Hi all- well ds and I never made it to Godstone, have texted the others so hope they had a really great day and didn't get too wet. Am gutted not to go and meet them. Anyway here's the explanation...
Dh and I had a good chat last night and agreed that we need to pick and snap at each other less. We chatted about how great J is but that now he wants to stand/climb etc he is a lot more demanding. Dh even said he didn't know how I got things done in the day as well as look after J. Went to sleep feeling pretty positive.
Got up early this morning to get ready for going out, had managed to have a shower and be dressed while ds was asleep and dh still here. Just before dh went to work he said something about could I pick some bits up in the bedroom, to which I snapped back as he knew I was rushing about getting ready to go out. Anyway we argued again and he stormed off to work. I went downstairs with J and just looked around at the house and thought fucking hell I do everything round here, then J started trying to climb me while I was trying to clear up last nights bits/ empty the dishwasher and I just thought I can't do this anymore. I spend my whole time entertaining J, taking him out and then when he's asleep rushing about cleaning/washing/tidying/cooking and dh can't even unload the dishwasher or pack the bits of washing up away but can ask me to pick up some bits in the bedroom?
So I called him having a mini meltdown in floods of tears, he came back from the station by which point I was like some hysterical banshee. We had another chat and he apologised for being an arse about the tidying. He's taken today as holiday and we've just lazed about really, in fact I've just been for a two hour sleep. We might take J swimming later just so we've done something positive by the end of the day.
I feel quite now at having lost it so badly and about missing the day out. I hate losing it and showing I need help, I'm a kind of an ice-queen that department. I know I?m on maternity leave and that dh is working and I love looking after J but it?s hard to do it all. Every night he?ll come home and play with J bath him and put him to bed but that is all he does. I do everything else and like he acknowledged last night it?s hard getting anything done when J is awake. I would like him to think and do little things like empty the dishwasher but if he doesn't then I don't expect him to pick out things I haven't done. I don?t know I just felt so hurt that after all our resolves to be nicer to each other he has a go about tidying. But then he felt hurt about me snapping to what he thought was a simple request. I know we?ll be ok as we are stronger than this but it?s just hard going.
So I?m really sorry CSWS, Star and Ekka about missing today but I wouldn?t have been good company, and I get terrible cry face with a big fat red nose. Oh and of course I had to stay to try and sort out this mess.
Sorry to post such misery. Hope everyone else is ok?