December 2008 Coven - white light and basket cases

[EffiePerine]

Seeing as LadyT broke the thread...

wg I might come along to a meet up, but will have to see how it works with ds1's nursery days. Very passive-agressive of your ILs, I hate that!!

trace poor you, hope everything's ok [passes chocolate over]

Ds2 is having great fun with his feet!

I feel sorry for my db atm, he had his ds not long after ds2 was born & I think he gets a lot of 'tilly does it this way etc'. Talking to my mum today & she doesn't agree with them co-sleeping, thinks my sil is pandering to ds too much etc etc. I was trying to defend them as much as poss, their ds is still only 4mo, but lord its tiring!

tilly - i may well start a n london meet up thread instead of doing the fb thing. can't work out who is who. i'll do it over the weekend and post the link here.

Tilly wasn't it your mum that had ds1 in with her one night?

veggie, yes it was, it was why I didn't really get where she was coming from with my db!

Tbh, I'm not really being very fair on her as she is lovely really. I just get the impression that db is being told that because I'm doing it in a particular way he ought to be as well & this is causing friction with him & his dp!

I was going to say it is a bit unfair as it could effect your relationship with him and your SIL at a time when your SIL could use someone like you. Maybe you could just say it straight to your bro to ignore your mum and tell him to muddle through how best they see fit and your there to help with any muddling advice. I think in the end your mum will have an opinion whether it's cosleeping feeding or whatever so he jus needscto let it wash.

We have now moved onto full co-sleeping, I was bringing him a some stage during the night but then we both realized we loved havng ds1 in with us all night so he starts off in his cot and then when we go to bed in he comes. I think it's nice having the experience with ds1 and knowing that they do quite happily go to their own bed eventually. Ds1 knows he can come in with us but he tends to stay in his own bed these days.

WG I wish I could say sorry to hear you have to put up with your mad MIL this weekend but I would be telling porky pies. I am so pleased you are, as now I will be entertained by her rantings!!!!

Oh how lovely we have a long weekend, I'm hoping to feel better for most of it. On Monday we have tickets to the Ladies FA cup final between Arsenal ladies & Sunderland ladies. It is being played at the Derby county stadium hooray, and there is a football festival all weekend in the lead up to the game so we are going to check that out over the next few days.

Thanks veggie, I have said that to him & all babies are different etc, we'll see how it goes.

Have fun at the football. There's a fair on near us over the weekend so we'll probably go there & maybe to the seaside if the weather's nice.

It's supposed to be lovely all weekend and when picking up ds1 from nursery everyone was nattering about how it was going to be a brilliant summer hooray!!! I do love in this country how everything can be a bit doom and gloom but a bit of sunshine seems to put everyone in a good mood.

On the way home from nursery today I ran into a lady I had met at a BF group I had popped along to just after ds1 was born. She and I had got on well but the group clashed with my pilates class so didn't get to get to know each other. Anyway I ran into her today and she lives just up the road so I might pop in sometime.

Also bought ds2 a bath seat today and he loved it, it helps him sit upright so he can have a bath with his brother and I don't have to lean in and hold him up or as I usually do, get in with them, which due to our bath size doesn't allow much room. He was so cute he just kicked his legs about continuously with a huge grin on his face. It swivels as well so we can turn him a bit if he wants to reach for something.

that bath seat sounds like a good idea veggie. We have world's smallest bathroom so bathing P is a bit of a task! She's still in the baby bath but is starting to kick loads and get excited so I got drenched tonight

We're off to Knutsford tomorrow to see my sister and her DP - there's some May Carnival thing on with floats and parades and a fair so I think Lucy will love it! And there's a JoJo Mamam Baby in Knutsford so I might have a peek - we don't really have any mummy shops in York. My sister is married but separated - she had an affair 5 years ago and her now DP is the guy she had the affair with - they've been together the whole time. She didn't have any kids with her husband (thankfully) but her DP, who is also married, has a son who is 10. They have bought a home together and seem to be really happy and 'permanent', and her DP's son stays with his mum in the week and with my sister and her DP at the weekend. They've been trying for a baby together since before we were TTC with P but no joy yet. Tomorrow the son is not going to be there because he's staying with his mum and I'm not sure whether to tell Lucy why he won't be there. She just knows them as aunty, uncle and cousin so doesn't have a clue about the big picture. I feel she's too young to hear about parents separating and that her 'cousin' has in effect got 2 mums. Am I daft to hide this from her? Should I tell her that he's with his real mum and that my sis isn't his mum? I don't think she'd understand. I don't know why I'm getting in a stew about it!

Just going to watch last night's Big Bang Theory...

I don't think you are wrong to be thinking about this. My brother is planning to marry the women he left my SIL for and as I want the boys to call my SIL aunty X, and because when they marry the boys will have a couple of 'step' cousins, I will have to one day explain all this to them. I'm putting it off as we are over here so they currently have no contact but I do want them to have a relationship with my nieces (they had 4 beautiful girls together) and my SIL as she and I are still quite good friends, so will have to cross that bridge when we go home.

DH and I have been discussing our homeward boundings today. We are looking at a school for the boys that is in an area of Sydney which may be quite expensive to live so we want to save a fair bit of money to be able to pay a bond and rent up front when we arrive. We won't buy for a couple of years as we want to be sure of where we want to live as that will be where we will be settling down for a while. I wonder where Bisou is these days,

Oh posted before I wanted to, basically it is nice to be planning these things.

Hi trace, I had to have that done after the birth of DS1, and I really dreaded it. But I didnt find it as bad as I was expecting, and they are sympathetic to how you feel. Its one of those grit your teeth things - not painful just a bit embarrasing.

Neither of our mums arent alive anymore, and DH is a bit estranged from his dad, so my kids dont really have any grandparents. I feel a bit sad when I am at the park like today and I see women out with their own kids and and mums as well. But the IL talk makes me realise that I'm only seeing it from the outside

Veggie, I've long been tempted to pack up and emigrate. But I think I would miss the seasons, bizarrely enough.

Veggie, funnily enough, dh & I were talking plans tonight. I'd love to emigrate, probably to somewhere like Canada, but I'd ideally want to do it in the next few years before ds1 is really settled in school & given the economy, probably not likely! Oh well, I'll become one of those parents swanning off over the world, spending the inheritance instead

Am feeling in a bit of an odd mood tonight, don't really know why. I think part of it is dh & I have had a big old chat about lots of things, future etc. I'm just a bit melancholy I think.

I do love the seasons over here but as the years go on I am missing the heat and would like the boys to grow up in a warmer climate and as mad as many of my family are, it would be nice for them to be around their family. I know what you mean NJAN DH is estranged from his dad, his mother is quite old, my mother is getting on and my father died when I was young and while my stepfather is lovely he's not a kid person. I would love a grandad for the boys who would show them trains and planes. A couple of the girls on here have trainspotting dads who my DS1 would love for his grandad!

Veggie - part of it is its sad there is no-one else to spoil your children I think. But I feel that, as you do, with 2 boys, would be nice for them to have a grandad that trainspots and shows them how to make things and for me to have a mum that gives me advice to help and annoy me at the same time.

Tilly - Canada would be really good. I spent 3 years of my childhood there, near the Rockies. Was a great place to grow up and I remember how disspointed I wa swith England when we came back....

Well, it wasnt England as much as inner city Birmingham I was disappointed with

I had a pretty bad day yesterday. DS1 decided to be naughty all day. He refuses to let DS2 sleep. As soon as DS2 falls asleep either on me or in his pushchair DS1 runs over and screams "Awake Dylan" in his face as loudly as possible. I'm not keen on him sleeping in his cot as my friend's DD has always slept in her cot but will not sleep in the pushchair at all.

Then last night DS2 woke at half 3 and wouldn't go back to sleep until about 6!! Not going to mention it in RL as all people will say is that he need weaning.

It is mayhem here in Pickering. There is a huge Steam gala at the railway. Tilly and Veggie's DS1s would have a great time. That new Tornado steam train that is newly built is here so they are expecting over 10,000 people here today and tomorrow!!

Hope you are all ok!!

Arti and Lal ? I am so sorry that you are having such a stressful time with breast lump scares. As everyone has said, I?m sure the NHS is just being extra vigilant.

Lal, Sybil, PMK, V - Still keen to arrange a South London meet-up, but by the time PMK gets back, I will be on hols myself (Napa Valley and my parent?s cabin in Canada?can?t wait!). We could put a date in the diary way in advance for early June? Lal, sounds like you have other things to worry about for the time being anyway.

Trace ? I had the exact same type of thing ?pop? out, but when I was still pregnant. So scary and soooo painful. I couldn?t sit down or walk and spent an entire day lying on the sofa with ice on the affected area. This was also when I was already a week overdue and I felt sick at the thought of going into labour and having to push. [DS solved that problem for me by not budging and having to be forcibly removed by C-section a few days later, but that is another story]. I went to the GP for mine (horribly embarrassing examination by possibly the most glamorous, young female GP I have ever seen) and she said that it was a bad prolapsed hemorrhoid and that they could remove it in an outpatient procedure. In my case, it sort of went away (or at least got much much smaller) on its own after DS was born.

JJ and Indith ? Sorry to see you on the Sleep threads with what sound like absolute shockers.

We have had a mix of very bad and very good with sleep this week. We decided to try DS in his cot instead of the Amby hammock (doing my back in trying to get him out of the Amby, and also worried that he?ll never be able to sleep anywhere flat). That experiment lasted two long and hellish nights of 1-2 hourly wakings (with DH tucked up cozily in the spare room trying to get over a man-flu). So the next night I put DS back in the hammock and he?..wait for it?..slept through the night!! LONG LIVE THE AMBY HAMMOCK! Really, if this can happen for me (DS is known to some as the amazing non-sleeping baby) it can happen for anyone. A one-off, but what a treat.

DH and I celebrated DS sleeping through the night by having a huge row. DH normally takes DS for an hour in the mornings before he starts work, but the morning after DS slept through DH was lolling around in bed and not getting up with him (even though I had had a decent stretch of sleep that night, it was still only 5 hours and I had the two previous nights of terrible sleep to catch up on!). So I asked him ?Are you not taking him this morning?, and he replied ?I can, but I?m just really tired this morning? [keep in mind he had had 3 nights in the guest room sleeping 8-9 hours straight]. My reply was ?Yeah, well, join the club.? And DHs reply to this was ?Try swapping with me?I still have to work you know.? [bitter laugh emoticon] REALLY??? Because I forgot that my life is so easy and relaxing?! Getting up all through the night for 4.5 months and then looking after a baby all day is clearly akin to being on an extended holiday compared to getting 9 hours of sleep a night and sitting in front of a spreadsheet for a few hours. We have made up now, but I?m still not sure he gets how hurtful it is to call what he does ?work? and what I do [raising his offspring!] as a jolly walk in the park (so to speak?though I do do a lot of walking in the park?but it?s hard work, I?m telling you!). I really don?t think he has any idea what it is like to not have more than 1.5/2 hours sleep in a row for weeks on end. [MOM storms off clutching her copy of What Mothers Do].

Glad to hear about people considering emigrating to my homeland (Canada)! It is a beautiful country. So what am I doing in the wilds of South London you ask?? Not sure. I love the outdoorsy aspects of Canada, but I grew up in Toronto and it is just a big city same as any other. I would rather be in London than Toronto. But I do love to go back to visit when I can spend the whole time by the lake. I really want DS to grow up with a love of the outdoors. Which I why I spend 90% of my life trying to figure out how I can spend autumn to spring in London and summers in Canada, while also making some sort of living. I?ll let you know once I?ve cracked it!

Happy bank holiday weekend everyone. We are off to our goddaughter?s 4th birthday party. I think I will come back bowing down to everyone on this thread dealing with more than one DC.

Mom if I ever did move to Canada I wouldn't want to go to a city, maybe a small town! But think its just a pipe dream atm [sigh]

kayz sorry you had a bad day, ds1 doesn't do it deliberately but he does forget he needs to be quiet when ds2 is sleeping. Just a thought, ds2 usually has 2 naps a day, one in his cot & one in his pushchair, could you maybe try that? Advantage is that ds2 will sleep anywhere really!

Dh has left for his friend's stag weekend. I hate to think of the state of him given that he hasn't been drinking for 5months!

Mmmm...you poor DH is he mad saying that. I often tell my DH what some of your DHs do and say and he just shakes his head and looks very sagely saying "they will learn". Though bless him he did make a big boo boo the other day. I was looking at my bingo wings and lamenting about the fact that I have been doing upper body weight training but don't seem to be building any muscle. DH tried to make me feel better by saying "you are building muscle, it's under there somewhere" to be fair as soon as it came out of his mouth he realized he had said the wrong thing, the look on his face was very funny and made me giggle.

All this talk of emigrating or returning home! DP's sister lives in Bermuda, her DH is a lawyer and he works very civilised hours and sees his kids (unlike when he worked as a city lawyer in London and he never really saw them at all) and we talked, before I was pregnant, about DP getting work there or in the British Virgin Islands or the Caymans, but whilst the pluses are good weather, chance for DP to make a good chunk of cash and so on I would miss my folks and friends too much I think.

MomorMum, it's funny, there's a thread at the moment about things you used to be judgemental about but now regret, and indeed, I can remember seriously thinking that being at home with a child was a breeze which would offer loads of free time. Ha! Now I know that that is utter rubbish. I am far busier at home than I ever was at work. Unless people do it for weeks on end, I don't think they realise what hard work it is. And I am fortunate enough not to be suffering from sleep deprivation!

Oh dear Kayz, do you think your DS1 is suffering from a bit of jealousy? Out of interest, when did you wean your DS1? In fact, can anyone with more than one DC remember when they did it? DD is 6 calendar months in three weeks. I have given her the odd tiny taste of baby rice (which she scoffed) and I gave her a stick of cucumber to hold (which she gummed and dribbled at as if it was the food of the Gods). But I am in no special hurry - basically as I am a lazy cow and formula is easier. Enjoyt the steam fair.

Tilly, never give up on dreams! You can do more or less anything if you want it enough. I don't want to sound liek someone from 'Fame' but it's generally true...

Veggie, how nice to be planning for Sydney. I think my SiL and her DH are thinking about moving to Australia once their time in Bermuda is up, as you can only stay there for a limited number of years. Did you ever eatch

Trace, I hope you have a nice time today and forget your bum woes a bit. Fingers crossed it all improves.

I was meant to be going to Bluewater today as DP is at Brands Hatch, but I have opted to stay home. I just really need a day of tidying and perhaps a little working. Quiet time! Well, I must get on with it. May not be on again until Tuesday, so have wonderful weekend all.

Veggie, broke off your bit by mistake! Meant to say, did you ever watch Flight of the Conchords? I know they are Kiwis and not Aussies. It's funny and series 2 is coming on BBC4 soon. Also, did you like Kath and Kim? Not stereotyping your comedy viewing as I know you like all sorts, but I like it and am getting the dvds as DP has never heard of it or seen it and I think he'd like it.

Oh, and before I go and change DD, has anyone heard from Jam? Her sister was due the results yesterday and I am really really hoping it's ok.

ladyt good on you for staying home! Re emigrating, I know its still possible but dh is more cautious than I am. I'd fly out there next week & just wing it, he wants to make sure we have work, that we can still keep the house here etc etc. I suppose it is sensible but still...

Oh, and I weaned ds1 around 5 1/2 months, he took to it immediately. Not sure if ds2 is going to be the same!

Haven't heard from Jam, hope everything's ok

I'd love to emigrate! Have made noises to DH about New Zealand (we already know he could move his job there) but DH is a real home bird, and I doubt he could live in a different county to his mother let alone another country!

I weaned DD at 5 months she ate everything I threw at her. DS now 5 months and is completely repulsed by the spoon and its content Right off to try and get him to have a nap. Only an hour so far today and he is getting really grumpy but just won't sleep

Off out for a meal tonight with friends. I think I mentioned that our good friends were splitting up. Well they got back together this week and the wife has moved back home (she had moved out for over a month leaving the children with their Dad) and they think that it will do them good getting back to normal. part of the problem from the wife's POV was that they never had any time on their own all their nights out was with friends and he only went away with his friends. So I'm not sure how 5 days after reconcilliation it is going to do their relationship any good I just hope that it doesn't make things worse for her. Right I'm rambling and DS needs a sleep....

N London meet up thread here

i'll put a message on fb, too