June 2008: New Year, new thread, new names, new words, new goals, but no resolutions!

[abdnhikinginawinterwonderland]

New thread since the last one's at 997 posts...

Tedi, great news about the breast clinic .

AH, sorry to hear about the early morning - A has been awake since 4am so I feel your pain . Just giving him an early lunch in the hope I can put him back down!

I saw the AIBU thread and heaved a big sigh - I'm glad she got a pasting tbh, but then I speak as someone who has nursing in the family and I get so sick and tired of the behaviour of patients towards them and this sense of 'entitlement'. She was told quite clearly which hospital to go to.

Mind you, I'm not surprised that the A&E near to her was full as the number of times I see a thread on MN where someone says, "oh my child had an accident 5 days ago and has a sore finger, what should I do?" and loads of posters come back and say "A&E right now"!!!! Drives me insane!! People have clearly forgotten the meaning of the word emergency these days .

Sorry rant over .

Glad its good news Tedi.

Debs, messages like yours make me glad dh has had the op, as I would feel funny about the morning-after pill too.

abdn, you have all my sympathy. I hate early starts and am miserable for the rest of the day. Can you have a cbeebies day so it is at least quiet and restful?

J has a new word. Everything is 'wow!' He says it at least twice a minute. Its really funny!

Sorry Sponge x-posted. Sympathies for your early morning too.

I agree with the a&e thing. We hardly ever go, but a french friend of mine goes all the time. If her dd bumps her head and a lump comes up then she goes straight to a&e. We'd never leave with our three if we did that but I think the french have a very different approach and are much more likely to go to the drs.

Well I did it, the Dr helped loads by saying - might be a girl this time - yeah thanks!! I feel fine about it now.

Tedi - glad everything's oK

Deb are you just going to see what happens, do you think? Scary though...

Tedi so glad about the breast clinic

T has a new word (kind of) - pimple! I have the biggest pimple in the world! I have always had quite good skin so it is one of the few things that I have no hang-ups about, and don't mind being teased. DH has been trying to trap me so he can squeeze it, DS1 can't look me in the eye but instead talks to my pimple, DS2 hasn't noticed anything, DD1 asks if she can sniff it, and DD2 points at it asking me what it is called!

Deb, glad it's sorted for you - such a difficult one. We're still undecided about what to do re: contraception, not that it's much of an issue at the moment! I won't let dh have a vasectomy, but I'm seriously thinking about being sterilised (never thought I would be saying that! ) But then what if I change my mind about having a 3rd .

Rolf, lol at the pimple!

sybil, "wow!" a big favourite too - and he sounds soooo cute when he says it . We bought him a tea set on Wednesday which he found in the lounge when he got home from nursery, he must have said "wow!" about ten times in five minutes and hasn't stopped playing with it since .

Sponge, do you mind if I ask why you won't let your dh be sterilised but you will have the op yourself? Because it is a much more complicated and difficult op for a woman than a man, and carries far greater risk.

Sorry sybil, should have explained that shouldn't I! It's cos of my infertility experience - I know so many couples who have had to go through IVF/ICSI cos their husband/partner had a vasectomy and then the relationship broke up and they couldn't conceive with their 2nd wife. I know it's a really depressing thing to think about but if anything happened to us (i.e. death or divorce) I wouldn't want dh to have to endure any more fertility tx if he wanted to have more kids with a new partner.

The only reason we can't have more kids is cos of my health, so I wouldn't consider having kids with a new partner anyway.

Does that make sense?

Sponge I think that is wonderful. Very thoughtful. I think I would feel the same way. Not sure I would get sterilised tho, would just take the pill I think. But you never know.

I am still shitting myself about the pregnancy. I am on such a sad AN thread where there seems to be so many going for scans and finding mmc . I know the odds are in my favour but one of them went for a scan today still with symptoms and mc'd a few days ago . I have bought a doppler . I know I know it will probably only make me worry more and I haven't found a hb (except my own ) and not too worried as I am only 10+5 but it would be reassuring to get some sign that there is something going on in there!

Sybil, that is sweet saying wow all the time. E has extended her range of words to Daisy do and makka pakka

Rolf, I would not be able to stop myself squeezing it!

Tedi, so glad everything went well.

Did you get map in end Debs? I know what you mean about feeling funny about it, but it really would just mean a few cells don't implant - even if you were to conceive which is unlikely.

sponge that's very generous of you. I don't think I'd be like that .

I do see what you're saying Sponge, and I agree that it is very selfless.

Personally though, I think that we have to believe that this relationship is forever and behave accordingly, because for me (and dh fortunately!) it is. The best thing for this relationship is that dh had the op. Also, having just run this past him, he says he would have been very offended if I hadn't let him do it. Even if I die he already has three children and doesn't want any more, his family is complete.

I see though, that it is a very emotive subject and recognise that everyone will have different views.

Did that sound like I think we're going to divorce?! Don't worry - we're not, and I truly believe dh is more likely to be widowed than divorced (although hopefully not imminently! ). But what you need to remember is that neither of your dhs' have ever endured fertility tx so you're coming to it from a completely different perspective. Plus we have seen a friend widowed very young, plus we 'only' have two children and I feel v sad that not only was it my body that let us down while trying to get pg, it was mine that was also so crap at being pg that we've had to stop before we're ready.

I think it's all those life experiences that made us reach this decision. I'm sure dh would have the op if I pushed it but I told him how I felt and he accepted it.

It's all heavy in here today isn't it! Re future contraception - I'm going back on the Mirena soon!. I wouldn't want either of us to be permanently sterilised but like Sponge points out that's because I come at this from my viewpoint. We have 3 gorgeous boys, if I was a few years younger then we most probably wouldn't have gone ahead with taking the MAP this morning and would be planning baby#4. However I'm 41 and have been so lucky to have 3 trouble free pregnancies and 3 healthy babies that I feel in a way that my luck couldn't last forever.Plus the thought of being stuck here and with another little one to look after would drive us both crazy!

So I did take the tablet and it did feel strange taking contraception after the event- in my heart it felt as though I was terminating a pregnancy, even though I'm not even pregnant, but in my head I knew that it was the right thing to do, I was merely preventing a pregnancy like we've been doing for the last 19 months.I have had a terrible headache and stomach cramps with it though which isn't a nice feeling!

On a much lighter note - love that your pimple is subject to so much attention from your family Rolf.

And the music group story made me laugh Spider - have you had a better day with P today?

Sorry you're feeling lousy Deb and glad that you made the right decision for you. Hope I didn't offend anyone with so glibly suggesting the MAP; I really do appreciate people have different views on it.

Sponge I think your position on sterilisation etc is very selfless and can understand your perspective on it. I can see that people will have very different views on it based on their own life experiences and it can be quite an emotive subject.

For me personally, I'm in the 'i've done all the bloody contraceptive work for years, it's up to you now camp' and DH will be marched right down to the docs for the snip when the time comes that we are quite certain that our family is complete. Slightly more seriously, me and hormone based contraceptives have never been happy bedfellows so the sooner I don't have to take them the better. The mirena has settled down a wee bit, but it's far from an ideal option for us.

DH and I wont actually made a decision for a few years yet, by which time he'll be early 40's and if he thinks he's running off to play happy families with a younger model he's got another thing coming .

I'm thinking of the mirena actually before anything more drastic - does it hurt to have one put in after you've had children? I had one years ago and it was agony!

Neenz, I agree with Goddess and personally would take a hammer to your doppler - I think they are evil things and should be banned, but that's just my opinion .

Right off to bed . . . .

Same as Goddess on Neenz's doppler .

T's main distraction all day has been my flipping pimple! She points at it, I say "Mummy's pimple", she says "p..pl", she points at her own face and shakes her head and I say "T doesn't have a pimple". She points at the faces of anyone else in the room and shakes her head....etc....etc. It's almost gone now but I think it will live on in hearts and minds for some time.

I don't like hormone-based contraception either. DH has white-coat-syndrome so it would be too cruel to nag him about being snipped. Anyway, after DD1 walked in on us a few months ago I have lost my mojo, so it's academic

Deb, glad you got the MAP. Hope you feel better in the morning. P was much happier today. We went to a play group that is excellent, and he burnt off all his energy and even slept properly this afternoon.

I don't remember it being excrutiatingly painful sponge. I might have taken some painkillers beforehand. It wasn't a particularly comfortable experience I think. Given I can't really remember it couldn't have been that bad

Glad it was good news Tedi.

Neenz - Step away from the AN threads!

Deb - What a horribly insensitive doctor, hope you feel better soon.

Sponge - That is wonderfully unselfish of you. My BIL had the op, then split up with his 1st wife and now he and my sis are looking at a reversal and I also know another friend who's DH had to have one as well.

Tired after assembling lots of flat pack furniture today and it wasn't even from Ikea (I miss Ikea!).

DH did find some creme eggs today and bought me three! It's only January, but good to know we can get them here.

Goddess, I have a very low pain threshold! Do you think they'd let me have an epidural first?

Before everyone annoints me as a saintly wife, I do think that my decision is fuelled by huge guilt over my infertility and subsequent pg related health issues .

Lol at missing IKEA PP - I've suddenly gone off NZ if there's no IKEA !

Rolf, I'm so impressed that you even manage to think about it with four kids!

Just ducking my head in. Have nothing to contribute that hasn't already been mentioned but thought I'd wish you all a happy weekend

neenz give the doppler to a friend with strict instructions not to give it back until you're 13 weeks. Promise? I did that with mine for DS2 and it meant I was never upset looking for something that wasn't ready to be found... I loved my doppler after that though and found it very reassuring.

sponge I understand from a death perspective - one of my friends wouldn't let her DH done because she wanted him to be able to start again if she died - especially if she and the kids were killed in a car accident together. I've asked DH and he just refuses to think about that as a possibility though and said he's happy to get snipped as soon as we decide we're done.

I just don't consider divorce ever - I figure it's my job to do everything I can to make sure DH and I never would want to and he's my best friend, I couldn't imagine life without him.

and a coil wont hurt after a vaginal birth. It was less uncomfortable than a smear!

Deb glad you got the MAP, we'd do the same thing. And I understand where you're coming from. I'd never have an abortion (now - I'm so glad I never had to make that decision when I was younger) but MAP is contraception... DH really feels like another kid would be pushing our tremendous luck and doesn't want another kid because he's afraid...

Actually I'm not very happy at the moment with being at home full time and DH working full time. Our goal for 2010 is to try to find a better balance - so another kid would not be good for us right now. I'm prepared to give up the idea of the third if it means that we are happier with the two we have and the life we live...

I don't regret leaving work though - DS1 picked up that I was looking for a new job and put his arms around me and said "don't put me back in my old nursery mummy". When I told him he could pick who took care of him while i worked, he shouted 'daddy!' and jumped up and down... fingers crossed I can find something that pays enough to make this possible. (DH would work 70%, I would work 30%+).

Oh and the advantage of only two - I'm scouting out all the local forests (within walking distance of DS1's nursery, there's a ton!) for a good backcountry campsite. I thought we should try something close to home. Can't wait...

Just marking spot and saying hi. Neenz give away or hammer Doppler for now and sTay off the an thread- I am sure that there is no need for you to worry but that is only playing on your fears.

Too wiped out to write more as have been lurking- e still sick with chesty cold virus and high fever so had week of broken nights (ah too right it's hard - and sorry you are down I do hope you get work situation sorted).had start of various tests on me and dh re lack of pregnancy - more in a week or so and results in a couple of weeks.

Berrrr go as e making ominous noises- antibiotics and fever keep
making her sick

AH, my dh is thinking exactly the same about pushing our luck trying for a third tbh - and I think we probably won't go down that road again. But part of me is very sad that two is it . . . .

But (all these buts!) I get where you're coming from about life being easier with two!

Oh, too many decisions . . .

Good luck with the job hunting though.

poppy, sorry to hear that E is still ill , keeping fingers crossed re: results.

Neenz, I didn't bother with the AN thread when pg with M cos it compounded my anxieties. The t'internet is not always a 'good thing' .

puree, hope you have a good weekend too .