't have a 'perfect' birth which is absolutely ridiculous. I'd say try not to put any pressure on yourself, labour isn't a competition, do what you need to do and ask for any help you need. Good luck!

Turtle - my pregnancy has actually been ok other than general worries (early bleeding, sickness and nausea for the first 17/18 weeks) and at 35 weeks I've just started to recently get uncomfortable in the night and in the mornings (where I feel like I need to get out of bed as I feel irritable having a lie-in). So because of my comfortable-ish pregnancy, I'm worrying that I'm going to be in for one hell of a labour to make up for it!

Rosie - yes I remember a girl I know boasting (probably quite rightly) that she had given birth with only gas and air. I thought, well that's great, but it doesn't make you any more of a great mother than others who simply haven't been able to cope with just gas and air!

Stubborn (and others that have mentioned it) - I'm not too sure about the sex thing to bring on labour! I haven't been wanting to do it much at all (poor other half!), but we'll see!

Hazlenutt - will have to forget my manners then, it seems! I totally know what you mean. Will remember that. My mum does always say (with everything in general) if you don't shout, you don't get, (not shout as I'm literally, though! Although it might be in this case ). Whereas I've been more prone to be extra polite in public to a certain extent.

Thatsnotevenaword - thank you. After your post I've just asked my mum about a TENS machine and she says she used one when in labour so I'm going to look into that more, too.

The only thing I used from my "labour " bag was a little handheld electric fan. Our maternity/ labour ward is very hot. I highly recommend one even for winter births! My DH had to fan me and give me sips of water for hours but it helped me no end.

The birth is a small part in the grand scheme of things so here is what to me would have been a vital tip.

If you decide to breastfeed, prop the baby up high on your chest with 2 or 3 pillows then your arms too. Saves shoulder and neck ache and they have to be much higher than you think to get a comfortable latch.

Also, try to express a bit of the colostrum right by the baby and the baby will smell it which will help with that first latch- worked for me.

The pain relief injection (I forget its name) can make babies dopey which can affect their ability to latch at first so if you have this injection, don't panic if it takes your baby a while to cotton on to feeding.

Don't lie down...Gravity is your friend...and lots of lip balm

I seem to be a lone voice here, but what I would say (and what I wish someone had said to me before I had my first) is - it's FINE to ask for an epidural. You don't HAVE to suffer if it gets too bad. In fact, the anaesthetists tend to wonder why on earth more women don't ask for them sooner! If you have an epidural it takes the pain away - properly away (unlike TENS, gas and air etc). There should be no shame associated with not wanting to be in agony .I don't see too many people at the dentist saying 'no thank you' to the anaesthetic when they have a filling. Modern medicine means you don't have to suffer unnecessarily. Good luck!!!

oh, and if your DH/DP is going to be there - warn him.... when you get to just before birth, you do not feel lovey dovey... not ONE...LITTLE...BIT

He remembers asking me what he could do - my response "LEAVE..........ME..........ALONE" - the midwife then gathered herself- "baby will be out soon - she's in the zone"

I agree with flamingo and that reminded me of a very, very important thing nobody told me. Sometimes epidurals don't work. If this is the case, do not let them fob you off with 'oh it's normal it still hurts a little'. It is supposed to take the pain away. If it does nothing, tell them to get the anaesthesist back to do it again!