May Toddlers - still toddling along!

[helsy]

Oi! Over 'ere!

I'm using my sick leave well and have just booked a holiday in Oban - we're going to see Balamory and sea eagles, hopefully.

It's NOT crap parenting (says she who asked DH today if I was a rubbish mother). Part of it, on our part, is probably that buggery Type A personality. You wouldn't believe the number of times I have envied DH his shallowness (his word - he rejoices in it!)and his inability to stress or worry.

Hmm. Sounds like we're all normal!

Mine have 4yrs 4 months between them, and I don't know how I'd have coped with a smaller gap in terms of behaviour. I do feel justified in telling off dd1 because I think she is old enough to understand when I tell her dd2 isn't trying to hurt her by biting, and it's ok for her to blow raspberries because she's just trying out her voice and we used to let her do that, but I do also recognise that it must feel unfair to her that the baby seems to get away with things she is told off for. I try to make it as clear as possible that Dd2 will be told off if she is naughty on purpose. It's easy to forget sometimes, though, that the oldest is really a baby too!

About twice a week, dd1 and I come home from school and I ask DH to pick up dd2 on his way home (about 5.30/5.45) because it gives us time together alone, and Dd1 loves it because she knows I am making time to be with her, and frankly Dd2 doesn't really notice at this stage.

Don't know if that helps.

So far since our crisis point on Friday our main strategy has been to try to spend more one-to-one time with each child. And they both seem to really enjoy it. Unfortunately at the moment it seems to be working out as a gender division with me and DD together and DH and DS together. They have spent time rebuilding the playmobil (although I have had to be called in to find the missing pieces from behind the toy box, in the dressing up drawer etc) and building the lego pirate ship. DD and I have been singing and doing puzzles. I sang to her the other morning and was amazed that as soon as I started she knew the songs ( from nursery obviously) and remembered how I used to sing with DS every night at this age. She even started doing the actions for Three Little Ducks and got quite giddy for Row Row Your Boat and screamed before I had finished the second line. Georgina are you sure you are not being too lenient with DS2? I think I am more lenient with DD than I was with DS. The post on your other thread about time-out made me think this.

Had friends round this morning. One left her boy for half an hour. And no mishaps. Then went to Accrington to see another friend with a DD and a newish baby. Went out to soft play and DD loved it. Then cried from the M66 all the way home - so about 50 minutes. Was in a right state and took ages to calm down and have something to eat.

you poor lot. i sympathise, although can't empathise. i honestly think you are all doing a great job and i guess that any age difference is going to be hard work at some stage. surely. saying that, dh wants another asap and i read these posts and think, 'oh now, not yet'. just what age gap do you all think is the best? or are there disadvantages and advantages with both? eg - the closer the age, the closer they'll become, the closer you'll see the back of the nappy ages, etc and the further apart they are the more the older one can be of a help than a hinderance.

you're all amazing to cope with 2 children whatever.

can i just change the subject and ask if any of your lo's are becoming a pain to go down at night - ie at 7pm. dd is. she went at 9pm tonight, 930 last night, (7 at the mil's) 10ish the night b4. its getting hellish. she just doesnt seem tired and i've dropped that afternoon nap. dont know what it is - although she is now FINALLY sleeping through (at 13months, we waited long enough)

Not having any particular trouble at the moment Egypt although we had lots on holiday but think thats different really. By dropping the afternoon nap do you mean that she doesn't sleep at all in the day? Or has a morning nap? DD's usual pattern (does vary a bit) is to wake up about 6.30 (earlier or later depending how lucky we are) then nap from 11.45/12.15 to 1.30/2, so somewhere between 1.5 and 2 hours, usually nearer 1.5. Then bed at 7.30. Main problem we have is fitting lunch around her nap.

Hmm Bozza - I don't know if I am being too lenient. I might be. I did find myself thinking earlier today that maybe I'd been too harsh with ds1 at a similar age (expecting too much of him) so maybe that does mean I'm being too lenient

Half the problem is that it's much harder to discipline when you don't have time to stop and focus on one child (especially if you're trying to do dinner at the same time). With one child if they were misbehaving then you could focus on that, enforce sanctions etc and be done with it. With the needs of 2, it's much harder I think.

I think I need a safe timeout space downstairs

Agree with the one-to-one time. Ds1's behaviour is definitely better with some time to himself with us. Harder to achieve with the older one than it is the younger, I think. DREADING the summer holidays - feel like I've got a sneak preview today

egypt - our daytime naps have shuffled around a fair bit recently (morning nap shifted to around 10 ish, afternoon nap shifted to 2ish and is shorter - both a real bugger with getting to groups etc) but still going down relatively okay at 7/7.30pm. But now I've said that I've probably jinxed it

Boo - we've already started the holidays! Pre school finished last Friday.

Georgina I found myself nodding knowingly at much of your last post. The main way we've been doing the 1-2-1 has been after tea but like I said not totally happy thats its DH/DS and me/DD. Got 3 hours off to take DS to school for his 9.30 to 10.30 slot on Thursday so might see if I can be sufficiently organised to bake between dropping DD off at nursery at 8 ish (DH away on Weds again) and taking DS for 9.30. Otherwise will do some other activity.

Ooh, ooh - sent Dh shopping with a menu this week and he spent 80. It's normally 120. I had estimated it would come to 74, then he admitted to spending 6 yes 6 quid on a computer magazine "because it had a firewall in it". So, firewall, broccoli and mash for tomorrow night's tea then.

I'm also worried about school holidays and am planning them like a military operation - I'm putting Dd2 in nursery some days so that Dd1 and I get time together; Dd1 is going to grandparents for three days so Dd2 and I can have time together; we're going away for two days to see a friend in Coventry (anyone live in Coventry?) and I've got lots of playdates sorted.
Dd2 is now sleeping through (she was, but it was taking until 10pm to get her to sleep). We started leaving her to cry about five days ago and the cry has gone down to a whimper before she drops off. DH had to monitor, though, because it upsets me too much to hear her crying and I kept going up. She has 1.5 hrs sleep in nursery.

Oh plus I'm feeling all tearful that ds1 is ill (not seriously - a bit of a temperature - enough to keep him off nursery) during his LAST EVER WEEK AT NURSERY.

He doesn't care that much, but it's a week of activities - he missed the bouncy castle and face painting today. They make a big fuss of the leavers, and I was planning on being a bit weepy but grateful on Thursday our last day... I WUZ ROBBED! (he'd better be better before then, lol)

I need to moan I'm afraid

Does anybody know of a really really strong glue that I can use on dd2's bum so that she will sit down for longer than 10 seconds?

Honestly I timed her today, she didn't sit still for longer than 10 seconds at a time. She walks constantly even managed to get a bit or running in there and we're exhausted.

I feel really bad for dh as he has both dd's all day while I'm at work, our schools finished at the end of June, then he has to go to work. I get to come home play for a while make dinner then put them to bed.

Dd2 currently has a big bump and bruise on the left side of her forehead where she walked into the bedroom door on Saturday morning. On the right hand side of her forehead she has a cut where she banged into the radiator. And on her cheek she has another big bruise/scratch where she walked into the living room door this afternoon. We're at our wits end, she keeps walking into things because she's so hellbent on getting somewhere quickly. If she's not walking into things or trying to run she's climbing up on couches etc and falling off resulting in more bumps on her head.
I'm actually scared to take her to get weighed incase the Hv's think we're beating her up, which we most definitely are not, she's just so clumsy.

AT least she's stopped the dreadful screaming that she was doing a couple of weeks ago.

Dd1 was such a good baby, she would amuse herself with a toy for ages, she hardly ever had a bruise on her and now dd2 has enough bruises for the two of them.

dd1 and Dd2 don't fight too much at the moment. dd2 will try to change the tv channel, which annoys dd1. and she'll nip dd1 but she doesn't mean it she's usually trying to grab onto dd1 so that she doesn't fall over. They both have these little chairs and if dd1 is sitting on one then dd2 wants it and tries to pull dd1 off so dd1 moves and then dd2 decides that she wants the other chair that dd1 is now on, aarrgghh.

I'm very glad that I have a big age gap because dd1 understands, most of the time, that dd2 doesn't mean it. I know I wouldn't have coped if I'd had them closer together.

Ok, I'm going to go now and stop moaning. I love them really and wouldn't be without them.

Hope everyone is getting on a bit better after their terrible days, maybe it's all down to the weather.

Oh Linnet

We're going to need to start a May Babies Wine Club and drown our sorrows, aren't we?!

May TODDLERS even.

Been discussing with dh about sending ds2 to a day nursery for one day a week, so at least ds1 gets a couple of hours a week for mummy time.

Don't really want to spend the money at the moment, but at the same time would be really handy for a year and would also give ds2 the same opportunity ds1 had (ds1 went one day a week from 9 months old - but that was more because I was struggling to cope at the time and it gave me some much needed space. Hmm, then again, similar scenario I guess!).

Just don't know what to do for the best.

Meant to say - Linnet, know what you mean about the active thing. Ds2 is constantly trying to copy his brother by climbing onto the sofa etc and has far more knocks and bruises than ds1 did at the same age. I suppose they have someone to look up to and copy that the first never did.

that's the thing isnt it. they have someone to interact with and want attention from. dd has just herself so she is q good at amusing herself for longish periods. even though i know nothing about having 2 children, it seems you are all suffering with the same problems to some degree and i guess like all the little episodes of madness and change it too will come to pass. no other wise words i'm afraid. nursery sounds a good idea if its for a day to give you some time, georgina. will that be enough for the nursery to get to know ds2 though?

bozza, dd is sleeping the same time and length of time in the day as your dd. i think its perhaps that she is getting up later for some reason.........because she is going to bed later.........because she is getting up later........hence me on mumsnet at 730 and dd still asleep. now i know what you are all shouting: 'GO AND WAKE HER!'

can't be bothered.

in a minute

morning!!
ehm, can i change my mind about being pregnant??????? - reading all your stories with 2 little ones is frigthening!!!

i know it will be hard to pay equal attention to both of them. but THAT hard

nursery sounds like a good idea to me.
and not only to get some 'me-time' (georgina); you can also justify it with she'll get lots of contact with other kids

i'll put ds into nursery. we'll start in august for 2 half days - that'll give me finally some time to concentrate on this pregnancy and maybe i even get the things done that need doing!!! (still nowhere near finished with ds new room; then his old room needs decorating too; and i still need lots of things to buy!)
and once bubs is here it'll give me time to 'concentrate' on her

don't think there is a 'good' age gap! well, maybe 18 years?!

re sleep: lucas started whinging at nighttime when he realises we put are about to put him down to sleep. but we get about 5 min loud protest and within 20 min he'll be asleep!
i never put him down crying (always soothe him first) - he might start again but as long as he is not in pain we don't go in. he had his odd nights of course and wouldn't stop then we did the pickup/putdown/slow retreat thingy - works for us! dp is very good at it

daytime naps: he has normally 2! one at 9ish for good 2 hours; and one in the afternoon anything between 2-4 (but i always wake him when it comes to 5pm!)

and agreed!!! so active!!!!! can't really leave them out of your sight atm! but we sort of managed to put everything away downstairs so he has free run in all rooms! a few toys in every corner and that keeps him going for quite some time - he's actually quite good with 'self entertaining'!

stopped counting bumps and bruises

on a brighter note he's learnt so much lately!!

he's learnt how to open doors
he stands on tippytoes and stretches and stretches and with the tips of his fingers he manages to pull down the handle and whoooosh in he is!

he also can climb down stairs!!!!!!

he's toddling around like a pro; preferably with a cup in one hand drinking of it, and his teddy in the other hand - that might proove a bit much. he mostly falls over (almost no crawling at all anymore)

still no self-spoon-feeding attempts though! we had custard the other day and he managed to get a few spoonfull in - he was very proud with himself

and he deffinitly knows the meaning of 'no'!
if he doesn't want anything he says NO and pushes it away - in a good mood. in a bad mood he throws it!!!!

Susi - I'm still enjoying having two (although I do think I've done my fair share of moaning before)
G.- posted on your other thread. but I do think it's time to get tougher with ds2

Linett - ds currently has split lip (climbed onto dd's chair and fell off) bumped head (I was watching him go down the stairs on tummy feet first, he stood up, toppled backwards and fell three steps before I managed to catch his ankle) and cut underneath black left eye (he was holding onto swivelly office chair that dd was on when she swivelled to say hello to him). Bumps happen.

Ds ha dropped his morning nap and now has just one after lunch. For about 3 hours! It does mean he is tired at lunchtime so he tends not to each much, but has a big snack afterwards. But he just doesn't get tired until 11.30am.

I enjoy having two as well really. DD is so funny at the moment. She's starting to follow instructions .... in her own way (and obviously only when it suits). I was gardening and asked her to pass me the trowel and she did. I also showed her how to put her dirty clothes in the laundry basket. Unfortunately she also added my best perfume. Also caught her pulling the fridge magnets off and putting them in the bin. We've continued with giving the chldren one to one time and moved bath time back by 10 minutes to help facilitate it. Tomorrow night DH is away so its not possible but I am contemplating being brave and "cooking" with both of them. Its an Annabel Karmel recipe for chewy apricot and cereal bars which doesn't require cooking. This may prove to be a mistake.

Now I need to find some me-time somewhere in the hectic schedule because I seem to be doing more of the chores at night. I'm going out to a Wham tribute night on Friday though and have told DH to make up for playing golf last Sunday morning and then watching it on and off for the rest of the day while I cooked for his parents that he has to take the chldren out on Saturday morning. Will still have to do DS's swimming lesson at 11 though.

i'm still waiting for dh to make up for playing golf every weekend and once in the week for the past 2 years. think its time i TOLD him i was going out for the day and he is to have dd. i am sooooo weak. or stupid.

Egypt you are no worse than me. All he's doing is having the kids until its time for DS's swimming lesson at 11 ( so about 10.30 to give us time to get there and get changed) and then he will be doing a round of golf in the afternoon - so out from about 1 til about 6.

He'll have to put them to bed on Friday as well because I am going out at 7. But then I have to put them to bed on my own once a week near enough when he's working away (like tonight) anyway.

I'm a bit annoyed with him anyway because he won't ask his Mum to have DD when DS has his op next week. I'm planning on dropping heavy hints at dnephew's christening on Sunday so we shall see.

panicking mummy here again. dd has rash and temp due to her mmr 9 days ago. who else did? how long after the mmr and how long did it last? were the spots raised and widespread but not too many? have been to see the hv and she said it was fine and to give calpol and ibuprofen (baby nurofen) alternatively every 2 hours. (although the bottle of nurofen says no more than 2 doses of 2.5ml in 24hours). confoooosed.

egypt - from memory how I stagger nurofen & calpol (do check the maths yourself though).

Nurofen - max dose 3 times in 24hrs, effects last 6 hours.

Calpol - max dose 4 times in 24hrs, effects last 4 hours.

The theory is that you want an hour overlap in the effects - so to cover 24hrs without overdose:

0.00hr calpol
3.00hr nurofen
8.00hr calpol
11.00hr nurofen
16.00hr calpol
19.00hr nurofen

which takes you back to zero hours with the next dose of calpol. That keeps you entirely covered with bringing temperature down, etc, without risking any overdose. Does that help?

thank u, u are a star