Support thread for 'late' potty-trainers and/or gentle/slow training?

[badchat]

DD has just turned 3. We've had a potty for a year. I've been reading potty books, talking about using potty/toilet etc. for months and months, and watching and waiting for signs of readiness. So far nothing. She shows no awareness of doing a wee or a poo, or of needing to. She has been uninterested in, or hostile to, the potty and knickers up until recently, and she doesn't seem to mind having a dirty nappy at all. Also, up until quite recently she would sometimes wake with a poo in her nappy.

She is meant to be starting at a nursery/pre-school in mid-September, which will require her to wear knickers, although if she is not potty trained they say they will work with me to try and help.

So, for the past few weeks I've been getting her used to sitting on the potty, e.g. regular reading on the potty after breakfast. For the past week stepped it up to wearing knickers or nothing for a few hours a day as well (she asks for nappies quite quickly and I encourage her to stay with knickers but if she gets upset I don't want a power struggle over it so I go back to nappies).

So far, nothing in the potty, just a few wees on the floor. She says she doesn't know when she is about to go.

I am trying to stay positive - we have moved on at least from refusing potty/knickers to giving them a go. But I am finding it really difficult - I am worried about her going to nursery and having a horrible time being worried about it, or being teased. My sister is very disapproving and seems to think that it is my fault she isn't potty trained yet. I have mentioned it to a few friends and they have responded with slight shock, and e.g. "oh, x was dry before she was 2"... I don't know a single other person in RL who is struggling or has struggled with potty training - everyone seems to tell me that their kid wanted to train, or responded quickly to adult-led training.

Anyway, sorry this is so epic. Just hoping some of you out there are in same kind of position and will come and huddle here for support!

Hi, just wanted to update that it seems my DD does have an ongoing uti. Despite the health "professionals" telling me there was no secondary uti, and refusing to give another round of antibiotics,I persuaded them to culture the urine, and lo and behold, there was another infection and she is now back on antibiotics and no wet pants straight away again. They have said that if the same Pattern happens after this round then she may be put on low dose prophylacticly. So, only what I suggested about 2 weeks ago but hey ho...

papyrus I wonder if it's worth getting your DD checked out as mine also always said she didn't know she was going to do it, it's almost like the message doesn't get through.

dice, I'm sorry to hear about the UTI, but at least the professionals are now listening!

Meanwhile, for the first time ever, DS DID A SHIT IN THE POTTY!!!

More or less unprompted too. I don't mind if he doesn't repeat it for a while either, it's 100% better than we've had so far.

Excellent!! That is brilliant... jeez, how sad has life become when these are the things we are celebrating, but I'm totally with you!!

Hi all! My dd is almost 3 and becomes very aggressive and upset when I even mention the potty. She will up without nappies but will just hold it then have a huge accident.... Where to start?! Nice to know you aren't judgey as people in real life are.

Hello badger! Welcome to our faintly pee smelling thread. With my vast experience of toilet training maybe your DD isn't ready yet? Maybe leave off for a month or so (but leaving the potty where she can see it)? And you'll need to develop the hide of a rhino, obviously.

dice, yes it's a bit tragic really! Never thought I'd talk about excrement quite so much....

Just wanted to say that DD was 3.9 and I was wondering if it would ever happen and whether I would ever think about anything other than wee and poo. It happened because she decided, and frankly I'd been banging my head against a wall to no purpose whatsoever before then.

Hooray for the poo!

Please send poo vibes my way, if you can :)

No poo vibes here, I'm afraid. I took DS to the GP to talk about the problems he's been having. She asked me to look at the Bristol Stool Chart (a chart of poo! Who knew?) to show her what his doings look like, and when I pointed to number 2 (arf) she said that meant he was constipated. Movicol ahoy. He's not pinched one off since Sunday, so the poor little chap must be bunged up to the eyeballs just now. The prescription will be ready tomorrow so I'd better batten down the hatches for a tsunami!

Have just picked up DS's Movicol prescription. I read the patient information leaflet and came across this little gem. Bearing in mind that the medicine is to be used for "children aged 2 to 11 years".

"Movicol Paediatric Plain can be given during pregnancy and whilst breast feeding. If your child is pregnant, trying to become pregnant or breast feeding, ask your pharmacist or doctor for advice..."

Hello all,

I have good news. DD is using potty (and even toilet) for wees. She's doing really well. Have even been out and about and she has been doing well at pre-school too. Only problem is poo - she wants to use potty but every time she sits down she springs back up again saying that it won't happen now, eventually poos in knickers. I'm sure we'll sort it soon.

I used a combination of rewards and being kind of aloof; in that I don't remind too much. She seems much happier now as I think she feels she's in control.

She was even dry overnight last night.

Quite honestly I'm gob-smacked it's worked out after our previous attempts. Good luck to everyone else.

Fish - that really made me laugh. And feel quite scared too.... Who thought that advice really was required?

I looked at the below link last week. Helped me to stick with it...

2point5kids.com/articles/parenting-potty-training-tips-for-stubborn-children-that-work/

Great news papyrus! Really pleased that you're making such good progress.

DS is now shifting after several doses of Movicol, which is good. Less good is that he's still doing it in his pants, and now it's all softer it's harder to shake out down the cludgie. Ah well, you win some, you lose some...

Had to laugh yesterday though. I was trying to work out why DD (aged 18 months) had sopping wet socks which smelled of wee, while the rest of her was dry. When I went into the bathroom, I realised. I'd forgotten to empty DS's potty (it's one of those padded jobs with a bowl insert, which you lift out to empty). DD had emptied the cold wee all over the bathroom floor, and then jumped up and down in it - probably pretending it was a puddle. She likes jumping in puddles.

Thanks Fishandjam - Good news about your DS, hopefully things will continue to improve.

It's still going well here. Apart from poos; she's finding that all quite difficult.

Understand about the younger sibling and potties. DD2 is obsessed with the potty chair. Always taking it apart and putting the padded seat or insert bit somewhere else. The other day she was walking around with padded seat in her mouth! I'm hoping she will be easier to train as she's showing such an interest already.

I am so pleased to have found this thread!!
I have been really struggling with getting my ds dry. He's 3years, 3 months and has been wearing pants for around 6 months now and we'd been coping with the odd accident or bad day but I just feel as though we're going backwards again.
We've been able to take him out and he tells us when he wants to wee but never poo. The last 2 days he's wet and soiled his pants apparently without caring. I have caught him crossing his legs so I think he may be a little constipated and is holding it. No matter what I say about it being better out, he refuses to tell me he needs to go. It's got to the stage where I can smell poo, I ask him if he's been and he says no when he has.
Reading your comments though, has just made me realise he's probably telling me no because he's ashamed.
I'm just so frustrated with the whole thing I'm wondering g whether to go back to pull-ups? That just feels like I'm going backwards though, especially when he was doing so well in his pants! We've tried a sticker chart, rewards, bribery, everything! It's got to the point where I'm so sick of soiled pants and so frustrated with it all, myself and my OH are arguing about it.
I started potty training when his nursery suggested it but I'm wondering whether he was actually ready!
Has anybody here started again having worn pants got so long?
X

I'm honestly no expert Moosey, but all I have read suggests backing off when they get older and are training or having issues. Perhaps stop reminding him. He'll have an accident but should then take responsibility not to have another - well that's the theory. I looked up potty training resistance for some ideas. And link posted above might help. I don't know about going back to pull-ups - but, I'm sure you'd be able to get him out of them again. Good luck !

Rejoining the thread. My DD1 is 3.4 and we've not tried a full on pt attempt yet as she has been so utterly against the idea, if toilets were mentioned she'd wake crying with nightmares. Nursery decided they knew best and eventually I had to tell them firmly to back off.

She has development delay and if I could wait over two years to hear her say just one word I figured I could wait a while to pt. But when her 20mo cousin cheerfully showed off her new pants yesterday and I saw my DD1's face crumble I decided enough was enough.

So today she made her poo face as I was serving up lunch, I swiped her off her feet and plonked her on the loo. Bribed her to stay there with promises of pretty pink princess pants and feck me she pooped. Then after her nap I said it was time for a wee and I read her a book and after that I discovered a mammoth poo (which reinforces my thoughts she was withholding) ans she did another wee on the loo tonight before bed.

She been in pullups for months as nursery requested them, and we have done loads and loads of talking about poo, wee, nappies, toilets etc ans although I don't hold out huge hope that we've cracked it after only half a day I do feel better for having at least started.

She is literally the only child I know not pt, other than babies and the looks I get from others and the advice too has made my blood boil.

Welcoming people either joining or returning to the thread. I hope that this is a safe place to talk about these woes - I certainly need it myself!

Sympathies for the judgy looks. Why is potty training/slower potty training such a competitive subject amongst parents? Mastering the process of eating with cutlery is probably just as complex, but you never hear parents talking about that...

Hi I've lurked on here from time to time as DS (2.10 at the time) was hostile to anything pant / potty related. He would do a poo and sit in it for ages if I hadn't smelt it.

Anyway I wanted to share with you all our experience. He went from pant and potty hostility one day to ready to start potty training a few day later. I'm not entirely sure how but I just 'knew' this time that he was ready. It's been 3 and a half weeks and it's been a breeze. I've been so laid back and it all just happened so naturally.

Loads of accidents at the start - weeping on potty but not pulling pants down - pants down - poo in potty - peeing in potty when out and about - peeing and pooing on toilet when out.

It just shows that when they are ready it can be so easy!

Good luck to all.

Weeing on potty not weeping! there has been no weeping!

I should also say that I didn't keep asking if he needed to do a pee as it annoyed him so much. He would get a choc button for 'sitting and trying' at certain times throughout the day but no reminding other than that. He seemed to learn from each accident / set of accidents.

Thanks papyrus02 I've decided to persevere with the pants as he happily takes himself to the toilet when he needs to pee. I'm just going to completely back off. No reminders, nothing. If he has an accident I'm just going to clean him up and carry on. I've got a new reward chart, that he chose too so hopefully that will help.
Failing that, a friend has suggested some mild laxatives to stop him withholding. I'd like to think I've tried everything else first though.
Wish me luck! :)

Moosey, Good luck! Apples or pears are a good natural laxative. I give DD some apple or apple purée when I know she's withholding. Those organix tubes of purée are quite good - boots do them. Or some apple juice.

The less I remind DD the better she gets at working it out for herself and getting to loo/potty on time.

I've just sat reading this in tears (of relief), that other people are in a similar situation. My DS is is 3.2 and in the last couple of days has shown a very minimal interest in sitting on the toilet with training seat after 2 failed attempts in last 8-10 months. (Caught 1 wee in last 2 days and still lots of refuals to try toilet and asking for nappy back on). Still convinced he actually knows when he needs to go etc. Had 3 sits on toilet in past 2 days and period with nappy happily off today. That is a break through from a little boy who wouldn't even not have trousers off when we first started. Feeling MASSIVE PRESSURE from family and peers who all have trained DC's of same age and worry about development generally etc as a result. Not sure what to do next. Do I gradually increase nappy off time go for broke tomorrow and whip nappy off all day? (I also have an 18 month old DC which makes long period sat on loo challenging). SO STRESSED!!!

So, went with nappy off all day. All accidents, poo and wee. One wee accident minutes prior to refusal to try sitting on toilet. A couple of successful toilet sits whilst read a story and bribery of chocolate button afterwards. Decided to leave and try again after Christmas. It's so difficult. Feel embarrassed when we're in public and people see he's still in a nappy!