Fab Feb 2009: when they're good they are very very good, when they're bad they're todzillas...

[dinkystinky]

New thread for us to chat about our little jekyll & hydes...

Danny is currently stood next to me rearranging my DVD collection - I will be doing a work out to charlie & lola tonight apparently, while DS1 will be watching Billy Blanks Taebo with his pre-bedtime cup of milk and DH's history docu is hiding out with Diego in the city of lost toys...

Calico, I'm so sorry you've lost your cat, especially in such a horrible way

We've had two cats die in the last two years, both on the road, and it is extremely difficult trying to explain to the kids. When Scruffy and Tess died I told dd and ds1 that they had been hurt and had been so sore that the bit that made them Scruffy and Tess had left their bodies. They seemed to understand although ds1 broke my heart by asking me 'Why didn't you kiss Scruffy better mommy?' They still ask about them occasionally, especially Tess as they were both older when she died.

mslucy... fingers crossed the bleeding continues to slow down and yay for nausea

SR thats a nice way of saying it. DH told DS this morning that the cat had gone to heaven....DS then asked where heaven was and was told that it is in the sky....then followed lots of questions of how the cat got up to the sky. I don't think DH had thought that one through

I'm hoping that he'll forget about it all by this evening as three years olds do.

I can't believe how upset I am about it - it's only a cat fgs, but it's really shaken me up.

MOS at your boob jealousy!

dp told dd that Scruffy had gone to heaven and she got very upset as she thought he was saying Evan and she wanted to know why we'd given her cat to Evan from playschool. Men don't always think these things through do they? [rolls eyes]

It's perfectly natural to be upset, she was with you for 15 years... that's alot longer than you've had your children and she was just as much a member of your family. Also, I think in a way it's worse when you find them so soon and they don't look obviously injured. You keep telling yourself 'If i'd just gone out a few minutes sooner ' Scruffy was still warm when i found him on the road and looked like he was sleeping and it threw me so badly, i sobbed for weeks Tess was so mangled i had to turn off my emotions just to collect what i could of her body so i dealt alot better with that loss in a bizarre way.

Don't be afraid to sob and cry and mourn her loss, it all helps the grieving process.

mos hope you and dd1 had a good day shopping. Sounds like pure bliss!
mslucy {{hugs}}
Calico I'm so sorry.
mos 34E? Wow! Pre Jacob, I was 36DD, I was measured in M&S last week and am now 40C
calico 15 years is a long time, you have every right to be upset. Pets are a huge part of the family.

Today has been nice, as it was supposed to rain we had Jacob's friends here. It was a bit stressy at first and lots of pushing and fighting, but settled down ok-ish.

Today is also the day that Luke turns 18 months. can't believe that!

morning all

calico hope you and your DC are feeling a bit better tomorrow. As others have said, if you want/need to cry then do so. I did when I lost my cats/rabbits.

mslucy hope you are ok today

SM before everything shrivelled up through b/f I was 38DD but yesterday I was apparently a 40C/D depending on style. Still can't get over DD, she has only just turned 14 FFS!

Had a very mixed day yesterday. Went out to drop stuff off at refuge and it was a nightmare trying to park, on a mainroad right on a bend etc and whilst trying to reverse into their driveway (with a sodding taxi driver giving it large just behind me as I was trying to turn) I managed to scrape the back of the car. Broke a rear light and scraped bumper and some of paintwork and am gutted. So clearing all my stuff out to the refuge has cost me a few hundred quid.

Had a nice night out with a friend I used to work with who I hadn't seen for 2 years. We'd kept in touch after I moved to KSA and met a few times when I was back for visits but sadly her DP died 2 years ago and she has not been in touch much since then and I sensed she just needed some time/space. I dropped her a line a few weeks ago and was so pleased she felt up to meeting. We had a lovely evening and have promised to meet up again soon with some other mutual friends.
I felt so sad for her as she really did lose her soulmate but am so happy that she is starting to move on with her life.

Had a phone call from builder last night who needs cash today or tomorrow which is a bloody pain so looks like I'll have to go down today which I could do without as my back is killing me and could without 4 hours in the bloody car

Hope everyone is ok

hey there everybody
mos sorry to hear about your car. That sounds very annoying indeed. That's one advantage of never passing a driving test I guess!

I'm feeling a bit better and bleeding lighter - not quite gone but easing up which is a relief. Still no cramps and my sense of smell is sooo senstive (a classic sign for me). Also, my stomach looks huge - really sticking out. Thank heavens for baggy tops.

The builders have arrived for the home office and they are GORGEOUS. I feel like I'm having a diet coke moment!

Morning all. MoS - so sorry to hear about the damage to the car - how bloody annoying. But you did do a really good thing so hopefully karma will now mean you win the lottery Good luck with the builder/long drive today. Re DD1 - FWIW at 15 I was a 32F - which I've stayed at since (except for during pregnancy and full on bfing) and have now gone back to 32F again post Danny.

MsLucy - glad you're starting to feel abit better and have yummy builders to watch at work

Calico - I echo what everyone else says. Your cat was a big part of your life and your family - its normal, and healthy, to grieve her passing. Sending you and your family hugs again.

SM - happy 18 months to Luke! I have to admit I was lying in bed looking at Danny destroying our bedroom this morning (its a morning ritual he has - wake up, wake parents next door, bf in our bed, crawl off and go seek and destroy ) and thinking god, how come he's almost 18 months old already. Where's my baby gone?

dinky... that sound just like A's morning routine

I was a 34C until pregnancy and have been steadily increasing throughout 6 years of preg and bf-ing til i was a 34F, they're shrinking again now though, i'm a very saggy 34E now... i'd take perky and small over big and saggy anyday tbh!

mos, sorry about the car... no good deed goes unpunished eh?

I swear Summerrain if A and Danny ever got together they'd be inseparable

Danny is very set on his morning and bedtime routine - at bedtimes I've taken to letting him watch Charlie & Lola with DS1 downstairs after bathtime then taking him up to DS1's bedroom first so he can roam around in there causing destruction while I read DS1 his bedtime stories, then Danny says "Nii nii" to his big brother closing DS1's bedroom door and we go to his room for bf, stories and bedtime. There is hell to pay if we try any variation on the set routine

Hey all,

quickly scanned the news, so

SM happy birthday to Jacob and half birthday to Luke. Weird to think that when Jacob was Luke's age you had just had Luke!

mos sorry to hear about the car, and I hope you back is ok after driving to your mums and back.

mslucy sense of smell and nausea are good signs! I remember after all my early scares how relieved I was to feel sick (fleeting feelings!).

I had a really good time looking after the little ones yesterday - boy, was I tired when I got home! She's asked if I can do it again next week, I'm not sure if I want to or not!!

I'm gearing up for another round or job interviews starting on Saturday, so if your fingers are free for a minute at some point, please cross them for me.

Catch up soon. x

Calico, Im so so sorry you must be devastated. Im actually crying reading your post so sad How awful sorry nothing useful to say but sending hugs xxx

MSlucy YAY! been mithering for months for another bubs on here hope its all settling down for you and everything is ok

SR congrats! well done

Hope your all ok sorry i fell off the thread

Back soon x

dinky I know! I was looking at the boys yesterday and thinking 'wow, I have 2 children. A 3 year old and an 18 month old. When did that happen?'
MrsY That's right! I really hadn't thought of it like that. Jesus. I must have been crazy. No way could I do it again, and I'll tell you what, Luke is so clingy (he thinks if he is not touching me that he is in some kind of mortal danger), that if he'd been the first, I don't think we'd have bothered having another! There seems to have been no break from bad phases you know? Colic, night wakings, constant feeding, seperation anxiety, colds, teething, and to top it all off, he has learnt that if he makes that God awful high pitched scream that he will get whatever he wants.

I had a really bad day today. I don't think I have ever yelled so much or so loud at Jacob
You know when you just hit that spot of not knowing what to do anymore?
My day started off great. We were all up and the morning went so smoothly that we were all washed and dressed by 8am! Went into town at about 9:30 which was fine, both boys walking around the shops really well (mostly), we spent a while just walking up and down the high street (staines is completely pedestrian so is a good place to walk-train Luke and teach him to come back when called etc. It's where I did it with jacob), then went to MacD's for lunch and even that was good. Luke has decided he is far too grown up for high chairs now and that he must sit on a proper chair, but that went well.
Then on the bus to Tesco before going home. At this point, I'm getting slightly annoyed because Jacob is contstantly saying "mummy, watch Thomas. Mummmy, watch Thomas. Mummy, watch Thomas" SHUT UP!
Tescos, not too bad either, then home to do a bit of housework (and yes, I put Thomas on) and then the hoover cuts out. On the day that I decided I needed to pull out all the furniture and do it properly. That was it really, mega pissed off and then Jacob is using Luke's face as a chair and I'm telling him to get off, Jacob is yelling NO. So we do the whole naughty corner thing, not working, so I start sending him to his room for 5 minutes at a time. He is screeaming now and Luke thinks it's the funniest thing ever, more screaming from jacob, he is now throwing toys out of his room. More screaming from me. I let him come back out and tell him that he cannot sit on Luke, I go back to trying to cook dinner and Luke starts screaming again, so I come back to living room and Jacob is laying on him. Aaaaarrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhh
Serious, I was shouting so loud, the whole neighbourhood should have heard me
I called dp to warn him what was happening and when he got in and we'd all had dinner, i shut myself in the bedroom to have 5 minutes to myself (this is about 5:30pm) and have just woken up a little bit confused

Fingers crossed for a better day tomorrow. Or today rather

Morning all and SilveryMoon - we all have days when our kids push our buttons. Its part of being a parent. Today is a brand new day and hopefully it will be a better one. J needs to learn what is acceptable play with a smaller child (rolling around with them is fine, sitting on their head is not) - and he'll get that in time. Deep breathes and remember the mummy mantra.

SM don't beat yourself up for a bit of shouting - we've all done it and it won't kill them.
I'm impressed that you had both of them walking at the same time, on your own. That is pretty hard core. I'll let Stan walk a bit, but only if I have DH or a friend as back up.
Also not sure how you do it with an 18 month gap - I have a gap of 3 years 8 months and even that can be quite demanding at times, esp since like you I've got 2 boys.

Bleeding much much better, almost stopped, just the odd bit of spotting. Feeling incredibly sick this morning - took Stan to nursery and was assaulted by the battery of foul smells that is London in the summer.

However, the builders in the garden are starting to take their tops off, so at least I have something nice to look at

mslucy Thanks for that . We're talking alot of shouting though, louder than I have ever shouted, to where you're in fits of coughing after. To a 3 year old. oh well, done now.

Glad the bleeding has nearly stopped. Hopefully all will be ok now.

Luke is still crying. OMG. Don't know what to do with him half the time either. He's just thrown his lunch on the floor and is now having th biggest tantrum.

mslucy... i think it depends on the kids in question but i found the 18 month gap between dd and ds1 far easier than the 2.5 years between the boys. My eldest two have grown up more like twins than singletons and have always been at fairly similar stages of development. It was a lot harder dealing with older kids + baby than dealing with two babies at once.

SM... I made the mistake with dd of forgetting how young she was just because she was older than ds1.... it upsets me now A is the age she was when we had ds1 to remember how grown up we expected her to be and how unrealistic our demands on her were. She was just a baby but it took ages for me to realise that and modify my expectations of her. Even now I have days where i assume that just because she's the eldest she should know better than to do certain things. I know Jacob seems huge compared to Luke but 3 year olds are pretty much babies too and don't really have any empathy or understanding of how others are feeling... not to mention they have the memory of a drunk goldfish so don't remember from one minute to the next what you've told them

Remember... they grow up and in a few years we'll be looking back on these stages only remembering the good bits

It's hard when you have 2 very stubborn, very loud, short tempered lo's.
My expectations of Jacob aren't high and I do think that most of the time they are age appropriate, and he definitely does know what he is doing wrong. I had him in his room for maybe half an hour yesterday crying and when I went in to talk to him, I asked him why I had sent him in there and he told me because he sat on Luke's head.
Drives me potty!
They're both asleep now as they were up a bit last night, so better get some housework done!

Glad to hear the bleeding has improved mslucy, and lucky you with the builders! Are you having much work done?

SM We do all have days like that, and as you have two boys so close together, I'm surprised you don't get them more often. It won't hurt them.

We have a nice relaxing day of mooching round the house and a gentle trip to the park, in preperation for what is likely to be a day from hell tomorrow!

Good luck for your interviews tomorrow MrsY.
Am off to MILs tomorrow afternoon for a few days before heading off to France on holiday for 10 days so wont be on much. Hope everyone (esp Mslucy) stays happy and well.

I think we should have a summer meet up.
At MsLucys so we can oggle her builders.

mslucy glad the bleeding has slowed down and you feel sick, very good sign

SM that explains all the screaming I heard yesterday only joking! We all have days like that and I've had a lot recently.
I am worn out, the driving up and down to Hayling is wearing me out. Yesterday drove down for just half an hour talk with the builder and then back the very long way up A3/M25. Stopped at Wisley for lunch and a stretch which was lovely but had mixed feelings as had taken mum there the summer before she died. Was nice walking round though and letting kids run around

Car garage was supposed to come at 6pm last night to quote for damage but of course didn't bloody turn up which drives me mad. I'm sick of wasting my life waiting for people to arrive. TV aerial man supposed to come this afternoon 'after 1pm' No doubt he will turn up at 6pm.

Am pleased I'm getting mum's place sorted though. Have decided to get decorator to do the bedroom kitchen and bathroom as worth paying him justso I don't have to do all the running around which is not helping my back.
Saw chiro this morning and she said I have to slow down a bit.

Hope everyone is doing ok and good luck mrsY for your interviews

sadly the sun went in soon after I wrote this and the builders covered up.
They are making a home office for DH so we can reclaim the third bedroom.
They are going really fast - pretty impressive.

SM I still think you are being too hard on yourself. I can be a shouty old witch at times - esp when I have PMT, work stress, not enough sleep (ie often). I think you have to let go of this idea that it is possible to be a parent without losing the plot sometimes. It just isn't.

MOS Glad you are getting decorators in. The last thing you need is heavy physical labour if you have a bad back.

MrsY Good luck with job interviews - what are you going for?

dinky Enjoy your holiday. Hope the weather is better than it is here.

mslucy if it was my builder you'd be glad the sun went in

dinky have my fingers crossed for a vom-free holiday for you Enjoy x
mslucy I am quite hard on myself for everything but the reason I have such a problem with the shouting thing is the way that it is done. For example, the other day, I was sitting at the kitchen table and my friend walked past me holding on of the kids toys. As she turned around, the toy hit me in my face. Was an accident and I didn't do anything, she said sorry and we laughed and it was all fine and normal. If ds had walked past and hit me in the face with something, I'd have yelled at him to watch what he's doing and be more careful. Now, if I wouldn't get all up in a grown-ups face and yell, why do I think it's ok to do to a 2/3 year old? He is defenseless, and IMO, me shouting at him is taking advantage of his weakness against me. IYSWIM.

Anyway, we are off to FIL's today. 3 hour drive up to Nuneaton. I'm gonna take my course booklets and get some work done as it has been a while!

SM I guess they just push your buttons.
I went through about a year of being really snappy with DS1. I found out I was pg when he turned 3 and I think the combo of the threenager and my hormones was not a good one.
I'd say it reached absolute rock bottom when I went totally beserk at him when he called me "fat" last summer (I'd just had Stan fgs). I really lost it and it gave me a bit of a reality check - ie I didn't like what I saw in myself at all.

He is now five and really good fun - has been an upward curve since autumn last year. He was a bit cross as he had to stay an extra term in school nursery (summer birthday) but by Christmas he was like a different person. He went into reception in Jan, loves school and has become a pleasure to have around. Yes, he has his moments (wakes up too early), but he is so much easier to have around than he was a year or two ago.

I also think I got trapped in quite a negative cycle with him - he adores DH and I felt a bit second best. I think there were jealousy issues around Stan - we now play games and "tease" Stan by having very OTT cuddles.

Is there anyway you can spend time with the older one on your own? I think a few treats where it's just you and him would be so helpful (they are for me). It could be a trip to the park, or shopping for a new toy - doesn't have to be earth shattering. He will love the attention and you can remind him of the special day when he's being naughty and say you will treat him to another if he behaves himself.

Basically, if you have a few nice days with him, you will feel more positive about him and less likely to go OTT when he pisses you off.

mslucy yes, I'd really like to spend some 1:1 time with him. I really do miss it.
I'd like to take him to the cinema but it's a case of having to convince dp to have Luke for a few hours.
Dp isn't back at work now until thursday night so I might ask him to have Luke for a few hours tomorrow while me and ds1 pop into town.
Thinking about it, I also think the time away from me for Luke would be good too. he is very clingy to me and I think it's important for him to see that he is perfectly safe when I am not there iyswim.
Yes, I will do that. I will check what's on at the pics and me and Jacob will go there. I won't tell dp what we're doing, he'll feel all left out.

Had a lovely day with the inlaws yesterday, they are getting so much better with the boys and are showing lots of interest in them.
Dp's dad even spent alot of time kicking a ball around with them! (while me and MIL cracked open a bottle of wine)