August 2008: Crap, how did THAT happen?

[CrispyTheCrisp]

Morning all

Not caught up properly since Thursday - Hope DD enjoyed her party Dizzy - Hope you're coping OK in the heat Ooops and Queen

Oh and MrsM of course

Hullo chaps. I'm a bad catcher-upper too but Dizzy glad today's the day you get to wave a glad farewell to your guests and relax...

CC that sucks. Fingers crossed they remember your indispensability in time.

Well I don't have Crispy's knack for enjoying the sun but it has been pleasant to eat outside etc. Starting to look at houses, too - nothing jumping out yet. Ours is on FB if you want to have a look!

Am supposed to be working.... have a nice day all.

am hiding in the house, DH took the girls down to the cottage and I've walked the dog, dropped her in for her simmer clip, hung out the washing, showered etc but not gone to the cottage - I can't be arsed playing nice and I can't stop fecking crying today so being with them isn't going to help!

am off to nosey look at pert's house on FB and oops no pressure but I'm needing cheered up so COME ON (PLEASE)!!!!!

am not here really,busy reading about my ontological perspective or some such shit.

Dilemma - I have just discovered why the shoes I bought last summer in the Boden sale don't fit me....they sent a size 3 not a 4 (blimey I am dim!). SO, do i give them to my hard up friend who is a shoe size 3, or do I flog them on ebay? They are gorgeous wooden heeled strappy sandals in dark brown suede, and I adore them!

Cece - ebay or mention to friend you're popping them on ebay and see if she'd rather give a donation?

Pert - you're house is just lovely and I can see why you would be so sad to leave it, I would be too. I also mean to say (everytime) how much I adore your FB profile pic, I can almost smell M from it

dizz don't blame you my love, if they can't be bothered to get up and walk 100yds to say goodbye to DD1 then why should you? Sorry to hear emotions are welling over, but maybe a good thing? Sounds like your mind is running overtime on the dreams so maybe just your body catching it up and letting it all out? {{{{Hugs}}}} and hope you have a few lovely days with DH

Pert i want to hear now that you borrowed a neighbours house and that isn't a house which has two working parents and a toddler living in it

cece You may take the cyteen route and triumph at second interview or my route and leave the money grabbing gits behind, but you know what? It'll all be fine whatever happens . Arse about the shoes though, what a bugger. I would give them to a friend, but only because i'm too lazy to Ebay . Oh and i reckon wooden heels woul;d be uncomfortable once worn for any length of time

Doctors done and dusted for a year, 2 loads of washing done and hanging out, mortgage company sorted, work document sorted, emails checked and swimming instructions for the weekend printed. Only another 4 things on my to do list and i can relax

ooh Crispy is your course this weekend?

Yes, Friday and saturday - 8.45-5.30pm. eek. I am staying with a friend and attending her annual Eurovision party so need to try and stay clear of the drinks and party food. Double eek

I shall however swim through the thread like a fish come Monday. Or keel over in an exhausted heap

Right, Sainsbo's here i come.....

all sounds wonderful just what the Dr ordered

Singapore yours is super lovely!! He will make a wonderful husband someday I just know it. Might I suggest an arranged marriage? I also have a lovely daughter the same age.

Dizzy get it all out. CRY CRY CRY! It's okay to stroke your belly and remember your loss. That is all completely natural. You will heal, both physically and emotionally. I PROMISE! Do you have an idea of what you and your DH plan to do next? Will you attempt to get pregnant again or not? The nut case I am, I looked at it all very methodically, walking myself through all the stages of loss very quickly. The oddest part was my understanding of how sex releases chemicals in the brain that helps depression. I didn't want to be depressed for long (having gone through 3 years of life after my mom died that I don't remember because of it). So I found a wave and rode it (surfer metaphor). It helped me and I think it helped DH too. When feeling that low, touch, connecting with someone else you love deeply, really really lifts you up (even if for only a moment). I will continue to keep you and your DH in my thoughts. ((((((HUG)))))))

Captain for each door closed another opens. I believe 18 years deserves a very big package deal.

Pert back to work.

Sazzles glad you fixed that wording because that's exactly what I was thinking. LOL!!

Hi Foghorn.

Wow TS that little speech there brought a tear to my eye, honest! I am not being sarcastic here, that was just profound in a wonderful way.

re pay out if it comes to redundancy...this is the NHS we are talking about! . and I agree, 18 years is a long time, you'd get less for murder!!

Sazz you're right about the shoes being uncomfy after a long time - so does that make me mean if I give them to my friend?

dizz in a not-totally-unrelated way, during and after my abuse counselling I was able to get intouch with my 'inner child' and give hugs to the little girl who was in there alone, sad and crying, and it gave me (and still gives me) HUGE comfort to do. So as TS says, its totally normal and natural, and I would go so far to say is a part of the healing process. Sorry if thats a little deep.

Now then, this author is fed up of writing in the third person, and so is going to stop for lunch

thanks TS, would you believe it was the finale of LOST that has started all this nonsense I'm very fortunate in the fact that DH and I are incredibly tactile people and he has taken onboard the fact I am having a blue day and kept his parents out of my fecking way as much as possible As for what we're going to do I've no idea. This MC was completely different to the first one and I'm not sure I could put DH through that again - we have 3 girls to consider over and above ourselves and it makes me sick to my stomach that DD1 could have easily come through and found me. This baby, though much loved and wanted, wasn't planned and we need to sit and discuss it - its just not time yet. I have to wait on the results from the hosp first and then we'll see.

Cece, thank you.

right thats the PIL away having taken the girls to the park then had some stuffedin lunch. I said hope not to be so long till we see you again to which MIL said we'd be welcome over any time. I couldn't help myself and reminded her that we have no time off together over the summer (due to annual leave restrictions) to which she replied 'oh well you never know you're luck'!?!? I then told her I hoped not to be off sick again and that it would be easier for her and FIL to hop on a plane (door to door direct in under 2hrs Belfast to Dundee) then us packing all 3 in the car and driving to Troon for the boat Having bitten my tongue all weekend listening to stories about how if it wasn't for SIL and the kids they'd move over here in a shot (the youngest is 10 ffs) and all about the two cruises and many shopping/Aston Villa weekends away they've got planned - it was all I could do to stop myself announcing that I wouldn't be coming over at any point this year if I could help it DH had BETTER not told them we're in Belfast for a concert in June or he'll be going on his fecking own

oh and would anyone else be concerned if shellsuit wearing 10yr old dniece would only eat apples/carrots?? I'm not inclined to believe that this is a balanced diet for a girl who is 4yrs older but the same height as my DD1, built like a toothpick/ worried about her weight - MIL thinks its wonderful and wishes she was more like her eating habit wise

PIL rant over for another 6months at least fingerscrossed

This seems like an inappropriate moment to share my joy, but...does anyone need a pair of magnetic L plates?

horray cyteen go girl!!!!

hugs dizzy please be kind to yourself..

ts you made me cry with your post.. you always seem to have the right words to say ..

spring.. lining up another potential candidate to marry your ds ..

oh crispy your swimming trip sounds so good ..

no news here after dh good turn at the weekend.. he has a night out tonight and away thurs/fri at the cricket!!

Congratulations Cyteen Well done you

Dizz - don't be too hard on yourself, your grieving, it's all natural. TS said some very wise words

Dizzy I'm practicing a bit of tongue biting myself. IL's were due here tomorrow but decided to go visit a relative for a night first. So Thursday & Friday they will be here. FIL called and I offered directions. He was like OH WE KNOW THE WAY. Which quite honestly he should. When I said it would take 3 hours from the relative's house, he was like really?, in a questioning manner. It IS! I've timed it numerous times. Sazzles can attest to it too. Then what do you know...he phones DH's cell yesterday and asks how we traveled down.

Cyteen I am very proud of your accomplishment.

Lucky ??? Have you you made plans with him for Saturday and Sunday?? Looks like it might be WIDE OPEN. Zoo? Lunch in the park??? You out & him watching the girls???

Afternoon

Dizzy - (((HUGS)))

Cyteen - Well Done - you kept that secret!

Lucky - seems it was all a little short lived.

DH has gone to look at his new car - Our lovely estate lasted precisely 6 months before he foundsomething he loved more. To be fair he hs worked really hard recently and was left some money to buy himself something fun - no bills, repairs, family stuff or he didn't get it - so with little persuasion he has bought the car he has wanted for years! it is still a 4 door saloon but his face when he mentions it lights up like a small child. It does mean though that I have to get a more family sized car at some point.

DD marching around the sitting room to a man playing trumpet on Zingzillas .

yay for cyteen Well done that girl!

Aw thank you all Honestly, I'm still buzzing about it. Didn't want to say anything to anyone about taking it again as I didn't want the weight of knowing people would be waiting to hear, iyswim - the only person who knew was DP. It was definitely the right decision as I just focused fully on my driving and actually enjoyed it.

Am totally knackered now though. Can't believe I'm now allowed out in the car by myself!

Lots of love to all, sorry I've been lurking but I have read avidly each day. This month has been utterly mental chez cyteen, so busy with uni work/work work/driving work/DS work. Now all I have to do is get through the rest of the week and I can hopefully chill out a bit.

Extra special careful squeezy hugs dizzy xx

cyteen I totally feel your pain of uni/work/work/uni/work ad infinitum. I'm freaking out about getting my reserach proposal finished to hand in on Friday. Only 1000 more words to write but a whole feckin lot to read before i can start writing. gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh

Cyteen - pop in the car and head north - you'll reach me eventually, tis the perfect spot for an end of the week chill out!!!!

Cece - where is your rescue remedy? deep breath, you are a fantastic CAPABLE woman who is more than qualified enough to do this. repeat repeat repeat

cyteen very well done to you . I was like you and couldn't believe anyone would let me out on my own in a big metal box with an engine . Many still feel that way i fear

cece pretend it is a pub quiz answer and you'll be fine

oops i am intrigued about what family saloon could have your DH so het up?

TS sorry but I did LOL at your IL's surrepticiously calling DH's mobile. But then you are proper scary LOL, bit like dizzydog

dizz well done on the straight talking to the IL's

DH being a tit. He just said 'goodbye, see you friday' and he stomped out to his workshop (I'm staying at a friends tomorrow with DS and he's out thursday) He was questioning the way i put DS to bed. Reckons I stay with him for too long settling him. Maybe i do but i haven't seen him all day and we were having a lovely chat and cuddle. DS is apparently 'playing me' and getting his own way. my pelvis/back/hips are really painful, i've spent the day at work, picked up DS, cooked dinner and you know what, i'm not clearing up. He reckoned he didn't want any dinner tonight but managed to eat it when i cooked for him anyway. i'm just so bloody angry with him. I know what the problem is. He's bored at work and is stressed about a self-inflicted dead-line. Neither of which is my fault but i guess the saying is that you hurt the ones you love because they're closest to you.Don't worry, i'm not staying here to bring you all down. just needed a rant/moan and now i'm going to bed

sorry its all me me me. i'm pissed off, in pain and tired. not a good combo. tempted to delete all this without posting but hope you understand why i need to get it out there iyswim

Cyteen - it's like when they let you walk out that hospital door with your baby - you do (or at least I did) question their sanity about letting you loose.

Crispy - He has bought a BMW M5. Lordy he even came home from the dealership with photos of the bleeding engine!

TS - a few days shorter with the ILs can be seen as a blessing.