Pregnant after a miscariage, totally terrified, reasurance and hand holding needed.

[StateofConfusion]

I had a mmc in December, went for a scan at almost 14wks and there was no heartbeat, it was utterly heartbreaking.

Had an erpc and got back to ttc after christmas.

Got a BFP on friday, for 5minutes i was so happy my face hurt from smiling then fear hit me straight in the face, and I've felt uneasy since.

I'm achey/dull cramps at the bottom of my stomach/around my previous c-section scars, which i remember from being pregnant with dd, and now I've 2 scars, my youngest is 3.5yo.

However this terrifies me, I've always had horrendous nausea with pregnancy, and this time, its mild, occasional sick feeling.

I know im obsessing and reading into everything, theres no reason for this pregnancy not to be sucessful but i cant relax.

Anyone else been there who can reasure me, or even if you've not and had similar symptoms.

Thanks.

also the pregnancy test when i mc was quite faint despite me being around 8wks when i tested, this test was VERY strong, ill upload pics to my profile and show the difference.

Aww hun, here to give a ((hug)). I suffered two mc before conceiving my first little one, and I was terrified until I had a scan and saw the heart beating. Try to relax and enjoy the pregnancy. I'm sure all will be fine and you will get some reassurance at your first scan.

I can relate to lots you've written. Had a mmc last October and was utterly devastated too. It was maybe more of a shock, having had two healthy pregnancies (also two c-sections, like you).

I'm currently 16 weeks and finally starting to relax. The test was also stronger this time, like yours (but had been quite faint previously and I'd had an uneasy feeling throughout).

We were petrified for a long time after finding out the good news, terrified of allowing ourselves to be too happy about it. We didn't tell anyone, just in case. Then when I had a massive bleed at 7 weeks it was a horrible mixture of grief! Fear, and kind of knowing we'd been right not to get too happy. But, through some sort of miracle, baby was fine, it had been a clot, and fingers crossed, is still doing well. It's very much day at a time, allowing ourselves little steps towards feeling pleased and talking about a future which includes baby, and so on.

Every single little twinge has been cause for panic! And it must be entirely normal after a loss. Other than the big bleed, my worst moment was when ds1 came off a roundabout in the park and ran head first in to my back, jolting me forwards I think I may have over-reacted a bit at him for that, poor thing!

You're not the only one to feel like you do. Think of it as nature's way of making sure you take extra good care of yourself and baby. Hope it works out very happily for you.

Thank you for your replies, and also sorry for your losses.

wellies I hope this pregnancy continues without a hitch and you get a healthy baby!

I felt something wasn't right the whole time before my mmc, and when they told me there was no shock I just knew.

This time I'm terrified, it doesn't seem real and I'm preparing myself for the worst, but that's self preservation, I hope! And I have visions of the same happening all over again.

It is so reasuring to know other people have felt like this.

I too have over reacted at the dcs, they're 3 and 4 and the 3yo never sits still and often ends up kicking elbowing etc when having a cuddle, I'm trying very hard to stay calm. Eat well, rest, do everything right.

I thought a BFP would be the end of it, that I'd feel happy again, but I'm stupidly anxious.

We've told our parents this time as we didn't before, trying to make it all different iyswim.

Thank you both again,

I am so sorry for your loss, I could have almost written your post for myself. I had a mmc in December and also found out on Friday that I am now expecting again. I was so excited as have been obsessing over ttc over the last 4 months but then it suddenly hit me that it all went wrong last time and what if it did again.

I read far too much on the Internet about things that can go wrong and I don't think I can stop this obsessing. I have 2ds 2&4 and I am so conscious of their elbows and knees and such. I am petrified so if you want some hand holding then maybe we can hold each others hand over the next few weeks?

That would be great Dino congratulations, and sorry for your loss also. It really helped me when i was dealing with the mmc to speak to people going through the same, so would be really helpful now also.

I never expected to feel so mixed up, i expected that BFP to bring extreme happiness and wash the pain away, and it did for 5minutes, then i had a shower and as i got out it hit me, what if... I'm repeating in my head, there is NO reason for it happen again, just because it happened once, doesnt mean it will again!

I have been achey and twingy in the bottom of my stomach but i have two section scars and being paranoid is probably making me notice things i wouldnt usually!

I went to google but slapped my own wrist and backed away, i spent 2wks googling my pregnancy symptoms before braving up to get a HPT and sent myself crazy.

The thing thats making me the most anxious is with dd and ds i had horrid nausea, this time i get the odd wobble, and then its gone, very tired and tender boobs but thats it, Im almost desperate for strong horrid symptoms but i had them before and lost the baby, this could easily send you doo lally hey!

I had a mc in October, then conceived 2 weeks later. I am now 25 weeks and baby seems to be doing well. My early pregnancy was really emotionally difficult though, it was as if I had just got used to not being pregnant, and then I had to get my head around being pregnant again. I was in denial for a good while (didn't book in until 11 weeks) and quite depressed in my first trimester.
The scans helped, I think I was convinced I was going to lose this one too, so actually seeing him there all healthy made a huge difference.
I think anything you can do to connect with your baby is a big help, a good nurturing pg yoga class can be a real help.
I hope you start to feel better soon!

Stateofconfusion - I'm pretty sure I had twinges around my scars too at the start this time, if that's any reassurance to you. Must be part of the stretching?

I know exactly how you are feeling. I had a MC at 11 weeks in September and then got a BFP at the end of January. I spent weeks feeling petrified. I had awful AF pains the night before I tested. I didnt expect it to be positive at all but the absence of AF that morning confused me. I was really expecting it to arrive overnight.
I had an early dating scan at 8 weeks and then another scan at 12 weeks. I'm now almost 18 weeks and have started to feel movements.

I still can't relax though. I'm petrified. I have 2 dd's and had 2 MC's and this pregnancy has been fine... other than strong AF pains.

I really hope the next few weeks pass quickly and easily for you. What you are feeling is normal. Sending you lots of love xxx

Thank you nanny it really really helps hearing sucess stories, congratulations! Love the idea of yoga but Im a sahm to a 3yo who still hasn't got a place in preschool/nursery whole other thread, I've been contemplating walking with her though, just for the sake of walking and clearing my head, we live near a lovely lake so could incorperate feeding some geese!

wellies that is reassuring, dp asked if i could remember having them with dd and i thought i did then couldnt be sure, i didnt with the mmc, so im hoping having the exact opposite is good

melted i had the AF pains too, which i rarely get but at 2weeks late i couldn't deny it any longer, glad things are going well, congratulations.

Did any of you have trouble feeling pregnant, i just feel like me, bit of a wobble in my tummy ocassionally/mild nausea bit tired and irritable but not that 'oh wow im pregnant' ive had before, Im guessing its nerves.

I've booked in with the midwife this morning and they're visiting me on the 4th, im going to beg for a scan i think!

Thank you all, it really helps x

In some ways it has sunk in, i said something the other day, (we are gaurdian to my much younger siblings) and said to my mum something like, dont be daft im not ready to care for 5 children, id added the baby in without even realising, and i also have this subconsious (sp) thing about another boy? its most strange but i find it slightly comforting.

I had a mmc many (well 14) years ago. I conceived dd1 3 months later. The first pregnancy I felt really nauseous (although wasn't actually sick) then the second I didn't suffer at all, in fact if anything I was starving all the way through and I felt brilliant. DD is now a lively 13yo, third pregnancy I felt ill again, same as the first and now have a 10yo dd. I put it down to (not feeling poorly with dd1) the fact that my body was used to the pregnancy hormones and it wasn't such a shock to the system. Just my take on it though, don't have any medical knowledge as such.

I know and remember well what a worrying time it is.

thank you dlady thats how i feel, always hungry, feel a bit wibbly after eating but thats short lived!

I am feeling a bit more positive hearing everyones stories, I even managed to talk bedroom arrangements with dp once the baby arrives

Hi all, sorry for your losses and congratulations. I have had 2 MMCs in the last 18 months and am now 28.4 weeks and all seems to be going well, I completely understand and early pregnancy is especially hard, but there is hope and looking back its now gone really fast to get to this stage, just try to focus on the positives and remember that every pregnancy comes with aches and pains, but also harass your midwife and gp if you have to and put your mind at rest and mumsnet is great as well. Good luck xxx

thanks jezza congratulations and also sorry for your losses, I have everything crossed this is my time xx

omg. girls this is exactly how I am feeling, I had a mmc and a d&c on the 23rd of December I was 2 days off 12 weeks, I am now 10 weeks and 3 days. had a scan 2 weeks ago and saw the baby heartbeat an all but its very little reassurance cause I saw the heart beat last time.
I feel ridiculously tired and sick so can't even ignore that I am pregnant.
I really hope everything is ok for you all xx

welcome swansea glad so far things are good and also sorry for your loss, i found it very hard happening at christmas time, do you have any other dc?

fingers crossed for healthy pregnancys and babies for us all xxx

thanks hun got 2 ds 7 & 2 bit of a hand full really worry bout elbows and feet. haven't told my eldest yet cause we made the mistake of telling him last time and it was heart breaking having tell him why mommy was so upset :( xx

Hey there :) I also had a mmc on December 2nd and a d&c, and I am now 13 weeks pregnant again. I also have a ds aged 3. I have to say that I have stressed my way through my first trimester! I had pains for a couple of weeks around 5 weeks, some bleeding at 6 weeks, two urinary tract infections, and then the nausea started at 7 weeks - even the nausea didn't reassure me, neither did the scan at 7 and a half weeks! Unfortunately when you've been through a mc it is hard not to fear the same happening again, despite statistically there being a higher chance of the pregnancy all going fine than otherwise. Not everyone gets morning sickness, and every pregnancy is different - try not to let the absence of any symptoms you might have expected worry you too much. Some ligament pains are common in early pregnancy but if it persists, take a urine sample to your GP to rule out a urinary tract infection. Mine presented with just pain and no actual urinary symptoms. I really hope that everything continues smoothly for you, feet up and try to relax when possible! xxx

Swanseamum, I know what you mean about telling your other dc. We told ours, 8 and 3, as soon as we knew last time...and then ds1 went to school and told the whole school in assembly!! So everyone had to be told that we'd lost the baby. But in a way, it was ok because everyone was ever so kind and loads of parents and teachers came up to talk with me about it and tell me about when it had happened to them, sort of reassuring, in a sad way, to know that it is so common, a big sad secret. The worst thing though was bumping in ti another mum who had almost the same due date as me, seeing her get bigger every time.

This time, we waited until we'd had a scan to tell ds1 and only quite recently told ds2.

Hi guys, it's definitely encouraging to hear a few success stories! You're right stateof it really is enough to send you mad. Every twinge, pain seems tenfold because I am kind of looking for them.

There should be a law that pregnant people should not be able to use google, during the 2ww I was googling like mad but think if I had said I had a broken foot it would be somehow connected to early pregnancy. And now every little thing that could be anything is being googled. I think it is normal to have a few stretchy pains in the lower stomach just where things are stretching to make room.

My dsis had a mmc in 2011 and got pregnant before her next period and now has a beautiful DS, so there is another success story. Here's to lots of healthy pregnancies. It's ally weird telling you guys that I'm pregnant as no one in rl knows although my dsis is on here and knows my nickname so I may have just outed myself. Oops

mummy i think i love you for this comment "despite statistically there being a higher chance of the pregnancy all going fine than otherwise" i had no idea i was believing the exact opposite! thank you!

I wish i could tell me dcs they are mad on babies and dd always has a blanket stuffed up her top, and they both frequently ask for a baby!

i have everything crossed this one sticks and is healthy and strong. Im going to start taking 75mg of asprin as that can help too.

Hi, can I hold hands too? I am now 5 weeks pg having had 2 mc, 1st was between dcs and 2nd was this time last year. Just like you, I felt happy and excited for a few mins after positive hpt (especially as it seems to take us on average 2 yrs to conceive) but now just feel sad about prospect of it not working out. Just like Swansea, we saw the heartbeat before and so assumed all would be fine but when we went back for 12 week scan there was no heartbeat. Mc and ERPC were just so heartbreaking.

I keep alternating between plan a, harass dr/midwife etc for scans etc and plan b, sit in the corner with my eyes closed until 12 week scan.
What's BFP?

Sorry to hear you have all experienced such sadness but thank you for your words of hope. I will keep watching this thread and hope to hear lots of positive outcomes.
Big hugs to all.

hi WL Bfp is big fat positive pregnancy test.

its scary isnt it, i feel exactly as you do. its horrible isnt it! hugs and cake for you too xx

Ha! Well in that case I've had 3 already! I know it won't make any difference but seeing that line appear is reassuring.

Def up for cake! X