PG after MC? Posifrickitivity and handholding aplenty

[WhatWillSantaBring]

Hello again - another shiny new thread for the batsh*t crazy women going through the stress and emotional rollercoaster that is being pregnant after a miscarriage.

Fingers crossed for lots of happy scans and boring pregnancies.

Hello people,

Curious about hypnobirthing but don't think it is for me. I am useless as visualisation and all that stuff. In the deep relaxation session at antenatal yoga when she does her little story bit ( imagine you are in a beautiful garden.......) my mind wanders off thinking what I am having for tea tonight etc or I just nod off!

So mother inlaw was talking about her neices yesterday and said she hoped I didn't have a girl. I was a bit taken aback. I know she is desperate for us to have the first grandson but didn't think she would be so blatant. She probably picked up on my reaction as has sent an apologetic text this morning. Not sure how to respond. DH says I should acknowledge she has been inappropriate as she needs to learn but Thinking the best thing would be to wash over it as if I hadn't thought about it. She must have been brewing on it all night.

bod that's really thoughtless of your MIL but at least she realised. I don't know how I would respond - what's your relationship like usually? Think your DH has a point about her learning to keep quiet about such opinions so don't think it would be helpful for you to reply saying 'oh doesn't matter' but equally you don't want to look like you're getting on your high horse either

I'm sure I've said before that my MIL has made no secret of her preference for boys, in the first 6 weeks of DD's life she repeatedly said (in a sympathetic voice) 'oh well, maybe you'll have a boy next time'. She hasn't spouted any such nonsense yet but if she does I'm ready to trill 'oh I'd much prefer a girl, so nice to use all of DD's dresses again!' (obviously I don't really have a massive preference, a healthy baby is complete priority but any excuse to wind her up!)

Working from home today so probably going to be on here talking far too much today, I apologise in advance!

pink I just dunno what to think abt how the hypno birthing will work when in labour so am doing it all...I figure I can tell DH to shut up if he does me head in

tom I had a back to back labour last time so went straight into contractions every few mins and couldn't sit/lie down at all so am hoping the hypno stuff will help me cope better next time....top trumps would be awesome tho, I really hope I can be distracted like that at the start this time

pixie that's how I'm looking at it, if it can keep me relaxed for a while it will have been worth it

You can probably tell I'm getting a bit stressed out abt it now it's so close

bod how is she normally? I would take the apology as it sounds sincere, we all say things before we think sometimes, sounds like she regrets it

She is Ok, says inappropriate shit all the time. like when she gave DH a book an parenting with a post it note saying "we got you this for Christmas but it didn't work out" . Dh has issues with her. I have never had much of a problem with her but there is definitely time for that. My sister-in-law has had a lot of trouble with her since they had children. she is prone to jealousy and sulking but sis in law is a bit more confrontational than me.

Just sent her a text saying its fine don't worry - doesn't matter as long as its healthy.

bod, my mil often makes silly remarks like that too. I just say, no worries, I've forgotten about it now. I dont think she does it on purpose but its still annoying all the same!

Pixi I'm getting really p'd off with people saying 'what do you already have' and when I say 2 girls the tilt their head and have a sympethic look and say 'ahh, so you really want a boy' no, I really want a baby! I've taken to saying, 'well, I've lost 6 so I dont care what it is as long as its born and alive' I really dont care.

I'm not sure I'm going to actually use hypno birthing during the labour, but I'm going to use it from about 20 weeks to calm me down and focus on deep breathing and inwardly dealing with pain. I had a very easy birth with dd1 doing just that, but dd2 I had an epidural, wasnt prepared at all and panicked lots.. It was disastrous and went badly wrong. I want to repeat the 1st experience not the 2nd!

Thanks ladies, I too thought that things are clearly very poor for a student to be so concerned, ok here's a update... I've contacted HR for feedback they sent a total of four sentences... I replied with "I think you may have sent me a partial" they returned with "this is the feedback... Is it different to what your manager had verbalised?" So I requested the notes that were made by the panel during my interview and my microteach - she replied with " we can arrange a meeting with ourselves and line manager to discuss if your unhappy"

I've forwarded the email to my union rep explaining my reasons for requesting the notes. I'm sure that they cannot refuse to pass on the notes due to the Data Protection Act

Am I overreacting? It seems very sus to me :'

Thanks ladies, I too thought that things are clearly very poor for a student to be so concerned, ok here's a update... I've contacted HR for feedback they sent a total of four sentences... I replied with "I think you may have sent me a partial" they returned with "this is the feedback... Is it different to what your manager had verbalised?" So I requested the notes that were made by the panel during my interview and my microteach - she replied with " we can arrange a meeting with ourselves and line manager to discuss if your unhappy"

I've forwarded the email to my union rep explaining my reasons for requesting the notes. I'm sure that they cannot refuse to pass on the notes due to the Data Protection Act

Am I overreacting? It seems very sus to me :'

cbeebies that sounds similar to my SIL's experience - she had a very easy and quick birth with her 2nd so completely expected the same for her 3rd, but he ended up being the hardest delivery of all because he was in a really awkward position. She went from home birth and no pain relief plan to epidural and anything going because it was so tough. It's so interesting that different births can vary so much for the same woman - think it goes to show that you just don't know until the day, you've got to emotionally prepare yourself for all eventualities.

saggy we had the DS test carried out at 12 wk scan but they couldn't get a measurement so we had bloods taken on Tues instead to test, my question is how long did you wait for your results?

Hi fod I would get that meeting set up - check your union rep can attend first so you don't have to go alone. Then they can expand on the feedback, you can ask why you can't see the notes in full, and you will be able to discuss things fully and make your concerns really clear to them. I think meeting in person is always preferable to back and forth in e-mails. It'll be hard but at least you'll be sitting down with support, and your union rep should help you prepare for the points you want to cover with them.

Hi pixie I replied to email and said that I was under the impression that I'm entitled to see all data that they hold on me in accordance with the law, they then replied with "we will send you a written response regarding your feedback" Ive asked again to see the scoring sheets etc... This seems very very odd

They have now said that this is the process they follow... Does that make it legal?

ih blimey fod I cant remember! ive just been through my calendar and the dating scan was the 9th and cvs the 19th so as I had a good weeks wait for the cvs it must have been within a day or two. A longer wait sounds promising. ..?

Thanks saggy we ummed and rrrrrrd about it but it was after reading your posts that we decided to bite the bullet it'll be a week tomorrow but my phone has been on the blink I'll assume that no news means no change for the time being

fod I don't know really understand why they won't show you I really think you need to sit down with them - it's harder for them to be evasive in person.

Totally off subject and irrelevant but

DH ATE ALL THE CHOCOLATE IN THE HOUSE!!!

I have carefully stockpiled craving stashes and I go away for one weekend and he eats it all. Apparently he didn't eat it all this weekend, it has been a gradual assault on the stash over the last couple of weeks but I am still because I needed chocolate. Now he's coming back for lunch and bringing chocolate but being all 'you're so moody' about it! I already feel secretly peeved at him for no logical reason apart from my best friend's husband treated to her to an amazing surprise dinner out for their anniversary at the weekend whereas DH never remembers our anniversary and so all that secret petty rage has been subsumed into this. I know I'm massively unreasonable He is being very good at practical support while I'm pg despite having loads of work on but he should know better than to eat my chocolate and he should book me a surprise dinner out

Romance is in short supply chez Pixie, anyone else feel the same? DH once in a while turns up with unexpected cake for me which is lovely but the last flowers I got were when I had DD 3 years ago and I can't remember him surprising me with anything (good) since we got engaged 7 years ago!! I do love him very much and we have such a good laugh but I would like to feel 'special' now and again.

at how spoilt brat I sound!!!

hi ladies, I thought I posted last night but it was very late and I probably pressed "preview message" instead of "post message". Sorry for the radio silence, I had a really busy weekend but my mum is here now and she won't let me do anything on the house so I can finally relax and concentrate on sorting out hospital bag (I've forgotten what I need to pack! Must consult a book or the web)/baby clothes.

lucky belated happy birthday for yesterday - I hope you had a fab day (it sounds like you did)

fod I am shocked by what you're going through at work, I'm sorry you're being treated this way ...so unfair!

I can't believe your in-laws didn't mention the baby saggy, that's really shitty and rude

janie your comment on the "boys" made me giggle - hilarious - I want the same during labour please!!

bod it sounds like you handled you MIL's comment really well, it pisses me off so much when people say things like that, as if girls were an inferior species...

I read the Mongan hypnobirthing book - and listened to the CDs - while pregnant with DD and even though I'm useless at visualisation and breathing techniques, it helped me be less intimidated by labour and view it as a positive experience. I'm going to re-read some parts in the next couple of weeks (obviously, I'm convinced this baby isn't coming early!)

Oh no pixie, surely eating a pg lady's choccie stash is justifiable grounds for divorce!

I just booked my first scan for next Tuesday, when I'll be 8+3, assuming nothing goes wrong in the meantime. Bricking it already

Ooh, shiny new Halloween emoticons! But they don't seem to work yet.

pixie my DH is the same - not romantic at all and never surprises me with anything...(cake, flowers or dinners out) But other than that he is wonderful and I love him very much. So I know exactly how you feel...

fod I'm pretty sure you would have heard by now if you result was high risk

fod that is appalling. I hope you can get your union rep fighting the good fight for you.

I've been having a really meh day today. I've just been feeling very tired and down for the last couple of weeks, and now the initial 'wow! twins!' feeling has passed, I just worry about how I'm going to cope. I just want to start feeling a bit more optimistic about it now.

It probably doesn't help that its turned grey and cold and rainy, or that I've got a really busy week (meeting that could really help my freelancing, DS all day Thursday because of teacher's strike (go, teachers! I'm just not looking forward to not having a nap, that's all), and finally, the 12-week scan on Friday. I'm trying to persuade the DH to take me into town early that afternoon and buy me tea and naice cake. In fact, I reckon it's practically a medical necessity, for my nerves, you see...

pixie and pentagon thankyoy

Fod you are starting this possible battle with HR from a good place. You have the union behind you. I was dependent on the CAB who did all the paperwork then dumped me to attend the tribunal alone.
Don't let all of this stuff worry you, you have a lot of legal help at hand if its needed. x

Thanks saggy I've been having work related emails all dat even whilst I was at the Drs, the last one had lots of ASAPs etc so my response was " as I'm not in today and I don't know when I shall be back in I reccomend that you deal with it yourself especially if it's a matter of urgency etc" cheeky mare!! She knows full well I'm not in!

hello. mind if I join you? I had a mc at 8-9 weeks in May and now I am pregnant again ( 6 weeks since last period, but don't really understand the dating thing!). I feel really nervous about it, don't know whether to be happy as the come down last time was awful. I think I should probably book an appt with the doc so I can have an early scan, but don't want to jynx it!

Water birthers; how long were you in the tub for? Think I may get bored/irritated/prune shrivelled after 5mins ...