November 09 - rolling, laughing and cutting teeth ... but us mama's are still not getting sleep!!

[scarlotti]

New thread for us

Hi all, not been on for a while and see there is a new thread! I went away for the weekend and have been poorly all of this week with a throat infection. I seem to be getting ill a lot at the moment and am wondering if it's because i'm still breastfeeding. Is anyone else finding they are more suseptable to being ill? I am thinking of taking some supplements can anyone recommend anything?

Millie is teething at the moment and waking lots, the only thing that makes her go back to sleep at night is my boob! I'm worried that I'm making a rod for my back too as she will feed in my bed and I'll fall asleep so she ends up co-sleeping. When I do manage to put her back in her cot she will wake an hour later wanting more boob. I don't know whether to just go with it because she is teething or whether to give her a dummy. Dh is against a dummy and I must admit that I feel I've got this far without giving her one would it be madness to do so now?

sirboob I agree with everyone who says not to bother going to your Uncles, you have the perfect excuse and everyone will understand (apart from your mum but she is being unreasonable!) Also agree with Pavlov, your mum should not be swearing at you, how she thinks she can have the moral high ground by swearing at you I'll never understand!

sorry, read but not responded to the last few posts.
I was a hare's breath away from asking dh to move out today. I told him our relationship was under strain, that our marriage was on the rocks atm, cut a long story short, he asked if I wanted him to move out and it was a moment of going either way before telling him what i wanted was to sort this shit out and go back to being a proper family again. We argued a lot and poor poor DD saw me in tears which i swore would never happen. A lot of things were said by both of us, but he finally said some things that give me hope that we can get through this. We shall see.

But today is a distaster. He is out doing some work that he should have done earlier in the week. I promised DD daisy chains and picnic lunch, it has not happened, he wants to do it for tea so he can do this work. DD has been an absolute nightmare for the last couple of days, Reuben has been clingy and right now I want everyone to just leave me alone, I want space and no matter how much i shout for it, i am not getting it and I am climbing the walls in despair.

Sorry for the mememepost, but I have not even been able to have a shower in peace wthout DD climbing in, and DS screaming the place down, i have not done my hair, not moisturised my terribly dry skin, or had time to cut my horrible nails, and DS wants feeding again. Funny how with two of us here i feel so unable to be myself. If he was working i could organise myself better.

Sorry. not a happy mummy.

Oh Pavlov a big hug coming your way x

sends Pav a hug.

hope things get better for you soon and manage to get some 'me' time in somewhere. I understand when you say about if your dh was working you could organise yourself better as this is what im like when dh has a holiday, nothing gets done. when he is at work I can do things my way and seem to be able to do more, actually. I think it would drive me insane to have him with me 24/7, much as I love him. I think part of it is I end up having to do everything for him as well as the kids.

pavlov, big hug from me too. Remember we are all here to listen and I'm sure, Reuben will give you that smile that makes you forget about your hair and nails any second.

pav big hugs to you. Sorry you're going through a tough time. Can you express some milk, leave DH with the kids and get out of the house for an afternoon for a coffee, see friends, or just look around the shops at your leisure. It might make you feel more refreshed. You could make it a weekly thing, whilst DH isn't working.

Pavlov I hope you've been able to blow off a bit of steam and are feeling a bit better. Like you, we don't have loads of space in our flat and I definitely feel that I get less done with DH around. It doesn't take much to feel like we are getting under each other's feet.

My DD is also being Hard Work at the moment and since a few others have mentioned it, I wonder if 4 months is some kind of threshold for them realising the new baby is not going away and therefore demanding more attention? Here's hoping!

To be honest, I do love it when she is at nursery and DH is at work and I can get on with things just with relatively-easy James here. I have been woring this afternoon while she's at nursery, but it still feels like a breath of fresh air.

The picnic this evening might be nice though. We did this on Monday for dinner and it was really good, plus DD ran around for 2 hours, so went straight to bed as soon as we got in.

((hugs)) for you.

my day had been trying. ds keeps throwing things in the playpen when the baby is in there, and keeps trying to hurt her. I thought he was doing it accidentally when being nice, like giving her a hug but in reality squashing her but just a minute ago he tried to bite her arm so I am watching him with hawk eyes. it makes me worry so much as it means I cant pop to the loo without wondering what ds is going to try to do to her. I'd put her in my sling but she isnt happy and screams in it.

When C reached 4 months old, DS1 became a monster . He was misbehaving up until then, but took it to another level at around that time. DS1 was giving C the odd nip with his teeth ( he was 4 in Nov!!) and being heavy handed. He wouldn't play on his own, or sit and do any of his favourite activities. It was as if a devil child had replaced my loving, bubbly DS1! I felt like I was losing the plot for a while. It has got better, DS1 has improved vastly the last month of so and is settled back to his old self. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Hold on in there ladies!

Trikken how old is you DS? Maybe you could put a baby chair in the toilet so you can have her with you when she is awake.

Thanks Fruit, it is nice to know there is an end in sight. Trikken this morning DD put the Bumbo on DS' head. Then when I told her not to, she put it on her own head and tried walking in circles around him - probably even more dangerous to have a Bumbo dropped on you from a height! She was so careful with him in the beginning, but either she is getting over-confident in her babysitting abilities, or she's just fed up with the baby!

Roll up, roll up all you first-timers ready to conceive again. Don't we just make it look like so much fun having two!?

trikken it might be easier to take DS to the loo with you than DD? It's a total pain though. I can't have a shower at the moment without bringing DD in too. You have my sympathy!

Haha Laugs that's why I waited until DS1 was 4 yrs old! Still hard whatever age your older child is. The positive side though, once both DC are used to each other and life settles down, they benefit so much from having a sibling and the love I see between my two, it's worth all the stress (at times )

laugs wasn't laughing at the bumbo situation. I was agreeing with you on what a lovely picture we must paint having two DC.

just popping in quickly to say hello. Mum is still down so not much time to post.
Sorry to hear you're having dh trouble Pav, hope you get things sorted. Similar feelings running in this household too if that makes you feel less alone. Not sure I'm as positive as you though.

Sorry, got to run, will try and answer other posts later!

Hello,

I love the thread title so very true!

Pav I really feel for you, I hope you and Dh can find time to talk and sort things out.

Sirboob I agree with the others about your visit, I must say even sleeping in the lounge with a baby would be too much for me, Henry is a night mare going to sleep if he is not in dark in his bed, and when he is tired he needs to go to sleep! Will Bryn be able to sleep with others in the room? As for feeding elsewhere stick to your guns and stay where you are, if someone is uncomfortable let them move. (will get off my soap box now)

Hearing some of you struggling to juggle with 2 children makes me smile I AM NOT ALONE. I am finding it really difficult with 3, I just can't get up to date with anything Any tips on how to organise myself better gratefully received.

Well ladies the routine worked tonight. Fast asleep in his cradle since 8pm. Absolutely nothing different this evening. We have been out all day and he has had naps here & there, yesterday I thought he'd had two good long naps at home. But at least tonight has proven that I'm not hitting my head against a brick wall, just need to stick with it!

Pav sorry to hear things are difficult at home. I hope you're ok. We're struggling a bit here as DP has been off work and too much time together causes us problems. It must be very difficult with your DH there all the time.

On the subject of bumbos, Ethan stretches out, head right back & points his legs straight out. I worry he's going to ping out of the bumbo seat. Is this possible?

evening all. things are...strained. But ok. Ithink the ok side of strained, rather than the 'we are screwed' side of strained, but the balance is delicate. There is one part of me that really does just want him to go. But not because it is what i want, it is what is easier. I just want everyone to just leave me alone right now really, in RL that is. I am withdrawing into myself, i can feel it. DH said maybe we are both a little depressed. He is recognising perhaps he is, it is a start.

Anyway, on a positive note, for all those first timers who are now deciding to have no more children...a happy story (x2).

Yesterday, Reuben was a bit wingey. He was tired. I was tired, we were all tired. Reuben was on my knee facing outwards and Bella fell over it running into the front room. He laughed really loudly!!! so she did it again laughing and he laughed, so she jumped up and down laughing, and he squealed, and she kept doing it, dancing and laughing and the more she did it, specifically for him, the more he absolutely squealed in delight like I have never heard before. It made me gush And ursi you were right he gave that smile earlier this afternoon after I posted. He was in his car seat and DD started to kick it so it rocked and he started to laugh and so did Bella and then Reuben and on it went so even though i felt like I wanted to break plates i smiled! and while i felt pangs of heartache i also felt proud that i had such beautiful children who clearly love each other.

Good to see you tigger. No tips I'm afraid.

pav so sorry to hear that things have reached crunch point. Are they made worse by unemployment? I guess I'd be in the same situation as you if DH were unemployed. If that's the case then I suppose you could look at this tension as being temporary? Difficult I know. I hope that you work things out and get some me time. I know too well how a 3yo and screaming baby can make you feel. If it helps to know, I'm forever jealous at your dinner dates with friends - I just wish I had a free and easy bunch close by here.

This is going to be a bit mememe I'm afraid.
I worked out yesterday that we can potentially afford for me to work 3 days a week instead of 4. Those of you 1st timers dreading going back to work please block your ears. I just can't decide what to do. In terms of stressiness and quality time with the girls it is no contest - 3 days wins hands down. I'd be able to keep on top of washing and at least make a stab at housework and cooking as I think that going down a day would make a significant effect on my take-home work (more so than going from FT to 4 days) as a teacher. BUT we'd be cutting things very fine. No treats. All clothes from Primark. No prospect of replacing our 8 year old car. No prospect of affording 2 cars (so me & girls being stuck in the village). No adding to our savings in any significant way. No overpaying the mortgage. And from a work perspective I'd have to share out my HoD duties with someone else and this would potentially be difficult in practice. And would I be able to go back up to 4 days as readily if need be? Would I have to make do with junior classes and lose my edge?

And then there are the thoughts of DC3. I'd so love a 3rd. Should I sacrifice the next couple of years' happiness by staying at 4 days (I found it incredibly tiring and stressful) to save up for DC3 that DH may not even agree to at that point (he's conservative about affordability)? Or live for the moment and make sure that the DDs early years are as nice and homely as possible?

So difficult. I know you don't have answers but I wanted to articulate my messy head at the moment. The decision needs to be made asap.

hobnob snap. I am in the same position. especially with, as you rightly say, a DH out of work. We used to overpay on our mortgage. It is all gone. We used to save. It is all gone. (unemployment, builders, ML). We have had to take a good hard look at where we are. I (i say this, because somehow it will work, even if DH and I dont) have decided that I cannot, compromise my family any more than 22 hours which I think will be 3 days for me (one v long, 2 short hopefully). My dreams of second car long gone, and your 8 yo car, mine is older! and it is a gas guzzler so not economical but we know it will work for now so just cannot change it. I took a mortgage break to have this ML, so is actually costing us. BUT. I remember growing up, my mum working all the hours god sent to put food on our table. I can do that on 22 hours a week AND be there for the children, i will not have them see me less than that. Mu personal choice.

What I am saying is, if this is the way you want to do it, if you feel you can be how you want to be as a parent at 3 days a week, then mortgage overpayments and savings and second cards mean little to little girls. In a very long winded way

second cars you knew that

DWB H has launched herself right out of the Bumbo, so it is possible, even if you think they are firmly wedged.
It's the Scorpio 'will to power' going on with her I think !!!!
As for the Bumbo as headgear, I can't get ds to put the flipping thing down, he parades around with it on his head all day long!

hobnob your employer is only obliged to consider a flexible working request once in any twelve month period so if you go to 3, don't expect them to review that at your request for a year... Unless of course it suited them to do so!

Bear in mind though that this isn't a forever decision. What age is your eldest? At some point school and nursery would make it easier for you to work more. Are you talking about working 3 days for 2yrs? 3?

If DC3 is such an unknown, I'd leave it out of the equation for now. If possible!

wook I'll bear that in mind, thanks! I think his big real nappy makes it easier for him to try to force his way out of it. Think I need a highchair pronto!

Am not going I feel really bad about it as I actually do want to see everyone. But for the past week I have been having these horrible nightmares - and hallucinations during the day, which happens when I am really stressed - about a van hitting the side of the car Bryn is on. I won't go into details, but it is so so horrible, am in tears just at the thought of it! I know its a silly reason not to do something, but the thought of it is just so scary... Ugh.

I haven't read anything, just had to get that out of my system, and you lot know me better than... Well, most other people, probably, piles and all How ironic!!

I hope you're okay.x