should i have a babyshower in the UK? My husband says its wrong!

[brandnewmam]

I'm feeling conflicted, my mum really wants me to have a baby shower so we can get all the girls in both sides of the family together to celebrate the baby coming and to have a nice time together (she wants me to invite friends and co workers as well). However, when talking about another baby shower to some friends at work they didn't know what to do, they said they felt they needed to bring a gift to the baby shower (as its custom?) but they also felt they wanted to bring a gift when the baby was born (British custom and an excuse to see baby) tbh they were slightly complaining about this as they felt that they HAD to buy two gifts and my husband agreed with this and says i shouldn't have one as its not British custom! I don't want people to think i'm only having one because i want gifts!! Should i still throw one?

CheerfulYank you are displaying a British sense of humour today :o

"(forget all these stingy women who dont understand helping with baby expenses is a way of showing your care and love for eachother!)."

emonslemons - you are talking bollocks.

Seeing this thread in active convos reminded me that actually, the woman whose shower I recently attended DIDN'T bring a present for my ds when she visited us a few weeks after his birth. Yet her shower involved the great present opening session. Make of that what you will... !

...stingy women who don't understand helping with baby expenses is a way of showing your care and love...

Personally I'd rather they helped by doing something like coming over and making a cup of tea or a dinner or bringing copious amounts of cake after I've given birth. The emotional support invested by my friends and family is way more important than them forking out financially for my decision to have a child. I don't understand the concept that a baby is a financial responsibility that should be shared by everyone I know - I don't think that makes me stingy, or anyone else stingy, for that matter.

i'd love a baby shower but would probably say no presents if it's going to make people feel awkward - what i would love is my close friends and family (i see enough of work people at work!) some really nice tea and cake with some home-made baby themed decorations and silly games like nappy changing races on teddy bears or something like that. just really fun and no pressure for anyone, if you want it to be really English throw in a couple of cucumber sanwiches (which i also love)....if you do this can i come? no one will throw me a baby shower...

God, it's the stupid baby-related games that put me off baby showers as much as the implied obligation to buy presents. I hate enforced fun. Sitting round in someone's front room playing guess the baby photo etc. really isn't my idea of fun!

Well everyone is different, if it's your party you can decide how you want it to be and if you don't want to play silly games then you don't have to, you can do what you like. if it's someone elses party i don't think it hurts to join in for a bit or just don't go at all if you think it's going to be too awkward.

Good grief, people really have nappy-changing races at these things? Maybe it's excessively buttoned-up-Brit of me but I can't imagine participating.

I had a baby shower. I stated I didn't want gifts as I didn't know what sex my baby would be and would rather them after the baby was born. However most people bought gifts to the baby shower and not after the baby was born. It was lovely to have a get together but go out for a meal if that is the case and scrap the party. I wouldn't have one again.

i don't know what they do, i just came up with it. clearly i'm in a minority when it comes to things that i think are fun, maybe that's why i haven't got enough friends to have a baby shower with...

I personally would make excuses to avoid a baby shower/party where there were going to be 'fun' baby themed games. I cannot stand enforced participation. I avoid most hen nights for the same reason. It is my idea of a hellish weekend to play those stupid games and have to dress up in nasty fancy dress. I guess it depends what you and your friends enjoy though. If you think your friends will enjoy it, go ahead and have fun.

I called in sick to my own after hearing a giggly conversation between 2 friends and distinctly heard the word "blindfold". I think they had a good time anyway.

I went to one which was hosted by a friend of the pregnant woman. The host is Canadian, and she explained they have a (First Nations) tradition where all the women come together and sit in a circle with the pregnant woman a couple of weeks before the baby is due.

A ball of wool is passed around and all the women tie it round their wrist so they are loosely bound together. Everyone then takes it in turn to offer the pregnant woman some words of advice about becoming a mother, a prayer, a poem or a blessing. Then the wool is cut so that everyone keeps a little wool bracelet which serves to keep the woman in mind until she has given birth. So every time you catch sight of the wool on your wrist you think of her and send good wishes for the birth.

Once the baby is born, you cut the bracelet off, and there's the suggestion that you make a meal for the family and deliver it to the home (without expecting to visit until invited!)

We did give presents as part of the baby shower, but it was made clear that this was not the point of the gathering, and it was not expected.

I thought it was a really lovely thing to do.

Rushybay...this also happens in some cultures in Southern Africa.Called a Stork tea.Little homemade gifts and essentials.Mainly in small towns and guests are from ten year old girls to great grannies...the circle of life...Fabulous baking and tea/coffee only.No men or booze.Just good wishes and love.

Rushybay Love that

I'm American and hate baby showers. Grabby and me, me, me and don't get me started on those fucking games! I'd use any excuse to get out of going to them but of course, felt obligated to send a bloody gift.

They're an exercise in tedium in extremis.

Circle of life. Boak.

Wow!!....sad ,sadder, saddest...lift your leg on others customs!!!

Oh, it's not others' customs. It's custom in my native country, but I still think it's stupid.

expat Yeah big boak eh. But you know, the circle of life means something to me, because here I am with 2 DDs who have no living grandparents. So what gotthemoon actually sounds quite special to me, but something I could never have had.

I'm going to one tomorrow - sigh!

It's someone I used to work with years ago so not a close friend.

Her friend who has organised it has booked a restaurant for lunch, asked us to pay £10 towards cupcakes and games (in a restaurant?????) and suggested that yes presents would be appreciated. So will be an expensive afternoon pretending to be interested in the baby talk.

Three years ago I threw one for a very good friend who had endured multiple IVFs. It was at her house and I provided an afternoon tea for everyone and flowers / decorations. Her husband provided the alcohol (pink champagne as it was a girl) and am sure my friend said no gifts. we had a lovely afternoon.

There's a huge contrast between how guests of these two events are being treated and to be honest I'm wishing I had said I couldn't make tomorrow's shower.

Why did you agree to go, scardy? Honestly, I'd have just declined such an invite.

I like the mum to be - just don't know her that well. She is from another country so there are only around 8 people going so felt a bit compelled to accept.

It's only as the day got closer that I realised how different it was to the shower I threw and by then it was too late to back out.

I will go, spend some time with the mum to be, give my gift and leave early. I will not be playing games in the restaurant!

'what other occasion do you have for getting all the girls together like this'

Can't you just go to the pub?

noblegiraffe - the custom in this country that pays for stuff for the baby is called antenatal care and birth on the NHS plus six months paid maternity leave.

Incidentally, what are American christenings like? To me, that's where you have the big social get-together. Not that we had one for ds. Perhaps that's why the babyshower is creeping in, because the christening is less common?