Thank you so much for all our support guys.
You are right Tree, I know he won't/wouldn't do anything with miss posh pretty knickers. He hasn't said he has a crush on her, its just that I seem to hear about her A LOT compared to his other colleagues and that includes his best mate. Just the fact that she exists and is younger/prettier/cleverer and childless is enough to make me feel invisible/irrelevant.
Sorry to hear you have been rowing with your dh as well - must be something in the air. Please tell me your frying pan isn't le creuset! (You don't watch TV as I remember it, so probably didn't see that episode of Outnumbered where the nextdoor neighbour hospitalised her husband with a frying pan and the policeman said it was a regular occurrence since the area had gone upmarket, due to the prevalence of le creuset frying pans!)
Well, we have had somewhat of a talk and dh did admit that he has never had all three dc's on his own for longer than 3 hours, so doesn't really have a clue what my life is like. He also agreed that I need a break, unfortunately there doesn't seem anywhere for me to go, as everyone is tied up with their own problems and stresses and I find hairdressers and spa/treatment type things really intimidating so it would be counterproductive to do that at the moment. Also, I'm not very good at being away from my babies for longer than a couple of hours, even though I know I REALLY need it.
He took the shopping accident well, after an initial raised eyebrows reaction and admitted I could probably have tripled the amount if I was going to the do, what with a haircut, new make-up, shoes, bag, jewellery etc.
I've probably made him sound much worse than he is. He isn't bossy or controlling, but he's not a talker he just seethes under the surface and makes his feelings 'known' rather than actually saying them out loud. Obviously this can lead to some pretty major misunderstandings. It doesn't help that I very honest and upfront. I AM a talker and end up ranting on at him for hours while he just switches off or tunes me out.
Its hard, because for the first half of our relationship we talked all the time and shared everything. The holding everything in and not talking came about as a byproduct of his head injury. That happened back in 2000 and he has never been the same really. He is however a good man, with a good heart and he does love me and the dc's more than anything in the world.
I've done a lot of thinking today and have to take some of the blame. I've put myself to the bottom of the list for so long now I can't seem to find my way back up again. I have a tendency to think about what everybody else needs (even the things they haven't thought about yet sometimes) and then prioritise them no matter how much more pressing my needs might be. Its not everyone else's fault I do it, they have just got used to it and don't notice any more. Hopefully my little online shopping trip will be the turning point and I'll start being able to put some of my needs first occasionally.
Oh and I would dearly love to go on a girls night out with you guys, I think it would do us all good to have a night off. Although we'd probably spend all night talking about our babies!
Books, I feel your pain. I've had my first AF this week and its been horrible.