Helpful things you wish you had known before labour/birth?

[RL20]

I'm 35 weeks and although I posted last week, I'm still terrified at the though of going into labour and giving birth! At the beginning it's almost as if brith seems like a lifetime away. I've got to come to terms with the fact that it's not very long away at all, now!
So not needing full birth stories really, and I'm aware that every birth is different!
But any advice on things you found helpful during labour, or things you wish you'd had, is greatly recieved! Thanks

Jaunty - I see what you mean. In my case my second and third births were in the water so no one on the outside has much of a clue what's going on

Yup.

Was examined at 1pm ... nothing.
1st twinge about 7pm.
Born by midnight.

...unstoppable push urge. No issue with not knowing what to do or how hard. But I tore - which in my personal case was ok and the stitches healed well.

...and if I'd been a good little NCT member and refused internal exams, she'd have been born in the waiting area. Not everyone gets the "line up the back" before pushing! Don't assume they will hurt or lead to intervention especially if you're in a birth centre or home.

Take a thermos flask of ice cubes. Lovely.

One for right now, carry spare pants and maternity pads with you everywhere from now on. Although they tell you waters mainly go during labour sometimes they can go in true Hollywood style all over the floor with no warning. But for the grace of god I was getting a checkup and not in the middle of a shopping centre when mine went plus you dribble with every step for hours afterward... Oh the shame!

HaveTeaWillSurvive - hadn't thought of that! Will pack a couple of maternity pads in my handbag just incase - and a pair of knickers!

Squizita - the thought of tearing makes me go eek although I know most people do, even if it's just slight!

Just double check they're numbing you before stitches. Honestly it was on the cusp of 3rd degree but the relief of no longer contracting and new baby excitement not a single fuck was given!
They gave me a local and stitched me (and offered gas n air but I didn't need it).

90%+ of women tear less than I did. So you could just get a no stitches graze!

In my case every labour was different.
First, no time for anything; waters broke and half an hour later baby arrived.
Second, labour for 8 hours but had a cervical suture for which I had a spinal so was in no pain but when it wore off that despite having gas and air I felt I couldn't cope; simply unbearable pain.
I learnt from this and I managed the pain a little better the 3rd and 4th time round.
Basically you can plan and prepare but mentally prepared is much more important. IYSYIM.
I'm also 35 weeks and this pregnancy has been horrendous and it's getting worse. Like a PP said I've had it this bad the labour should be easier. I'm hoping.
Good luck OP

Go with what your body tells you to do - my labour was long, and in the middle my contractions completely slowed down (just as the midwife thought I was ready to push!). I ended up napping between contractions! I think my body just needed time to recuperate before the big event.

I ended up on my back for the pushing stage (on the floor) with one midwife holding each leg. I know its not recommended, but it was the only way I could do it. The contractions completely took over my body, such that I could barely move any limbs. I remember trying to move my left leg from the floor onto the mat, and it took me about a minute! At one point the midwife and DH helped me get up onto my knees (also took forever), as I thought I should be in that position. It didn't last - I didn't have the strength to stay there, or the stability to push. I felt much more in control on my back being able to push against the midwives holding my legs.

Btw, although it was painful, it was in kind of a good way. Like when you do some serious exercise and you get an adrenaline rush. It was actually a very empowering experience overall.

Oh and in terms of what to take, the things I used most were a wet flannel, and a straw for drinking water through.

Definitely get to grips with postpartum care and healing. So many useful older threads (Google MN postpartum/after labour etc and loads come up!). Things like having a jug to pour tepid/warm water down below when you go to the toilet, witch hazel on pads, cocodamol for stronger pain relief if needed, anusol ointment (ointment! not cream!) for piles if you get them (and a lot of women do after all of that pushing and bearing down)...

Of all of those different things (and the many more besides), definitely get a jug. I took mine to hospital with me and poured water over myself for about 3-4 weeks postpartum. Helps keep everything clean and prevents possible stinging when you pee. I had an infected stitch with my first (eek) so I'm particularly wary of postpartum care now, even though I thought I was doing everything right the first time it just happened and was far worse than labour! After my second I took my jug with me everywhere Also pat dry, with flannels is good, prevent tissue fibres getting into places. I bought loads of cheap flannels just for that purpose.

If they offer you a c-section, TAKE IT. The pain goes away totally and you get to the exciting bit where you get to meet your baby straight away. I honestly don't understand why anyone would prefer to suffer such agony for potentially hours or days (or seconds...) longer in a situation where it is not necessary to do so! Recovery from the op is fast and complete and you aren't left incontinent and unable to sit down for weeks. You are still the baby's natural physical mother, you carried them inside you and supported them from your own blood for the whole pregnancy!

Best - some of us had C sections which did not turn out the way you describe - it is a major abdominal operation.

I had one CS and one forceps - forceps was by far and away the easiest recovery for me.

Agree with PP about a jug - makes it all a bit less "sting -y" also helps you feel properly clean - there can be a lot of post birth yuck...

I am one of the happiest, cheeriest people I know - everybody comments on me smiling and being laid back - I wish someone had told me about the "down" days - I cried for 2 whole days - day 3 and 4, for no apparent reason at all, I don't "do" crying, it shocked me...

Recovery from the op is fast and complete and you aren't left incontinent and unable to sit down for weeks.

Errrrm, actually it's major abdominal surgery, hence why it's only performed when absolutely necessary.

Never had a c-section, but I thought recovery was weeks ie you can't lift anything heavy for a while, can't drive.

While I think a vaginal birth can damage bladder and bowel control, the more common stress incontinence issues many women suffer are due to pregnancy NOT vaginal birth.

Yes, a vaginal birth can leave you swollen and uncomfortable - that lasted a few days for me.

I had two uncomplicated vaginal births. With my second one especially I was absolutely fine - doing the school run less than 24hrs later (it's a 10 min walk and it was a lovely day - just what I needed), I'm not incontinent!

At one point DS2 was breech and I was SO worried about needing a c-section. NO WAY is it better than an uncomplicated vaginal birth.

Open mind - totally agree. I had a very speedy delivery with DC3 and actually found lying on my back the most comfortable position, so why I wasted energy trying to get up thinking 'but mumsnet says I need gravity' I'll never know! Also for the final crowning bit I found stirrups sort gave me something to push against and really helped.
I had a brilliant midwife who I totally trusted and just put myself in her hands...

Yes, c-sections are serious (and relatively expensive for the NHS :p) and so they only get offered and performed when they might actually help and be medically better than the alternative - hence 'if they offer' a c-section to the OP.
The majority of proper horror birth stories around (rather than 'it hurts a lot and people poke you in rude areas') seem to be women who reached that point but then clung to the importance of not having the op and so ended up having all sorts of other procedures and damage, often before having to have it in the end anyway - so avoiding that by being fine with going straight to the op is my considered birth advice to the OP.

Pack twice as many maternity pads as you think you'll need! Both times I ran out at the hospital!

Enjoy it- I was panicking so much before my first but it was actually brilliant and I really enjoyed it. You never know- you might be the world's best birther!! You just haven't done it yet!

Morning RL

Regarding a birth 'plan' - it's true, you can't exactly plan too much as you don't know what is going to happen.

So really its a chance to think about your hopes/wishes for labour and put them down on paper. Some things are quite practical and for after baby has arrived (ie cord cutting, delayed cord clamping, skin to skin straight after birth etc).

If there is a problem with the baby and then need to go elsewhere, where do you want your partner to go? With the baby or stay with you? Its a good idea to think about it before hand.

For example mine said I wanted to try tens and gas and air to manage the pain, but not pethadine as I was worried about the baby being drowsy from it. I also said I was open minded about having an epidural if the pain got too much.

I also said I would like to labour in water if possible but to give birth on 'dry land'.

I also said I didn't want forceps, but really, who wouldn't?! But if the baby needs to come out quickly or is stuck then frankly needs must!!

In truth I'm not sure anyone actually read it, but its a useful exercise to go through yourself and with your birth partner.

In the end due to my baby's position the tens didn't work, gas made me sick, epidural didn't work either and I ended up with an EMCS!

But do you know what? It was fine and DS arrived safely and I was tired but totally elated.

The majority of proper horror birth stories around (rather than 'it hurts a lot and people poke you in rude areas') seem to be women who reached that point but then clung to the importance of not having the op and so ended up having all sorts of other procedures and damage, often before having to have it in the end anyway

Is that true? I guess you would need to define "proper horror birth stories".

It's not as bad as you might think OP. Lots of grunting/shouting/swearing, whatever helps you at the time. The midwives have seen it all before (and more) and will not be embarrassed at all. I had a student there and she was brilliant, she was talking to me all the time whilst the main midwife was down the business end.

DS1 shot out natural delivery 4 weeks early in under 4hours and DH missed it all (on last business trip abroad). I was in shock but up and abut a few hours later. Waters did not break, no real contractions, just a bit of a 'show'/blood loss which I had gone to the hospital to get checked out. Don't worry about going in for a check up and getting sent home again.

I am currently 37 weeks with DC2 and DH is on stand by to see it all live this time. I am just happy to have got full term this time and can't wait for baby to arrive. What is stressing me out a bit more this time is getting DS1 cared for if it all kicks off short notice again, not the actual giving birth this time as women have been doing that for 1000's of years. And you're an amazing woman who will be doing it soon too! If it gets bad, just think about that little baby in there who needs your help getting out.

Tips? Have water on hand in a sports bottle or take straws, that gas and air makes you thirsty. Take your own pillow for afterwards as hospital pillows tend to be rubbish (this can be left in the car). Also woolly socks, I got really cold feet after. Lots of disposable or cheap black pants, both normal and big in case a c-section needed (tesco full briefs).

I'd echo a lot of what has already been said. There's a lot to be said for going with the flow. For my first, I'd visualised a home birth but ended up in hospital being induced. Although I was a stubborn mare at times, I focussed on getting my baby out by whatever means necessary and had the epidural and drugs that I'd initially said I didn't want.
A bit of advice for your birthing partner is not to let you hold their whole hand, but just grip on to the first two fingers. Having your fingers crushed hurts like hell after a while!
Although it could be nice to share the pain...

RL20 I wasExactly

Don't eat a huge meal whilst in early labour at home. I did about 3 hours before we left for the hospital when I was having regular but not too painful contractions. It meant I was uncomfortable for hours once at the hospital and couldn't face even the smallest snack to keep my energy levels up :(. If I could go it again I would have some toast or something else light at home and then take some snacks to the hospital or get DH to hit the vending machines.

Labour is tiring and often starts properly in he evening or middle of the night so you get no sleep for a whole day :( So if you think you are in early labour but could still sleep have a big nap whatever the time of day to bank up some sleep for later!

Contractions hurt less whilst walking and more when lying down.

Gas and air is great and if you have ever got a bit too drunk the feeling when you have a bit much of it won't make you feel sick at all.

My plan was not to have an epidural but sometimes they are necessary (assisted delivery due to fetal distress in my case) so worth reading up on them. Very effective and quick and painless to put in. Does take a few minutes to work though.

I worried about pooing. I did, a lot in a room full of doctors and midwives and a trainee paramedic. But at the time you won't be sure you are pooing they don't mention it, they just care the baby is coming out. So not a big deal. The baby also pooed on the way out so it was a big mess :)

Fifi stele do a birth plan. Mine was wildly different to what eventually happened but right up to the end the midwives still refered to it and told the doctors I would like delayed cord clamping if possible (it was) etc. so I still got the aspects of my ideal birth that were still possible in the setting I was in which was great :)

Oh, if you get disposable pants, open them before you go to hospital to look at the size. The first lot I got were TINY, even though they were supposedly my size. Ended up with lots of cheap black pants, which are great for the weeks after birth anyway - didn't realise quite how long the bleeding lasts.

If you do tear - midwife told me tea tree oil is supposed to help with healing/no infection, you can put it on your pads. But it does smell weird.

Definitely agree with jauntynomates about involuntary mooing. Labour makes you do strange things...