Fab Feb 2009 bar: toddle on in, grab a pew: mummy's in need of a drink or two...

[dinkystinky]

New thread for us to natter on about our toddling terrors... complete with some virtual booze. Mine's a french martini....

tulips Happy Birthday. Hope you have a nice puke free day and are feeling a bit perkier. xxx

Happy birthday Tulips - hope you have a fab, vom-free day! Sending you some fizz and balloons to celebrate your day

LittleSez - glad you had a nice northern meetup.

SHOCKING night last night thanks to our little insomniac - he was put in his cot at just before 7, finally went to sleep (after much milk, cuddles, medicine and repeat) at just after 1, up at 4 and then 5 and up for the day at 6. of course he was grumpy as all hell this morning and will be going for a nap shortly while DH and I get to struggle to use our brains at work... Hoping the god of caffeine will smile down on me and send me enough to get me through the day...

Thanks girls.... no vomit yet so i'm happy (it's a sad state of affairs when a good birthday has turned into one without vomit... how things change )

Went to my parents yesterday and dd started getting sick again and collapsed asleep on their couch... the boys were great though still going stong at 10.30 when we left! Managed to get everybody into bed still asleep when we got here but unfortunately dd was up and dressed at 6am this morning asking to go down for breakfast

Had dd's parent teacher meeting this morning and aside from the lack of concentration and general dippiness which we're well aware of the teacher is happy with her progress, he attnedance is being reported as it's gone over the 20 days but as the vast majority of that is from the broken leg i expectd that and it's just protocol so shouldn't be an issue.

Dinky... ouch! sending lots of perky caffeine rich vibes your way... at least it's almost friday!

Regarding the thread titles thread... it always amazes me that it's always the cliqeiest MNers that sem to get awfuly offended whenever anyone else frms a group their not part of I don't feel a bit sorry for Rhubarb, over the years she's slated the Fly girls and various other of the support groups on here, i think she just has issues with not being included in everything !

sorry, spelling appalling as usual

loltulips It does always seem to be the more 'in' ladies doesn't it?

Having another shocker of a day with ds1. I really don't know what I am doing wrong
I'm sitting here with a big glass of wine. I've put him in his bed because he hasn't listened to a word I've said all day.
And get this, I'm getting sympathy from mum's I know that ignore their dc's bad behaviour! I want to scream at them to just fuck off, they cklearly don't have a clue what they are on about

awww SM {{{hugs}}}

he's around 2.5 now right? they can be [ahem] testing at age... in fact ds1 is 3.5 and still testing so lord knows if it ever improves... although i do ythink he's calmed down a bit, either that or i'm getting used to it

SM - remember the mantra - this too will pass... It is a phase and will pass over - just try and retain your sanity in the interim. Time out or the pasta/shell jar or a reward chart are all good thing to implement at this time - just try and stay calm and consistent.

SM you're not doing anything wrong! He's 2 years old and beginning to assert his independence which is a positive thing (though it may not feel like it!). He's also trying to make sense of the world and all sorts of other stuff that at 2.5yrs without the benefit of our wisdom or understanding.

With DS1 we found strategies like naughty steps and other forms of "time out" didn't work as, although at some point they realise they're there because they've done something wrong I think really they're way too young to properly reflect on their misedeeds. Rather, we found that DS1 needed "time in" where we sat with him and talked about what he'd done wrong and so allowed rather than denied the feelings that motivated his behaviour ifswim. It will get better btw! Then it'll be on to the next horrible stage!

Thanks girlies
Thom I am just realising that they naughty step thing is not working so am ready now to try something else.
I think alot of today was him showing he was angry at me iyswim.
dinky remind me of what the whole pasta jar thing is about?
A star chart worked for him when he found issues with the bath and that's over now.

Deep down, I don't think I'm doing anything wrong, it's just that I have tried so hard to set bounderies and rules etc and I look at children who's parents don't bother with anything and the behaviour is the same.
I'm just feeling worn down and like I'm losing the battle, but I/we will get through it.

Think it was Tulips who was using the pasta jar/shell jar - basically big empty jar. When DC behaves well, you put pasta/shells in the jar - when they are misbehaving you take them out of the jar. When the jar is at a particular level they get a treat of some sort.

You're not doing anything wrong SM - the fact you've set boundaries from early on will come into its own when DS1 is older.

Ok, thanks dinky I think I will give that a go. Just plain boring pasta shells? In something like a jam jar? Do I take it out with us too?

I think you could use anything really - pebbles, shells, boring pasta, cotton wool balls - whatever. Jam jar sounds good. Tulips is the lady i think who can best advise on it - but if were me, would take it with me - just keep on reinforcing the positives and hopefully will help both you - and J- focus on the good as well as on the bad with his behaviour.

we use nuts instead of pasta/shells. brazil nuts to be precise. i have no idea how that came about but that's what we're stuck with now.

'mummy i've been brilliant today, can i have a nut?' makes it sound like we really limit her food!

main thing though sm is not to beat yourself up too much (and one day i'll practice what i preach!).

i still can't get on MN at work. seems to be no reason from work and i think mos is having problems too. not venturing outside of this group's virtual walls much i'm not sure who i contact at mn about it. any ideas?

i've gone back to pages so...

happy birthday tulips, hope your house is snot free soon.

dinky, sorry work is shit.

thom hope your dh's work situation got sorted and i love the idea of your mil waltzing round with ian. what was he like?

sorry if i've missed anything. i'm exhausted from very long, very intense hours at work at the moment.

but i deliberately left to make sure i saw both kids before bed tonight and about 5 mins after i got in I took his first 5 steps.

Hi KBN - lovely to see you back on - and GO I! Glad he waited for the main lady in his life to be around to take his first steps - very considerate little man you have there. There'll be no stopping him now Sorry work is rubbishly busy for you too at the moment - I want the job THOM's DH is off to start. 46 days holiday! Am still in awe and at that....

Ok. I do praise him when he is good, I really do. I also try not to dwell to much on the bad behaviour, i tell him off, he says sorry and it's forgotten, we move on.
I will start the pasta jar tomorrow. What happens if the jar becomes empty???
KBN Good to see you. Big well done to I for his walking, can't believe hopw quickly the time is going and h9ow they are all growing up!! Luke's hands are starting to drop a bit now, so soon he might walk like a normal person! lol

SM - I believe that you do praise J when he's good - its just its difficult to remember that you guys have good times and days together when he's been pressing your buttons lots.

I'd start each day afresh if I were you with maybe one or two shells in to start with (bit like a busker with their pennies - if you start off with one or two things in the jar J will want to have more in there)...

Ok, and just one more question then......what is reasonable action to get a shell?
How long should he go without hitting? A lot of issues comes from messing about when we're walking, so that might also be hard to manage, I will def do it though.
I will sit him down tomorrow and show him the jar and the pasta shells and explain to him what's going to happen and we'll see how it goes

Whatever you think is good behaviour SM - so helping you with tidying up, playing nicely, sharing, etc are all good examples of things that can earn a shell. Hitting, pushing, running off when out and about are all things that result in shells being taken away etc.

izzy is the cutest little person ever! despite going through a stage of shouting at me for everything! picking her up, putting her down, speaking, feeding, driving,doing things..................

she has a bag obsession first ot was a gift bag thing she has had for a few months now MIL bought her a bag (cute easter bunny thing) and she takes it everywhere it gets filled up with magnets and grass usually but sometimes bricks and porridge by accident when she couldn't part with it at breakfast.

dinky i think you must win the award for the most sleep deprived mum EVER! sorry that doesnt help at all does it but i feel your pain HUGS xxx

ls Izzy sounds very cute! Bless her. Ds1 also likes to have a little handbag which I think is quite cute and funny. I have not told dp
dinky thanks. I will let you know how it goes, it is def time to try something other than naughty spot.

J puked all over his bed. I have put his bedding in washing machine and scrubbed diver. Let's hope he hasn't got bug and it was a 1 off.

Where's mos? not seen her for a day or 2.....

Oh and dinky/tulips, what happens if the jar becomes empty halfway through the day?
And what sort of reward do I give if there are shells in there at the end of the day?

Jacob's been sick again out of both ends. Might not be the best time to start jar.

SM - if he's ill, dont start it today - Hope J gets better soon. If the jar becomes empty halfway through the day, you may well need to move to time out or in (as suggested by THOM) - to be honest the few times I've done the jar with DS1 it has never become empty as seeing the shells going out means that he suddenly focuses on trying to get them to go back in again Reward can be anything you like - an extra bedtime story, a treat after dinner, a cartoon he likes etc.

SM... i did the jar thing when dd was having serious toilet issues. She got a stone in the jar every time she used the toilet and one taken out when she wet herself.

If the jar got empty we didn't do anything, just pointed out to her that she was as far as possible from her treat. We started of with a treat for 5 stones, then upped it to 10, then drew a line on the jar which she had to reach to get her treat.

When we were out we kept count (added bonus of getting her to add and subtract one from what she knew she had) and she never forgot to make sure we put her stones into the jar

we only used it for the loo and phased it out as she improved but i can't see why it wouldn't work for general behaviour too.

Thanks tulips I'm at the stage now where anything is worth a go, and to be honest, i think he mightg need something more visual and 'real' than the naughty step.
Like I said earlier, not starting it today because he is poorly (again) but hopefully after the weekend.