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January 2008 Shiny New Year Babies- these booties are made for walking!

967 replies

madmouse · 27/12/2008 10:05

Hello!

Yet another thread

Hope everyone finds it

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
LaTrucha · 15/01/2009 14:04

I've got a totally squawky DD today. We bith have colds and I didn't sleep last nighgt. Not dd's fault for once!
Have got a lovely new haircut though!

No plan on the brother front yet. DH promises today.

mixedmamameansbusiness · 15/01/2009 14:37

Afternoon ladies.... am about to post a really long IL related post so feel free to move on to the next post if you dont want to hear me moaning yet again... I will understand completely.

Things are much better with us these days. I dont see them that often and when I do it is pleasant enough, saw them in Sept and then this weekend for E bday. I still just dont feel 100% about them given everything that happened. DH and I finally had it all out a couple of months ago when I actually packed a bag and said I was leaving (because DBIL used the last washing tab, when he has nothing to do with us and i clearly had a pile of washing next to the machine). Anyway the reason was petty... but it came down to him never backing me up etc etc. He FINALLY admitted to turning a blind eye to the way ILs treated me after DS1 was born after i explained that I actually wanted to die and feel like i missed the whole of his first year.

Anyway.... DS2 got offered a place back in feb to start at DS2 nursery in Jan which we accepted. DH did express some concern that he thought he was too young but not in any real way. It would be for three days as I only work M W F altho it wouldve been 8-6 which of course is a long day for a one year old. He had promised when we moved back near them that both boys could go to nursery. Anyway one week before he was due to start he says that he definitely does not want DS2 to go to nursery and wants to continue with the current arrangement which is me picking up DS1 and him picking up DS2 and eatin at his mums and coming back between 7.30-8.00.

Whilst things are ok now, I have never got over the whole situation and from time to time I just spend loads of time thinking about it and get stressed and I can feel myself feeling like the way I did before but I can control it now.

I relented and let him have his way but now DS2 may not get offered a place till Sept or Jan and I cant keep getting stressed for no real reason.

My question to you guys, if you have managed to read this far is that do you think it would be reasonable for me to suggest that my mum picks DS2 up on Tuesday evening (I go to a French class so she is usually here) and takes him home and my dad looks after him on Wed leaving just Monday where I can just have a me evening before they all come home and Friday when we will all go to his mums for dinner.

I know he is going to get annoyed and wonder why i cant just move on but I really cant seem to do so..... it would make me much happier if i could split the childcare but my parents live too far to be able to drop him on the way to work.

Sorry for waffling.

To top it all DH has just rang me to say that he has had an argument with his controller and that he is coming home.... really worried he might have lost his job.... just dont need it.

simpson · 15/01/2009 14:38

Lilyloo - well done!!

mixedmamameansbusiness · 15/01/2009 14:49

lily - also meant to say Congratulations.

JustKeepSwimming · 15/01/2009 14:55

mixedm - can you lay it out more clearly, say what is happening each day cos i'm confused.
But i wouldn't think you would be U to have some 'me' time at all. I know i need it.
And you also need to get DH to settle on an agreed plan and stick to it, rather than 'giving in' to you but changing his mind at the last minute and getting 'his way' in the end.
Sorry if that's not what's happened!

Btw - i didn't really get to speak to you much at last meet-up though you seemed nice

LaT - hope dh and you and DB can come up with some sort of plan, just so you know where you stand if nothing else.

hey gingeme - love all the FB photos

Housemum - not tried those necklaces, let us know how it goes. though H has his 2 bottom molars through now (= 12) so prob not worth it for us this time.

am knackered today, want to go to bed myself. am near enough really as chilling on sofa as ds1 watches the same film over and over (bug's life x 3 so far today! and we've been out this morning!) and ds2 sleeping again.

t wants me off pc!

mixedmamameansbusiness · 15/01/2009 15:03

Thx for reading JKS.

Monday
DS1 nursery
DS2 ILs 8am - 8pm
DH and DC eating there, so I do exercise have a bath etc. It is nice me time.

Tuesday
Am off so no probs
Pm mum comes round as I go to french class at 6pm and Dh not always home in time.

Wednesday
Same as Monday but sometimes DS1 stays at home with me sometiems he goes with his dad to ILs. No family meal on those occasions.

Thurs
Off so again no issues

Friday
Currently same arrangement as Mon and Wed but am hoping to make it so we all go round there once a week so I show my face etc.

It is not full time care anymore as it was with DS1 but I just still have a problem with them being the child carers iyswim.. so I want to change wed to

Mum coming on tues as usual and taking DS2 home with her so that my dad looks after him wed, hence i get to have dinner with both my children 3 nights in a row.

Just dont want to cause a row. I feel strongly that MIL got to him and complained about proposed nursery as he had 3 months to express his "strong" views but only chose to do so once I told SIL that nursery was going to happen.

JustKeepSwimming · 15/01/2009 15:52

So, is the main issue that you feel you don't see enough of the boys?
Or that you want your parents to be involved in childcare not just your IL?
If the first, then go for it regardless, you've got to do what's best for you as a mum & family unit, and spending more time together is important.

If the second, then you need to tread carefully i think as you don't want to pee off the IL too much and lose them as childcarers as well as causing family upset. hmm, tricky.

not sure that helps, sorry!

mixedmamameansbusiness · 15/01/2009 18:51

JKS - If I am completely honest it is the fact that I dont like leaving him with people who clearly have no respect for me and go against anything i ever say in relation to the boys, it is like they are in charge. They would never withdraw their childcare as then they would not have as much say as they do now, for example if I say please dont give him jar food (a small thing I know) they will do it and if i complain i am being disrespectful. It makes me really uncomfrtable knowing how they are with me that I have to leave him there. I am more relaxed this time, but my FIL still tries to call DS2 by another name because he doesnt like the name we have chosen. All small things but they just add up to complete disregard for me. The kids love them and I dont want to stop that at all just have more control, plus they do come home too late so I am starting bathtime with the two of them about 8.30 by the time they come in and mess about for abit.

I was never given a choice with the childcare since they live fairly close it ewas assumed that they would do it and I never wanted them to but with DS1 DH wouldnt hear of nursery or CM since his mum was there.

I know I should be more grateful as some people dont have any support but I just cant get past the fact that I feel they were greatly to blame for the way I felt throughout the 1st yr of DS1 life and I will never get that back and they still believe that they were right.

Sorry am still waffling.

I guess I just have to approach it carefully with DH about the way I say it. My parents have all their own stuff.... car seats, pushchairs, pyjamas and my dad makes fresh food for DS2 so i just feel more relaxed with them.

LaTrucha · 15/01/2009 19:08

Mixedmama - you say that DH will accuse you of not 'moving on'. It does seem, though, that you are raising old issues. I think you have to be prepared for if and when DH DOES say the same thing. WHat is your next move? Is it to say you want your parents more involved? ANd have you asked them and are they fully supportive?

I like your name change. If you want to get your way I think you will have to be prepared to open up a can of worms. I can easily see why you feel strongly. However, you will have to work out if that is worth it to you.

BTW at FIL trying to call DS2 by another name!

OH! WEll done LILYLOO!

I have had some space to myself today as DB has been upstairs in bed all day. It's nice to have the space but I'm not sure how the 'in bed' day bodes for our discussion tonight. DH is telling me to put it off for tomorrow but we have already put it off three days. He just has to start thinking seriously about how he is going to live. I think he's just putting it off now. Anyway, I feel a bit less stressed about it (at least for now).

I do realise I haven't really explained to you all WHY I'm stressed about it. Just take my word for it - I have been!

LaTrucha · 15/01/2009 21:18

Oo I've been meaning to ask - ladies who had c-sections - how do your scars feel now?

I've been to the GP about mione because it is still very noticeable but they say there's nothing wrong. It's not exactly painful but still seems ...hmmm ... how can I put it... a little bit painful.

JustKeepSwimming · 15/01/2009 21:24

LaT - mine is not painful at all. it is still quite a deep red colour & ridged though. it has 'broken up' a bit nearer one end which i see a good sign, maybe it will all fade gradually?

Hope yours is ok.

Had talk with brother?

Mixedm - not much use this late, after a glass of wine but stick to your guns if it's important enough to you.
Think carefully how you present it to your dh. try to resist the complaining about IL, however annoying they are (esp not calling E by his name, that's NOT on).
Your dad sounds fab btw

madmouse · 15/01/2009 21:29

Lilyloo, well done you thought you would fail didn't you?

LaT glad you are talking a bit. Difficult to decide when to have The Discussion, if you time it wrongly he will probably storm out/sulk/blame everyone else? But it sounds like you need your space. Does he not have a social worker?

Mixedmama, glad you mean business. Tricky situation I know. Must say I am one of those a bit jealous. DH's mum has seen Nathan twice, once in hospital when she had broken her hip, once in her nursing home on her birthday (well each time a few days in a row but you get my drift). My dad and beloved stepmum are coming tomorrow, staying until Tuesday. I would really love to have them closer. I would not necessarily use them as child minders, but just to leave him with for an afternoon to myself. But you feel undermined, that much is clear . I wish I had an easy solution for you. You in touch with Amani??? Great please tell her to come!

Bluebell/Rubysmom you are coming too right

JKS at you worrying about not getting on. If you would meet total strangers on the train with dc the same age as yours you would natter all the way

Just finished cleaning the guest room, making the bed etc. Parents arriving 9.45 already, early birds. Still a lot to do, but will be fine.

I asked Nathan's physio this afternoon to check his hip as something in the way heis sitting made me worry his hip was getting tight. She had a good feel and declared that no, all this muscles and joints move very well indeed, and thanks to the horrible stretches i do every day he has a normal range of movement in his legs, despite the stiffness that comes with cp . oh and she says his sitting balance has much improved, he is using his right hand more and he is nearly there pushing into all fours so i am a chuffed mummy

well, back to work xx

OP posts:
simpson · 15/01/2009 21:42

LaT - good luck with "the talk" tonight...hope it goes ok.

Mrs Mcjnr - hope scan went well...

Mixed mama - Grrr ILs who would have em I have MIL from hell now not coming over BTW Don't think she was ever going to...was just for attention but hey ho...

Something definately needs to be said about DS2's name not being used.

LuckySalem · 15/01/2009 21:55

MixedMama - I can truly understand your problem I'd be pretty peed if someone did things specifically against what I've asked however I'm with MM about being jealous so I'm afraid I'm prob not the best person to ask. Dp's mother has seen DD once off her own back - the rest of the time we have to take her and she's ignored alot.

CONGRATS LILY!!

MM - Glad Nathan's hips are good and he's coming along well

DD's birthday tomorrow. All ready for the madness although i've just had to argue with DP that the toys shouldn't be put up in the spare room as there are 5 kids coming tomorrow {silly man...lol}

He was well chuffed that his little catchphrase (went to hell and came back with an angel) was remembered. He wants to come to the meeting just so he can say it to you all and listen to you going awwwww. lol

Looks like we've sorted out A and K coming to this meet-up too Glad that there's a few coming and DP is quite happy about me going cos you all seem "nice"

Lilyloo · 15/01/2009 22:02

Just popping by quickly to say Happy Birthday to A for tom

MamaMaiasaura · 15/01/2009 22:03

will try and catch up again - we have had the sickness bug here still lingering. Ds1 had it and then ds2 and i got it. Poor baby was very sick with it. Anyway, i will scroll and see if any chance of meet up near hampshire x

AngeChica · 15/01/2009 22:11

v quick LaT. V happy with CS scar. But not at all happy with the overhanging gut. (Toddler group leader thought I was pregnant again today ) It does hurt after i have been for walks with DS in his back carrier though.

happy birthday ediz and aaliyah.

chuffed for you madmouse.

well done on maths result lily. Maths is so not my strong point.

LuckySalem · 15/01/2009 22:13

oh forgot that bit.

CS scar - Has almost disapeared now but if I sit up the wrong way it does "pull" abit.

MamaMaiasaura · 15/01/2009 22:15

MrsMC and huge hugs. COngratulations bump Hope scan went well.

Is it ok for me to add ds to list..

Awen - DS 27 December (Samuel) 1
LaTrucha - DD 1st Jan (Sabela) 1
Housemum - DD 3 Jan (Amelie) 1
Gingeme - DS 10 Jan (George) 1
Mixedmama - DS 11 Jan (Ediz) Happy Birthday!
Kelix DD 15th Jan (name?)
LuckySalem DD 16th Jan (Aaliyah)
Lilyloo DD 18th Jan (Martha)
JKS DS2 21st Jan (Henry)
Nicky DD 23rd Jan (Charlie)
MrsMcJnr DS 24th Jan (Xavier)
Bluebell82 - DD (Ruby)
Filly DD 29th Jan (Tamara)
Simpson DD 29th Jan (Molly)
Angechica DS 29th Jan (Alek)
Madmouse DS 1st Feb (Nathan)

Happy birthday Aaliyah for tomorrow Cant believe it was a year ago already! It has flown so much.

Wves to gingme, simpson, justkeepswimming, well eveyone

And despite us being all poorly.. he managed a run today he wanted chasing. I think i am in trouble here. Bless. In between throwing up and and crying he was still trying to smile. Such a little love.

MamaMaiasaura · 15/01/2009 22:16
simpson · 15/01/2009 22:28

I have overhanging gut and didn't even have CS

Forgot to say Well done Nathan

Lucky - your DP is brave LOL. Promise we'll be nice!!

LuckySalem · 15/01/2009 23:13

Simp - he's not going to come but he said he wanted to just to say that! lol I said I expect he could if he wanted to but it'll be a room full of women and kids yakking so I think he changed his mind! lol

simpson · 15/01/2009 23:17

Lucky - didn't mean he wasn't welcome Would be nice to meet him!!

LuckySalem · 15/01/2009 23:18

No its ok I didn't think you were Simps Its ok I think he's looking forward to having the day to himself all quiet.

simpson · 15/01/2009 23:24

Don't blame him!!

My DH is at work that day so have to beg ask my mum to have DS.

She may as well have him overnight TBH then I don't have to feed/bath him etc when I get back

Are you driving on 28th?