November 2008: WE Are Not Interested iN eatinG yet!

[ChocOrange05]

Here we go ladies, thanks for giving me the honour of starting us off again!

Rutho lovely to have you back. Sorry that you have been struggling but really hope you are through the other side and come back to us I don't think you have missed much at all tbh - just baby stuff, you know

LB thanks for the reassurance about Sam and his milk - the HV did say that we should remember that babies are not the same as us and whilst we may get our appetite back within a couple of days, babies take much longer! Great news about you and your DH aswell - I really feel that is progress in the right direction

Daisy has your day improved at all? I hate days like that where everything goes wrong!!

Barbs I would do whatever it takes to get some sleep - and if that is sleeping with W in your bed for now, then so be it. When things are more settled, you can perhaps look at moving him into his cot again.

Hi to everyone else Hope you are all having a good day.

Sam seems to have come through his grumpiness and it is like I have a new baby today - all smiles and giggles - tis wonderful!!

would you mind if I had a moan - please skip, I think it might be a long one...

Am also finding things really tricky at the mo. dh is out at work 12 hours a day, w is unhappy/ crying/ screaming if i put him down for any length of time so house is tip. i try to wash up with w in bouncy chair - lasts about 10 mins max and less if i make an accidental clang/ bang. have started to try to get a bath but he screams the whole time. i never attempt any of this without making sure he is well fed/ clean/ entertained btw. he has taken against his pram and chunters/ screams on our walks- i aways take a sling as a last resort to put him in if he gets beside himself. but often i am so tired it is such an efort. i also pop him in sling to try to do jobs but he will chunter if i stay in one place too long - i.e when washing up.
i don't feel so much like a crap mum just kind of failed as a woman (mellowdramatic that!) i feel like i should have been able to get organised enough to do stuff and if i was better w wouldn't mind me doing stuff at times. i suppose i'm talking about a routine. not helped that my mum thinks i've done it wrong.
now that w won't go in cot that is my little breather gone - i spend all day wedged into the sofa, feels like i'm imprisoned at times thinking of things i would like, like a drink or a clean carpet. now i don't get that bit of feeling like a separate person. being able to move freely.
I adore will, am ridiculously proud of the little white teeth he is growing (he is less impressed at my trying to coax him into showing me) he smells delish, i think he is beeeeeeyoootiful and hearing him laugh the other day was amazing! but i feel so alone. I feel like i can't ask dh to help after work as he has been out so long and i feel like i wanted w so i have to fix whatever.
i expect this is all completely normal, we are all up agoinst it.
i am trying to feel pleased with the things i do achieve- like thecwashing up!
thanks for the rant!

p.s merry would love to meet up! what do you fancy doing? scary decisions to make in your house at the mo - i would be tempted to go for the redundacy for the chance to do something else - life not being a rehearsal and all that but tricky when there are little mouths and all that. but am great believer in universal signs - does it feel right? good luck!

hi rutho - gah sorry! lovely to see you again iykwim!

Barbs - I know its hard and it sounds as if you are trying to do everything you can to make things positive for yourself . Do you go to mother and baby groups when you can chat and find out a that everybody is in the same boat - and if they say they can do everything and prefectly they either have a housekeeper or they are lying ! I have been on the point of crying over the state of my house and I know dh sometimes feels WTF when he comes home but when he is at home for the day he sees how hard it is ( but he still leaves his socks / cups over the place !). It will get better so they say and I hope it does for you .
Daisly sounds as if you are having a nightmare of 24 hrs - hope it all sorts out better.
LAdybuzz blue streak - trendy don't think I could cope with piercing ..but I am part of teh OAP group !!!
Right have contacted the bibs seller about postage to Europe you have me convinced !

barbs, so sorry to hear you are feeling like that......in a way it was kind of reassuring to read your post, as some of what you said rang true with me too. I guess it's easy to imagine that everybody else is doing a wonderful job and finding the whole baby thing a doddle, when in fact the opposite is true, I think all of us on here have had a tough time of it at one time or another. I know this doesn't help with your difficulties at the moment, but it's good to know we're in the same boat and can come on here for support! I have started bringing P in the bed with me when he wakes for a feed at 4am/5am - this is something I thought I would never do, but as ceebee says, I think at this stage we just do what we can to get some shut eye!! Hope things get better for you soon.

barbs, i think you should come over to my house and you will be soooooooooo comforted by the state of my place. i am actually past caring. last week i wanted to die (not seriously contemplating suicide, but death just felt peaceful and i was tired of going on and on and on, and also felt like such a failure as ds1 playing up too). i don't really know what to advise tbh. just that i know it is not your fault at all, he is just that kind of baby and going through stuff at the moment. it must be driving you crazy but there will come a time when he runs off to play without looking once behind him as you're sadly waving!! i hope it is a phase for will. mirissa was v unhappy, clingy, waking in night for 4 weeks, was driving me mental, she was miserable because she wasn't sleeping properly and so was i. she seemed so stressed, hardly smiled. she seems to have come through it, smiley again - so i hope will does too. sadly, jude is just starting up and got very clingy, luckily he is still sleeping ok so not as bad as she was but is very moany and won't be put down since Sunday. hope it is just w's teeth, i'm sure it is and it will all suddenly get better and feel like a bad dream!

we did try this new 'routine' where dh looks after them till 2.30am. they are still waking at midnight and 2.30ish, but at least he takes care of the midnight feed so i get 4-5 hrs unbroken sleep. it is giving me sanity back and they seem to be sleeping better too. could you put w in bed with dh and sleep on sofa? or dh take care of W on sofa till midnight while you sleep say 9-midnight? he may sleep better if he can't smell your milk? i know your dh works hard (so does mine) but being a mum is v hard work too - so need to make sure you are both sane. dh is now appreciating why i have to go to bed at 9pm when he was gaily watching telly till 11/12pm. now he has nights where he goes at 9pm too as he is getting so tired.

anyway, i am free next week from tues, wed and fri so let me know what would be good for you. you're welcome here too, but if it's a bit of a trek then no problem for me to come to you or meet in wanstead, whatever you fancy really...there is a mother/ toddler on tue am/ pm and wed am over here. it may distract w from crying! take care

ps. rutho. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! as you can see, barbs, myself, obs, vbab have all been feeling rather low...

Barbs I had to answer your post because some of the thoughts you're having I've also had in recent weeks. I totally understand how frustrated you must feel about not being able to do stuff and having W constantly attached to you. I have the same with E, from the moment she wakes up (7am this week!) until the moment we go to bed and it does get incredibly wearing. At least she's happy in the sling so I do get a break of sorts, although she's still with me and there's a lot I can't do when she is in the sling. You haven't failed as a woman and you haven't done anything wrong, please don't feel like that. All babies are different and some of them just want to be close to their mums for longer than others. I'm not sure if a routine would help in any case - E has a routine of sorts but it doesn't stop her from not wanting to sleep on her own and I can't seem to find any solution to that. Have you spoken to your HV if you feel comfortable with her? Hopefully W is just having an extremely clingy phase due to teething or not feeling quite right for whatever reason and it will pass and he'll start sleeping in his cot again. It is very hard work though and I totally understand the feeling of being trapped and pinned to the sofa and just looking around the house feeling overwhelmed by it all. I also find myself feeling resentful and then feeling guilty because obviously E isn't doing it on purpose and needs the closeness atm for whatever reason even though it is incredibly hard work. Can you speak to DH about how you feel and see if he can look after W to give you a break? It does make all the difference if you can get away and do something for you. Perhaps meet a friend for a quick drink or coffee?
Rosa's suggestion is good - are there any mum and baby groups you could go to? I go to one and I've also started taking E to rhyme-time at the local library which is just half an hour once a week, but it gets us out of the house on another day and seeing new faces. There may be something similar at your local library. It is incredibly hard - these velcro babies are a challenge! Hugs to you x
Ladybuzz Glad you're slowly sorting things out with your DH and also that your doula is helping you.
Rutho Good to have you back Sorry to hear you've been having a hard time though - hope it gets easier very soon.
Merry Good to see you. Wow, what a decision your DH has to make! I'd be inclined to take the voluntary redundancy but then the thought of having 3 children relying on me might make me think twice too. It's a tough decision.
Daisy Hope your day gets better, sounds as though you're having a hard time of it too.
No news from Obs? Hope you're OK Obs Ceebee Glad Sam has got over his grumpiness!
Rosa Have you had minirosa's test results back yet?
Hope everybody else is OK.

merry X posts. Sorry you've been feeling so low too. I do think of you when things get on top of me and think how it is even worse with two for you. Glad the new routine is working - a bit of sleep works wonders!

Happy Birthday Hana Buzz , I am so glad you are 'dating' again. This is so cool. I read in a magazine that you should have a first date again, and pretend you haven't met eachother and ask what their goals are, because they will have changed since they met you. Interesting. I fancy getting dolled up and pretending. Will suggest it to dh. i suspect he will love the idea.
Barbs, love to you. Don't feel bad, please. You are such a star and admitting that you are struggling is no crime. God, you are up against it.
Thanks for all the lovely well wishes. I do not have PND. I didn't think I did. My GP says I haven't. My mum came for the day yesterday and we had such a nice time. She doesn't think I am either. My best friend doesn't either. Although she has been shocked by my swinging from one end spectrum to the other(as Dozy commented). Whilst this is clearly a problem, I have decided that this is nowhere near PND . She thinks I just need to give myself a break and not expect so much of myself.
I am taking time out to consider why I struggle so much. Why I am a swinger ( not sexually, I am afraid, that would be far too exciting), just emotionally.
I continue to feel fine, most of the time. I need a break . I have no one , not a single person to ask, to look after ds1 and ds2 for even an hour. They only time I have been apart form the boys is when my sil had them. I am going to go to a pilates class and book ds2 into the gym creche, to give me a break. One small step for Obs , one giant ....

I can't find Rutho's post. was she having a tough time of it aswell ?

cricri. I have been obsessing that you were my secret stork! If so, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou! (Very French handwriting!)

LOVE Dozys caterpillar/butterfly thang
I have a new car. hoorah. dh bought it for me yesterday.
daisy thank you for burning your ears off the other day. it helped alot. and I am so very very sorry. How incredibly selfish of me, I never even bothered to ask YOU how you were. With infected scar and everything. so my apologies. HOW ARE YOU DAISY ?

Do you ever get those days where you cant be bothered so you just keep putting your LO down either to sleep/playmat/bouncychair/swing etc

I mean hes very happy bouncing up and down while im on here but im thinking I hope this wears you out so you go to sleep after. Im sure hes fine and happy but I feel guilty esp since he slept through from the dreamfeed last night.

But I did order those bips (I KNEW id cave )

[barbs] Id second mother and baby groups or something like that, I dont really go to talk to other mothers but I find sometimes at home I have the washing up/vacuming and other 'jobs' in the back of my mind whereas when Im out with him I dont think about at all.

[obl] what kind of car is it? you lucky cow

barbs obviously on here, you can see that you are not alone in how you are feeling.

I am not sure if other HV's do this, but here, we are supposed to get a visit from the HV at about 20 weeks to check for PND - apparently it can appear around the 20-week mark so they do another Edinburgh questionnaire - and it does sound like that might be the case for some of you.

Obs you do sound better and glad you have spoken to your GP, even if it has reassured you that it is not PND. Can your mum/best friend not have the boys for an hour or so - although the gym creche sounds like a fab idea. I would love our gym to have a creche

Pink yes, I have days like that too where I just sit around waiting for Sam's next sleep - usually when he is in a particularly grumpy mood and it is the only peace I get!

I think it is quite clear that being a mum is not all sweetness and light is it? I guess reality is just starting to sink in for most of us.

Anyway, on a positive note, I have ordered DS1's bedroom furniture and hopefully we can sort his room out over Easter leaving the nursery free for Sam. Of course, DS1's nursery has been open on Good Friday the past 2 years so we thought we would send DS1 to get him out of the house so me and DH can get cracking with his bedroom - but this year, they decide to close which means we will no doubt end up building his furniture with him 'helping'

Ceebee, don't you just love little ones 'helping' ? Ds1 'helped' dh scatter grass seed. in big piles on the lawn !! most of it ended up in his wellie boots !
hope you have more success, over the easter weekend.

obs yes I can't wait to see what 'fun' we have when we mix DS1 with some flatpack furniture and DH's toolbox

ceebee, we didn't get the first Edinburgh questionnaire here let alone a second! Our health visitors visit once ever. Think I was sleep deprived rather than depressed - looking back I am not sure how I survived so long on the sleep I was getting!

embraces everyone in a massive group hug

oh we are all going through it aren't we? Makes sense of sorts in the light of Ceebee's post about PND hitting some women around now. I'm sure it's because at this point those with velcro babies, or non sleeping babies are really at the end of their tether......but like all baby phases this too shall pass and we'll look back on it and wonder how we found it so hard........because we will forget all about how difficult it actually was. barbs.....especially big big hugs to you, and Obs, no worries lovely . I'm fine, just a bit of a flare up of the skin around the wound that is slowly getting better.

Bit of a long one coming, so feel free to either skim read or ignore completely

My day from hell got worse with IKEA being really busy, then the item I wanted not being available in store so I had to drive to a separate building to pick it up, humphing DD and bumble in his car seat, then there was a 20 minute wait as they had one guy working. Then it was toys'r'us to get a new stairgate, and DD kept running away as there was no room for her in the trolley after bumble's car seat was in. The I played checkout roulette and the one I waited in stopped because of some problem with the woman's cards....so I went to the other checkout and that stopped because the woman was after a discount due to a scabby box and tey were phoning around for a store manager.....so was told to go back to the first checkout....which stopped because the item had no price on it...steam was coming out my ears by this time as DD tried to chew her way into all the bars of chocolate and trying to shove them into the trolley. How we made it out without being done for shoplifting I'll never know....and then the traffic was bad on the way home, so PILS were here by the time I arrived and had time for a quickcuppa before I had to go out again.......>

Took bumble to school for baby show and tell . DS's class are doing about development and stuff so we went in to be asked questions about babies. The most random one was "Is he scared of insects, or does he like to chase them?"

Then a friend dropped by so I finally got to sit down and have a cuppa and relax, but her DD has a rather piercing shreik which scared the life out of bumble and he couldn't look at her without bursting into tears. But, everyone in bed for 7pm so i am relaxing now with a blackcurrant flavour lemsip....and wishing it was a very large stiff whisky. And I completely forgot to eat all day.

pheeeeeeeeyooooooo, what a day.

and million and one apologies for the mammothness of this post

bloomin heck daisy I feel like having a stiff drink for you! I'm currently munching my way through a big bag of mini eggs though!
LOL though at the thought of bumble chasing insects!

I'm sure it won't be long until he is eating them off the floor.

Ooooh, he was trying to pull himself upright in his chair today....clever bumble

Blimey Daisy I second that 'BREATHE' it sounds as if you need roller skates attached to your feet ! How sweet taking BUmble to show and tell Minirosa would probably fart she seems to do that whenever anybody peers at her I think it is the smiling that sets it off !
Her test results came back she had some funny bacteria but nothing nasty ( phew). However doc has said that if she starts doing it again and it is longer than a few days to give him a call.
Obv lucky you with a new car enjoy it.
Right off to fold iron then compress and feed minirosa blister still there but think smaller . Think she is getting used to this dream feed last night I put her dummy back in at 2 am and she missed her usual 4 am feed and woke at 6. She works her way up to her cot bumper and nestles her head in - I am not giong to remove them until she can roll over but I tried taking one side off as was worried she would work herself into the corner and she screamed and wouldn't settle !

Thanks for all your lovely mesages and suggestions Really appreciated! Merry just txted me about a baby massage group near her which sounds fab!
hana It is bad to sleep on sofa I know I have W on a bf pillow which is v flat and I sit up and lean my head to one side and nap but it is not safe which is why I decided to take W to bed instead but that's not brill either because we don't have any sheets but I did my best to make it safe.
All Sorry we all seem to be going through it - I am reassured that it is not just me but wish we were all finding it easier. I was worried about pnd and during a paticularly challenging night asked dh if he thought i had it and he said he was wondering but I am inclined to think that I am reacting normally (sometimes a little over the top possibly )to a very stressful time, at least I think so but am getting through.
Obs Glad it went well at drs and hopefully you will feeling more positive.
Daisy Crikey - what a day! Stiff drinks required - wasn't rutho organising a drinks trolley

Well so far W been in cot for 20 mins - not holding breath/ counting chickens etc but hopefully might stay down for a couple ofhours. At least if he stays there a little while he might remember that he can sleep there and will be a positive thing even if he ends up with me again later!

Any tips for safe co-sleeping. Not ideal as am under duvet but last night I pulled duvet off to one side so W was on m,atress in grobag I kept my top half abouve matress and tucked duvet around me. It was o.k and W was laid on back in same position this am but if there's a better way to go do tell!

What a clever boy
I bought a bumbo to encourage E to sit up better as he was getting a bit of a flat head and a HUGE bald patch

Rosa glad test results were good! lol at minirosa farting W has also good timing