May 2009: Brides and bibs

[EtherealFiByTheSea]

Here we go...

No. You don't realise how good they are at it until you have to express.

rofl your Halloween dinner sounds very gory DS doesn't like jelly either... now ice cream that's another matter!

btw llare LOVE the cake it looked fab... fb wouldn't let me post a comment though so doing it here instead!

Tummum at your FIL taking your DDs off without telling you. Just inexcusable.

Big love to sausage. Oddly, I feel a little emotional about her getting married; that's the real paradox about here, you (group) chat to someone nearly every day, but of course you're not in their RL circle of friends. Although sausage is the one person out of this thread whom I've met twice. And perhaps even more ... Funny thing - there's a very good chance Sausage and I knew each other as children. We both grew up in the same foreign country. I'm not going to say where on here but you might be able to work it out if you look on my facebook. We lived there at the same time although I ended up living there a lot longer. Anyway, it turns out we both did ballet lessons at the same small ballet school, around about the same time. And as we are exactly the same age, there's a very good chance we were in the same ballet class. How freaky is that?!

tummum (again) Typically, after detailing my son's sleeping routine on here for the first time ever, he then promptly went and did something differet. For the first time, he went down for the night at 7pmish last night and tonight. He also got up earlier today, at 6am, and yesterday had a 1.5 hr nap in his cot, followed by two 30 mins ones in his pram.

jennster Bad luck mate, with your puking children. Hope their tummies settle soon.

Hiya Dandy oooo err spooky small world it is indeed!

back soonish... G has also just changed her routine and has woken up off to bf feed with her awake for a change at this time of night and hope to be back!

Blimey, Dandy that is indeed a spooky coincidence. How wonderful! I'm sure that is a tale that mumsnet towers would love to hear one day. I also feel quite emotional about Sausage getting married and I can't wait to see the photos.

Thank Fi. DH posted the cake as one of his favourite things but I think he was being kind!

whahey g's fed and asleep again phew!

Evening everyone. Hope everyone's had a happy haloween, especially Sausage Hope she's had a magical day

Our day has been very hectic but everything turned out perfectly
We took the DC to the cinema this morning, and they both won big prizes for their costumes. DD was a witch, I did her makeup too lol and baby J was a skeleton, I was dressed up as a witch too, makeup and all, and DP was Dracula.
We then popped in to have some lunch somewhere, and took the DC to this really cool farm with animals like monkeys, bears, bats,pigs etc. And then we went home to do our Trick or Treating We then had a very gruesome tea "monster mash" "goblin slime" and "witches fingers" "Vampire blood" to drink and "Eyeballs" for dessert..it was very scrummy. We then all cuddled down on the couch with the duvet to watch Hocus Pocus with a bowl full of chocolate. It was perfect

Busy day for us again tomorrow. Were taking the DC out for another surprise

Nite Nite XX

Jael- your DCs are very lucky to have a mummy who finds so many exciting things to do and makes such an effort to create special days . We just made a pumpkin, dressed up (no makeup) and went to a few houses trick or treating.

I'm glad that MN is working again as it wasn't earlier.

Phew! working now for me too.. been down a long time as I was up at 4 and all I had was a lot of white screens

Our halloween was decidedly unhalloweeny. I feel really bad now. Just normal dinner etc... Though I did have C being grumpy yesterday due to her chesty cough etc... No trick or treaters stopped by either. TBH the dcs weren't too bothered. For them halloween had already passed, as they thought the halloween school disco last fri had been halloween.

I hope sausage has had a lovely day yesterday. Can't wait to see her pics on FB.

dandy What an amazing co-incidence. You should try and dig up some group pics from that ballet school if there are any.

It's very stormy here today, so I'm staying in and doing nothing.

I think I destroyed our house phone yesterday. After DH phoned yesterday it slipped out of my hands in the bowl with water that was still there from changing C's pooy bum. I thought that once it's dried out it might come back to life, but it's still dead . We do have another phone, but it's not cordless.

DH and I discussed me going back to work yesterday, because I really really don't feel ready to leave C in jan and would like to stay home longer, but of course I wont be earning anything. Anyway. He's agreed for me to stay home longer and says that he's only joking when he says that it's time I start earning. I told him that when he does, it doesn't sound like joking, but he said that we're not going to starve if I stay home another couple of months. So I'm a very happy bunny now . All I need to do now is get in touch with the hospital and see if I can move my start date etc... I can't see it being a problem, because I've got a right to take those few extra months of mat leave.

Crapy nappy and puke at 4am, an hour after dh got in anybody?

Hoping Sausage had a fabulous day yesterday.

Dandy I wonder if you could find out if the ballet school still exists (unlikely I know) and see if they have year or exam photos?

Salem- I should be going back in January and think i still will as I don't like to let colleagues down. I am going back 4 days a week, but might reduce that after i've done a month if i feel like i am not seeing enough of S.

As for you getting a couple of extra months OML, like you say, you are entitled to 12 months and as long as you give 2 months notice of any changes to plans, they can't stop you. So just make sure you tell them soon.

Don't forget that you accrue annual leave during your maternity leave.

Salem (ooh, just thought, we'd better change our names back now) great news about staying home a bit longer. I don't think I'll feel happy about leaving H any time but January would definitely feel too soon. When will you go back now? I'm going back in April but might officially start back part time in February and take two months off annual leave. I'll have accrued 40+ days, what with normal annual leave, bank & privilege holidays and the 10 days I couldn't take because H arrived so early. That way I'll only have one month with £0 coming in.

Dandy that's a spooky co-incidence! My brother went out with a girl for 2 years who he then found out we are related to (though with several marriages and an adoption in between). I thought it would be quite fun for the family tree if they got married but my brother didn't think so.

Jael sounds like a wonderful Halloween in the Jael household. Pula's right, your DCs are very lucky to have a mum like you who does lots of fun activities with them.

H had a bit of a change to his routine today - he went right through until 6am, when he did a big poo then was up for the day I managed to get him back to sleep at 7.30 but was then wide awake myself so I came on here only to find it broken and a few MNers chatting on a Pregnancy thread as it was the only topic accessible. I didn't join in though as I didn't 'know' anybody

Hi everyone...

I would like to start by saying thank you for all of the overwhelming support that you guys have given me via facebook. It means so much as I don't have any family here, and only a few friends (most of which I don't want to tell all my personal details). I know I may not have replied to all of you, but I did get it all and just knowing someone was there thinking of me helped a lot.

Sorry I have gone AWOL. This is the first time in weeks and weeks I have even been on here...so I will not be tagging people as I am sure you understand it would take me weeks just to catch up!

So here it goes:

I just don't know what to do. We have been together for 5 years and he has never once done anything to hurt me. Now all of a sudden he is not even himself. He has cheated, granted not the full monty, but an emotional connection with someone else, meeting in private and kissing (lying too!) counts. I told him I would have rather he paid for sex then at least it was just that and not connecting with someone other than his wife...although I am sure I would be hurt by that too...but for me an emotional connection is far worse than just sex...(and we had a great sex life, even while he was cheating!!!) Anyway,

He was wanting to try to work on us, but he is still saying he does not think we will last. He says he does not want to hurt me again, and is afraid he will...I deserve better, he is a dick...you get the idea. Everyone I have spoken too says he is just saying that to make himself feel better and ease his guilt.

I just know that this is not him. The way he is behaving is like he is a completely different person. He keeps saying 'This is me...I am a dick' but I just can't believe it. I honeslty believe that he may be suffering from pnd as I can recognize it from having it myself. I woke up some days wondering if I loved the people in my house...I thought about just walking out and not looking back...He thinks there is nothing wrong with him what so ever so he will not get help. He does not think councelling will help, as in the long run we won't last so why waste our time.

I know he still loves me. I know he still cares, but I think he is going through some sort of weird crisis and I just don't want to be hurt and dragged along for the ride. He is a great father, and I just wish my old husband would come back. He says that he would like to think that he will come home but when he does he wants me to know it was for the right reasons and not just because it was the easy option. He has not told me he loves me for the same reason...wants me to know he means it when he says it to me.

I got asked out on a date by someone I know. I have not gone on the date, told him I just wanted to be friends as I am not in a place to be seeing other people. I told Alex and after that he started the whole 'Can I take you out sometime?' stuff...so I don't know if he really wants to try on our marriage or if he just wants to mark his territory so to speak. I am just soooo confused and I am praying that he comes to his senses before it is to late. I already feel myself getting angry with him and building walls to protect myself. If he waits much longer, I won't be waiting anymore...

I have already started making plans for my possible move back to the states. I contacted my old job and they have welcomed me back anytime. All my friends and family have been so supporive. H is saying that he is holding me back and I can do so much more if I would just go back. Is he trying to get rid of me? I know that he would probably never see his kids again if I leave or very seldom if ever. If he does not have the want to work on us, how will he have the want to save to come see his kids? Also, if I left it would be like the final nail in the coffin...no going back. And I am not ready to close the door on us yet. I hate myself for loving the ass...but I can't help it. I love my old H, not this new model...

Sorry for the rambling...nice to get it all down in black and white...just doing that has made me burst into tears!

Phew, that's better. I feel more like me now.

Spangle have you posted elsewhere on the board? If not, just throw yourself in.

Belgian great news about the extra maternity leave. I've got to go back for 3 months to keep my maternity pay so I am going to give notice to go back at the beginning of January. I've got lots of leave etc so will have to work about 4 weeks before finishing at the end of March. I'll also be working with DH, gradually building up my hours to start "officially" in April. I've got to give 3 months notice so I'll be starting and resigning on the same day. I can't wait!

Jenn I hope there is some improvement for you next week.

Rubbish day here. Very wet and windy. DH is taking the boys out to the opening of his friend's new garage so I'm going to stay home and do a Davina DVD. I haven't done much exercise this week at all and I can really feel it. I haven't swum either since having the sickness bug so I've got a lot of miles to cover this month!

Crossed posts with you emmabemmasmom, will read and respond in a little while, but lots of hugs for you. HAve got to go and sort out DS.

Emmab So glad to hear from you. It sounds like you're in a very hard position. If you think your DH has got PND, but doesn't want help, then at some point you will have to make the decision whether it's time to make the break and plan for your life on your own. I'm not sure what to advise or say. It must be so hard for you. I'm sending lots of non MNy hugs over to you. Anytime you need to vent, come back on here and do so.

Re my mat leave. I was told to just apply for the 12 months by my old employers and then let them know 28 days in advance if I want to come back any earlier. It's my future employers I'll have to talk to mainly.

Right. Time to leave the computer now and do something with the dcs before they break down the house.

em no wonder you're so confused.. all the on off on off must be awful .. will be back.. whingey teething G keeps getting stuck on her tummy today

Jenn How is ds now? I was just thinking that if you possibly can fit it in, maybe it's a wise idea to express a few times day to keep your supply up while he's feeding less.

Talking about expressing. I seem to be only getting 2oz, despite feeling full and getting letdown. I'm blaming the pump and so I've bought another one. I used to have an avent one with ds and dd1, and got more (with dd1 I used to get 4-5 oz at a time ). I've got a tommee tippee one and from the very beginning I've found it feels different to the Avent one. I think I liked that silicon funnel insert thingy (not sure what it's called). I'll see if it really does make a difference.

Right. Off to turn the heating up and have some lunch. Please chase me off next time you see me on here. I really do need to sort the house before Tuesday.

Quick test to see if I'm Belgian again. Then I'm really going, honestly!

Hello, am trying out a new name. Would have liked just 'Dandy' but it's not available. If you have the inclination, tell me what you prefer:

a- The Dandy
b- DandyL
c-DandyEss
d-DandyLies
e-or just plain vanilla DandyLioness

Moving on to much more serious matters -

Emma Good to hear from you. We're not FB friends but I heard on hear about your sad news, and I was hoping you would come back here so I could tell you how sorry I am to hear that.

It does sound like your DH is having a crisis in the widest sense of the term. But I'd be careful about cutting him slack by thinking he has PND. It's a generalisation, but people with PND don't usually start affairs, for the simple reason that they find connecting emotionally and physically very hard to do. Also, there is a crucial difference between you and your DH thinking that you don't love your family and wanting to walk out - only one of you actually left. Lots of people have thoughts about leaving their family from time to time, but if you turn the fantasties into reality, then you're in a whole different ball game.

I also don't think you can say at this point in time that if you go back to the States your DH is unlikely to see his children. If he was a good dad before, it's possible he will come to his senses later and make the effort to stay in their lives. And you moving them away would focus his mind. I would think very strongly about moving them away from their father, but at the same time, the best thing for you may be to move back to your job and support network. Is your DH seeing the kids now, and if so, how regularly?

spangle- sorry to disappoint, but I don't think you get credits for bank hols and priv hols that you have missed whilst on mat leave. Might be worth checking? I certainly have never claimed them during my previous 2 mat leaves, and i'm sure i would have looked into this (unless the rules have changed?). I have also already used my annual leave that i accrued whilst on mat leave as i was using one day AL per week so i could work 3 rather than 4 days. My new leave year starts in Jan so i will be back to zero carryover.

checking name change..