Fab Feb 2009 bar: toddle on in, grab a pew: mummy's in need of a drink or two...

[dinkystinky]

New thread for us to natter on about our toddling terrors... complete with some virtual booze. Mine's a french martini....

oh no lots of sickness about hugs guys xxx

look, i'm on! from work! hurrah, the gremlins have left.

sm obviously dd is now a bit older and i'm trying to remember how it was when she was younger but it still works as a great incentive for her and for me as it reminds me to praise stuff which tends to go out of the window when she's being particularly erm, her. what behaviour = a nut depends on what's going on with her eg. for a while getting her to get ready in the morning was not great so now a good morning of dressed, teeth, hair, breakfast without whinging and too much delay = a nut. it's not as constant a thing as when she was younger. i don't tend to take nuts out now but if she's had a morning of not being rude (was a recent issue) she gets a nut. she now chooses what she wants her 10 nut treat to be, we're currently saving up for a secret diary 'with a key'. it's definitely helped and it did when she was younger too but it's not a magic wand. they're kids, they want control over situations and sometimes they just will try you and try you and upset themselves in the process because they know it's silly too but they've started and don't know how to finish. equally it's highly unlikely to be your fault.

hope the sickness clears up soon and good luck when you start.

Just sneaking on at work... KBN glad you can now get on at work - it's no fun if you can't MN!!!

Am reading these recent posts with interest and am off out to buy a jar and things to put in it this weekend .

SM - how's the patient? Hope J is feeling better...

Dinky - did you manage to get a better night last night?

LS - love that DD has a bag fetish!

Not too much to report here. We have a paediatrician's appointment come through for next Thursday for DD - think the plan is to do the CHAT autism "test". Will probably be getting my knickers in a twist next week, but trying not to worry at the moment.

Sam's skin is dreadful at the moment - his bum, back and shoulders are covered in eczema, so we're cutting down on the dairy to see if it's that problem creeping back again... Typical just as we had been signed off by his paed!!!

Better dash but hope everyone has a super weekend!

KBN - having had a lovely long chat with your DD the first time we all met up, I can honestly say your DD is delightful - and reminds me alot of my DS1 - so the brazil nuts are working!

Well one of the outreach workers at the children's centre thinks J is too young to understand the wholke jar thing and maybe I should lay off him a bit and try to ignore 'bad' behaviour and overly praise the good.
She gave me a book called The Toddler Taimer by Dr Christopher Green (I think) which focuses on the positive parenting side and now I am confused as to what I think is best.
This outreach worker said the school did the jar thing with her ds when he was 5 and she doesn't think a 2 year oldf would understand.
According to this book, if J was getting 100% grade A attention he wouldn't be trying to fight for it.

STW Poor Sam Luke's legs have a few patches on, but isn't too bad.
Re O's tests next week, I'm sure it will all be fine, but there's nothing that will stop you worrying. I know it doesn't help, but it is out of your control, no ammount of worrying will change what will be.
Keep us posted though xxx

SM - you know your child and yourself the best - do what thinks work for you and for J. The jar, the book, time in - all are suggestions which, as with everything in life, you can pick a little of what works from and ignore the rest. Of course every child would respond well to 100% grade A attention -- but the reality of life is that you cant give your child 100% grade A attention 100% of the time.

Oh STW - poor Sam - that sounds miserable. Hope you find the cause soon and it clears up. And please try not to worry too much about the appointment next week for O - hopefully it will go smoothly. Did get a slightly better night sleep last night - thank god as today was horrendous at work...

LittleSez - Izzy sounds gorgeous. DS1 developed an accessories love at this age - hats and scarves - more specifically my hat and scarf - which a couple of years later shows no sign of abating (though he's moved onto his own hats and scarves now...(

dinky as always, you are right. I have nothing to lose by playing about with bits and finding what works. After a year, it is clear the naughty step does not work

sorry SM but that outreach worker sounds a bit off... No child on the planet is getting 100% grade A attention, life gets in the way of that, either in the form of work, siblings, housework, cooking, generally having to get on and do things other than sit and gaze adoringly at your child..... and lord knows if you did that that the child would have a whole heap of other issues!

for the record ds1 was 2 when we used the jar for potty training and understood it just fine.

I think I worded it wrong, I kind of meant enough grade A attention, sorry.
I think ds1 would understand.

Even so, it's a patronising and rude thing to say.... lord knows you give your boys tonnes of love and affection and certainly spend alot more time than most of us doing activities and stuff with them, to suggest that J acting out is because your not giving him enough attention is bollocks really.

I'd think it probably has an awful lot more to do with a testorerone surge than attention seeking, all boys have them... they go incredibly aggressive and hyperactive for a couple of weeks and then just seem to snap out of it.

ds1 toook it into his head to jump on A and try and lie on him while he was crawling around at toddler group today. When A started crying and i went over to pick him up every single mother of a boy in the room looked around and simultaneously said 'Was my child responsible?'... collective sigh of relief ensued when i said 'Nope, that was mine, they're keeping it in the family today'

Lol tulips J does that to Luke too.
No doubt we'll get through it one way or another.

you'd think now that he's got his 4th birthday within his sights he'd have a bit more sense though! The child weighs 19kgs ffs, i almost cry when he jumps on me, no surprise A doesn't take kindly to it

Just to cheer you up here's the catalogue of 'incidents' from toddler group today:

• one boy bashed his sister on the head with a baby steering wheel thing
• ds1 bear hugged A and toppled them both onto the hard floor
• dd head butted a boy on the back of the head... she was trying to get at the toy he had and somehow they knocked heads int he ensuimg struggle (keep in mind she's 5 and older than all these kids, she was oly there as she was too knackered for school)
• one girl ran across the room pushing a big truck and crashed full speed into an 18 month old boy
• one boy bit two other children
• one boy scratched ds1's face
• one girl fell/was pushed down a slide, head first... the possible guilty party was her 8 year old brother who was only there as he was off school early due to first confessions
• same 8 year old boy and his girl cousin of the same age had a fight with the blackboard dusters and knocked a toddler in the process as well as destroying their school uniforms
• A was hit in the face with a toy digger

and those were just the ones i saw! so you see.... insanity is the norm with toddlers and small children

Lol Tulips - that playgroup sounds like chaos! But you're right - its what happens when you put kids of a range of ages together...

SM - how is J doing now? Hope he's feeling better now.

SM did you have to find a book that's made you feel even more to blame? it's clear we fab febbers know best, everything else should be ignored

DS lovely of you to say so about dd but blimey sometimes she manages to push it.
sorry your work was awful again. i'm SO glad this week is over, i'm like a zombie. the shop next to my work has done a roaring trade in chocolate sales recently!

STW good luck with dd next week and hope Sam's skin gets better. hope your new job is still going well.

THOM how on earth did your dh manage that result of a job?! brilliant news.

tulips What a mad playgroup session!

Thank you all for making me feel better. You can see why I come close to breaking point when I'm off line and can't get on here, you are all wonderful (what a brown-noser)

Jacob is much better, not been sick at all today, so must have just been one of those things.
Luke had his 12 month jabs today (late I know) and was quite good.

I have decided to give the pasta shell jar thing a go, and I'm not going to read that book, I don't need to be told how to look after my sons, it's these things that leave me in doubt of myself.

Glad J is better. Sounds like a wise move SM - but FWIW you're a great mum, you love your boys and do loads for - and with - them, not least of which is trying to teach them the way society works with rules and norms of behaviour. Kids are designed to push our buttons and make us doubt ourselves - its part and parcel of being a parent unfortunately. Trust in yourself and your abilities as a parent. And if the pasta jar doesnt work just try something new - like time in as suggested by THOM. Different things work for different kids and everything about parenthood is trial and error.

Thanks dinky
We were supposed to be taking the boys swimming today, but I forgot to buy trunks for J.
Dp is still in bed so not sure if he's still up for it.......do I shave my legs just incase, that's the big question

Hmm, DS1 now has J's chunder bug - had v little sleep Wed and Thurs thanks to Danny, Friday thanks to upstairs flat next door who seemed to have a mad crazy nightlong party that night till 6 am Saturday, and then got woken up in early hours this morning by DS1 with an announcement he had been sick over himself (which he had) - poor little fella - so had a fun early morning bed and clothing strip and wash out and was impossible to go to sleep after that. Really praying for it all to be quiet tonight so I can finally sleep...

Dinky - hope you get some sleep tonight, it sounds like your turn is long overdue.

The chunder bug is making the rounds here - went to a toddler birthday party this afternoon and one of the mums informed me (after I had given her and her daughter a kiss) that they were both ill with a stomach bug and really ought to have stayed at home - 'yes you should have' was what I wanted to bellow at her!!!

SM - the jar thing sounds worth a try. At that age it is amazing how impressed they are with reaching goals - as long as they know they have a decent chance at a reward. My DS was very challenging at 2.5 and still has some really bad days but only 6 months later he has really grown up a lot and I can reason with him (well, sort of) to get him to willingly do what I want him to do about 80% of the time. Of course as soon as there is an audience he'll ignore me and make me look completely incapable of controlling a nearly three year old!

Oh dinky Poor ds1. Poor you also. Really hope you're getting some sleep.
My J has now got the squits. Thank God it didn't come at the same time as the vom.
calico tbh, if J isn't being sick/pooing every 10 mins then I still take him out, I don't think there's any point really in hiding from it, there is so much of it around.
Ds1 only got it because I insisted on going to my friends house 3 days in a row knowing her ds had it, but we were both having a bad week with our dc's and needed a bit of support.
I'm going to give the jar a go. J is capable of grasping the concept (me thinks), but I will wait a few days to see what happens with this bug.

I should be in bed but I can't sleep. Tomorrow we are going to the open day of the nursery I will be sending J to.

Where is mos?

Yes, hope MOS is ok.

Dinky - please tell me you got some quality sleep last night? Hope the bug doesn't do the rounds through the whole family...

SM - so, did the legs get shaved? I feel a bit bad that I don't take DC's swimming. I don't even own a swimming cossie. Am a bit scared of the water and can only do an embarassing doggy paddle type thing .

Calico - good to hear how they change, but know what you about audience - that always changes things!

We had a lovely day yesterday - went to see the in-laws and then off to Bedgebury Forest in the afternoon. Orlena scootered for over an hour with an ice cream in her hand, then went and played in the sand, so it was caked onto her sticky fingers!!!

She's doing really well with potty training - I think we're there. She's in knickers but we're having about 1 accident a day (the end of the day when she's tired), but I think this is okay? Also, she's yet to do a No.2 in the potty or toilet - waits til her nighttime nappy is on. Does anyone have any ideas how to encourage her to do it on the loo/potty? We talk about it a lot and I've shown her a poo etc (sorry if TMI) and put it in the loo.....

I'm enjoying feeding myself up after my bug - pizza for lunch today!!! I generally eat healthily so it feels wrong! Am horribly overdrawn at the moment - my hair needs doing badly (got horribly grey roots) so I'm using brown mascara to cover up my parting!! Not good in the rain, but does the job!!

Better go and get back to work, but hope everyone's ok?

Hello everybody, thought i'd pop in and say hi, thanks dinkystinky for the invite back! i have to say i have poked my head round the door a couple of times in the last few months, but the posts are iiiiiinfinite, and i feel like i'll never catch up enough to join in again...

Hope you and your lovely babies are all doing well. Harry is a boistourous (sp?), energetic, crazy boy (definitely doesn't feel like baby any more), he runs, he shouts, he laughs like a loon and he makes me smile approximately 427 times a day. His favourite toys are the kitchen cupboards, my pegs and the bathroom bin. He's had 27 colds, just got over a stomach bug and has 8 teeth. Today, momentous occasion, we went for a bike ride with him in his seat. I've spent the last 2 weeks buying his entire summer wardrobe on ebay, for 10% of the price it would cost here in Greece. VERY excited about the truck coming in a few weeks.

I would like and will try to keep a bit more in touch with you all, i just need to set aside one night (maybe go back to old times and NOT SLEEP all night, my god how do we do it) to catch up on the posts. Lots of love

STW The legs got shaved but we didn't go swimming because J has the squits!
Glad O is doing well with the potty training. I have no words of wisdom for the poo situ, Jacob was so good and easy with the training, I have no idea.
Pempe Good to see you You don't have to catch up with posts, just slot back in from here.
H sounds very cute. Luke also loves playing with the kitchen cupboards, weird isn't it?

Well, we went to the open day at the nursery J will be going to and him and Luke loved it! they both legged it the minute we got there and I didn't even see them for the best part of the hour.
They gave me a price list for the uniform which is a joke (£13 for a jumper!!!!!) but they also said the stuff doesn't have to have the logo on, so I will get everything from Tesco.

Morning all and Pempe - big welcome back hugs to you! Glad all going well - Danny is like Harry, a total mentalist. Its only now I realise how easy a baby DS1 was!

SM - glad you and the boys loved the nursery. School clothes are ridiculously expensive - uniform not compulsory for DS1's nursery so havent bothered buying anything other than the PE kit (which he has used once ) but will be compulsory next year. Top tip - invest in lots of name tags!

STW - glad you're over your bug. Potty training sounds like its going well. DS1 was like O, didnt like pooing in potty or on loo - then one day I left him in the loo on the potty to go answer the door and he did a little squat while left alone and out came his poo. Made a big deal of it and gave him a treat - and thereafter (and still now) he poos pre-bedtime (on loo now) - he tells me to go away and take a book and then calls me when he's done. So it will come - just give her some time to get used to it. DS1 found squatting helped him poo - and I increased fruit in his diet to help too. On and Swampster kindly sent me Poo goes to Pooland which helped migrate him onto the loo to poo...

Work still nightmare but burst out crying at one of my bosses yesterday (very un-me!) and they now realise how desperately unhappy and unsupported I feel. Not sure anything will or has changed (apart from all male bosses now probably diving into a room to avoid me when they see me coming incase I blub on them ) as still seem to be stuck with nightmare jobs on nightmare timetables that will never be able to get done in my fixed hours but guess its good to let it all out...