August 2021 Babies - Running on Caffeine and Baby Smiles

[PurplePansy05]

Welcome to the chattiest post-natal club on MN!

We have welcomed 31 gorgeous new babies together 💖💙 ...

We have filled up several more like a hundred threads in the antenatal birth clubs chat...

...and now we have finally graduated and officially moved to the postnatal birth clubs chat! 🥳

Graduates of the August 2021 (and thereabouts) thread:

@Smurf123 & baby Sophia 💖
@wimbler & her baby boy 💙
@Jessicapebbles & baby Ebony💖
@Inmypjsagain & her baby boy 💙
@PurplePansy05 & baby Leo Alexander 💙
@WinterBabyof89 & baby Rosie 💖
@Winecoffeeteamum & baby Emily 💖
@Ready2020 & baby Rowan 💖
@Magik01 & baby Isaac 💙
@Hoares3 & baby Ellis 💙
@Daffodil21 & baby Elliot James 💙
@sarah13xx & baby Freddie 💙
@MrsB2019x & baby Ella💖
@biscuitcat & baby Rowan 💙
@Whatshouldbemyusername & baby Arya-Nyah 💖
@notinthestarsigns & baby Erin 💖
@Aaaaa1519 & baby Anum 💖
@Angelesque & baby Isaac 💙
@Millymay13 & baby Ethan 💙
@WolfMother326 & baby Alasdair 💙
@BertieBotts & baby Alex 💙
@RandomCatGenerator & baby Solomon 💙
@lucyrp & baby Evelyn Rose 💖
@HopefulB & baby Chloé 💖
@Mmr224 & baby Alasdair 💙
@Smallbean27 & her baby boy 💙
@Fran919 & her baby girl 💖
@Caz1226 & baby Dougie 💙
@Ava50x & her baby boy 💙
@dirtyfries & baby Frankie 💖
@ame88 & baby Lily 💖

Tagging @Dia12, @livingwithbees, @Sheisfee, @Alittlexmasmagic and @LottSE20 in the opening post so you know we're here as and when you wish to rejoin/share your updates 💐

Here we go!

@Ready2020 omg your DD is gorgeous look at her 😍🥺 and yes I think the insert still looks fine for her as it is! Mine is more just around the head and is quite tight there that's why I've thought about moving it.

@PurplePansy05 we have a play mat/gym from mamas and papas but the cat loves sitting on it as it's soft and fluffy so in between uses we unclip the bars and fold the mat up and store down the side of the sofa and she doesn't bother with it then. The cat I mean!

@sarah13xx it took us 16 months to get pregnant with DD with a loss in the middle and that felt like forever and I know that that really isn't that long of a time either for some people 😞 like @Daffodil21 said the not telling anyone until 12 weeks is really rubbish and that's why we chose to tell both of our mums at around 6 weeks because I wanted someone to know that we were pregnant incase it all went wrong and I'd have someone to talk to about it but also I wanted someone else to share our excitement while we could incase it all went wrong.

Sorry to hear how some of you are feeling but it is good that everyone here is able to talk about their losses aswell as their babies that they have with them. As some of you may remember, my first baby’s heart stopped beating at 20 weeks, and the pregnancy was very traumatic with lots of ups and downs between 12 and 20 weeks. I can’t help feeling that some people think I should be better now that my second baby is here, and that I shouldn’t still be sad that my first is not here, which I find really frustrating. I also find that literally everywhere I go I get asked “is this your first” which I still find such a difficult question to answer, and this makes the prospect of baby groups etc more daunting. I also feel guilty that I don’t manage to make it up to his grave as much now because I’m so busy with the baby, although I try and tell myself that all mums must have a bit of mum guilt when trying to spread their time between their children, mine is just a little different! Like others, my pregnancy with Erin was extremely difficult due to my previous loss, and that is one of the reasons that I can’t see us having another baby as I just don’t think I could put myself into through it again.

We are starting 2 baby groups next week. I’m really hoping they go well as will be good to have a bit more structure to the week, and particularly as the weather is getting worse for walking everyday. We’ve also booked a few days away in a cottage in December which we are looking forward to.

Sorry to hear how those of you who have experienced a loss are feeling - it's sounds really tough to manage all those conflicting thoughts and horrible past experiences. @PurplePansy05 and @Daffodil21 - would fragile be the word? From reading what you e said that what struck me xx

@PurplePansy05 on the pram, have you had to bring the whole arm loop through one hole on the footmuff? That's the only way I could think to do it but it feels wrong - if your DH figures something else out let me know!

I think I'm definitely getting a bit more confident in looking after DS, I've now done a few nights on my own when DH is away for work without having someone stay with me - but bloody hell it's tiring!! So much easier with someone else there, especially for things like making dinner. DS is a bit of a Velcro baby so getting anything much productive done before he goes to sleep for the night at 8-ish is so hard

@Millymay13 very complicated! I feel sad that I didn't really enjoy my pregnancy either. But he is here safe now and that's all that matters.

@lucyrp I told my mum and a couple of close friends before my period was even due 😂 we told a few others later and then waited until after the 20 week scan to do the SM announcement (which my husband was keen to do).

@notinthestarsigns yes, I remember. That is absolutely horrific. That question even makes me flinch a bit, but of course it is not the same! You shouldn't feel bad about not making it up to his grave as often. You don't have as much time now, it doesn't mean you love him any less. I actually thought we'd try for a second when this one was 6 months old, but we'll see. I have thought maybe we should stop now as I don't know if I can put myself through it again but I think we will still try. Need to sort myself out a bit first though!

I messaged that baby group about the volume and she said we could turn it down next week

@sarah13xx I'm another one like @Daffodil21 and @PurplePansy05 with recurrent miscarriages. I had 3 before ds and was then on aspirin for his and dd pregnancy.
I've also been finding things hard especially adding in the thought of going back to work in January. I'm really worried about dd going into childcare so early.
Tbh I found pregnancy ridiculously difficult and an incredibly anxious time. When I was in to be induced waiting on delivery suite coming available another lady on the ward was having routine ctg and the heartrate dropped during it she was rushed out for csection after crash call. I broke down was convinced I hadn't felt dd move all day. The nurse reassured me and listened to her heartrate and i was brought to delivery suite a few hours later. Only for the midwife then to go off sick and me being left on a ctg machine beeping because my heartrate and then dds kept going too high. It brought back all the memories of ds heartrate dropping during labour then him being rushed out and up to nicu. Thankfully both ds and dd are fine but I struggle to sleep and am constantly checking on both of them. I keep having flash backs to the hospital but I hear a lot of but they are both fine now so why are you thinking about it and I know that's true but the memories just come especially at night when it's quiet.
Sending hugs to everyone that needs them

I found out this time about 6 weeks told my mum pretty much instantly and told my work and many of my work friends by about 8 weeks.. I blurted it out to management during a difficult day and then decided everyone would know anyway if anything happened so I may as well take their support.

Well these posts made me cry (in a much needed way, it's cathartic. I couldn't put into words what it was, but you've hit the nail on the head, it's a mix of disbelief that the pregnancy has finally worked, feeling that I should enjoy myself but somehow I can't fully let go, something is holding me back. I looked at photos of myself from 5-10 years ago the other day on Fb and I burst into tears because I remember feeling so much lighter and carefree then and just enjoying life at the moment. Not worrying or overthinking. Some of it is natural part of growing up and adulthood, but I think some of it is the effect of what I've been through. It makes me sad and guilty that now that I should be the happiest in my life, I don't think I can be. Even if I put my own situation on paper, life ticks off so many good boxes right now and yet I'm not as happy as I was years ago. It feels ungrateful to be that way. I wish I could just take it for what it is and have fun. I know I will regret not doing this later.

@Smurf123 I remember when you were going through this. My final weeks of pregnancy were horrendous and every day of reduced movements monitoring was bringing me down and making me feel I'd never see him alive. Then when he was taken to Emergency Paediatrics at 3wo being lethargic, that freaked me out a lot. What you're describing regarding checking on your DCs breathing and overall anxiety sounds very, very familiar. It's really hard. I too am worried about someone else looking after him even though he'll be older than Sophia. I really have to sit down and have a quiet word with myself that this is a totally normal part of life and nothing to stress about at times.

@notinthestarsigns Yes to being unsure about another pregnancy. It's so complicated that I pushed away thinking about it for now, it's too early anyway. I don't have an answer myself either. Big hugs to you too The is it your first question is something I hate. If it's from a complete stranger I say yes, but I feel bad for lying. If it's from an acquaintance or health professional, I say 'first after losses'. Looking at the reaction, it makes them pause and thread gentler going forward. I don't know why people ask, what difference does it make to their lives apart from giving themselves an open door to give new parents unsolicited advice? I never ask anyone that question, ever. xx

Parenthood is all about sharing the good and the bad. Sometimes its far easier to say things to internet “strangers” rather than people I know and see. It can be carthartic so never apologise.

On the uppababy I’ve taken photos of how I detach mine but you might have the newer version which is probably different!

Oh no @notinthestarsigns that’s awful 😞 I didn’t realize you’d been through that. I’ve actually noticed when I get asked questions like that (probably due to my friend’s experiences) but I’ve thought what would someone say in this situation? Would you say yes just to move the conversation on or say no and then maybe risk that the person could feel ‘sorry for you’ or feel terrible for asking. Mine is completely different but my sister died as a child and when anyone asks any questions like that, I really should say yes but always take the easy answer and say no but then feel kind of guilty it’s like I’m just avoiding mentioning her but it’s the coping strategy I’ve always used and it’s always because I don’t want other people to feel ‘bad’ 🤦🏼‍♀️

So sorry SO many of you have experienced losses 😞 It must just be the worst thing ever. I genuinely don’t know if I would of had the courage to try again after one, never mind multiple so I don’t know how you ladies did it ✨ We told both our parents at 7ish weeks (mine before an early scan and his after). I really didn’t want to tell his because there’s so many people I’d share sad news with before them if something was to happen but I felt I had to because it was fair 🙄 I told my boss at 9 weeks and totally wish I hadn’t. She was the only person outside of my immediate family that knew yet went and told another two managers in my work (who really didn’t need to know when she was always there). In future I wouldn’t tell work early!

@PurplePansy05 you've also hit the nail right on the head there. I almost didn't post but I did genuinely need help as to how to find help and I knew you ladies would know. I'm glad I did because it seems lots of us in the same boat (just different storms, as the saying goes).

@sarah13xx that's awful! So sorry to hear about your sister also a totally understandable response.

I also still need to pluck up the courage to mention it to my husband 🙈🙈

@Daffodil21 I didn't say all of it to DH, but when I tried to explain he didn't get it. He is a happy go lucky person and has this amazing ability to separate the bad stuff from the good stuff and still enjoy life. I admire and resent him for this in equal measures. To be truthful, I don't think he was ever as affected as I was either. xx

@Daffodil21 thank you 😌 I don’t think I’d go into much detail with my DH if I was wanting to speak to someone. Maybe if it’s something like that you will want to since it’s something you went through together but it’s up to you how much you share. It might be easier to tell him more after you’ve started sessions when you feel it’s easier to talk about

Well I've had a very helpful response from a postnatal MH charity who had several suggestions and also suggested speaking to my GP. It turns out there is a local miscarriage support organisation which I had no idea about, and I am astounded no body told me about this. My midwife was lovely and I did het very lucky with her, but surely she should have been aware of this and mentioned it to me?!

I guess it's time to pick up the phone to the GP. What do I even say?!

@PurplePansy05 my husband is exactly the same. I definitely feel like because we have our baby he thinks of it like 'problem solved'

I kind of feel like that. The losses that we had are just a distant memory and don't bother me at all. Even though I know someone who had twins with the same due date as my first mc. I never look at her FB photos and think "That's how old my baby would be..." any more. Ever since DS2 it's all been fine for me emotionally - just the terror that something would go wrong during both pregnancies really.

There is no right or wrong way to feel about all of this. My family is complete now and I'm happy. I hope that those of you who are struggling can get support because that must be really hard.

Right I've made myself a GP appointment and made my husband aware. I wimped put and sent him a message instead of talking to him later. He was actually very understanding and took it better than I thought he would, even though he doesn't feel the same way.

I think one day it will all be a shitty distant memory @BertieBotts but at the moment it's not 🙈

Thanks, as usual, for all your support ladies

@Daffodil21 I've concluded as long as he listens to me that's probably it. I really don't think he gets it even though he's probably trying. For understanding there are ladies on here and friends IRL who have been through the same. No one else can really claim to understand.

@BertieBotts I'm hoping to get to this place one day. Do you mind me asking when your MCs happened? I know there isn't a set timeframe for these things. But it gives me hope that maybe one day the joy will return and stay for good for me too. xx

@PurplePansy05 absolutely. I don't expect him to 'help' in any way, but he should definitely be aware.

Managed to make and eat lunch in peace today thanks to him being happy sitting in the buggy. Apparently watching me eat is entertaining 😂

@Daffodil21 it must feel good to have taken a step to doing something about it! There should be way more readily available help for people as soon as they’re told they’ve had a mc. It seems like they just give you that awful news and you’re sent home to spend some time recovering then you’ve just to try again like nothing happened a few months later. When there’s good charities like that about I don’t understand why they don’t direct people towards them 😕

Finally got him in his seat unit of the pram today after being crushed in the carrycot the last couple of weeks. It lies completely flat at least so he can still sleep in it. Just written a list for going away this weekend on my phone so I can tick things off as I pack them. Genuinely don’t know how we’re going to fit it all in 🙈 Between us, the dog and the baby and everything we all need 😂 guarantee we forget something!

@sarah13xx yeah it definitely does. It probably isn't ideal they my last mc happened the month before conceiving Elliot 🙈 so less than a year ago (just about) but anyway, I have an appointment now and I'm thankful for all the support here.

Wow your car must be packed to the brim! Our pram and car seat takes up most of the car and I didn't think ours was particularly small!

to all here who have experienced loss.

And thank you for the sex tips too. Still not working, which is so gutting as sex is an important part of our relationship, but I realise anxiety won’t be helping.

@biscuitcat I just found this and I think this will save us!!! It works for Vista V2 and Cruz V2 👌🙌 Let me know if the link works for you! xx

@sarah13xx we have the same problem with the dog and baby! I think we'll have to get a roof box before too long, and definitely before baby number 2. The other day when we went away I'm genuinely amazed we got everyone into the car, it was bursting at the seams.

@PurplePansy05 you genius!!! That works for ours! Thank goodness, I'd have been really upset to send mine back

DS is still quite colicky - I hate it, ended up skipping a social thing with NCT mums this morning I was really looking forward to as he just wouldn't stop crying and I wasn't even dressed by the time we were meant to be meeting - I was in bits too, and DH is away so I was on my own, which I'm sure didn't help with being able to calm him down. Anyone know when I can expect him to start crying a bit less? He's 11.5 weeks at the moment.

So sorry for those who have experienced losses, it's so hard. After DS1 was born (and in fact during his pregnancy) I would struggle with totally irrational feelings of jealousy every time I heard or saw someone who was pregnant, despite either being pregnant or having a baby myself. Made zero sense but I think my mind had been fixed on achieving pregnancy for so long that it couldn't switch out of that mindset right away. Now that I've had DS2 I feel like @BertieBotts and the losses don't affect me the same way anymore, despite having one not long before getting pregnant with DS2. But conception was a lot quicker this time, I would have found it a lot harder if we'd had to TTC for as long as we did the first time. (Which wasn't even that long compared to others so I feel bad that I found it so difficult.)

On a different topic I've found the last two weeks such hard going as my 2 year old is finally getting his last teeth and has been miserable on and off every day. So hard when both my babies are crying at once and I can't seem to do anything to help! Meeting the baby's needs is a lot easier right now but supporting the toddler is more important I think. In the end I meet no one's needs. 😭 My husband came home after an hour of both of them crying and I had to hand them over to him so that I could go and have a cry myself! Sorry, that's my whinge over. Need to catch up on the rest of the thread.