F(l)ab Feb 2009: Primark pants and teething rants

[dinkystinky]

A brand new sparkling thread to mark the four month mark for our bubs

just marking for later

hi all..

it has been a very long time.. firstly to hugs to MOS, I am so sorry to hear your sad news..

Spotty, more hugs, I hope all goes well with your DH.. what a scary time

Bump... general hugs, I hope you feel better

We are back from Zambia, which was amazing, perfect and DS in particular loved every minute of it..he as been very grumpy as we have tried to squeeze ourselves back into a our 2 bed/no garden lifestyle ... I have managed to gain weight on top of my baby weiglth, but i think that is just a sign of good living

we still dont know where we are going to live.. Wembly looks like the best compromise at the moment as larger houses and a good nursery from September.. but even with this option we have a childcare gap of July/August... I want to go back !!!

... any discussion of a meet up ? is 24th still up as a potential date ?

hello all .. i have not managed to catch up properly on the thread but will try to read up in between trying to unpack..

afternoon all. Nkweto - nice to see you're back (though sounds like you'd be v happy still being in Zambia) and great that you had a lovely holiday. Yep Wednesday 24th is the date that is penciled in - does that work for you? Fingers crossed childcare issues and housing issues get sorted soon for you. And Pluto lovely to see you back too - well done on persevering with the BF.

Did go to Pushy mothers in the end and saw Elkiedee and C there. Danny continued being a total grizzlebunny while there (was what convinced me to get out the house!) but did the most enormous poo - directly onto his babygrow in between nappy changes - nice!- when I got home so hopefully he'll be in a better mood now. And while I was out the carpet fitters called by to look at the wardrobe that now doesnt work - they claim that its not working now because its on carpet instead of floorboards Odd that the wardrobe worked fine on carpets in our old place...

Have there been any other suggestions for the week commencing 22nd June?
I know you can't make the Thursday dinky.
I can do anyday but would prefer not the Wednesday as have signed up for a course on Wednesdays but I guess it won't matter if I miss one week if that is the only day when everyone can do.

wardrobes not working on carpet???? methinks they are taking the pi**!

How can a wardrobe not "work" on carpet?!

mmmm, maybe we should have the meet up round dinkys and kick the carpet mans arse for thinking she/we are bloody stupid?

I know! And its not even like the wardrobe comes all the way down to the carpet and catches on it - its a huge old wardrobe made out of reclaimed teak planks which we bought when we got married (so sentimental value as well as being a beautiful piece of furniture) which is made of a wardrobe unit attached on top of another unit which consists of 4 drawers (which still open and close fine despite being on the aforementioned-magic-wardrobe-destroying-carpet). Am rather at the carpet fitters as we deliberately went for John Lewis rather than local carpet fitters who would have been cheaper as we thought we'd get a better job done by John Lewis and be able to get them to sort out any problems which arose. Oh well, I guess at least this saga will give me a chance to dust off my kick-ass lawyer negotiation skills in preparation for returning to work in September

MoS - Think I originally suggested the Tuesday but Wednesday worked better for more people.

Ps PSL - glad your cousin's little one arrived safely, though v quickly by the sounds of it! How lovely that you got to be one of the very first to give them a cuddle - make you broody???

Hi pluto Glad to hear all is well.
mos I'm sure your mum is very proud of you for many reasons already. x
Bless you dh for printing on 2 colours. I take it he is being slightly more supportive?
I am def up for the meet up. Will be lovely to see everyone again and meet a few that I haven't before.
PSL Not started stopping yet. I wanted to start this monday with my SAHD friend, but he didn't show up to clinic, or play group this morning and hasn't replied to my text which isn't like him. Hope him and dc's are ok. The start date for most is 15th because alot of them are going on the drugs, but I am winding down.
Big congrats on the new baby. IME other's babies alway look more 'baby' than our own. Aaaahhhh.
nkweto Glad you had a good holiday

Dp's asked me how I'd feel if he worked 12 hour days. There are some vacancies coming up with more progression potential than where he is now and it's a bit more money, but would mean that he won't see the boys. He'd be leaving home at 5am and getting home at 7pm. I told him to do whatever will make him happy, but to remember that in a few years I will be working again and bringing in some money, so will be able to save then and think about buying somewhere else, and that he has to decide whether an extra grand a month is enough money for him not to see his family. I told him I'll support him whatever he decides, but ultimately, his career, his choices I think.

LBB that is what it is like here, dp leaves at 4:30 and gets home at 7:15... It is hard.. Good luck with stopping smoking, I gave up when I found out i was pg with dd, and feel so much better for it.

Much better night here and feeling more positive today as well! DP is going to take ds as much as he can today and we are going to try a bottle of ebm again tonight so i can have an early night..

First day of dairy free for me as well.

morning all,
LBB, my first thought is that is going to put a lot more strain on your relationship with DP. It will be very hard for you to be on your own with the boys for 14 hours and of course when he gets back he will be tired and irritable and you will be tired and irritible etc.
Tell me to sod off it you want but I don't think it should be just his choice. It has a huge impact on your relationship and his relationship with the boys. You need to sit down together and talk this through. But hell, what do I know about relationships at the moment. Huge row with DH last night which ended up with me in the spare room crying myself to sleep. Apparently I'm hard to live with at the moment and he has never been so unhappy. Twunt.

LBB, I think there's a lot in what MOS says. Is the pay difference really an extra grand a month? - it sounds a lot. When dp became full time for the union he took a pay cut of more than £100 a month because he lost shift allowances, however, I much prefer having him around to the money. Except when we're fighting.

If you'd prefer he didn't take the job working long hours, I think you should say to him. It makes a difference to you and the kids at home, and also, if you want at some point to go back to work and maybe get some training or experience to do so, it would probably be better. But if I'm reading that into your post wrongly, sorry!

Sorry MOS that you had such a horrible row last night.

yay, I don't always talk shite

although we're a bit behind, my baby has only just hit the 3 mths mark not 4

hi spotty, hope all ok with you at home and are not too stressed x

Mos Hope you're ok. So sorry your dh is being such an arse!!
I know what you mean about the strain on our relationship and I did think that, but I have been trying to be more understanding and supportive of his needs and goals too. I told him it's not like we need extra money, the boys aren't going to grow up as poor as we were, and all they need is a stable family unit and to know and feel they are loved and cared for. As nice as it would be, they don't need holidays, lots of toys (ds1 still has most fun with a balloon) and designer clothes. We own 40% of our flat which is fine for the moment, and in a few years I hope to be bringing in some money too, so he shouldn't kill himself for things that aren't a necessity(sp?), but I know he wants to learn more about his job and move up the ranks, and I don't want to be the one to stop him doing that, but I also want him to have an active roll in the boys lives. I did tell him I'd get really pissed off and it would be extra hard on all of us. I just don't know what to say to him. He wants me to make the decision for him and I can't do that.
elkie Yeah, it would be that much more a month because he'd transfer onto faults, be earning his hourly rate for 12 hours a day, but would continue to go in on overtime like he does now. I'd also prefer him to be with us more than at work, I'd be more than happy to make the sacrifice in many areas, and hey the stop smoking will help too, but if he feels he can and wants to better himself, can I really stop him? He'll be 38 this year and I know his age plays on his mind a bit and he feels he needs to get alot done now before he gets too old

The boys are now with my parents. Yay!!!! I'm enjoying the peace and quiet, but now dp's making eyes at me! Excuses on a postcard.......it's not that I don't want to, I would just rather have a nap , gosh how kids change your life.

lbb is "just" money or career advancement this change will bring? If it is an important step up the ladder and if he really will be earning that much more then could you use some of the extra income to pay for some help - either a cleaner and/or a mother's help or similar to give you a hand with the children? Having said all that, if it were us I'd definitely prefer more DH & less money!

Hello everyone

• have been chasing my tail since Thursday night. My sister rang in a bit of a state and asked me to come and stay with her (family related probs to her dad who is different to mine) I couldnt drive up as DH needed my car the next day as the motor on his wipers has just broken and cant be fixed till next Tues so he offered to drive me. Cue a three and a half our trip there and he had to drive back too (Swindon to Essex) and got back at 20 past 4 in the morning Then got up for work the next day and i had to get the train home.

What a palaver!Train from Rayleigh to Liverpool St, couldnt get the tube as had a baby bag, a normal bag, my handbag, a baby and a stupidly HUGE buggy that only fits in my old Merc estate ( my sister tried to give me a lift to the station and it wouldnt fit in her BMW boot!) There were no lifts or anything at the tube station ( you can tell i dont use it very much with a baby so i was advised to get a bus to Paddington but there was a closure in Fleet St so it took AGES then a train from Paddington which they told me i couldnt catch as i had purchased the ticket earlier and it was peak time Anyway the nice lady got me on a train after a nice train manager said i could get on his train in peak time and he plonked me and Milo in first class but it was over 5 hours of shlepping and i was knackered when we got home!

Dinky sorry to hear about your carpet woes, how rubbish of them and i really would have, like you expected better of John Lewis for goodness sakes, hope you get it sorted out soon and they make reparation for your wardrobe which does indeed sound lovely. As for the random bleeds i wouldnt worry too much as it probably is your period trying to make an entrance but your BF'ing aren't you? So will probably be really erratic and random for ages.

Mos, good luck with reading out at your mum's funeral, you might just find some strength that you need at the last minute, it's very hard i know (my dear dad died in 2001 and im so very sad he doesnt know about Milo) Your DH just sounds like he is doing the usual man drama thing and im sorry that you rowed, its horrid isn't it? Im surprised that he said he is really fed up at the moment, how does he think that you feel? With regards to a meetup here in not very sunny Swindon, sounds lovely and let me know when you are in the vicinity and we can find a nice pub somewhere Hope you are bearing up anyway.

LBB dont worry about the toe thing, Milo is always getting bumps and stuff from his sisters, as for your DP taking on some extra hours just weigh it up and see if you really mind being on your own all that time ( i probably would i have to confess ) against DP's desire to go up the ladder workwise and earn some extra money, i hate it when my DH gets back at 7.30 some nights as with the commute im on my own just about 12 hours a day but its not so bad for me as i have the girls for company and help too.

HOM hope your lo is ok after his little fall - bless its easily done i know.

PSL i have had a mattress made for Milo's Graco petite basinette this site and they make allsorts and are very reasonable www.babymattressesonline.co.uk/products/travel-cot-mattresses-products.html you can get made to measure ones for travel cots which is a good job as there isn't enough room in our bedroom for a normal sized cot till we get our extension done.

NKweto glad you had such a wonderful time in Zambia, im really jealous - i would LOVE to visit.

Aww this weather is shite isnt it? Im having a big BBQ for all my family to introduce them to Milo next Saturday and people are coming from all over - our house is smallish but our garden is a good size so am really relying on the weather to be nice. I checked the long range weather forecast and its supposed to be picking up by Friday but it'll be sods law to be a couple of days out!

Sorry for the mammoth post but you lot can ttalk and i had alot to catch up with sorry if i missed anyone out.

Evening all.

Bumps - glad you had a much better night and hope you've had a good day today and the EBM bottle does the trick tonight.

Rosie - god that sounds like an absolute saga! Bet you were so happy to finally get home. And hurray for the nice lady and train manager - thank god there are still some lovely people out there Hope your sister is ok.

Spotty - good to see you online. Hopefully Sam will hit the four month mark while we're still on this thread. Hope all ok with you guys at the moment.

MoS - sorry you've had a bad row with DH. Its so stressful having a new baby at the best of times that lots of couples go through rough patches - but add to that living abroad and your terrible bereavement and you must feel like you're swimming in stress at the moment. Am sending you huge hugs again. I really hope your DH is being more supportive now and apologises for his behaviour.

LBB - it sounds like you've had some really good advice from THOM, MoS and Elkiedee re DP. DH has been through some stages of working really stupid hours - early to work before DS1 was up and back really late after DS1 was asleep - for weeks on end when DS1 was younger and we all hated it, DH most of all. We all know that its likely we'll go through more of the same when the markets recover and DH's work picks up again and as the others have said, it really is tough on all relationships involved and makes for a really lonely existence for you as their partner, especially when the kids are really little. I'd advise really thinking long and hard about it for both of you.

Another shocking night of sleep (or lack thereof rather) in the dinky household yet - though DH was a star and took Danny at 5 this morning so I could get a couple of hours sleep in. As Danny has been sleeping well during the day today and went swimming this afternoon am keeping everything crossed for only a couple of wakings tonight. DH has been manfully soldiering through putting together a world of flatpack furniture today for DS1's new bedroom - we now just need to get the wardrobe sorted and a couple of doors shaved and we'll be ready to move DS1 in there. He is sooooooooo excited, its really sweet.

Blimey what a journey Rosie! I lived in Rayleigh from when I was 4 until about 24! Has your sister lived there long? I haven't been back in ages because my Mum moved away 5 years ago.

Sorry not had time to catch up properly (after Rosie's mammoth post !) but hope all well.

Am also getting fed up of the rain, but I suppose it's good for the garden (yawn)!

Just a quick one, so night all and hope to catch you tomorrow. x

Yeah STW my mothers children from her first marriage ( i have 4 half sisters and a brother from that and two half brothers from my dads first marriage ) grew up in Hullbridge right next to Rayleigh and she has lived in Rayleigh since she was 17 (shes 45 now) It was absolutely pissing down as well and stupid me when we were packing stuff the night before in only half an hour left in flip flops and no jacket/coat so got soaked alot!

Ahh DINKY thats so nice that your DS1 is so excited about his new bedroom Hope you get a bit more sleep tonight - your DH is indeed a star and i thank my lucky ones that mine is too in that dept - he really helped out with feeds although Milo is going through the night more or less constantly now. (Watch this space for a whinge in a couple of months that he has started waking up again!)

Rosie I hope you're recovered from your epic journey

STW I grew up in Eastwood, so we were practically neighbours. How funny. See, now I have outed myself as an Essex Girl!

Dinky I hope Danny gives you a better night tonight & DH is unscathed from his skirmish with the flatpack.

Hello spotty! mos hope you're OK. I don't know about you but I found when my dad died two years after my mum, it kind of rekindled everything to do with her death too. I'm thinking of you.

Awful day here. DS1 has spent whole day being a hormonal, grumpy, screaming, crying horror. DH & I have been taking it in turns to feel sorry for him/want to lock him in the shed. No idea what's going on with him & nor does he, poor love. Hope tomorrow's better...

Am excited as I have booked a week in a cheap cottage in Dorset in July. Can't really afford it but I think we all need something to look forward to and DS1 has never been on a British beach holiday & I'm sure he'll love it.

Ohh sounds lovely HOM. Nothing wrong with Essex girls - that accounts for half of my family lol. I know Rayleigh really well as visited her since i was 10 years old there and have socialised there plenty

Sorry to hear DS1 is playing up nightmare but wishing you a better day tomorrow.

morning all,
rosie, what a nightmare journey, I couldn't have done it, I'd have collapsed in tears and needed carting off in a straight jacket.

THOM your holiday sounds lovely. We usually go longhaul in the summer, normally Florida but this year we'd decided we'd had enough of planes and airport security so in July are jumping in the car (assuming we can fit us, 4 kids and bags in the volvo) and driving over to France. A couple of days at Disneyland then down to centreparcs. Can't wait.

THOM, I think you are right. I lost my dad 4 1/2 years ago, just before I met DH and at times I found it really hard dealing with the fact that he'd never met DH or DD and now DS. I was saying to a friend this morning that it is 100 times worse losing my mum, partly I think as it rekindled my dad but also because I'm struggling the realisation that I'm now an orphan. The biggest part is the guilt that I didn't take Harrison back in time to meet her. Don't think I'll ever get over that one.

Finally went to see the GP yesterday who confirmed I'm suffering with depression and she thought I probably had a bit of PND already and I think she might be right there. DH came with me but waited outside and is much nicer now, think he is relieved that I've talked to someone else.
GP wanted to put me on medication but I can't take a lot of them as I'm B/F. She gave some tablets to help the sleep and relax me but then phoned an hour later and said she'd checked and I can't take those ones! She said that she has checked with a phych (shrink!) and there are some I can take but they don't stock them and they can't write a prescription so she had made me an appt for 11.30am today at a hospital the other side of town. Bearing in mind I cannot drive as a mere female and I have two DCs, how the hell did she expect me to get there. She kept saying to get a driver, borrow a driver, get someone to look after kids etc but I calmly explained that it just wasn't an option. I appreciated her making the appointment but just getting there would cause so much stress and I have too much of that already. DH has done enough running around and can't take any more time off to take me, won't abandon my DC at the last minute and DD has her last swimming lesson today before we leave on Wed am.
Clearly I can't be as bad as we'd feared if I was able to be rational about all that
Think I've decided to go to counselling (gp suggested it) I felt a bit stupid about it at first, bearing in mind that I'm midway through a bloody counselling course but as the gp said, even counsellers need counselling sometimes.
Sorry, all about me again

LBB how is the no smoking going and any more thoughts about DP's job?

MOS, i hope the counselling helps a bit. Ikwym about feeling abit silly, I've done a bit of low level counselling through work and had to use a women's aid counsellor myself several years ago but it was fab. REally good to get it all off your chest and didn't feel silly at all. Getting across the threshold is the hard part. Am still at you not driving over there!

THOM & Dinky - hope your boys are better for you today

Rosie - what a mammoth journey! I live in fear of public transport with children and haven't ventured on yet. Hats off to all of you who regularly just hop on a tube for these meet-ups

LBB - hope the non-smoking it going well. I gave up 6 years ago when I met DH. All my pen ends during that time where chewed to death lol

Haven't read too much else so sorry for missing everyone in the 2nd half of the thread.

We haven't had any rain yet although have been promised it for the past 3 days. Supposed to be having a BBQ today but it looks like it will finally hit us today so will have to cancel HATE being stuck indoors with 3 kids!