December 07 - I'm still standing, yeah, yeah, no!

[Wizzska]

Hello people, is anyone there?

More posts as reading more,....

Insy Completely sympathise on telling your manager. Feel like all I've done over the past 4 years is tell my boss I won't be working for her for a while.... You have every right to expand your family if you wish. If the only women producing children were ones who'd never worked in their lives the world would be a sorrier place.

And a question for you re: giving up breastfeeding. Gave up end of August as returning to work Sept (spot the teacher). Am completely hormonal as a result. Cry at anything remotely emotional. Cry when nervous. Cried like a baby when being friend's birthpartner. Cry at pampers adverts. Cry when thinking about not having more children. Cry when....... (snip as getting boring) but the weird thing is I don't feel sad. I just feel choked up. Any similar experience or am I barking mad?

And finally as i ought to go to bed (tonight was my "early night" )

Suey all possible positive vibes out to you. Sound like you're doing everything right and getting yourself well and happy has to be the best course of action for everyone. Keep hanging in there and vent all you want on MN. Can't believe all you are managing to deal with and still have helpful advice for the rest of us.

thanks all.
Pecka thank you . I am shocked how quickly it got hideous. I was fantasizing about killing myself on Tuesday night as the only escape. It took all my strength not to. A really horrible feeling of vertigo which made me feel like I was not in control of my actions. Ironically, it was good to go to work yesterday because I was distracted from the dark thoughts. Had my best mate round last night and she stayed over, she is staying tonight too. Felt much better having someone else in the house and I slept well, with none of those thoughts.
I am also going to start a thread to hear some positive pnd outcomes.

Hello all

Just a quickie as dd will probably wake up any minute.

Suey - sorry to hear you have been feeling so low. Glad that your friend is staying with you. Hope the medication kicks in soon. Good idea to start a thread - I have always found mn great for reassurance as there is always someone who has experienced something similar.

DD finally started crawling properly last Friday and now there is no stopping her! She is sleeping/napping longer as I think it is tiring her out ! Has anyone else found this?

suey, can relate to that, i was bumbling along and then very quickly i was struggling to get up in the morning, all i wanted to do was walk out of the door and not come back, panic attacks over the slightest thing, feeling of fear and doom and gloom all the time.

its awful

ill look out for your thread xxxxxxx

Suey so glad you have someone with you, is your dh supportive about it too? I know we are no substitute for RL friends but if you ever need to just let something out then please do.

Just had the scare of my life. Just gave the dc their dinner and ds was quite happy sat in his highchair munching on a rice cake so I decided to quickly whizz the hoover around downstairs (dining room has big double doors so is visible from other rooms). Anyway I literally tuned my back for less than a minute to do down the side of the cooker and heard dd shouting Mummy. I nearly ignored her because she hates the hoover and always shouts at me when I'm using it but she shouted "Mummy! Watch out!" so I turned around and ds had escaped the highchair and was crawling on top of the dining table . He had already climbed out of the one at my parent's but that one is just a booster with a waist strap and the tray doesn't fit close to him-I didn't think he'd be able to escape from the 5 point harness on ours, especially as the tray was right up to him and so also holding him in... Definitely never moving away from the table when he is in the highchair again.

OMG Clairey - your ds is a little Houdini!!

Suey Hope your friend is giving you everything you need, and glad you are not alone.

Louise - yes, ds's sleep has been improving since he started craling and standing, so I think you maybe right about all the activity wearing them out

suey hope things are easier now, just been reading through v quickly so may have missed something but could there be connection between low mood and low milk - IME when the milk level drops my anxiety levels rocket, and my mood is properly dismal and am quite distraught for several days, in similar way to PMT but less predictable. it helps me to remember that am not fruit loop, but am just susceptible to hormonal fluctuations...

thanks for that Dundee. It would make sense. I had a temperature for three weeks of the time I worked ft and had a bout of diarrhoea just before the panic attacks. I am over bf now and ready to give up so I will at least stabilize from that. No rising panic since yesterday morning and that was only minor. I feel a big chat coming on with dh this weekend- he has just returned from his business trip. Generally feeling much more positive and had a lovely day yesterday. Thanks again all x

Suey, you are great. I'm so glad your feelings are lifting slightly. I had that suicide fantasy thing just after DS was born. I felt so grey inside, like there was nothing left of me so it wouldn't matter if died. I was in the bath at the time and nearly went underwater. Thankfully it was short lived baby blues, but I can imagine how much worse it would be to have proper pnd.

suey - glad to hear you had a better day today - hold onto the good days at the moment even if they seem few and far between, I used to leave post it notes around when something made me smile but sometimes its hard to remember the good stuff when you are having a dark couple of days, I hope you and dh have a good chat about it all

Arcadie - I was v emotional both times when gave up bfeeding but more PMT and crying like the world is going to end and thinking if I left, just walked out of the door, dh and ds would be better off with ds1 that got better when had first af, 3 wks after stopped, with ds2 it took longer, I think dundee might have hit on something with low milk and low mood, I've never really thought about it, I don't tell many people irl so I kind of think its just me whos nuts!

news from here is a faint positive pg test its way way to early to test so I'm hoping its not a chemical pg.... will be testing again in few days if af hasn't arrived, trying not to get carried away...

Evening all, just been reading through and catching up, apologies if I miss anyone/anything.

suey sounds like you are dealing extremely well with the PND, good for you, and sorry things have been so tough. I identified with what you are saying re changes in the relationship in terms of finances - we have never had a joint account either, well we do, but all we use it for is to pay in half of the bills/mortgage and then it comes straight back out. We might be able to afford for me to go PT eventually and I would LOVE to, but I have a niggling feeling of being uncomfortable at not being able to provide my half of things iyswim.

There is definitely a lot connected to breastfeeding imo too...if it can give you all these postive feelings while feeding the opposite must surely be true when you stop or cut down.

arcadie i am also a cry at the drop of a hat fruit loop these days - it was our harvest assembly this week, and the infants were singing these lovely songs and showing videos of children in Africa, I was welling up...then I had to explain WWII evactuation to my Y6s and had to rapidly change my tack, as I realised to my horror that I was about to reduce myself to tears talking about 5yr olds getting separated from their families etc.......NOT a good move to show any signs of weakness to Yr6!

Insy I think you are mental heee heee! Although I almost didn't hand my friend back her month old baby the other day it was just so nice to hold a tiny baby again....good luck and kep us posted!!

clairey at your ds, what a scare!! He is so mobile isn't he?? DD has figured out crawling but only backwards, so if what she wants is in the other direction she turns and shuffles backwards towards it, very funny!

2 teeth here and one biting incident - OW - I said no very firmly and took her off and she laughed and laughed at me....great! But having said that, she hasn't done it again I suppose. It was more of a slow graze/pull....OWWWWWWWWWWW

OK I still haven't had my tea!

FT work I think might actually kill me, I am exhausted....

Cheers Insy and Caz10 always good to know you're not alone in your nutterdom.

Insy [very quietly so as not to get you too excited] yaaaaaaaaay! Baby!

Suey Keep posting my lovely. Go for your pnd thread. I'm constantly startled by how many of my friends have had it on the quiet and just never fessed up - for whatever reason.

DH on call again this weekend so expect to hear lots from me. I might just have to have conversations with myself....

Hullo Arcadie how are you?

Pretty good thank Arcadie. You?

Pretty rubbish day of key stage three lessons and making kids cry...

Oh sack it - I'm off to watch telly. See you girls soon

arcadie!

are you secondary then? hats off to you, I draw the line at my Yr6...little monsters...

hi arcadie - I'm doing v quite to myself , dh been all day - his first comment was 'what the hell to we all a 3rd ds?' if it is bfp i'll be asking all your suggestions!
hi caz too - i'm offically mental, v excited by faint line now crapping myself bout possibility of labour and 3 kids of 3, 18 mo and a new born!

also question for you all - snack ideas for ds2 please - he refuses puree and nursery nurse suggested more snacks during day to help hime get thro night - so far most easy ones are bananas and biscuits - need ideas please!

does he like cheese? dd loves a stick of cheese to chomp on, edam and gouda are quite solid and not crumbly iyswim also you get them in little ready wrapped little sticks. yoghurt? does that count as a snack?!

ooooh a faint line, I am very excited for you!!

Insy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fingers x'd
and also

I'm practically jumping up and down here for you

ps Douggie is a VERY good name for a boy (as is Alexander which is his official first name although we don't think of him as that at all so is always confusing when people refer to him as Alexander!)

Sorry can't reply to anyone else on top of that! Will come back when I've calmed down

Oh Insy that sounds very promising, keeping my fingers crossed for you

Insy 3rd ds should obviously be Douglas ( ie Douglas Hurd "the third"). And snacks....
breadsticks, ricecakes, raisins, chocolate buttons ( ok maybe not!) organix date bars (although my ds thought they were chocoalte and was so outraged when it was really fruit that he's never touched them since ) teeny tiny sandwiches with no crusts and just a bit of cheese spread, blueberries.... urm... did I say chocolate buttons?

Caz10 Yup 11-18 comp. Some lovelies. Some psychos. But not for much longer. biggest ever. (And then slightly abashed for happiness when not everyone else gets to be a SAHM or even wants to be a SAHM....)