Support thread for 'late' potty-trainers and/or gentle/slow training?

[badchat]

DD has just turned 3. We've had a potty for a year. I've been reading potty books, talking about using potty/toilet etc. for months and months, and watching and waiting for signs of readiness. So far nothing. She shows no awareness of doing a wee or a poo, or of needing to. She has been uninterested in, or hostile to, the potty and knickers up until recently, and she doesn't seem to mind having a dirty nappy at all. Also, up until quite recently she would sometimes wake with a poo in her nappy.

She is meant to be starting at a nursery/pre-school in mid-September, which will require her to wear knickers, although if she is not potty trained they say they will work with me to try and help.

So, for the past few weeks I've been getting her used to sitting on the potty, e.g. regular reading on the potty after breakfast. For the past week stepped it up to wearing knickers or nothing for a few hours a day as well (she asks for nappies quite quickly and I encourage her to stay with knickers but if she gets upset I don't want a power struggle over it so I go back to nappies).

So far, nothing in the potty, just a few wees on the floor. She says she doesn't know when she is about to go.

I am trying to stay positive - we have moved on at least from refusing potty/knickers to giving them a go. But I am finding it really difficult - I am worried about her going to nursery and having a horrible time being worried about it, or being teased. My sister is very disapproving and seems to think that it is my fault she isn't potty trained yet. I have mentioned it to a few friends and they have responded with slight shock, and e.g. "oh, x was dry before she was 2"... I don't know a single other person in RL who is struggling or has struggled with potty training - everyone seems to tell me that their kid wanted to train, or responded quickly to adult-led training.

Anyway, sorry this is so epic. Just hoping some of you out there are in same kind of position and will come and huddle here for support!

[GalaxyDefender]

I think I'll come and hang out with you guys, DS is making me tear my hair out.

He's 3.3yo and just doesn't care. His key worker at nursery agrees, he just isn't bothered about being wet. It is infuriating, especially because he quite likes using the toilet!
He doesn't seem to know when he needs to go either. We tried pants again yesterday after giving him a break from trying, and it just didn't work. I think he holds it in until he can't anymore, then just goes without thinking about it ...

Some of your stories are heartening, though. I know he'll get there in the end, and we're definitely not pushing him, but I could really use the extra money from not buying nappies anymore

[Papyrus02]

It's so good to read this thread. My dd is 3 and nearly 6 months. She would rather use a nappy than a toilet/potty.

5 weeks ago it seemed there was a breakthrough and she asked to wear knickers and use potty - was successful for a day. This was a Sunday. Next day (Monday) started well but after morning at preschool she seemed to be less keen on knickers and potty, as she had had a few accidents. The next day there were more accidents and she asked to go back to nappies. Tried lots of encouragement but she was adamant that she preferred her nappy. She was quite tearful and I didn't want to push it. Previous attempt to train had resulted in painful constipation. Furthermore, I knew I didn't want to push it as she likes to have something to be defiant about. IYKWIM.

Was hoping to try next week in half term... But she's ill at the moment and I'm hoping that she's better by the weekend so we can try again.

She knows when she's weeing and pooing - she tells me. But suggestions of rewards and toys doesn't really do it. I've promised all kind so disney tat but I seriously think she'd rather go without.

I too hate all the "she just did it overnight at age of 2... " - "she told us she was ready". Aggghh - I feel bad enough as it is. I feel like I've done something wrong along the line.

[Fishandjam]

Hello everyone! Welcome to the newcomers too. dice, yay for the antibiotics, it's great they've made such a difference.

We're still a mixed bag. DS hasn't had a wee accident for several weeks. But he still poos his pants. He doesn't seem to know when he wants to go, and when I ask him why he didn't go on the potty he usually says something like "it just came out!" His bowel movements are really irregular anyway, always have been - I suspect on-off constipation - and as he often smudges a bit too, I can't help worrying that he's impacted and has lost the feel of when he needs to crap. Certainly the poo I'm emptying out of his kecks is pretty solid and evil-smelling! (Sorry for the TMI.) There's a limit to the amount of water I can get him to drink and the fruit I can get him to eat, so if it continues I'll see the GP and find out if there's a gentle laxative/bulking agent I could use.

Good luck to all weary fellow travellers on the Road To Toilet Training!

[WheresMyCow]

Have just been reading through this thread and think I've found a new home on MN!

DS was 3 on Sunday, and we haven't even started yet with the toilet training. I sometimes feel the pressure from other people, even when it's not there! At his party he was the only one still in nappies

We ask him to sit on the potty, and he does but does nothing. Then usually goes in the bath and stands there doing a wee all pleased with himself!!

But I don't want to pressure him as we both work FT and he's either with one set of Grandparents or the other, or he's at nursery. I don't think it's fair on him or his grandparents and their carpets to try to push it too much. He has had pull ups on at Nursery before now when he's seen the others going to the toilet. So, hopefully, when he starts there more in January the peer pressure will help him along - it did with his cousin who was about the same age when he was trained.

Hope to today had brought some successes for the toilet trainees

[thedicewoman]

hmmm, methinks the celebrations might have been premature :-( DD wet many times today, 2 days after antibiotics finished. Have been reading up online and it seems that low dose antibiotics are sometimes prescribed long term for this sort of thing. Not sure how I feel about that really, but will take her back to the doctor as she really was doing brilliantly on the antibiotics. worried that there's some underlying issue now. The funny thing is though, that it made no difference to her having wet pants off and on today, she didn't really seem to mind!

papyrus and others, I honestly would wait until you really think they're ready, if I had my time over again I know I would, as it's really been a miserable 8 months!

[Papyrus02]

I am thinking of waiting. Perhaps until the new year. My Dd is such an emotional little girl and if she's pushed in think it will make things worse. I just feel the pressure from others so much. I think she may be physically ready, but not emotionally ready.(or is that a cop out?)

DD was a late walker, nearly 18months and I wonder if there is a link with delayed gross motor skills and potty training. She's only just got the hang of climbing the stairs properly too and someone said the muscles for stair climbing are the same muscles at that help with bladder control. Maybe I'm clutching at straws.

She's also quite articulate and is able to think of very good reasons why she shouldn't do something. I want to take her to the doctors today because she's been poorly and she said it would spread the germs around - I know she's probably heard me mention that idea in some other context, but I was quite impressed.

Thedicewoman - sorry to here about your DD and the antibiotics. It's frustrating when things get worse again. It feels as tho everyone else has found all this straightforward and simple - argh!

[Fishandjam]

Argh! Four shitty pants episodes today! I need gin and lots of it.

[BranchingOut]

Sympathies...I am ashamed to say that I lost my temper a bit this morning when he decided to shout at me whilst I was cleaning him up. But we said sorry to each other and made it up. :)

I have decided to take my expectations back a notch and have told him at least to stand in the bathroom when he does a poo. Maybe it is too much of a leap to jump onto the loo in one easy step...

[BranchingOut]

So were any babies on the thread early walkers eg. Before 12 months?

[RugBugs]

I have been meaning to come back and update for ages but 10wk old DD2 is such a distraction.
I got fed up of changing two lots of nappies so one Sunday in mid Sept I told DD1 that there would be no nappies tomorrow. She was happily repeating it the rest of the eve.
We had a few accidents the next day but she didn't get hysterical like she did before hurray!
We had maybe three further accidents after the Monday, mainly when she was engrossed in what she was doing. We did ask her a lot to think if she needed the toilet and the accidents generally happened when we'd not for a while.
We had about a week of her saying she needed a wee after bedtime then not going. Not sure if that was her confused or delaying sleep tactics but its stopped now.
Fish recognising an impending poo took a while longer than wees here. We had a lot of near accidents in the first 10 days, no idea if she has more notice now she just slinks off quietly!

DD was walking at 11 months but didn't sit unaided until a week before 9 months.

[Fishandjam]

DS walked at 18 months. So no early start there!

I just wish he showed any sign of knowing when he's about to poo. Usually the first I know of it is the smell . He's now saying he doesn't want to poo, and when I explain that he has to, and that it's our body's way of getting rid of waste, he says "well my body's naughty cos I don't want to!" Oh dear...

Great progress rugbugs, that's really encouraging to me!

[tinypumpkin]

Glad to hear some are doing well. We are not. Aggghhhhhh. I so hate this. DD will not use the toilet at all for anything.

[BranchingOut]

Hang on in there, I am definitely amazed that we have made the progress we have. However, I for one, am not leaving this thread any day soon!

[Blipthepunkinpowercarver]

I wish that I knew about this group before!
DS is now 4.1 and day time pt trained, finally. All of your tales sound so familiar, in the end it was actually starting school nursery that kicked him into action - literally the day he started age 3.3 he never pooed his pants again. He still,however, sits on the loo shouting "mummy, wipe a my bottom!".

However... It was a further six months before he stopped waking with a poo in his nappy and we have still failed to stop using a nappy at night. He understands and occasionally he is a little sheepish about it but he does not seem to be able to tell when he needs a wee at night. We have even tried going cold turky-no nappy or pull up- but a wet bed doesn't wake him up.

That's it, sorry for butting in but thanks for reading

[tinypumpkin]

Thanks Branching, just feeling so fed up and disheartened by it all. I truly can't see DD making any progress at the moment at all. I have not come across another child who will never wee/poo in the toilet. I mean never, not in the last year at all.

Glad things are going well with your DS blip. I hope you make progress with night time nappies etc in time.

[Papyrus02]

Tinypumpkin - I think I know how you feel. My DD is younger than yours, She's 4 in April. Either she's not bothered about using potty/toilet or she's adamant that she won't do it. Actually the toilet doesn't figure at all - she thinks she's going to fall in so won't go near it.

Saying all that we started trying her without nappies on Sunday. We've had a long break from trying to train and a long break from talking about toilets/potties.

Initially decided that we would not prompt her or make her sit on the potty as this approach had caused real battles in the past. No success Sunday; just three accidents. Yesterday she wet her pretty dress in the morning; she was upset about that so I thought that the consequences of wetting herself might prompt her to think about using the potty. No chance! I gave in and bribed her with chocolate to sit on the potty for the first wee. Second wee she went on her own. Then had to bribe her again with the tv and iPad. Used potty 5 times which was great.

Today she has sat on potty but only at my suggestion and has not stayed for long. She knows she gets stickers and sweets after using the potty. But doesn't want to do it as playing is more fun for her. It's been about 3 hours now since her nappy came off so I'm sure needs to go. I've suggested sitting on the potty but doesn't want to do it. No poo since Sunday either - last time we tried this she became really constipated so I fear this is happening again. Aggghhh.

On Sunday she did a wee on the floor and she said she didn't know it was coming and she got quite upset. I mentioned this to my Mum and she said of course she knows it's coming. She told me to tell DD that of course she knows the wee is coming and to stop being a silly girl. I was furious. Not going to talk about with her anymore.

Still, going to keep trying this week.

Just read this... Don't know if it will help anyone....

www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/toddlers/easy-toilet-potty-training

[Papyrus02]

Just has read through of some previous posts again. My DD is also incredibly stubborn. She also hated swimming and when we do go occasionally now she pretty much does her own thing! She has also been very slow to try new physical experiences, for example climbing frames, slides, bikes, scooters, stairs.... She'll try them eventually but only after lots of observing others doing these things. Going to nursery/preschool has helped enormously as she has been able to view other children doing these sorts of things. Thought it might help with potty training, but no.

I too avoid swimming lessons as I know that DD will be only one in nappy. Missed a swimming party because of this. Just couldn't face it. Will also be avoiding play dates etc. if they come up as no one wants to deal with toddler in nappy if I'm not around.

[starsandmoonandback]

I am so glad I found this thread! It seems everyone around me have children who potty trained really young or very easily! My DS is 3 years and 3 months and we are attempting potty training today! Staying in with no nappy or pants on. He generally refuses to sit on the potty but has done a few times for a chocolate button as a reward. He only sits in it after he's wee-d though and is all wet! He can stay dry for a while if he has no nappy on, but how do I know if he knows when he's about to wee? He doesn't seem to know its coming. And how will he learn to associate sitting on the potty 'before' weeing, rather than after! I find this quite daunting!!!! My friends little boy at 2.5 just woke up one day saying he wanted to use the potty and no nappies!!! He was potty trained in no time! My DS is a stubborn thing and knows his own mind and any amount of persuading doesn't work in general! Any advice would be really welcome. Thank you

[Papyrus02]

Wish I could help. But I do know it takes time and practice. Can you time how long between wees and then sit him down when you think he might need to go. Perhaps in front of TV so he stays put for awhile. The when it happens give a really good treat and cheer, sing, dance etc. We did this with DD - she did really well on Monday. Yesterday and today not so good. Is refusing to sit on potty and has wet 3 pairs of knickers so far.

I'm surrounded by people whose DC trained easily or, like your friend, just woke one day ready to use toilet. It's so infuriating.

[Fairydust29]

Hello everyone ..today you have all been my saviours..i too have a three yr old ds.
He one of twins..first twin near enough potty trained himself in july ..just out of nappies one day doing wees/poos on potty and toilet straight away with no problems.
My problem is twin no 2...like others who have posted about their dc showing no interest... I am relieved to see I am not alone in my quest for getting ds potty/toilet trained before he goes to secondary school.
Weeing everywhere ..pooing whenever/where-ever...he is full of praise for his twin when he goes to the toilet but isn't the slightest bit bothered that he soils his pants or even just does it anywhere. Today I have admitted defeat for the 3rd time..and resorted back to pull ups after he had done a huge poo at the top of the stairs, and decided to squelch it in his hands, thus wiping it down the wallpaper coming downstairs to tell me he had done a poo! He isn't aware that he needs a wee/poo..only after the event..i have tried bribary, treats, stickers , ignoring accidents, praise to no avail..he is just happy in his pull ups.
Its just nice to see I am not the only one having a struggle. Particulary seeing as my other 4 children had no problems. Shall keep an eye on this thread to see how all your dc progress and hope mine will too .

[Maybeloogle]

I am sooo glad I found this thread. My DS2 is 3.6 and couldn't care less about toilet training. DS1 was done and dusted by 3yrs and, as far as I remember, fairly quick. Although I may have blanked out some of the experience in the same manner as we forget about childbirth. I know they are all different and he does have a more vigorous personality than my first but I am finding it really hard to stay positive. We've been trying for about 2 weeks now, after a couple of abortive efforts in the Summer. We have toilet trainer seats, potties, have scrapped the nappies and he's been generally dry in the night and if we go out but at home he just doesn't care about being wet or doing his business anywhere he likes. DH gets quite cross about it whilst I've tried the "Never mind, let's try the toilet next time!" chirpy chirpy approach. I'm really at a loss.

[starsandmoonandback]

Hi everyone.
Well after nap time, DS got do upset at the prospect of not having a nappy on and screamed about having pants on or nothing and I gave in and just put his nappy on when he asked mid upset. So I feel a bit rubbish about my attempt. If he doesn't know he's going to wee first does that mean he's not ready? Or does it mean if we carry in he'll get it? It's all so confusing! And emotionally he doesn't seem ready because he keeps telling me he's not a big boy (who wears pants) but he's actually very small!! And he hates the idea of not wearing his nappy and using the potty!!

How did everyone else get on today. There seems to be a real variety of potty training issues on this thread. I wish everyone lots of luck.

[Papyrus02]

Hi Starsandmoon

I'm not sure about readiness... Does training help them to realise they need to go? Or do they need that understanding first? Does night time dryness happen after good daytime habits or do they need to be dry at night first?

Our day wasn't great. Wees and a poo in knickers all morning. Didn't want to sit on potty and tried chocolate as an incentive, but didn't want any.

Went out in the afternoon as we were all stir crazy. DD wouldn't use potty before we went out. After about 20 minutes she did a wee in her clothes, unfortunately she was on climbing equipment at local park at the time, it got soaked, she then wouldn't come down. I'd just asked her if she needed a wee - I think she forgot she wasn't wearing a nappy....

Got her changed and we then walked home. On way home she asked if we could go back to park so she could wee on the climbing frame again and then tell me that she needed to be changed (I'd noticed she wet herself - before she said anything) ... I explained it was the other way round; tell me, then we find toilet to wee in!

Going to press on today. She's sitting on potty at the moment whilst watching cbeebies.

[starsandmoonandback]

Hi Papyrus

I'm not entirely sure of the answers! Lol. How is your day going today? Any improvements? I think it must take them a while to remember they aren't wearing nappies, they've never known anything else, have they? Is there any other reward or food your DD might be persuaded by. My DS is a stubborn little thing too and he has to want something a lot to be at all persuaded!

Yesterday, I had so much to do out and about I didn't think about potty training. But today we are trying again. So from Day 1 where he didn't want to sit on the potty or wear pants, he is now, on day 2 wanting to sit on the potty every 2 minutes!!! Think it has to do with the reward of a chocolate button for sitting on it! Lol. No wee in it so far though and we've had wet pants once. I feel more positive though - at the moment anyway!!

Good luck to us all

[starsandmoonandback]

P.s. I definitely think focus on awake time. Nappies on for sleep for a while.