AUG08 - Amazing Children belonging to the Most AMAZING Group of Friends

[TwilightSurfer]

I am so blessed to be part of this group. We are starting another year together, our 3rd but who's counting. May you each have a happy and healthy one. I look forward to more meetups, more FBing, more Skyping, more Waving, more crazy tales, more laughter, more hand holding, and more support than is humanly possible! XOX

well statistically we must be due for one of us to have twins on this thread
a couple of sets in my family but really sadly, only one from each pair survived to full term

No1 Worth you spending a bit of time analysing him from that point of view then, no need to discuss it with him but it just might help you feel a bit more confident that you are perfectly sane and not a doormat.

Most men de-stress by retreating into the cave and concentrating on an achievable task. If you have an extremely male brain and perhaps superior powers of focus, it can be easy to get carried away with things, esp if you find them therapeutic eg cleaning, or DIY in my dad's case (he was either working abroad or up a ladder much of my childhood, Mr Sazz plays in his workshop). Whether he is an insensitive steamroller or fries his brain each day trying hard to fit in to the world, things would still be a little more difficult for him and his self-soothing therapy of cleaning is possibly quite essential to stop him going straight for the bottle as soon as he gets in.

None of this excuses his behaviour to you but might explain some of it, why he can't understand depression etc. I think perhaps once you've looked at him in this light, you might get a better handle on him and how to manipulate him for his own good and yours. Seems to me you are stuck in a seige situation with him on the inside, time to stop banging on the walls as they're made of rock. He's never going to think the way you want him to. You being the more emotionally literate one may have to do all the work and try to find some secret passages. Eventually you may be able to convince him it was his idea to go for some therapy - am guessing it would take ages to reach that point though.

Here's that link from earlier again to a MN thread on being married to an ASD person. I sent it to my mum and she was part moved to tears, part killing herself laughing because some of it was so familiar.

Re the swimming, does he swim at all by himself? Maybe he finds public pools quite sensorily stressful?

If anyone could tell me how I get todays posts by me deleted I would be most grateful.
Just in case someone goes snooping.

This will just be a quick dash on as I can hear DD2 wailing after only 30mins of sleep . So, will give her the time it takes to post this to see whether she'll go back to sleep as it's not as though she doesn't need it...

no1 - I'm so, so sorry to hear things aren't so good with you and DH. As others have said, there is no way on earth that you would/could lose the DCs should your split. SiL is a SAHM and all that means is that BiL has to support her as well as the DCs until she's back in work. It does mean she has to go back but the court is giving her reasonable time to get that sorted and until then BiL is handing over more than half is pay to them, so things wouldn't be bleak. Courts do appreciate the contribution of the mother, even if DHs don't .

It's interesting you wondering about DH feeling the pressure of being the sole wage earner. As I've said before on here, it was a major element in BiL's problems and DH has always said that even if, for a while, we didn't end up covering the childcare costs, he'd prefer that I stayed working (part-time) so that he didn't feel it was all up to him. On the other hand though, my DBro said that he would see it as a sign of weakness in himself if his wife needed to work . Sometimes I boggle that we had the same upbringing. Anyhoo.... Could you arrange some childcare for say half a day each week so that you could do some work with your bears? You've often said how much you'd like to get that started again. It might not bring in enough to make a material difference to DH or even cover the cost of the childcare, but might make him feel that you're roles are less polarised and you'd feel you were getting to something that is just for you?

Have been trying to say something about the alcohol but I'm not sure what. As you know this has been an issue in DH's family this year and it is such a tricky one to address, so I will just send you lots of hugs instead.

You go dizzy! Please remind me to have you always on my side when going into battle .

If you go back 2 years on here miamla you'll discover that I too pretrified of twins (family riddled with them including Dbro and Dsis) as having not really shown until at least 15 weeks first time around, I had a discernible bump at 7/8 weeks with DD2. Seems it was just shot to hell stomach muscles from first time round . I agree, there must be some twins on here sometime soon, but I wouldn't start bidding on dizzy's double buggy just yet.

Blimey you lot have a lot of snow. We have none and the thawing continues. Hooray!

Must go. DD2 still going and has woken DD1 too.

Report your own post no1, using the link on the top right of the post. [samile]

obviously

thoughts for you no1. sorry no advice, but thinking of you. miamla, I'm with Sazzles - smaller with DD than DS so prob twins!

DD passed her 1 month check, but off to the doctor again today for a head USS as she grew so much ...

changes to life with children.

PS TS I really liked your first post on this thread, but isn't this our fourth year as the BFPs came along in 2007?

Good idea No1.

I have been trying a new muffin recipe this week, works much better than my old one, am v impressed. Today I made apricot and marzipan ones, half have gone in the freezer for lunchboxes (I consider home made cake one of the basic food groups).

now that sounds like my kind of cake! mind sharing the recipe Buckets? please?
oh, and forgot to say thanks for the squash recomendation you did a few days ago. i'm now on 2L a day and its really helping

poppy I'm not allowed to mention the word 'twins' at home until after our 12wk scan!

Bleurgh, marzipan. I'll stick with your aphrodisiac cupcakes, thanks

Miamla Glad it's helping. I found it better than water when I was actually throwing up too because at least whatever stayed down had some real calories and sugar.

Cyteen You can put whatever lumps and flavours you like - the beauty of muffins is they are cheap and storecupboardy.

Ahem.

In a big bowl mix:
300g SR flour (I use 1/3 wholemeal)
Half teasp bicarb
Half teasp baking powder
Half teasp salt

In medium bowl mix:
1 egg
250ml / 1cup yoghurt/milk/fruit juice/puree or combination
150m / scant 2/3 cup veg oil or melted butter
175g caster sugar
Any flavourings eg vanilla, lemon zest, almond essence, mixed spice etc

Add liquids to dry and fold with a big metal spoon in a crisscross-round movement. Before totally mixed, add up to 150g 'lumps' and don't overmix.
Lumps could be: nuts, glace cherries, berries, dried apricots, chopped tinned peaches, marzipan, raisins, grated carrot, dates, choc chips etc.
Spoon into muffin cases inside muffin tins for support, makes about 11 big ones.
Bake at 190C for 20mins til risen, cracked and golden.
Purees are nice and healthy in muffins - pumpkin, tinned fruit cocktail, fruit baby food.

ladies, do i want to get married before or after DC2 is here?
actually, i know the answer already... i do but i don't want to look like a pregnant elephant walking down the aisle!

so, what do you think?

miamla how come you can't get the car out? Snow isn't that bad here? .Can't work out why you'd have that much more snow than us . .

I was a bit smaller with ds but not much. mind you i was huge with both (ds at 8lb11.5 was the smaller baby). You had a small bump last time miamla so maybe you're set for a big bump this time. You're all though so wouldn;t look as much like a football on legs as i did!

DP just got home and reckons i look four months pregnant! nothing like making a girl feel better...he's convinced i've got my dates wrong!

albs our road is still covered. also, i had a horrible accident involving black ice in '98 and haven't been happy driving in the cold since
Think you missed a word out when talking about footballs on legs but i didn't think that's how you looked at all!

Dear goodness, DP just found out that our burglar alarm goes off if its tampered with... he's wallpapering the hall tonight and bet you'll never guess what he just did! fortunately DS sound asleep

miamla, I should say that I was much bigger, much sooner with DD2, but slowed down when with DD1 I had suddenly got much bigger. By about 32 weeks I was about the same and ended up smaller, but that was just because DD1 outstayed her welcome and every fibre of my body was full of fluid, whereas DD2 kindly arrived 10 days early before I resembled a balloon.

Re: the wedding miamla, we found out I was pregnant with DD1 shortly after we'd got engaged (bloody typical after 8 years together!). We ummed and aahed about whether to bring things forward or push them back (planned date was when DD1 would have been all of 12 weeks). We decided to hold back and did the deed when DD1 was 6 months. In retrospect I wish we'd used it as an excuse to just have a small, simple do just before we had a fab hol planned when, as it turned out, I was 5 months pg, or I wish we'd waited until DD1 was a bit more of a known quantity. As it was she was going through a clingy phase to strongly rival either minisingapore or miniestdixie. We joked that DH was going to say his vows with DD1 in the sling as she really wouldn't let anyone else hold her. As it was as we were taking our vows, we could here her outside and my stepmother singing 'The Wheels on the Bus'. I also just didn't have the energy and enthusiasm for the arrangements. My dress was a disaster because I couldn't be arsed to get it fitted properly and we forgot to invite several people because we were just too busy trying to come to terms with parenthood and a pretty tricky baby. If I were you, I'd just get on with it, but it depends what sort of arrangements you had in mind and also whether you mind not being able to drink on your big day .

How are you feeling this evening no1?

ooh buckets sorry, missed that you'd posted your recipe earlier! thank you!! i'll be making some of those tomorrow

blimey, i keep x posting with you all!

you see, i knew it was a good idea to ask you lot about the wedding! poppy v good points there re being able to leave DS potentially for a honeymoon. doubt we will but it'd be an option at least. And yes, you're right sazz it would be at least summer 2011 and i don't want to wait that long

And yes, organising it with one child will be easier than doing it with two

i've met you and your two DDs....can't hear you whistling anymore

Evening all - fish pie made and consumed.

DD was truely crotchety and not right today she asked to go to bed at 6.20. She has something going on with her mouth as she has soaked through 3 t-shirts today and if she had spent more time outside today she would have had icicles on her chin. She kept putting food in her mouth then just dropping it out and yelling esp. tomatoes, could be teeth but I'm not sure maybe she poked herself with something sharp.

Miamla - we got married on 2 weeks notice but not due to pg just due to interfering busybodies. I met a friend who is 4 weeks ahead of me and her bump is tiny (only no1 for her) Dh then found a piccie of me at 36 weeks and I am almost there size wise BUT in my defence I was still at the gym 6 days a weeks then and swimmming too. This time I have no abs, no time to myself and no one to look after DD when I go to the gym. I am also still carrying my leftover weigh from DD/thyroid stuff. I AM A PORKER!

Hi Poppy, Sazz and ALBS.