DD has just turned 3. We've had a potty for a year. I've been reading potty books, talking about using potty/toilet etc. for months and months, and watching and waiting for signs of readiness. So far nothing. She shows no awareness of doing a wee or a poo, or of needing to. She has been uninterested in, or hostile to, the potty and knickers up until recently, and she doesn't seem to mind having a dirty nappy at all. Also, up until quite recently she would sometimes wake with a poo in her nappy.
She is meant to be starting at a nursery/pre-school in mid-September, which will require her to wear knickers, although if she is not potty trained they say they will work with me to try and help.
So, for the past few weeks I've been getting her used to sitting on the potty, e.g. regular reading on the potty after breakfast. For the past week stepped it up to wearing knickers or nothing for a few hours a day as well (she asks for nappies quite quickly and I encourage her to stay with knickers but if she gets upset I don't want a power struggle over it so I go back to nappies).
So far, nothing in the potty, just a few wees on the floor. She says she doesn't know when she is about to go.
I am trying to stay positive - we have moved on at least from refusing potty/knickers to giving them a go. But I am finding it really difficult - I am worried about her going to nursery and having a horrible time being worried about it, or being teased. My sister is very disapproving and seems to think that it is my fault she isn't potty trained yet. I have mentioned it to a few friends and they have responded with slight shock, and e.g. "oh, x was dry before she was 2"... I don't know a single other person in RL who is struggling or has struggled with potty training - everyone seems to tell me that their kid wanted to train, or responded quickly to adult-led training.
Anyway, sorry this is so epic. Just hoping some of you out there are in same kind of position and will come and huddle here for support!
Is your child ready for potty training at nursery? Here's the place for all your toilet training questions.
Potty training
Support thread for 'late' potty-trainers and/or gentle/slow training?
badchat · 03/08/2013 21:02
My dcs are older but can I share my experience? All 3 were relatively late to potty train.
Dc1 has lots of friends who are 6 months older and was keen to join in the whole potty thing when they were doing it. So I thought I'd go with it and from about 2.5 we tried in fits and starts but it wasn't terribly successful - sometimes we'd have a day or two that went quite well - and he was brilliant at going at nursery 
but then he'd lose interest or focus (he is a v v laid back child!) and we ended up going back to nappies. Then a week before dc3 was born (dc1 aged 2.11 at this stage and I was beginning to think I'd have 3 in nappies!) he said again I want to wear pants now Mummy and that was it, we were off. The odd accident in the first couple of weeks but I am literally talking 2 or 3 mishaps.
I learned a lot from that! With dc2 I tried in May half term when he was 2.10, total disaster, 5 wees on the floor before lunch time. Decided we couldn't spend all of half term chained to the house so put him back in pullups. Tried again at start of summer hols - so 6-7 weeks later - and he got it straight away. We had 1 accident on day 2 and by day 4 went for a long day out where he mastered the art of weeing behind a tree 
You can imagine that by dc3 I thought I'd got this potty training malarkey well-sussed Oh dear. Dc3 showed no signs of readiness at all. 3rd birthday came and he was downright hostile to the idea. At 3.3 the nursery staff suggested I was being a bit slack and offered to have a go - I said sure be my guest - after 3 days they agreed he wasn't ready and suggested pullups! The months dragged on, I applied for his school place, still not interested. I wondered if he was going to go to school in nappies. And then suddenly at about 3.8 he started showing signs of understanding he was having a wee and then quickly that he needed a wee. I decided we needed to brazen this one out so we went for it - I told him he was a big boy now and needed to wear pants - the first few days weren't brilliant (but not awful) - but after about 5 days or so he got the hang of it. He had more occasional accidents than his big brothers though and it took about 3 weeks for him to get the hang of poos in the toilet (I threw a lot of pants away ).
I don't really think 3 is all that old in the grand scheme of things. I know plenty of children who trained around that age - and more who were officially trained before then but were still having regular accidents
By the way, your nursery isn't allowed to insist that they are toilet trained, that is considered discrimination. So don't stress about that aspect of it.
I know it's really tough, especially when they look far too big to be in nappies or all their friends are already trained - but they do all get there in their own time - I am sure you lo will too. I really am a big fan of the back off and try again in a month approach. It's a lot less messy and stressy!
Hi all, can I join in {flops down with a sigh and gets out 
and a hanky}
My DS is just 3 and I am feeling slightly teary as I have just aborted out second attempt at PT after 8 days. We have done everything the books and advice tells you, all the shopping for Potty and pants etc, bribery with sweets and stickers, toys etc and non of it has worked.
He showed no real signs up until a week ago when he suddenly asked for his big boy pants. We had the accidents you would expect and did all the reactions you are advised to do and we made little bits of progress for about 4 days then he just started going all over the floor and outright denying he wanted to go then 2 minutes later going all over the floor. He knows wees and poos are done in the toilet and knows what should happen he just outright defiantly won't do it. He only wants to use the toilet (which is fine) and flatly refuses to use a potty.
I have been determined that we would get through it the time and not go back (the books tell you not to go back to nappies) but I have just cracked after cleaning up about the eighth puddle today and put him ack in a nappy. I'm the same as everyone else, have DM hovering and tutting and all his nursery friends trained. Feel completely crap now.
I dunno about progress badchat - we're still struggling! The main problem seems to be that DS doesn't yet get the idea of holding onto his wee until he gets to the potty/toilet, and telling us he needs to go. So he can wee if we take him on a schedule (every 30 minutes or whatever), but then if he wants to go at other times, he just goes. For example, this morning he was keen to wear pants and sit on the cludgie (with one of those kid seats on), but minutes later, while eating his cereal, he did the most enormous wee all over the chair and floor. No warning, not even an acknowledgement that he'd done it. Back into nappies for a bit, I think...or take out shares in the manufacturers of 1001 carpet cleaner
fifi, I think you did right to put your DS back into nappies (though as you'll see from my posts, what do I know about successful toilet training!) Don't feel crap - your DM can tut all she likes when she's the one mopping up the piss puddles.
Hi filee. I have two in nappies and frankly I'd rather that than one in nappies and one in piddly/pooey pants. Scraping turds out of underwear not much fun!
We're finally getting progress, he has started to tell us he needs a wee (or says he's started to do a wee) but can actually hold it until we get to the potty!
hello again...
Well, didn't end up trying again last week as I was feeling super exhausted and really not prepared, but we had a clear run of days with nothing on this week so we gave it a shot again yesterday. And...
FINALLY - WEES ON THE POTTY!!!
I put DD in just a t-shirt - no nappies or knickers - and watched for signs of needing a wee. Then once she started wiggling around a bit I suggested a potty sit, and - it seemed like a bloody miracle - she finally got a wee in the potty. After that I prompted another time, but then she told me the next time she needed to go, and apart from one accident around dinner time when I wasn't paying any attention to what was happening, we got everything (including a poo) on target.
Today - day 2 - we have been to the cafe and park (have a Potette to take out and about) - she's told me every time she needs to go and we haven't had any accidents.
It is SUCH a relief. Fingers crossed progress continues. Definitely think backing off and waiting to try again was the right thing anyway given how different it went this time to last couple of times.
I loved reading the stories of your 3 and 5 dcs shoewhore and 5madthings - really does show they are all different and you can't just 'train' them according to your will.
Hello, can I join in please? We have been continuously potty training my DD (3yrs 8 mths old) and she still isn't fully trained.
I think she knows when she needs to go but refuses a lot of the time, so ends up doing some in her knickers. I then tell her to sit on the potty, which she does for maybe 30 seconds then says 'there's no wee coming' before getting up and wandering off.
We have tried regularly asking if she needs the potty, 'no thank you mummy' (followed by a wee in her knickers shortly after). We've tried making her sit on the potty to see what happens, and she will either wee, or just get straight up and say nothing is happening.
The trouble is she gets so engrossed in what she is doing when playing she will forget to go, or just say no when I ask/tell her to sit for a bit. She still has a nap some days and wears pull-ups to bed, so will just hold on all morning then fill her pull-up, then hold on all afternoon.
It's really annoying because I know she can do it, some days she has no accidents, then she can have 3 accidents every day for a week. She also sometimes does a poo in her pull up before getting out of bed in the morning.
We've tried reward charts, giving her loads of praise for using the potty and not telling her off for the accidents. It has been going on for so long now though I am getting fed up, and have been telling her off for the accidents 
.
She wet herself just before her nap today (she still needs a nap some days) so I put a nappy on her for it, which she absolutely hates. She wears knickers when out of bed, so I have said once she gets up, if she can stay dry all afternoon then she can wear a pull up at bedtime and not a nappy.
Sorry for the rambling - It's just so frustrating and I feel like we are not getting anywhere.
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