Fab Feb 2009: when they're good they are very very good, when they're bad they're todzillas...

[dinkystinky]

New thread for us to chat about our little jekyll & hydes...

Danny is currently stood next to me rearranging my DVD collection - I will be doing a work out to charlie & lola tonight apparently, while DS1 will be watching Billy Blanks Taebo with his pre-bedtime cup of milk and DH's history docu is hiding out with Diego in the city of lost toys...

hello all, been away for a few days down to the new forest and just back and trying to catch up.

STW sounds like you've been very busy. How fabulous about finding your half-sister in Florida, that could make for a good holiday reunion

H hardly talks at the moment, just dadeeee, mumeeee and grunts. He knows what things are though and can point to his hair, nose, feet etc and definitely understands things, he just doesn't say much. DD2(3.7) is driving us mad. She is being very naughty at the moment and I could kill her half the time. She is always whinging and is now really fussy with her food and says no all the time. I hope to god she grows out of it soon. She has also started running off which is a worry.
Had a long day at Paultons Park yesterday which was really quiet which was fab but she kept spoiling it for us.

Went to visit mums place on the way down and I felt really positive about buying it as it felt right being in there. Didn't know how I'd feel until I got there. Got the mortgage offer yesterday, solicitor appointed and hopefully my brother will sort out a solicitor for him (and myself and other brother technically) and we can crack on.
DH is hiring a van and going down on Friday to pull up carpet with a view to getting laminate flooring fitted. Just spoke to brother and he seemed bit 'funny' about this but I don't see the proble in us going on and getting stuff done before completion bearing in mind I already own a 1/3 of it and its not like we are going to pull out. Anyway, DH back to KSA on Sunday until September so its now or never really.

Hope everyone else is doing ok x

SM, i went to see heartbreakers and REALLY loved it!

I think i have a crush on............vanessa paradis

TITS/DINKY what is it with handbags! loving the boy babies with handbags and high heels. Its so funny Izzy loves handbags, shoes, sunglasses, hats any accesories really But then she loves physical play and climbing with her little boy friends. When she is older she will be climbing trees in heels!

MOS hello again, sorry I think ive missed it but are you here for ever now?

hi BUMPS izzy does the grunting thing too points and goes errrrrrrr! until I work out what it is!

had another lovely day today at swimming and then went to my friends who wanted advice on cloth and bought some stuff which is great.

work was good too. xxx

MoS, Bumps - its an age thing. They'll settle down when they start in preschool. Till then remember the mummy mantra!

You've been really busy MoS - how is G sleeping at the moment? Her difficult behaviour might be being exacerbated by lack of sleep (I know as DS1 isnt going to sleep till nearly 9pm at the moment and has mostly fully dropped his day time naps, which I guess is about time seeing as he's 4 and starting school in September - though he is in bed from some time between 7.30 and 8, depending on when I manage to convince Danny to sleep before reading DS1 his bedtime story, and his behaviour has been challenging at times of late).

Glad you had another good day LittleSez.

Bumps - thanks for asking after work. Yes things are better. I had a word with my boss today in which I basically said that if they're going to end up working me that hard they need to pay me more to recompense me - dont think it went down all that well so will see what they come back with. The ideal would be to stick to my fixed hours deal but it just doesnt seem workable

Morning.
I'm feeling rubbish again. I just can't get over the fact that dp had 2 weeks off work and didn't offer to have the boys for 1 full day so I could have some time off.
Even on our 'holiday' I only had 1 hour to myself and that's only because he got the ump with me for not wanting to go to the bloody beach.
I'm so pissed off.
I sat here last night, talking to a friend on fb and I was crying in the end, he either didn't notice or just doesn't care. I really don't know what to do.
Even when I got offered that job, when I got off the phone I was obviously really pleased and excited, him, nothing, he straight away said "and what about the kids?" even though we had already discussed it. Or when I found out I actually passed Unit 1 of my course, he didn't even say well done.
He never just hugs me, any physical contact has to lead to sex, but as I don't want to have sex we don't have any physical contact.
Part of me wants to just leave and set up a life for me and the boys on our own, but then a part of me is unsure.
What would be better for my children? They need a father, but I don't think he is a very good one, but maybe in a few years when they are able to do more 'grown-up' stuff like go to football games, play the computer, go to the park without constantly trying to run away, he'll be better.
When I think about leaving, like I am now, I just dread having to have that conversation, to tell him how unhappy I am, and I think surely he can't be happy living like this either.
Plus, where would I go? Our (me and boys) lives are here. Our friends are here, I like our friends here and the little life I have set up, but I would have to go back to my mum's if I left and I don't think I could face that either.
I just don't know what to do

Sorry, rant over. Just needed to get that off my chest

So sorry SM i think you need to discuss this with DP asap, because things seem to have hit a rut for you to feel this bad....

You must get it out in the open and see how he feels because he may not realise and may need a kick up the bum...

Hope you are ok!!! I know how you feel dp and I had this talk about 6 months ago as I felt like you then. Things are much better for us now and he does more (well he does manage to get his dirty clothes in the wash bin now ) and I am a lot happier..

Hello everyone else, sorry I have not been on but been really busy.. Mainly making a total tit out of myself by falling over at Leeds Castle and badly spraining my ankle, and having to be rescued by a golf buggie as I couldn't walk..... doh.......

Anyway dp and I will not be ttc for number 3. I would love another and so would dp but we just can not afford it. WE only have a two bedroom house at the moment and couldnt afford to move just yet. And every month at the momnet we are taking money out of our savings as our incoming is not matching our outgoings!! Our savings have depleated but hopefully I can get them back up a bit with my money once I have paid for all the things I have had to get, ie sat nav and CBR check etc.....

I also have a 6 year plan, I have really got my heart set on this so really hope it happens.... I am scared to put it down in black and white as i dont want to jinx it...

My company pay for us to do NVQ 1&2 in health and social care. it normally takes about 12 months to do this and i can start after my 3 month probation period... Then I was going to pay to do NVQ 3 in Health and social care, which takes another year.... I have 7 GCSE c and above and will have NVQ 3 sooooooooooo if I do pass it I am going to go to uni and study a degree in Midwifery... At the moment they except you at Canterbury uni without A levels as long as you have NVQ level 3 or complete an access course so i hope that doesn't change in the next 3 years or I am buggered as I didn't finish my A levels....

SM take some time, take some deep breaths and try not to think about the questions that arise 5 steps down the line. you must speak to dp now, better that than trying to imagine how to have 'that' conversation.

you've often talked about how you hope one day when the boys are doing this and that, that he'll be more involved. i find this really unfair as not only must you feel bad for your boys as you think they're wonderful (not so wonderful all the time but overall) and he doesn't seem to feel quite the same way. it also must make you feel responsible for them all getting on. i know you've told him before and he's taken more care to give you an hour here or there but you maybe need to force this more ie. when you know he's not working book something for yourself and tell him/put it in his calendar etc that he's got the boys. i know you shouldn't have to treat him like a child but better that than the frustration you're currently feeling.

i'm so upset for you that he hasn't been supportive of the amazing steps that you've made in your learning and career but maybe he's scared as you're so strong in all things family and he knows that he's been completely bloody rubbish. maybe it's a male pride thing of you needing to go to work to bring more money into the family but you really must try and get him to talk about all of this.

you've also in the past spoken about how brilliant he's been for your self esteem etc so try and remember some of the positives that the 2 of you have.

please though do talk to him ASAP. can you find someone to have the boys for a couple of hours so you can go and do something together?

Bugger - did a huge post and computer ate it. Basically said what KBN said SM. And sent big hugs to you too!

Have 5 minutes to myself so will try reposting my earlier attempted post

• SM: sending you huge hugs. I'm getting a big feeling of deja vu here - you've been unhappy like this a couple of times in the past year or two, but then after talking it through with your DP things improve so you definitely do need to talk to him. I know you love him and I'm sure he loves you and is really proud of you - it just sounds like he's of the personality and generation that he doesnt really show it. You really do need to talk to him - and you and he both need your own time (as a couple and as individuals) to do something for yourselves so you remember why you fell for each other and why you're still together. Having had a not great holiday away cant help the way you're feeling right now - I bet if you'd had a chilled fun time away without arguments you'd be feeling so much better right now. Being parents is hard work and makes it really easy to forget you're also a couple - DP needs to be reminded that he needs to make an effort on that score on the emotional side and not just the financial side so you guys can get back on track. Can you get your parents to babysit the kids so you can have an evening in with DP and just talk?

• Bumps: your 6 year plan sounds brilliant. I'm so impressed that you're implementing it and am sure you'll be an excellent carer and ultimately midwife! Fall at Leeds Castle sounds painful - hope you're ok now and not in pain. And sorry to hear no 3 is off the cards - DH and I are still having ongoing discussions about no 3...

Bumps that does sound like a brilliant plan. i'm so impressed at your planning and motivation. wow at becoming a midwife. just wow.
my friend, who's a full time childminder, decided to start studying for a degree in the evenings. at the time it seemed like it would go on forever. she's just texted me to say she's got a first class degree. i'm so pleased for her and it just shows it's definitely worth it.

no. 3 has never even made it onto an agenda in the kbn household!

it was dd's sports day today. it was so cute. she did well but was upset when dp fell over in the dad's race! he was a brave boy about it though, i think he was secretly hoping for a grazed knee!

i'm off to my sister's hen weekend in wales tomorrow. dd is going with my parents and her cousins (who arrived from thailand this week) to the new forest and dp has got ds for the weekend which will be lovely for them to have that one on one time together BUT just heard that the girl he was playing with yesterday has come down with chicken pox. i suppose if he's going to get it it may not come as quickly as this weekend but i'll feel so sorry for them if they end up housebound and ill.

hello all,

SM sorry you are feeling so sad. Agree with dinky about the deva vu. You do need to talk to your DP as he is (only) a man and doesn't see and understand how you feel.
You've been so positive recently with your job and training etc and maybe a little bit of envy is creeping in that you are focused on what you want to do and he feels left out?

Think he is a little bit like my DH, he has to learn how to be a good dad. My DH obviously loves the kids to bits but sometimes isn't very good with them which I find very frustrating. Thankfully he has offerd to spend tonight having quality time with them whilst I take DS1 out for his birthday dinner. Can't believe he is 17 today, makes me feel very old. Am really looking forward to some 1 to 1 time with him and having an adult conversation without DD buttting in or H sqwarking!

Bumps sounds like a fabulous idea, fingers crossed for you. Looks like a lot of us are sorting our careers out, I'm carrying on with my counselling course and am so pleased I managed to get my first assignment of my latest course in just before I left KSA and I got fabulous feedback on it. Am taking a few weeks out and will then pick up my books again and do a bit of light reading over the summer and then next assignent at the end of September when settled back in KSA and kids at school/nursery.

G & H started at the local nursery this morning. Today was just 9am til 11.30, tomorrow is 8am to 12 and from next week its 8am to 1pm 2 mornings a week which gives me loads of spare time to get things done. Need to do a lot of home imrovements around the house(de cluttering and some painting and clearing the garden) and also still sorting out a lot of mums stuf which is still in boxes in the dining room.

DH just gone to pick up a van to load a lot of our old furniture and take down to mums house as we are buying it! Mortgage approved Tuesday and signed papers this morning and it will be ours by the end of the month. DH back to KSA on Sunday am so he and DS1 going down tomorrow to do some clearing and made sense to make use of the time/van and take our excess furniture down. Mums stuff was pretty old and knackered and we had a few duplicates from when we owned two houses up here before we married and its just been cluttering up the loft and garage so having a good old clearout.

littlesez, I'm here until September then back to KSA.

dinky how are things at work now?

Thanks ladies.
I am being selfish and have not caught up on your bits, but I will later, promise.

Your advice is alot more positive than what I got on a thread I started about it.

Confused.com!

linkey-poos

Thanks for your comments ladies will now catch up with you guys x

Bumps Your 6 year plan sounds great! I'm sure you will get there without trouble.
My plan is 12 year! lol
great training plan, sounds really good.
I'm going to do the access course to get onto a degree.
kbn thank you. Your post really helped me see the positives of our relationship.
dinky Thank you for the long post and sorry your computer lost it. Gosh, can't believe I'm so boring that the computers don't want to talk about it
My parents won't have the ds's.
mos were G and H ok at nursery today? that sounds like a nice gradual start to it all.
I am so pleased you managed to buy the bungalow. I'm sure your mum is pleased it is able to stay in the family.

Right, must dash now and watch last nights desperate Housewives

yawn...

Bad night last night.. Will be back on when i have drunk my own body weight in coffee...

yawn...

Just been catching up but no time to post properly at the moment. Big hugs SM - stay strong for your boys...

Bumps - mine's a double espresso - awful night here too, day started at 4am . Still I did get to catch up on Grey's Anatomy - anyone else seen it .

Right TTFN and will catch you later. Today can't be over quick enough....

STW I am watching Grey's on C5, I don't have sky so am about 3 series behind!
Sorry you both have had a bad night. I woke up at 3am with jacob in my bed and both of us soaked with pee, hopefully his, not mine

Fire at the top of the road at heathrow a warehouse at terminal 4. I had a phonecall from my friend in a massive panic because she'd been told it was the buildings behind tesco (where I live), but no, everyone is fine.

Was at a friends this morning, she keeps bees and Luke was stung on the bottom of his foot, so while I paniced and got into a flap, my friend managed to get the sting out and make sure he was ok (she is a paramedic so always handy to have around)

Hi all,

firstly, my usual apologies for not being on recently - things are about the same here (no money, no work and no benefits!) but J managed to get me a couple of shifts on reception at his place, so at least we can eat this month.

Dinky - glad you had the chat with your boss. I do understand that somtimes needs must push you over your contracted hours, but it isn't fair that it's a standard thing unless they compensate you in some way. Hope it resolves in a positive way. Hope D's ear infection has improved?

STW - yikes, I feel tired all the time and M sleeps till 7:30. I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Is he happy to play by himself? Maybe you can jus chuck some quiet toys in the cot until a more civilised time? Or would he go back to sleep if you ignore him? I hope things improve, or at least you all get a chance to relax at the weekends.

SM - oh duck, I feel your pain. It sounds like DP is being really unsupportive atm - do you think it's a guilt thing (that you can't leave the money stuff to him?) is he keen for you to work at all? I know how scary it is, but you really must talk to him about it, if nothing else it will show him how strongly you feel about the situation. How would he respond to an ultimatum? Is there an activity he enjoys he can involve the boys with?
Hope Luke recovered from the sting ok?

mos - I have a draft message to send to you on facebook - I'm hoping to pick your brains if you haven't deadened them with pimms and pork! Can't do it from here, but should be able to send it sometime over the weekend.

Just wondered if anyone has any experience writing a business plan? It's only a small business, so don't think I need SWOT etc, but all the online guides seem to be tailored to people trying to challenge Richard Branson!

MrsY Sorry money isn't great for you right now. We're skint too, rubbish isn't it?

Dp enjoys swimming with the boys, but need money for that!
We did have a chat the other night and I think it'll all be ok, I have to remember that he is not a mind reader and that he thinks differently than I do!

I used to have to write business plans alot for the pubs. I did the whole SWOT analysis thing too.
If you want me to have a look at anything feel free to message/e-mail me. I will happily look through anything, but since having the children my brain doesn't function as well as it used to, so not promising I'll be able to help!

Oops! You slipped off my thread list! really sorry not to catch up properly but have had a nightmare couple of weeks with ds1. Going to have to go back to drs re pnd as coming apart at the seams now but will attempt a more chilled week this week and have pencilled Monday night for an intenternet catch up and some personals. Hope you are all ok? X

Hello all - SM, glad you had a chat with DP and things will hopefully be better now - how are you feeling now?

Spotty my love - sending you enormous hugs. Hope the dr helps you.

KBN - hope you have a fab time at the hen weekend this weekend and that I doesnt come down with the dreaded pox. I think it generally has an incubation period of a few days at the very least so hopefully he and DP are having a great time in the sun this weekend.

MrsY - things sound quite tight for you guys at the moment - really hope they improve soon. What's the business plan for? (nosey emoticon)

Will see what happens re work - had corporate offsite on Thursday and Friday which was fun and where various promising suggestions about all kinds of things were made, so lets see. First night away from Danny and he didnt take to it well - had to sit with him for nearly an hour last night so he'd go to sleep and he had me up for 3 and a half hours in the night. Grrr.

Hey spotty - sending you hugs, choccies and a needle and thread to stitch you back up xxx

SM Glad you had a chat. Money is poo isn't it? Can you get a paddling pool?!!

dinky, I'm hoping to buy a Sing and Sign franchise. Very early stages, but will need some investment capital so need to think professionally. BTW, saw a post from a dinktinky - that you?

Or rather Dinkytinky

mrsy no that is not our dinky.
Mos does sing and sign over in ksa so might be best to talk to her.
I could get a paddling pool but we don't have a garden
dinks didn't you ask her to change her name?