June 2008: New Year, new thread, new names, new words, new goals, but no resolutions!

[abdnhikinginawinterwonderland]

New thread since the last one's at 997 posts...

Re tax returns it's misery central
in our
office as It is coming up to 31 jan- thank goodness I don't have to do returns.

Neenz Rolf is right- a scan would give you a wick
fix but you would worry soon enough. And bein in here sadly does give you the glass is half empty approach.

Agree Amber that adoption does seem to spring to mid but it is not straightforward And I know dh and I are not eligible due to age, his marital history etc by most agencies standards. Yet as you say kids left in all sorts of odd horrible situations so make of that what you will. I think no easy answer though and think people like social workers or aid workers that deal with this scenario do magic work.

Edie sick again in night but generally fine today (bit off colour and not keen on food but not that bad)- I suppose it's a mild bug. But why does she have to be sick at 2 am - feel wrecked as took ages to get back to sleep after dealing with it. I wish viruses were more reasonable in how they come out i. So i
operation cup on hold til she stops this(neenz am doing the gradual approach for a week and if no success am going hardcore like you and sybil suggest).

Tedi exciting news re dh on tv. My dh is often on the lash- does that count?

I used to work in the house of commons . Am surprised Sponge wasn't banging on your door with a request for him to ask if while they were looking at constitutional reform could they get rid of the Queen

thanks all for good wishes re my granny. No news yet. She had a temporary line in her heart to stabilise things but they've just taken it out. I don't think it'll be long but the human body is very unpredictable!

Neenz - that's no problem. Can you message me on fb so I don't forget?

Amber - I told my DH about Luke trying to climb out if the cot, he thought it was hilarious!

S said a new word today - his arm was stuck in his coat and he said 'stuck' in an exasperated way!

Oh, that first para was for Tedi and there's a cheeky missing re: my throwing in casually...

Domestic so sorry about your granny. And Lol at comment re sponge getting tedis dh to tackle constitutional issues.

Sympathies for all those with tax returns to do. Fortunately we don't have to do it which is just as well as we are the most dis-organised people on earth.

Neenz, I'm sure everything will be fine. Those two weeks will go really quickly, I promise. When I had ds1 and dd we only got 20 weeks scans on the nhs, so unless you coughed up for a private scan you didn't get to check it wasn't just really, really bad wind until halfway through.

I had a hideous evening/night with J yesterday. He is teething and unsettled as dh is away. I tried to get him to bed (dh's job) at 8.00 and he screamed until 9.00. It was awful, full-blown screaming with occasional retching thrown in. By the end I was so traumatised I came downstairs and ate two rows of the worlds largest bar of dairy milk I am on a 'losing christmas weight' kick and had promised myself that I wouldn't open it. Now though, I may have to just get on with it and finish it.

neenz stop taking your temp - I don't know if that stays reliable this far into pregnancy. As for relaxing - try as best you can, I know this is a horribly difficult time. If you're really stressed, maybe a private scan is worth it for those ten days in between.

Rolf thanks for the tax return reminder - DH's accountant company did his a few weeks back but they did it wrong (I check because they always make a mistake) and I don't think we've heard back from them yet. Eek! There's not that much time left is there! We're actually expecting to have saved more than we owe so it's not so horrible to us. Plus everyone in Canada does them every year so we're used to it - it feels weird not to do one for me.

poppy crap news that edie's sick! It just takes you right back to wee baby exhaustion doesn't it?

I think adoption is wonderful! But for cases where the kids have been with their birth mother and then taken away, I think (don't quote me) the chance of them getting adopted is often low. And it's not straightforward when the birth parents, however unfit, want to keep their kids. My friend's DS was taken into care at birth and the birth parents never made any attempts to have him which simplified things. But it's still a really long procedure....

We (the boys) had our swine flu vaccines this morning - not even one tear! It seems to be a small needle and so far they're both fine.

Hi guys, just a quick one as you are all so chatty at the moment!

Lol at asking tedi's dh to petition for consitutional reform - I'm much more in the putting them up against a wall and shooting them camp myself, but I'll take parliamentary reform if that's the only option !

Neenz, I would be booking in for a scan on Monday, but that's me - paranoia all the way . That's not to say I think there's anything wrong at all, I don't, I just couldn't wait .

As for adoption, I'm pretty hard core - far more kids should be taken away earlier then there would be more parents willing to adopt them. I come across alot of very damaged children in my line of work who are adopted really late and their parents have so many problems with them. If they'd been adopted earlier they wouldn't be so screwed up .

Off for my tea . . . .

Aw Sybil sympathy re bad night- e plays up like a demon if nick is out... And he is out a fair bit so makes for a shit night. And am also failing miserably to improve diet for ttc.

Right off to acupuncture in hope e has her sick spell while I am out and it's all cleaned up when I get back

LOL also at the idea of Sponge trying to influence - I'm in the same camp as her, so I'm trying to push for the abolition of the monarchy! I've been prepping lectures on Magna Carta all week. Time the important people cornered the current queen methinks.

Sorry about the awful night Sybil and I would have gone for the chocolate too. I'm convinced that you can't lose weight when you're tired anyway. And at the moment focus on keeping sane and looking after J! Weight loss afterwards. (I have done no exercise for for ages due to stressful week last week, bad cold this week - and I've filled the exercise half hour with chocolate, booze and cake. ) Also Poppy you're having a rough time of it.

Adoption well I have firm views on this too. My mum was adopted! She was handed over at 10 days old, and her new parents only had to get a solicitor to sort out the birth certificate. That's it. (My sils are trying to adopt at the moment and it's a long, long process including lengthy essays etc - I do believe it's easier to get a degree but that says more about the education system perhaps...) Mum has a poignant letter sent to her new father from her birth mother's mother (the driving force; my mum's birth mother had made a hash of things) saying 'you can come to collect the baby x. time x. date. Perhaps you should bring a shawl because the weather is cold (October) and we won't have much use of a shawl'. I.e. we're not spending money on a baby we're not keeping. Quite tragic, but my mum had great parents, and her birth mum was ok although never got over it.
In fact it's a longer story than that, even, but I'm currently (occasionally - have been for a few years) writing a novel on it!

Going downstairs now: have been waiting for Iestyn to drop off but he's going through his repertoire of words and music still. Everyone cross fingers for a better night - Iestyn's had a run of disturbed ones due to his cold. Let's all send vibes - me, Sybil, Poppy, Sponge, Amber and ?Deb. Those with sleeping babies send sleepy thoughts our way!
A parting anecdote - I took ages to get to sleep last night because there was a very loud owl outside my windown. Honest, I wasn't dreaming. It's like Lark Rise to Candleford here. (I do actually look like one of the characters - the plain one.)

Neenz - I've just sent you an exceptionally long message on fb. It kind of cuts off at the end because I was having problems typing. I thought the batteries were going in my keyboard but it's working ok now so probably just fb playing up. I also agree that you should stop taking your temps!

Amber that story you mentioned earlier was really sad. I haven't seen it in the news but I find anything to do with babies or toddlers very hard to read/watch. The Haiti stuff had me in tears too. I think the balance of when to take children from their parents is really hard to get right. So often things aren't black and white. Sponge I can so see where you're coming from about damaged children. On the flip side, I can also imagine cases where a parent becomes a danger to their kids (i.e. neglect brought on by alcoholism), their kids get adopted and they can never see them again. That same parent could spend a year getting clean and sorted but be parted from their child forever. All the while, there are parents who practice some kind of benign neglect - ignore them, belittle them, feed them crap that leads to obesity, teach them nothing but a life of crime, or that life's all about what you can get for nothing, etc etc. with no social services intervention.

I think adoption is clearly A Good Thing in principle obviously though and it's obviously a very long and difficult process which must be hugely frustrating. That said, if it was too easy for people to adopt we'd be reading stories about vulnerable children being adopted by unsavoury characters because of policy/social services failures.

Sorry, I'm actually just blethering on and thinking out loud. I'll stop now .

Tedi I'm glad your mum's adoption worked out so well. When I read the shawl story I thought that it showed her birth mother cared - worrying about whether she would get cold.

Ah, now, her birth mother did care deeply and never got over it. Her birth grandmother was made of steel (had been a single parent as her husband of nine months died of flu whilst she was 6 months pg with her first child ) and forced the issue. My mum's birth mother left everything in her will to 'my good friend tedi's mum'. Like I say, there's an entire novel there...

Ah, I see. I want to read the book now

No time for a real post, but I want to read the book too tedi

C fell over today at my grandparents' house, and bashed her head off the fireplace hearth with a most sickening thunk. It was horrible. She has a huge egg on her forehead, but thankfully is otherwise fine. She passed the chocolate button test immediately, which I always find reassuring. (i.e., she was able to stop crying when asked if she wants a chocolate button) I now know what people mean when they say 'my heart was in my mouth' It was such a shame, as she had been having a great time playing with my cousin's daughter, and was in great form. I think my grandparents felt it was in some way their fault too, which is obviously nonsense.

oh and neenz stop taking your temperature you hormonal madwoman! [biscuits is absolutely not discussing the football result with neenz]

Was just Reading my blethery kong post and conscious it might sound like I agree with the judge in the case Amber mentioned which I don't! I guess all the chat yesterday just got me thinking about how difficult anything to do with families is. Too many shades of grey iyswim.

biscuits for C. Hope her wee egg head has ahunk considerably today. Love the chic button test

Amber - Ry lost weight recently too, don't worry he made it up again pretty quick! He was wearing size 3 yrs trousers today (pumpkin patch). They were baggy, but they certainly weren't falling down. I think that size 3 account for no nappy though. His other trousers are 18-24 though and he fits them. Biscuit emoticon for my little chubster there.

BTW - loved the story of Luke trying to climb out his cot. It amazes me how resourceful and clever they are already.

Goddess - I'm sorry to hear about your Nan, your Dad is lucky you're there for him.

Tedi - a spyhole would be great here too.

Neenz - I read that thread and I'm so impressed with the way you dealt with both the issue and the over the top comments. You come across as a really strong lady.
Glad it all worked out ok for your friend (and thank you for alerting me to the placenta issue, it wasn't mentioned to me once and when I went overdue, then again my waters broke 72 hours before they induced me....[PP's bitterness at St Georges is still going strong!]

Abdn - That's sounding good re working as a consultant.

Poppy/Amber - Ryder only has a bottle before his naps now and I'm trying to cut that down to half a bottle. Unless we're travelling during nap time and then it all goes out the window and he ends up having loads.

We went to the supermarket at 6pm, our usual dinner time today and Ryder went completely feral! No tantrums but running up and down the aisles yelling at the top of his voice. Cried unless he could carry the basket, kept taking things on shelves and putting them on other ones. It was completely mad.

Amber - That story hadn't reached us here, but it is truely awful.

Tedi - will be thinking of you tomorrow. I'm sure everything will be fine.

Neenz - I'm not sure I'm happy to slap a pregnant lady! I remember feeling exactly the same when I stopped feeling sick and I know you can't help worrying. Try and do something nice for yourself. Exciting news about your SIL, more twins in the family (altho also a bit of a shame that E&T won't be the 'special ones' IYKWIM).

Sybil - sorry for the awful night. Sending get well wishes.

Biscuits _ Glad C is ok, it really is the most awful thing when they really hurt themselves isn't it? I love the choc button test though, I'm going to use that one.

Phew - I think that's me caught up, sorry to anyone I missed, you guys have been chatty!!!

Thank you for all your best wishes. The meds have settled down now and I feel back to normal again. In fact, today I feel down right happy! Saw new dr here today and he was truely wonderful! I am a very happy lady again. He agreed that I do not need the meds I am on and that I should start weaning myself off them immediately. They're ADs btw, so don't have any effect on depression other than causing it when the type of pill changes. I can expect a little bit of insomnia as I come off them, but they will stop affecting my moods. I can be PP again!!! I also felt that he really listened to me and basically said "what can we do for you?" which felt really empowering, although I realise using that word makes me sound like a bad tampon ad!

The whole adoption thing made me think of a horried recent thread on MN with the title 'Is my DH abusing my children?' which referred to an aggressive father. It was heartbreaking, but the OP got similar levels of abuse as Neenz did which I just didn't think was helpful. AIBU makes grey issues so black & white.

goddess I think I like the sound of the chic button test!

PP, so glad you are feeling better. And thanks for your kind words re that thread . I actually spent a few days afterwards wondering whether I am really a very horrible friend and being scared that my friend who I sent the text to really hated me as much as some of those posters said he would, but I realise AIBU is not the place to get feedback about the sort of person you are! I am not perfect (who is) but I try my best to the best person and friend I can be.

I am feeling a bit sick today so am reassured. But feeling so miuch better has made me realise just how awful I did feel, so now I am worried it IS twins again! Well, I know it is unlikely but with my SIL falling naturally with twins it just shows it does happen! I am so pleased for her but I wonder how she'll manage cos her DS (18m) still doesn't sleep through. She doesn't believe in leaving him to cry and is still up with him for hours sometimes cuddling etc to get him back to sleep. I think she might have to get a bit tougher when the DTs arrive.

Biscuits, about the football! Long way to go yet but it was great. I might be going to the OT game as well necxt week, work have applied for a press pass for me but United haven't said yes yet.

Tedi, that is such a moving story about your mum's birth mum. So were you friends with the birth mother? And did I understand it right that she left everything to your mum?

Poppy, sorry Edie is sick . Hope you had an ok night.

DG, thanks so much for the info. I am at work at mo and can't get on FB but was just wondering about the last para - you said something about working out how much SMP I will get. Do you mean the £123 a week? Or what my company pays me on top of that?

I keep forgetting to say - my chunky son is most definitely in 18-24mths clothes now! His nappies are big which means he needs big sizes but even the length is fine on most of the them. I am buying them 2-3yrs tops and cardis now as well which are a bit big but look fine and will last longer.

E is in 18-24mths too but I mostly have to turn her trousers up. T-shirts and tops are 18-24mths too. After such a small start I can't believe they are on the big side! But I am 5ft6in and my dad's family are very tall so perhaps they have got the tall genes.

5.05am. Shattered again plus cannot move after yesterday's tennis lesson.

Amber. I did my best with the sleep vibes but not good enough. I went to bed early and Iestyn slept, but had a major temper tantrum at breakfast time because he wanted the Hipp chocolate dessert thing for breakfast. (He didn't get it.) It sort of spoilt our little time together. I had an hour to play with him (including breakfast and dressing him tho) before nursery, but 15 of that was him screaming and hitting and kicking walls, the floor, himself, me, and 10 was him winding down from the strop. It became just getting him dressed in the end.

Biscuits I took the chic button test and failed because I had snot on my coat collar.

Neenz no we didn't know her. My mum met her when she was a toddler, but not after the age of 4 or so. Mum then never tried to contact her birth mum (Mum lost her adoptive mum when she was 15, and also thought there must have been a reason for being given up like that - or that her birth mum had married and moved on but as it turned out she hadn't). Her birth mother was desperate for my Mum to contact her (birth parents can't / couldn't make the contact but could indicate willingness to be contacted). And yes, she left everything to my Mum, who was only traced because Mum still lives in the same house she was in from the age of 4.

At all good bookshops soon...

Wow, Tedi, sounds like it would make a great book! If you want me to ghost write it and split the profit then you know where I am

Amber [sympathy]. Can you go back to bed?

lol at chic button test

Neenz, it shouldn't affect the £123 a week (which is going up in April btw) but it would affect the 6 weeks at 90%. It may or may not affect your half pay depending on their salary sacrifice scheme rules. But unless it says otherwise, they'd possibly be within their rights for their 'half pay' to be based on your post-sacrifice salary. Their inability to take £243 off your SMP only applies to SMP btw - they still could take it off the half pay, as long as your income doesn't fall below the SMP rates. HTH.

at my chic button test! My typing was terrible this morning - I was a bit bleary eyed and on my iphone though.

Glad you're feeling better PP.

On trousers - I find the boden baby trousers on the small side if people are looking for 18-24 month trousers that don't drown!

OK, enough people have told me to get out of the lurky-sofa and say hello, so I'm saying hello. I'm not going to attempt to comment on all the news but I have been following it since MN decided I was no longer a threat and let me post again. I'll give you today's update:

MW 'forgot' to come yesterday so was round this lunchtime (annoying as I waited all day yesterday to eat a Mars Bar, then ate one midmorning today only to have to pee in a cup!) Last preg I was all about the Creme Eggs. Appears to be Mars BArs this time.

ON the plus side though it looks like babypearls has decided to get head down (must be the severe talking to I gave her at some unGodly hour this morning.) On the minus side me mischievous little DD has figured out how to climb out of bed so every time she down for a sleep she gets out, knocks on her bedroom door and calls my name until I come. if she's like this at 18 months, how will I cope with the terrible twos. Other minuses:
1.laptop no longer stays on my lap unless my feet are up
2.DD no longer stays on my lap unless my feet are up
3.Maternity clothes don't cover the bump.
4.DH working from home when I have arranged for an unauthorised purchase to be delivered (double pushchair)

1. Evil oven (very long story, most of which is on http://domesticgoddesque.blogspot.com/ my blog if you are bored) killed Amber's chocolate cakes in ten minutes. I hate it.
2. My mother arrives at the weekend and will be 'on hand' for the next ten weeks (she has taken compassionate leave to help me as i have a 'disability')

Other pluses:

1. DH has finally given permission to get evil oven fixed
2. Booked flights for summer hols (though odd as I had to give a name for unborn baby)
3. It rained instead of snowing
4. Have more Mars Bars arriving later in Tesco order.
5. My mother arrives at the weekend and will be 'on hand' for the next ten weeks (she has taken compassionate leave to help me as i have a 'disability')

Bet you are glad I popped by now......[wanders off shame-faced to sit back on SPD sofa]