August 2021 Babies - Running on Caffeine and Baby Smiles

[PurplePansy05]

Welcome to the chattiest post-natal club on MN!

We have welcomed 31 gorgeous new babies together 💖💙 ...

We have filled up several more like a hundred threads in the antenatal birth clubs chat...

...and now we have finally graduated and officially moved to the postnatal birth clubs chat! 🥳

Graduates of the August 2021 (and thereabouts) thread:

@Smurf123 & baby Sophia 💖
@wimbler & her baby boy 💙
@Jessicapebbles & baby Ebony💖
@Inmypjsagain & her baby boy 💙
@PurplePansy05 & baby Leo Alexander 💙
@WinterBabyof89 & baby Rosie 💖
@Winecoffeeteamum & baby Emily 💖
@Ready2020 & baby Rowan 💖
@Magik01 & baby Isaac 💙
@Hoares3 & baby Ellis 💙
@Daffodil21 & baby Elliot James 💙
@sarah13xx & baby Freddie 💙
@MrsB2019x & baby Ella💖
@biscuitcat & baby Rowan 💙
@Whatshouldbemyusername & baby Arya-Nyah 💖
@notinthestarsigns & baby Erin 💖
@Aaaaa1519 & baby Anum 💖
@Angelesque & baby Isaac 💙
@Millymay13 & baby Ethan 💙
@WolfMother326 & baby Alasdair 💙
@BertieBotts & baby Alex 💙
@RandomCatGenerator & baby Solomon 💙
@lucyrp & baby Evelyn Rose 💖
@HopefulB & baby Chloé 💖
@Mmr224 & baby Alasdair 💙
@Smallbean27 & her baby boy 💙
@Fran919 & her baby girl 💖
@Caz1226 & baby Dougie 💙
@Ava50x & her baby boy 💙
@dirtyfries & baby Frankie 💖
@ame88 & baby Lily 💖

Tagging @Dia12, @livingwithbees, @Sheisfee, @Alittlexmasmagic and @LottSE20 in the opening post so you know we're here as and when you wish to rejoin/share your updates 💐

Here we go!

@biscuitcat oh I can’t imagine how packed it would be with another child thrown in too 😂 The boot is taken up by the dog so we’re left with two of the back seats for the pram then all the stuff! Think a roof box is the next step then a trailer 🙈

I'm sorry to hear about your losses ladies. I'm fortunate enough to not experience this but my sister had quite a few before deciding to stop trying. I was very lucky to decide in my late 30s to try for a baby and have no issues.

One thing from this trip away I've realised is how much I like having the bed to myself (we're all in 1 room here) but also how much I miss being able to reach over and cuddle OH. It also makes me want a king size bed plus a bigger house.... it just makes things a bit easier. That's more than one thing I guess lol.

I'm not looking forward to the winter. I've tried DD in a sling again today but she really doesn't like it! I guess if I keep putting her in it she'll get used to it...? If it's very rainy then going out for pram walks won't do so hoping walks in the house in the sling might get her to nap.

I'm never going to complain how squeaky my bed is at home after the one I'm in now. I'm afraid to move in case it wakes her!

@afictionado Just to say, you are meeting their needs, for both of your DCs. They are perfectly fine. You're doing great and handling a monumental task of looking after two young DCs. You might not be meeting your ideal standard right now, but your children are happy , loved and well looked after. Give yourself a clap and a break xx

@Ready2020 my DS hated the carrier to start with. We tried it twice and he just cried as soon as we put him in it. The third time I decided I was just going to go for a quick walk no matter the fuss he made. Not even a minute later and he was asleep! Now we use it all the time.

@Ready2020 aw no that’s so sad your sister decided to stop trying 😔 It makes me so sad when I find out people who don’t have children don’t not have them out of choice. Older friends of ours don’t have kids and the wife often makes jokes about not liking kids so I’ve always just presumed they enjoy their freedom etc. It wasn’t until I was pregnant that he mentioned they tried and had even tried IVF but had to eventually decide to stop 😔 I follow a running channel too with a husband and wife called Ben and Mary (thismessyhappy). They don’t have children but are teachers and I had always thought they’d be such great parents and I couldn’t understand why they didn’t have kids. They posted that they were moving to Thailand in August about last Christmas time. I remember at the time thinking that’s the same time my baby is due. Then in August just before I had Freddie they posted about their new life in Thailand and for some reason this was the first time I’d heard of their struggle in trying to start a family. She’d had so many miscarriages, tried IVF and they’d even considered adoption. I think they were basically moving abroad to draw a line in the sand over it all and try to start a fresh. I was obviously heavily pregnant and hormonal anyway but I don’t think I’ve cried that amount about anything before 😭 I was absolutely breaking my heart for them. They’re the loveliest people. It must be the hardest thing ever to actually have to decide to stop and then replan your life without the children you thought would be in it 😢

@Ready2020 Do I remember right, is your sister poorly now? Is this the same sister of yours that has gone through all of this? xx

@PurplePansy05 yes that's the one. She's never had much luck health wise. Also had gall stones and a bad cyst that needed an operation and a few other things. I've got another sister who has 3 boys.

Does anyone sometimes feel that as the mother of the baby in the room you still don't get listened to. DD slept next to me from about 4am but I moved about too much and I don't think she slept too well. So I said she needed to go for a nap now and will just fall asleep with a bit of rocking in the pram in the house. It's not very nice outside and my sisters drive is loose stones and she will definitely wake up coming back from a walk..... so OH has agreed to my sister taking her out for a walk. When I explicitly said not to do that.

Hi ladies, sorry I’ve been away for a little while. It’s been hectic with two kids and the eldest is trying to push every boundary he can.🙄

I had to comment though @Daffodil21 I’ve been having councilling sessions via the NHS which I was referred to the parent and baby unit when I was pregnant due to anxiety over the birth. I think I’ve mentioned that on here before. Because of covid it was over the phone but I was assigned a woman and she’s been there whenever I’ve needed. Since the birth we have had a few face to face appointments to talk about anxiety/anything I feel I need to talk about. She’s also referred me to a lady who specialises in breathing exercises and relaxation and how to cope when I get overwhelmed. I’ve got that tomorrow so I will report back. This is all on the NHS and I really cannot fault them at all.

I said to her in my last meeting this week as I feel guilty using the service as I don’t feel as bad as I did with my first (had undiagnosed PND) but she said it’s about avoiding that as well as I know the signs this time. Honestly if you feel you need help they will not punish you for it, ask your health visitor as she should be able to refer you to someone. I know your in Scotland so I’m not sure if it’s exactly the same, or if the parent and baby unit that I’m under is nationwide but it’s worth an ask. I hope your okay.

I’ve been having anxiety too, not so much with Isaac this time (but I think that’s because I feel I know what I’m doing this time) but getting out the house in general. I find it really difficult with a toddler and a baby.

On the up side, DS1 is not toilet trained! He got it super fast. Very proud of him. I will catch up on the rest of the thread when I get chance. Sorry for the long post!

That's so sad @Ready2020. It must sit awfully heavy on her mind to have to go through all of this, heartbreaking.

Regarding not being listened to, DH tends to 'know better' (or so he thinks!), occasionally with Leo, but usually with day to day stuff. Thing is, he's never right. I'm still waiting for him to suss it out after 10 years together. And also to stop ignoring me when I say something should/shouldn't be done. Or even better, to not need to be told in the first place. It's a losing battle, unfortunately. I've resorted to letting him deal with the crap consequences which makes his life more difficult as that's the only way for him to learn anything 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Magik01 You've really encouraged me with this post. I'm going to speak to my HV and ask for a referral next time I see her. It makes me feel better to even say it.

FWIW, I get all flustered leaving the house on my own with a nearly 3-month old, especiallyin the car when we have to pack everything up, strap him in, dress/undress, Christ. It never ends! So to do that with two young kids is an achievement! I'm very proud of you and hope anxiety improves at your end in time and with the right help xx

Thank you @PurplePansy05 but to be honest I haven’t gone out with them both on my own except when I have to drop DS1 off at nursery (which he’s always late for, it’s bloody hard getting two kids ready on time 😂). Oh actually, I did go for a walk once with them both with baby in a sling, but that’s it. I need to try and get out more, that’s one thing I need to work on, even if it’s going on a family members house. I suppose the weather doesn’t help with it being so miserable.

I’m glad my post has helped you! I honestly cannot fault the support I have been given. However when I get asked what do I want from the sessions I never know what to answer! I suppose it’s just talking to someone impartial as I always worry what people (especially family) will think of me. And I don’t want people worrying about me either.

I’m so sorry that so many of you have experienced losses, I cannot comprehend what it’s like. I thought I’d lost DS1 in early pregnancy due to a big bleed. We were in Scotland at the time so it was totally unknown territory as well. Sending you all big hugs.

@Daffodil21 I’ve just read the rest of the thread and I’m really glad you’ve contacted your GP. In terms of what to say, just be honest. Sending you love.

@afictionado I know what you mean. I’ve got a three year old too and it’s so difficult trying to keep him entertained as well. It sounds so so horrible but because he’s being so difficult lately I don’t enjoy most of my time with him. It makes me so sad to say that because when he’s in a good mood he’s such a lovely lovely boy. Here’s hoping it’s just an argumentative phase. It’s heartbreaking though when he tells me he’s not happy. Makes me feel like a terrible mother.

My miscarriages were in 2016. I also injured my finger that year that has never recovered. Then 2017 was even worse, DH's dad got cancer, his best man died and DH broke both his feet. We didn't conceive for that entire year despite trying.

At the end of 2017 FIL got the all-clear, we signed a contract and moved into a new flat and that Christmas I found out I was expecting DS2! So it all seemed super hopeful. Unfortunately 2018 was rocky again as FIL died suddenly of a heart attack and then the birth was a bit traumatic which took me a while to get my head around. So I think with that and having DS2 healthy and here etc the miscarriages sort of paled away then. And I didn't really want to get pregnant as I was anxious about giving birth again.

That's 3 times DD has woken up tonight! She's never like this. The only thing I can think of was she is too cold as this room is much cooler than home so we've put her in a 2.5 tog. I hope she's not too hot now

..
She had 90ml of formula today too the was different.... can't see that being the reason

@Magik01 thank you very much for this. I'm glad you're getting the support now but I'm sorry you didn't for your first. She's absolutely right, it is also about avoiding a situation getting worse. My feelings definitely aren't PND or even anxiety related, it's hard to explain. But there's definitely something going on which is hindering this time with DS. When I told my husband one of the things he said was that he doesn't have the imposter syndrome feelings, which again is kind of hitting the nail on the head. I personally think some CBT would be good but I'll see what the GP says. I thought just time would do it, but it doesn't seem to be.

Getting out of the house with a toddler and baby must be impossible! It takes long enough getting just a baby ready to go and in the car! That's great on the toilet training front!

I also had a big bleed during this pregnancy. It's scary isn't it.

@Ready2020 that's awful about your sister. @BertieBotts what a difficult few years for you!  to you both.

@Ready2020 how was the rest of your night?

@Daffodil21 rest of night was OK as soon as we changed her sleeping bag.

This photo is the only way she'll travel by car seat.... we're on the way home just now.

Thanks @BertieBotts (I think) for info on car seat. It was all second hand so we never really looked at the instructions

I’m sorry everyone who is experiencing MH difficulties. Over the last week or so I too have been finding it very hard going - I suffer from depression and take anti depressants but the last week I’ve just been crying sometimes for no reason and feel very teary and not good enough. It’s phenomenally shit. I’m hoping it might maybe just be hormones as I approach first period? It isn’t a great time anyway.

That’s such a cute car seat picture @Ready2020

I’m finding it hard to engage with friends who don’t have kids - especially as pandemic has eroded ability to small talk are as many friendships are still remote / virtual due to pandemic and due to my living in India. I feel I should do Zooms but I don’t know what do say. Anyone else?

@RandomCatGenerator yeah I feel I maybe haven’t made much effort with friends who haven’t shown an interest but then naturally I would always have shown an interest in friends babies even before I had one so I kind of think they aren’t my true friends if they haven’t bothered by now 🙄 My supposed ‘best friend’ came to visit him about a month ago eventually but didn’t bring a present and said it was in the post. He’s now almost 3 months and said gift has never appeared funnily enough. It’s not about present but I just feel like I’ve seen people like that’s true colours because they’re not interested in me or the baby at all and hasn’t even sent the odd text asking how we are.

The only times I’ve met up with non-mum friends they’ve made a big effort to ask about Freddie but I’ve found it hasn’t been too bad with the conversation because I hadn’t seen them since a while before that. Luckily another of my closest friends is now pregnant so she wants to know about all the baby stuff too. I was never that great at arranging catch ups with friends before he was born, unless someone else arranged it or it was a group night out/dinner. So I actually think having a baby gives me more of a reason to catch up with people weirdly and I’ve seen way more of certain people in the last 3 months than I had in the year previous 🙈

It's really hard to maintain those pre baby friendships. Your focus just changes so much and they usually don't get it and it can be hard on both sides. I have to admit pretty much all my friends are parents now! The few who are not I only really interact with on FB occasionally or they've shown more of an interest in my DC from the start so it hasn't been difficult to keep things up.

I'm lucky in that aspect where most of my friends have recently had children or had children around the same time I had my first DC, my closest friend will be starting ttc soon too so hopefully will be able to help her along with that emotionally

Hello everyone, I've been absent a while so trying to catch up on the thread. Sorry to everyone experiencing MH challenges. It's so normal postpartum but knowing that doesn't make it any easier. I was really anxious and tearful for about 6 weeks after the birth, my consultant and midwife offered me a referral and suggested I had PTSD from the birth. I decided not to pursue it right now. I may in the future but started to feel better. Lately I've felt much better having had family visit from the US, I have no family nearby on my side or DH. The challenge of looking after the baby and myself while DH goes back to work has made me wonder whether we'll maybe just have one child although I always imagined having two.

On another note- my baby seems to have a little cold. He's almost 11 weeks and is stuffed up. Has this happened to anyone else? Advice on how to help him with his breathing? Looking at the NHS website right now too.

My two lifelong friends don't have children, one doesn't want them at all and you can definitely tell the affect on our friendship. Both friends live at the other side of the country and the one who doesn't want children isn't particularly interested and it almost seems like because I can't go out drinking with her like I used to she doesn't want to know as much. The other one however is absolutely fab. She is staying with us atm and is brilliant with him. Which is a good job because I have the most awful sore throat and cough so I'm trying to keep my distance from Elliot a bit :( I did a pcr yesterday and have the results already and it's negative, so at least I don't have to self isolate for however long it is these days, but I also really don't want to give him this (or my husband because he's a bit of a melt when he's I'll 😂)

@Ready2020 I may have to take back my offer of the bouncy chair - he suddenly loves it again!!!!

@Daffodil21 everyone seems to have that just now, same as covid but not covid! DH and my mum both had it about a month ago and they’re both still coughing the odd time. I kept Freddie away from them as much as I could when they had it. Hopefully you shift it soon!

My friend sounds like your friend. Even when she came to visit him she just spoke about other things and didn’t really ask any questions about him. In the past I would try more with her (even when she would want to go loads of nights out and I wouldn’t really) but I feel like I’ve now kind of given up and if we drift apart we drift apart 🤷🏼‍♀️ My other friend has said she doesn’t want kids but has been so interested in Freddie. She cried when she first met him and asks about him all the time. I’ve been taken aback by how lovely she has been given that I’ve always known she doesn’t want any of her owns

• own even