June 2008-keeping little hands off mummy's creme eggs

[poppy34]

New thread here

Essie so sorry you're having such a difficult time. That comment about the money is so upsetting. I get terribly upset when DH makes remarks like that, and even when he tries to explain that he finds being the breadwinner very pressured, all I hear is: you do nothing, you don't contribute, your efforts are worthless. DH is away a couple of nights most weeks at the moment, and some nights I quite like it, others I'm lonely.

I understand about the chopping and changing of the diary. The uncertainty is horrid, I find. I'm always much better when I know where I stand. I've ranted on here often enough when we're trying to go on holiday and DH wants to put it back a day. I don't know how to help, save for offering sympathy.

Abdn you sound like a lovely mum, but I'm v pleased for you about the job

I didn't mean for everyone to tell me that I'm a good mum - I know in my heart I'm good enough, it's just that my standards are pretty high, higher than I can achieve. I'm sure most of us feel that way...

Evening all, just a quick post to break up the monotony of studying and mortgage considerations. Someone else is interested in our potential new house so we have to decide by Monday whether we want to put down a reservation fee. Decisions, decisions...

Essie don't have any advice to offer beyond that which you already know - being the breadwinner is no substitute for being a good husband and father. I hope things improve for you.

Bugger if you're lurking - is all ok your end? I don't think you've been on since you were feeling a bit hacked off at home.

Sponge how are things going with house buying/selling with you?

Amber hope the building work is nearing completion.

Abdn glad that you've found a way to make work work for you. Oh, and just because you're not asking to be told you're a good mum doesn't mean we're not allowed to think it

Must get back to studying so will wave to everyone else!

DGT oooh yes - the house buying. Fingers crossed for you. Will you have an idea about mortgage availability by Monday?

and waves hi to bugger too .. hope you're ok.

Hello, hello, sorry I haven't been back on, and thanks for the messages. It's been busy - B has had an endless succession of sniffles, coughs, teething, etc so his sleep even worse than usual, and work has been mad.

I'm feeling a bit better than I did the other week. Not that things are much better at home, but I feel better about it, IYSWIM. I had a rant/sob at DP the other week, and he is making a bit more of an effort. Not enough, in my opinion, but I even got a mostly unprompted Mother's Day present. And he did loads of laundry last week (even though he did shrink one of my jumpers), and other house and garden stuff. However, I don't think anything is going to change that work comes first for him, which annoys me more than anything. It's not like he's a brain surgeon fgs. The world can survive without opera. It's just VOWELS after all - foreign vowels. (To nick something that made me laugh from In The Thick Of It).

Essie, that's crap about Easter, and all the other stuff. And Rolf too. At least I don't get the rubbish about being the breadwinner, etc etc. The rest of it is pretty shit though.

Goddess, good luck on the house front. Do you think the house builder might be trying to pull a fast one on you by telling you someone else is interested, and getting you to sign up?? [cynical]

Congratulations Spider!

B is being super cute at the moment - his favourite song is the Wheels on the Bus, which we have to sing to him all day loooong... He even said 'bus' in his sleep the other night, but I love seeing him do the actions and saying some of the words.

Wave to everyone else - I'm heading off for an early night...

I would normally take the same cynical view Bugger, but the development is sort of part owned by the company that I work for so while I'm not expecting any favours I'm hopeful that they wouldn't be out to get me. I'm glad things are a wee bit better at home.

Abdn hopefully we'll have enough info by Monday to at least make a firm reservation...

Hey all, thanks for the nice messages re: sickness. God it was awful. I managed to pass out at one stage and had to tell ds1 (8) to look after J until my parents turned up (fortunately they were practically on the doorstep). DH is still away and will probably turn back up when everyone is completely well, lucky sod.

essie - you should definitely feel able to rant to us on here. Unfortunately we can't tell you what to do, but I would think really hard about whether your life would be easier/happier without him, and go from there. Although I moan about dh the truth is that I adore him and I know that he would do anything for me and the kids. He offered to come home from the US when we were unwell, even though it would have caused huge problems with his firm, and he really meant it.

DG we spent more than we should to get the house we wanted. We both felt though that we would have regretted not doing it. I would do what your gut tells you to do.

Sorry - I skimmed the posts and can't remember much else, will try to catch up properly.

Thanks everyone. I can now announce that my period started today so, er, that explains the total crisis to some extent. Plus Iestyn woke at 6.30 yesterday which meant my fuse was shorter than normal.
Hormones...if this had come up last week, or even today, then I would have dealt with it more rationally. But Rolf put it well - this is a barrister thing, they cancel and chop and change; and this isn't the first time DH has deliberately accidentally not taken himself out of the diary and then something comes in... He has written to his clerks asking to pass on the Swansea thing to someone else (no reply yet, mind), and despite feelings of guilt I'm sticking to it this time because he has failed to take time off. (The week after Easter he's sitting as a judge, and that's harder to come by and he always worries a lot if there's a big gap between sittings because he's worried he'll forget etc and make the papers for being stupid etc etc. All judges secretly fear that. So that one is ok.)
He's also had some very sharp words about thinking in terms of all of us not just him.
The money thing - I really did put him in a bad light there - that really annoyed me but it's part of a wider 'discussion' on him. I think he likes to see himself as a traditional breadwinner (his family are v. traditional and I've never seen his dad put butter on a piece of bread even, but don't get me started...) but there's nothing conventional about the way we live, so it's hardly realistic. Besides, I have more control over my money and usually have more readies (he's got cash flow issues, not his fault, just the way it works - I'm PAYE with a set income). I think he struggles with the fact that I'm so independent, and not dependent on him for money or, well, anything much. I am my father's daughter...
Anyhow, enough self-therapy and analysis!! Apologies for losing it - I'm never rational when it's just before my period. Things are not as bad as I made them out to be.

Sybil glad you're better, and the sickness sounds like an absolute nightmare. Here, I manage ok but things start falling apart when I'm not 100% (or hormonal, clearly!); I was thinking of you.

Oh, bum, must go to have lunch with a friend. (No, it's good, but I had more to say!) Subfinal draft of my book has just been sent to the publishers. I am coming to London next week - unless DH, who knows he is on VERY THIN ice now, messes up but he's ultra cautious and grovelled a lot last night - so if anyone's around, I'd love to meet!

Hi everyone,

am just wasting some time while we wait to go visit my parents. My granny finally passed away this morning. We've all come home from work and nursery but my dad is sorting out death certificate and stuff so no point setting off just yet. So poor S is parked in front of my MacBook watching timmy time (the tv won't cut it anymore apparently) while I surf aimlessly to distract myself.

Essie, am glad you're feeling a bit better about things. There have been numerous occasions when I've been really upset about something and the next day I realise my period is due.

No more news on the house yet, will let you all know though. Have mentally moved into new place though which is a bad thing!

DGT I'm sorry to hear about your granny. I hope S is a comfort to your mum and/or dad at this time. I wish my kids had been around when my nana died - I think it would have made it so much easier for my mum. And lots of hugs to you - it's always sad, even when expected.

Essie I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. I was really sad for you! But I'm glad that you're still feeling a bit put out! Sometimes I blow up but then fold completely the next day like nothing was the matter, when it really was...

Having independent spouses that love each other rather than need each other financially is a difficult thing to adjust to but I think it says something nice about being together out of love rather than necessity... It's one of the reasons I want to work, I don't like being dependent, even though my DH doesn't think of it that way (and actually has no idea how much money we have etc - it's all ours but mine to keep track of IYSWIM.) It's just me that feels like I should be more able to stand up on my own. Fingers crossed he gets out of swansea anyways...!!!

DS1 is currently running a fever and lying on the sofa asleep. He's already had the sickness and diarrhea bit but not for 12 hours. We leave tomorrow at 6pm for Cornwall this isn't the first time our timing has been crap. I think Fraser and I had a mild case of this on the weekend, I know I woke up at 3am on Sunday night and thought "oh shit! DH wont be happy if he has to take the day off" because I felt like i had a fever but I was okay in the morning. Fingers crossed it was the same bug and we're not all going to spend out holiday in bed.

DGT so sorry to hear about your granny, hope you're all ok.

Abdn, hope Duncan makes a miraculous recovery in time for your trip. You couldn't be going much further - one end of the country to the other! Hope your holiday is good and illness free.

DG- sorry about your Granny x

Essie- you have every sympathy. As you know I have a twunt barrister husband. Don't get me started on his list of failings of late.....I'm here next week but only until Tuesday night. Remind me of your address though and I'll post the nappy xx

DG v sorry about your granny.
x

have post-exam fatigue, so just a quick message to catch up.

Congratulations spider hope you are feeling well and not too tired.

DGT sorry to hear about your Granny.

bugger I have worked with several brain surgeons and IMHO you are much better off with opera. brain surgeons are egotistical and rude, in general. (and over cited as the height of medical intellect! - I'd go with renal physician or paediatric cardiothoracic surgeon myself!)

puree loved the video

going to have an early night now I think!

On the height of intellect, can I just mention that my previous boyfriend (before DH) was a rocket scientist. He still is too.
Wouldn't recommend him, though. Although he's now married and a fabulous hands on dad.
'What are you, a rocket scientist?' 'Yes. Here's my certificate.'

I'm off on vacation now - see you in ten days! D seems better so fingers crossed!

And although I've never dated a rocket scientist, when I worked in astronomy I socialized with a group of them. Nice guys - geeky rather than egotistical Maybe the secret Essie was to just go for a pint with them instead of dating

DGT sorry about your granny. Hope you and you family are doing ok.

Bugger and Biscuits thanks. Welcome back to the thread. Hope that the exams went well Biscuits.

AH hope that you have a great vacation and that all are fit and well. We are off to PILs later on for 9 days. I am looking forward to some adult company. Praying that FIL has wireless broadband. Have a feeling he might not have tho .

Discovered last night that my good friend won't let her 2 year old watch Waybuloo. She is an evangelical Christian and she thinks the yogo and especially the cystals are very suspicious. I was a bit , but I shouldn't be really as I know that she won't read Harry Potter because it promotes witchcraft which is the work of the Devil.

Oh, and having a coffe with sponge later on too.

Thanks all for kind messages re my Granny.

DGT - so sorry to hear about your granny.

Essie - I can meet you next week if you like?

Very quick post so sorry for the lack of comments on everyone else's posts! Builders still here and will be to mid next week at least. Lost half a stone now on weightwatchers at my weigh in last Monday (so maybe more by now!). Mark has suddenly started telling me he love me all the time and I got beeped by a car yesterday! One more stone to go!

Also am now considering donor eggs instead of another IVF with my own.

Must go - 5 teas to make for the builders - joy.

Wow Amber, that's loads! Well done you! I'm around next week and no plans so far, but you'll have to wear something obvious as I might not recognize you now.
I was just looking through some photos from my mobile (transferred them to my computer) and came across a lovely one of the three of us (Penguin) and prams in the Xmas markets in London, with I went all misty eyed for a bit - it's a lovely photo, and reminded me of that happy time. Must send you a copy.
Also all the best to holidaying folks.

Spider I'm a Christian, but not evangelical, and Waybuloo is weird but I can't see anything offensive at all about it. There's no alternative deity or anything like that, the crystals aren't symbolic of anything - they're just there - there's no prayer or higher communication or higher authority or anything at all; the yogo is just shapes, and there's no reference to anything unChristian - it's like standing on one leg/jumping up and down, not real yoga which might involve reference to something higher (although I don't think so; even the meditation in yoga is non-referential - I once went to a class in a gym and the instructor thanked God for a good class at the end, and I was offended because it was so irrelevant!). So your friend is being very very silly and paranoid, and it's really not what Christianity is about. (Although you do say she's a good friend so I'm not trying to be mean about her, just her somewhat warped logic.)
Harry Potter - well, I'm a big fan, and have no problems with it; but there is some basis for objection some people if you're that kind of Christian.
But then I'm a Christian who does accidental witchy spells from time to time...!!!

wow amber, that's great. Are you going to meetings or doing it online? that's interesting that you are considering donor eggs, good luck with making the decision, I'm sure it's very difficult.

Waybuloo I agree with Essie - though even if it was promoting another religion that wouldn't bother me - there's more than enough programmes with Christian content particularly at Christmas time!

rocket scientists I know a few physicists, I assume rocket scientists are just the same, only more so!

anyone else watching masterchef? (come on puree I know you must be - even with a 4 week old!)

where is sponge? has Michael had his hospital appointment yet? I think you said he was being referred for being a tiddler?

I have only 3 more days at work before we're off to Cyprus - any advice on flying with a toddler?

right, feel a bit more caught up now!

hmmm too many exclamation marks in that post, I think it must be my post exam high. so nice to have a bit of time back for myself - evenings have been miserable for the last 6 weeks.

I agree with you both essie and biscuits re waybuloo. My friend is one of the lovliest people I know but occasionally she says something that makes me go , it's lucky we don't really talk about religion too much or it might test the friendship.

Made it to PILs - and they do have broadband.

Saw Sponge today she is fine but a bit busy with house selling and worrying about Michaels' weight. He has been referred but the appointment isn't until May which she has been told is a good thing as they can't be really worried about it. M is gorgeous, really smiley and has produced 2 teeth, is rolling over etc. They have got a buyer for their place and are buying a house off friends who are getting divorced!! With all of that she is taking a wee MN holiday but will be back.

Night all

How's this for a barbed compliment:

"That was a fabulous dinner darling. That's exactly the sort of thing you should be doing every day"

He's banging on the cellar door, begging to be let out

Poor Thea has the pox. I noticed a few spots yesterday and she has more today. She seems fine in herself, or no more clingy than she has been the past few weeks. We'll see what happens. I'm a bit gutted about the timing as I really don't want to be stuck in the house over Easter. We're going to a baptism/party on Easter Sunday so I'm hoping she's over it by then.

That's a classic from your Dh Rolf! Sorry Thea has picked up the pox.

We've been away since Mon in the Peak District which was lovely, lots of days out, meals out and wearing the kids out so they went to bed early . Most nights they were in bed at 6.30pm and woke at 8am (sorry to all the sleep-deprived )

Our weekend at Northcote was great too - we had the seven course taster menu which was delicious, and I had a lovely long bath beforehand. Small things these days...

Amber, can you get up with him and take him to a room where he is locked in and safe, can watch telly and you have a nap on the sofa? My sister used to do this. Neither of my sisters has ever found a way to get their early risers to sleep longer (I think some kids are just made that way). Is his room pitch black so the sun doesn't wake him? I find the smallest bit of light can wake them. It won't be long till he can get himself up, turn on the telly and get his own breakfast .

DGT, sorry about your Gran. Have you decided about the house yet?

Penguin, love the chimney sweep stuff! It is a big change but maybe just what you needed. Glad to hear you are still enjoying it.

Exciting news about Sponge's house!

Essie, sorry you had a rough week last week. I know what you mean about 'forgetting' to clear the diary. That is just their fear that they are going to be on the breadline next month so they have to accept all the work going. Even my DH did a similar thing this holiday - he was offered a 4wk trial so asked if we could re-arrange the holiday. He said 'I can turn it down but I might not get my bonus next year' (cos he gets a £5k bonus if he bills over a certain amount in a year). No way. There will always be some case or other getting in the way - he has to put you and Iestyn before making money. If DH doesn't get his bonus next year well that's fine, we are hardly scraping a living. If I were in your position I would probably give up my job and move to London, but I know that is not an option for you because you are so passionate about your work, and good for you. Marriages are tough when you both have full-time jobs and not even in the same country . It seems much easier when one party goes out to earn the money and the other looks after the house/childcare. Both are very hard work, so when you throw in another full-time job it's no wonder there are tensions. I think you would be well within your rights to say to him he must book 6 weeks out of his diary every year so the three of you can be together. The rest of the time you can plough on and cope with anything knowing that you have a 'holiday' coming up.