August 2008: in which we undoubtedly welcome Miniest Oops!

[CaptainCaveman]

come on in and make yourselves at home....

Evening all.

Thanks for all your thoughts, DD2 is fab now we have to be checked over at the hospital for the next few days and she needs to be obseved for an hour a day to be safe.

We took them to the cotswold wildlife park today it was great and not too busy.

am feeding now so no personals or caps!

Only skimmed. Still not wireless in the house so can't sit and MN with ease.

(((hugs))) to Oops. I know how scary that is and will have you and weeOops in my thoughts throughout the evening.

No1 my horoscope for the week ahead I feel I need to share with you. (((hug)))

"Powerful people never need to throw their weight around. They leave that kind of thing to those who are nervous and insecure. When you are confident, you don't need to be aggressive. You don't even have to be assertive. You can just sit back and relax, as long as you keep a careful eye on whatever you feel most concerned about. Now, here's this week's big question: Are you powerful or powerless? Are you at the top of your game or the bottom of your pit? Think before you answer. You are very concerned about an apparent problem. It's bugging you badly. You have, though, the wherewithal to solve it easily." -Jonathan Cainer (cainer.com)

Until later...

Skimming here too, but No1, it's so tough to have to move on quickly but do be careful to keep yourself safe.

Oops, that must have been terrifying. DD2 had a very fast second stage birth and had a major wobble at one week old. It was frightening for all of us, but it was all down to excess mucus. Could it be the same thing I wonder?

Dizzy, you are an amazing woman and keeping your cool in that meeting was brave and sensible. Honestly, you are a marvel. Give yourself time to rest and recover too.

I have avoided doing any tidying or packing up and the build begins next week. Dh will desepair when he comes back from London.

hurah!! i'm back on-line! no broadband for 24hrs and I was rather pleased to see it working this morning

also, loving my lie-in DH apparently doesn't feel well
hey ho!

off to catch up and oh, good morning to all of you, its so good to be back!

Morning MrsM glad to see you back ..

well dd2 decided after not going to sleep last night til 8.30pm that 6.10 was a good time to wake up ..

got a cracking hangover as well from too much wine/champers last night!!! we sat out the back listen to some wicked tunes and it started out like a really good night... then "h" went a bit weird and ended up saying so really horrible things like i needed to just like go more and reminding me what i was like pre children/before we were married etc wtf??? he always do this.. no matter what i do or how hard i try to get things back on an even keel us he spoils it!! arghhh...

anyway strong coffee and tabs taken so also off to catch up on what i've missed xx

sorry that should say let go more!!!

blimey, you've all had a busy couple of days!

hots that campsite's only 4.5 hrs from us so see you soon Actually, its very close to pil, shall I send them over to you for a visit?!

crisp welcome back! no comment re cheese baiting! shame about your camping and about london picnic, would have been lovely to see you again

vg completely with you on the servant friend front! I'm actively encouraging DS to 'help mummy' already! He's not quite at the making coffee stage but we're getting there

no1 there are lots of wise words already been said, I have no more to offer but want you to know that i'm thinking of you and please let me know if there's anything i can do

red can you kind of bundle a significant amount up into a cupboard or something? surely points for trying count here

oops you poor thing! you must have been terrified. I hope it turns out that DD2 was just testing your reaction times

dizz wow! you're not a bitch at all for doing what you've done. you're a calm woman who has been faced with alot of crap from them all but have now proved to them that you're better than the lot of them. well done you! And as for any personal gain you might get from it all? nothing less than you deserve

lnt i would have been the parent laughing at my son's wet bum too! But i would hope that DS would see the funny side too so in fact we'd be laughing together!

loti poor DD1, i hope she feels lots better soon. As for DH... make sure you get him looking after the DDs whilst he is there. It sounds like a step in the right direction if he's leaving tonight once DD2 asleep, non? I got the impression that that kind of thing wouldn't have crossed his mind a few weeks ago

buckets a floating dojo eh? sounds very grand

oh loti, sounds like i spoke too soon. But, looking on the positive side, you said the night started off good so that's a start. the conversation you had about what you were like pre-children is one i've had with DH. It used to really upset me. It was usually during an argument along the lines of him pointing out everything i've given up now i'm a mum and me pointing out everything he should have given up now he's a dad. He was upset that I'd appeared to have given up on being an individual and spending time on most of my hobbies. Well, the good news is that DH now limits the time he spends away going his stuff. He tries to limit any hobby work he does at home to after DS is in bed. The reason I hadn't done so much of my hobby stuff was because I just didn't have the time to do it so, all I need to do now is tell him 'i want to do x,y,z for how ever long this weekend' and so far it does seem to be working. There's no way your 'H' can complain about what you're not doing if he's not helping you achieve it by giving you time off. What really helped with my DH was pointing out how much hobby time he gets and the reason why ie that i was helping him achieve it by looking after DS. sorry, this has turned into a bit of an essay and i suspect its very disjointed because i've had to 'phone' teddy bear, jump like a frog and rescue DS from an apron etc inbetween sentences

oh loti, sounds like i spoke too soon. But, looking on the positive side, you said the night started off good so that's a start. the conversation you had about what you were like pre-children is one i've had with DH. It used to really upset me. It was usually during an argument along the lines of him pointing out everything i've given up now i'm a mum and me pointing out everything he should have given up now he's a dad. He was upset that I'd appeared to have given up on being an individual and spending time on most of my hobbies. Well, the good news is that DH now limits the time he spends away going his stuff. He tries to limit any hobby work he does at home to after DS is in bed. The reason I hadn't done so much of my hobby stuff was because I just didn't have the time to do it so, all I need to do now is tell him 'i want to do x,y,z for how ever long this weekend' and so far it does seem to be working. There's no way your 'H' can complain about what you're not doing if he's not helping you achieve it by giving you time off. What really helped with my DH was pointing out how much hobby time he gets and the reason why ie that i was helping him achieve it by looking after DS. sorry, this has turned into a bit of an essay and i suspect its very disjointed because i've had to 'phone' teddy bear, jump like a frog and rescue DS from an apron etc inbetween sentences

Thanks mrsm. He did say last night that maybe he was having a mid life crisis! But that is so not my problem. I am so sick of walking on eggshells with him. I adore my girls and am happy pretty much with the life I have give or take a bit more me time but I think all mummys think that. He just doesn't want his life the way it is now so I would rather he just got on with it and leave me and the girls to it. He said when we first met that I wouldn't be able to change him and said again last night " look you haven't been able to change me" but as far as I am concerned changing to be more family orientated can only be a better thing!

does he know what he wants his life to be like? could you work on this together? dh and i mostly have problem when we're on opposite teams, playing against each other. sounds corny but it really helps to actually say to each other to get back on the same team when we/i/he realises we're not

He wants to be able to do what he wants when he wants with no consquences!! Not my idea of a loving relationship. You and your dh seem to have it well sorted mrsm!! X

Christ LOTI, I'm sorry to be less than constructive here but the more I hear of him the more of a twat he sounds. I'm pretty sure we'd all love to have kids & still be able to live like we used to but I know in this house we can't. Time for him to grow up & stop being a selfish tosser and time for you to work out exactly how you WANT to be treated in this partnership as I don't think you believe you deserve any better . Over & above how he treats you, he's not got the girls as his number one priority which would be a deal breaker for me I'm afraid and it's setting them up to believe that's an ok way for them to be treated by their future partners.

Morning all, welcome back miamla!

5.15 start here, thanks to D which has made me regret vino last night. Off to ice cakes then head to gala day if it stays nice

both boys are asleep so thought i'd sneak back on here before baking some banana muffins* dizz*... you've created a monster by the way! I never used to bake and in the past week i've made..

• italian biscuits (very very nice!)
• pitta bread (erm, no so successful)
• apricot/raisin muffins (well i liked them!)
• rosemary focaccia (was actually easy to make and tasted like it should do so there's one in the freezer for the london picnic girls!)

loti has he actually said that to you? does he not realise how unreasonable that is? have you specifically asked him how he wants his life to be? If you haven't, i really think you should. don't do it mid-argument. do it when things are nice and calm, without the girls being around. if he answers how you've answered above, he seriously needs to grow up and as dizz says, look at his priorities. you deserve to be treated far better and he needs to realise this..very very soon.
dh and i are by no means perfect and we do seem to argue about daft things but, we always seem to re-team after any blowouts so i guess that's the main thing

Popping on before heading off into the sunshine.

LOTI sorry to say not being changeable doesn't mean you are a strong character etc it means you pay no attention to other things in your life. Anyone who is not changed by having children is a right eejit. Anyone who will not consider change in order to achieve the life they want with their partner is a right eejit. That is just selfish and shortsighted. for you.

Are you coming to Ire this summer? x

stop the clock!!

i'm in the garden, in my bikini, with a glass of squash, book by my side and with banana muffins baking in the oven

if the smell of them cooking doesn't wake the boys up, i'm not sure what will!

hi vg bye vg

Oh Loti that never changing line is straight out of the MN list of signs to show you have a w*er on your hands. He doesn't seem to see why a person's life has to change when they become a parent - it really makes me about his empathy skills. It's just not good enough to sustain a marriage let alone a family.

Miamla Well done on your work with your DH, it's very true, all our fights come down to lack of communication and assuming each other are psychic. Being clear about one's needs and coming up with an illustration to show any imbalance (like you did) is the way forward, otherwise it gets classed as nagging.

Lucky tell him change is constant and unstoppable otherwise his Mummy would still be around WIPING HIS ASS FOR HIM! Everyone grows up and where relationships are involved you either grow together or you grow apart. Life takes work and their are consequences. Best he be trying to score good consequences instead of bad consequences. I'd have been pissed to get the "you never let your hair down anymore" comment. Thankfully there's a lot I don't do any more like run off to another country to listen to different bands play whenever I fancied. Strange but being a GROWN UP is kinda fun in it's responsible, organized kinda way. Now I like "planning" trips to fun places "the whole family" can enjoy.

loti so what did you say when he came out with all his dictation about what you should be doing with your life, and what he plans to do with his?

Loti, what everyone's said here is spot on.
Can I ask Cyteen's question too?

Loti, I don't underestimate for one second how low all of this is making you feel. You sounded so happy in your facebook update last night, and when I read it then I thought that he might want to deflate that happiness ...

Buckets' link is a good one, and might help you to separate out how he's making you feel and how you feel about yourself.

Mind yourself, my dear.

miamla - how wonderful you've been inspired and well done on your foray into the world of bread making, I don't do well there at all but then my sweet tooth doesn't incline me to keep trying PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE come and post about it on the FB page though as although I've got 85 people in the FB group the FB actual page doesn't have any chat of as much of a following

lovely blue skies (and now pink skin regardless of factor 50) so the gala day was enjoyed by all. 3 filthy girls all now watching Alice in Wonderland on DVD and waiting on baked potatoes for tea

Evening

LOTI i too smiled at your FB update last night but did think to myself you had a friend over and DH was out . Apologies for that, and great that you two could relax and enjoy one anothers company, but out of order that he turned on you . Please consider carefully what the wise ladies have said as it really sounds like he is not going to change to make things better for his family. And proud of it

oops hope no more scares with DD2?

miamla well done on some bikini garden time. Hope you got to relax for a while

dizz was your baking for the gala?. If so i hope it went down well. Also did you say you had childcare issues or have i dreamt that? Hope you manage to find a solution

cyteen how was the big adventure?

Girls have played in the garden all day although preferred a bucket of water to a paddling pool . Very cloudy here but warm enough (just) for me . We are having an impromptu BBQ with 3 sets of neighbours later which will be lovely. Just hope the rain holds off......

Afternoon all

DD2 fine today, she was breathing a bit fast at today's check up so the paeds blokie came to check on her - still no signs of infection/thyriod issues so it may just be her.

DD1 and I baked the Waitrose Heston lemon tart today - I love my sling!- and it is remarkably easy and DD1 loved licking the bowl.

Hot andd clammy here, poor DD1 left a toddler shaped sweat patch in my bed at naptime! I hope it rains if only to cool poor DD1's bedroom (sorry Sazz)

Sazz, I wasn't baking for the gala day but for the local cafe I volunteer in. The Gala day was fab, sun was shining and girls were on good form. I really like the way they do it for this one, the performers etc are paid in advance so are there for the day and we don't have to pay out 3 times for everything, rides are done by tickets and managed so older kids/hooligans don't ruin it etc

child care is a problem at the minute but I'll deal with it when I grow a pair enjoy the BBQ, our sun has turned to rain but never mind, we're inside now and the day was lovely