Pregnant after a miscariage, totally terrified, reasurance and hand holding needed.

[StateofConfusion]

I had a mmc in December, went for a scan at almost 14wks and there was no heartbeat, it was utterly heartbreaking.

Had an erpc and got back to ttc after christmas.

Got a BFP on friday, for 5minutes i was so happy my face hurt from smiling then fear hit me straight in the face, and I've felt uneasy since.

I'm achey/dull cramps at the bottom of my stomach/around my previous c-section scars, which i remember from being pregnant with dd, and now I've 2 scars, my youngest is 3.5yo.

However this terrifies me, I've always had horrendous nausea with pregnancy, and this time, its mild, occasional sick feeling.

I know im obsessing and reading into everything, theres no reason for this pregnancy not to be sucessful but i cant relax.

Anyone else been there who can reasure me, or even if you've not and had similar symptoms.

Thanks.

Oh wellies, I understand that my sil --who has been a complete bitch about our mmc-- is due a few weeks after my duedate would have been, so I'm dreading the announcement, luckily we live far enough apart that I've avoided her since november, and long may that continue.

I just can't, no matter how hard I try close my eyes and imagine a positive scan, it always switches to a, "I'm so sorry" even though the past few days I've felt quite positive.

Stateof. that is exactly how I feel too I am exactly were I was last time (11 weeks and 5 days) today when I had that news and had a d&c. I feel constantly agitated and stressy. I thought hearing the heartbeat would make a difference but it hasn't. its going to be the longest week ever. I can just feel the heart break and can't bare it. The nightmares keep coming. my mmc. baby was due in July don't know how I will feel when I get there. xx

Im so glad i have everyone here to share with, it really helps me knowning I'm not alone. Kind of comforting.

My dd was 10th June, I'll be 12weeks on the 1st June which is also the first day of half term, so if my scan is bad news it is the worst possible time.

Stay strong swansea there is no reason why these little beans wont stay strong with us! xx

That's good news Swansea just a week to go, will be thinking of you.
state really hope your apt on fri goes well and that you get a quick scan. At the moment I feel that I am def going to ask for an early scan because in a negative frame if mind, if things are going wring then the sooner I know the better, and anything positive is...well just positive really!

My boobs were so sore during the night that they woke me up every time I turned over! Today I'm worrying that I don't have symptoms. I keep telling myself that lots of people have no symptoms and I didn't really with dc1 but any excuse to worry, I'm sure you all know exactly what I mean!

Need to try to focus on wonderful dcs I've already got and making their upcoming birthdays special.
Have peaceful nights all. X

WL i have the same symptoms come and go. Boobs are fine when i have a bra off, when its off i ache. Even a shower is painfull. I worry when i have symptoms i worry when i don't.

I'm hoping i have a nice midwife who i can actually tell how i feel, I'm not so phased about a really early scan, but 11wks latest as if its bad news i want it over before half term, sorry that sounds so harsh, i cant help but think that way.
Its strange because i do feel positive, but then i don't its hard to understand and try and explain.

I'm doing the same trying to think about ds' birthday, he is 5 in July, i just feel like im on pause until i 'know' whats happening.

Hi everyone - have had a look through the thread and am so sorry for the losses you've all experienced. Losing a baby is so hard... I'm wondering if I can have a little hand hold for a short while - I'm 20w pregnant (today) with #DC1, after a MMC last year (baby died unexpectedly at 14w after a normal 12w scan) and also this current pregnancy began as twins but I had a MMC with one twin that was picked up at my 12w scan.

I have my next scan next week. Signs seem to suggest that the pregnancy is going well - flutterings in my stomach, have ligament pain, lower back ache... and a noticeable bump. But I am really frightened. I have started to torture myself about my scan - that I will find out that the baby has died, or that it is severely disabled etc. It's like I can't believe I could be 'lucky' enough to be pregnant with a healthy baby.

Any advice for how to keep the nerves in check and try and remain positive? I'm getting myself quite worked up. Perhaps I should call my midwife, but I don't want to be a drama queen or anything... not sure what to do to keep calm. I am delighted to be pregnant - this is a very longed for baby - but I don't want to spend the whole time worrying if I can help it!

beans I think we all here understand what's happening in your head right now. I certainly do. I have no useful strategies for you, but to keep busy, keep your mind occupied with other things if you possibly can. Easier said than done! Anyway, squeeze my hand if it helps.

bonzo thank you so much - appreciate the hand! Doing my best to be brave, but sometimes it's not as easy as it looks is it?!

I've found one of the hardest parts of MC is how it affects you in subsequent pregnancies. I've got three friends due in the weeks around me - and I see how excited they are for each scan, how they are merrily buying little baby things, whereas I feel I'm kind of sitting in the corner waiting for things to go wrong again. I need to work on that positive mental attitude! xx

Well, I'm mostly walking round with my fingers in my ears chanting "I can't hear you" to the worried thoughts. I know what you mean about the mc affecting your attitude to a subsequent pg. we're protecting ourselves from more heartbreak. Or trying to. And I know that all the scans could be fine and still something go wrong. I worry myself sick just thinking about it.

Oh beans I'm so sorry to hear that you've had such a horrible time. Please do come and hold hands here, I for one am finding it very comforting. I wouldnt think you are being a drama queen at all if you phone your midwife and ask for extra reassurance appointments, or indeed for extra scans. Glad to hear all the signs are good but I know exactly how you feel, it's really hard to relax until you can really feel the baby moving. Have you thought about buying/renting a Doppler for home? I thought about with dc2 ( after my 1st mc) but decided the likelihood was that I would become obsessed so didn't but may be worth a thought. Fingers crossed it all keeps going well, keep us posted! X

Bonzo I need to adopt more of that attitude! I annoy myself that I let those worried thoughts creep in so often and I can't take charge of myself a bit better.

My DH suggested that when I start to get paranoid thoughts, that I rationalise them in my head and think through the arguments for and against. So when I think 'there will be something terribly wrong with the baby' I have to go through the pros and cons for this argument - the cons always massively outweigh the pros and sometimes that helps me - maybe it would help you too? x

Thanks WLmum I appreciate it - I did weaken and rang her in the end and she's suggested I get an emergency GP appointment tomorrow morning and come in (she's working at another clinic tomorrow) and hopefully hearing the baby's HB will help me relax a bit... I have thought about the doppler - my friend has one - but I think I'd be the same as you - so have steered clear... so far! x

Hi beans, so sorry for your losses

For me I do a lot of positive thinking, eyes shut and imagine a positive outcome, the desired end result, a happy healthy baby. Also keeping busy, books, films, visiting family who are oblivious to the angst and fear and there excitement rubs off on me. That said Nothing is getting me past the complete fear of the scans.

bonzo has it covered really, that's how I feel.

Midwife tomorrow!

EPU just called with appointment for scan on tuesday week when I will be 6+4. Excited but very scared too. And have a private scan 2 weeks later. Get all adrenaline-y thinking about it.

Thanks State - hope all goes well for you tomorrow, and Bonzo great news about the scan, let us know how you get on.

MW also suggested I do antenatal yoga to help me relax - so am starting a class on Tuesday. Will let you know if that's any help!

Awe beans you have been through hell and my.heart goes out to you.
I know how. stressful and exhausting it is worrying all the time. Even the reassurance of hearing the heartbeat couldn't ease my mind. my mw wants me to increase my citalopram again cause I keep having nightmares about my anxiety but I know that I will only stress about that too.
call your mw you have every right to be worried even though you know it isn't good for you. if she is any good maybe she could see you more often to help you deal with your stress take care xx
Good news bout your scan bonzo x

Good news about the scan bonzo fingers crossed after tomorrow ill hear about mine.

I hope yoga helps beans, I'd been looking at somthing like that but the local school has removed dd from the nursery intake in september for someone with 'greater need' translated as a social worker involved. So ill now be traveling 20miles a few days a week to a preschool in the next town by choice I know but dd is the spoilt baby of the family and adjusting to a new baby will be hard for her, made worse if a month after its born she starts nursery.

Worrying bad, had a horrendous dream, looked in the toilet to see a small perfectly formed baby, but there was no blood, woke up crying. Really freaked me out :(

But for today I am pregnant.

And bizarely craving cold mineral water, tap won't do.

Yuk horrible dream :-(
Good cravings though, fizzy mineral water was my only craving with dc1

I've been feeling a bit nauseous today and a bit weird/slightly dizzy which I'm taking as a good sign :-)

Hey everyone, hope all is well. Just popping on for some hand holding, am now 7 weeks and have booked a private scan for Saturday, when I'll be 7.4 Last time I started the MMC at 8 weeks, but the baby had died at 5/6 weeks so I'm feeling very very nervous. In fact, I'm dreading it. Can't summon up any positive feelings at all... I'm convinced that I don't have any symptoms, other than PMT type tetchyness and sore boobs. I'm sorry to bum you out but not feeling it at all today . It helps to know I'm not the only one. state and wellies I know what you mean about past due dates. One of my very best friends is due when I was in July. Which is also the start of the Olympics, as if I need any more reminders (had innocently planned BFing whilst watching the synchronised swimming and whatnot, imagine). Miscarriage messes with your mind a bit doesn't it.

Hi noclue it sure does . Not long til Saturday, fingers crossed. Will be thinking of you. X

hi noclue, I'm sure we were on a thread around the time of our mcs. Hoping this thread has a happier outcome for all of us. It's rotten when friends have due dates when ours "should" have been. My cousin is due 4 days after I was. OTOH I desperately wanted to be pg before that due date came round, which we both are, so that's a little glimmer of something, hope maybe? At least we can get pregnant. Oh it's so natural to feel nervous, I don't know how one can hold it together going to a scan in these circumstances.

state what a truly horrible dream. I firmly believe that dreams reflect what is happening in your head, not what is going to happen. So your dream was a nasty, graphic way of reflecting your darkest most difficult thoughts, not an omen.

beans I went to an antenatal yoga class. It so wasn't for me. One lady farted loudly early on and that was me in hysterics for the rest of the class. Have you looked at any hypnobirthing stuff? I had a read last time and i think (but cannot really remember) that there seemed to be a lot of focus on not engaging the brain too much and allowing your body to do it's job, useful in pregnancy in general, not just giving birth.

WL I've got the dizziness here, worse when tired. I Had it with DS, before I knew I was pg. Kept thinking I had picked up a tropical disease on honeymoon! I didn't have it with the pg I mc'd.... Not much nausea, just the odd wave, very thirsty all the time, occasional sore boob. I want to feel sick all the time. It would be so reassuring!

WL i get alot of dizzyness did with ds and dd also, mention it when you see a mw as it could be bp related, mine wasnt but better to be safe.

noclue good luck with the scan we all understand how you feel and will be thinking of you saturday, i have days of deep misery and feeling low and cant pull up a positive thought, its normal, we have lost our innocence and yes miscarriage does mess your mind up, BUT there is no reason for our new beans not to be fine, healthy and stick!

My symptoms arent consuming like with past pregnancys, but it makes me wonder if i made them more severe, whereas this time im making them less, does this make sense? My boobs aching and peeing more is the most reliable one, although if left alone they feel fine iyswim. I fret over not having symptoms and i fret when i do.

My mantra is, Today i am pregnant, that is all i can be sure of for now.

x post bonzo im loling at your yoga experience i would have lost control also.

When pregnant before my mmc i had this sense of impending doom, i was expecting what was said to me at that scan, i cant explain it, but i was. It didnt alter the shock and pain but i expected it in some way. This time im anxious and can't get past the scan in my head BUT i feel generally more positive, and me and dp speak often of the baby and our plans, it helps and i smile more.

Im pretty sure i will cry on scan day, and possibly be sick several times before going in

Thanks everyone. Not very mumsnet, but here's a big xxx to you all.