August 2021 Babies - Running on Caffeine and Baby Smiles

[PurplePansy05]

Welcome to the chattiest post-natal club on MN!

We have welcomed 31 gorgeous new babies together 💖💙 ...

We have filled up several more like a hundred threads in the antenatal birth clubs chat...

...and now we have finally graduated and officially moved to the postnatal birth clubs chat! 🥳

Graduates of the August 2021 (and thereabouts) thread:

@Smurf123 & baby Sophia 💖
@wimbler & her baby boy 💙
@Jessicapebbles & baby Ebony💖
@Inmypjsagain & her baby boy 💙
@PurplePansy05 & baby Leo Alexander 💙
@WinterBabyof89 & baby Rosie 💖
@Winecoffeeteamum & baby Emily 💖
@Ready2020 & baby Rowan 💖
@Magik01 & baby Isaac 💙
@Hoares3 & baby Ellis 💙
@Daffodil21 & baby Elliot James 💙
@sarah13xx & baby Freddie 💙
@MrsB2019x & baby Ella💖
@biscuitcat & baby Rowan 💙
@Whatshouldbemyusername & baby Arya-Nyah 💖
@notinthestarsigns & baby Erin 💖
@Aaaaa1519 & baby Anum 💖
@Angelesque & baby Isaac 💙
@Millymay13 & baby Ethan 💙
@WolfMother326 & baby Alasdair 💙
@BertieBotts & baby Alex 💙
@RandomCatGenerator & baby Solomon 💙
@lucyrp & baby Evelyn Rose 💖
@HopefulB & baby Chloé 💖
@Mmr224 & baby Alasdair 💙
@Smallbean27 & her baby boy 💙
@Fran919 & her baby girl 💖
@Caz1226 & baby Dougie 💙
@Ava50x & her baby boy 💙
@dirtyfries & baby Frankie 💖
@ame88 & baby Lily 💖

Tagging @Dia12, @livingwithbees, @Sheisfee, @Alittlexmasmagic and @LottSE20 in the opening post so you know we're here as and when you wish to rejoin/share your updates 💐

Here we go!

I really hope DD sleeps in the car seat. She's not napped this morning and is all glass eyes but refusing to close them.

I'm considering a play mat/baby gym although only to be used in DS's nursery away from the pets (so limited use already, I suppose).

Anyone with a refluxy baby who could tell me if they like it? I kind of would prefer to find something to entertain him that doesn't involve him lying flat on his back. He loves his Baby Bjorn bouncer toys but that's about it, the rest I'm entertaining him flying/shaking different toys about etc. Can't find anything else than baby gym/play mats xx

@PurplePansy05 what about a jumparoo? Depends on his head support though as I don't think you're meant to use them yet, although DS loves his.

The baby class was awful!!!! The music was just so loud! Is that normal?? Can babies hear less than us??

@Daffodil21 We have one, I might try him but wanted to wait till at least 4mo. Re music, no it's not meant to be very loud, the classes we go to the music is sort of radio/TV volume xx

On footmuffs again - I've bought a universal one, and can't for the life of me figure out how to get it onto the pram! It seems to me that I need to separate the bits of strap that go over DS's arms so they can go through two separate holes in the footmuff, but I don't think I can do that. Anyone with an Uppababy been able to figure this out? Hoping I've attached a photo from the website of how it should be installed!

@PurplePansy05 this was waaayyyyy above radio level. It was like night club level. Ridiculous. I've messaged them and asked if they can turn it down next time 😂

@biscuitcat I've an Uppababy and have the universal footmuff too. Will be trying this out this eve - will reply later xx

Just wondered if any of you have any advice or knowledge... I'm pretty sure I had/have PTSD following recurrent mc and I think it's still affecting me now. If I talk to my health visitor about maybe getting referred for some CBT will it raise a flag? I'll go private if it does but I would
like to avoid the cost of this if I can, just because I don't have a job to go back to. Also open to any suggestions if anyone has any.

@biscuitcat I’ve got the uppababy and have had a footmuff on. The harness is really tricky to unthread and takes some practice. I’ve got the slightly older version (2018) so it might be slightly different. My 5 point harness can be undone near where the bits clip in. You kind of have to bunch the straps and slide them off. I think the uppababy branded footmuff is much easier to use but it was £120 😱 I bought a £20 one from John Lewis for dd and it was fine.

Ds is being so fussy at the boob. Pulls off every 10 seconds and then searches for it again. It’s getting really frustrating and it’s painful as he tugs my nipples as he does it. Anyone else have this problem? It’s for the whole duration of the feed so it’s not just the fast letdown. Maybe he’s just like Goldilocks and it’s rarely “just right” and either too fast or too slow for his liking 🙄

@wimbler I'm battling the same with constantly unlatching at the moment.

I'm going to a drop in session with an IBCLC tomorrow morning so will report back!

In most prams there is a way to separate the shoulder straps from hip straps so you can put a footmuff or liner on without completely unthreading them which is always a nightmare. Have a close look at the clasp to see if anything unclips. Or check the manual, you can usually download it online.

Daffodil please don't worry about this, it's not considered a problem for looking after your DC to ask for help with mental health, this is a really common fear but you definitely have nothing to worry about.

We are mainly using a swing from fisher price at the moment, the activity mat isn't hitting the spot yet. It's slightly sat up and he likes that. Sometimes it helps him poo!

Ready she looks good :) I think that's the pebble plus? The insert acts as the first "stage"of the straps so when she starts looking too big you take the insert out and that will allow her to sit further down in the seat and the straps will be higher up relative to her if that makes sense. Then when she gets even bigger you open a flap on the back and you can move them up from there, but they will only go up once. But she looks fine and cosy in it as it is.

Oh I get the frequent unlatching. For us it means he needs a burp or a nappy change or he's not really hungry but wanting to suck or chew on something or sometimes just wants someone to talk to him or a change of scene rather than me shoving him on the boob again

@Daffodil21 no wonder, I can imagine that’s just horrendous 🤦🏼‍♀️ I definitely don’t think it hurts to ask. They should be able to help. Apparently on the nhs website there is a bit you can self refer for talking therapies?

@Daffodil21 www.nhs.uk/service-search/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/

@sarah13xx thanks for this but it says England? I think there is something like that here actually. I think it's a charity rather NHS. I regret not dealing with it in in pregnancy so I don't want to leave it and then regret not dealing with it now

@biscuitcat So I couldn't do it either! But DH managed somehow. We have a universal footmuff which is black and lines up the whole of the stroller seat and has a removable zipped cover for LOs legs (I expect yours is pretty much the same?). On top of it sits the Uppababy own seat insert which is supposed to support baby younger than 6 months - I bought it from JL. I am not sure how well it comes up in photos, it's dark now and the pram is dark as well, I've tried increasing the contrast to show how yhe straps go a bit better, so forgive the strange colours. I think this is OK, there isn't really any other way of putting the straps through it! xx

@Daffodil21 They definitely won't punish you and it won't affect your care over Elliott if you ask for help. I will say from my experience there was no post recurrent miscarriage support on the NHS - I had an appointment wuth a MH nurse and she dismissed my concerns. She also incorrectly (as I know now) told me I had to have PTSD symptoms for at least 6 months to be diagnosed - this isn't true. Waiting list was 6 months in my area and that's after formal diagnosis. So I would say by all means ask - but be prepared to go privately because you might be waiting too long otherwise. I would also say from my experience searching for the right specialist who understands baby loss is priceless, it would be a mixture of grief and PTSD counselling most likely. For me it was anxiety too. I would pay privately for someone suitable rather than a generic counsellor (unless you are referred to the right person on the NHS).

I am considering more therapy before returning to work. I feel my post-loss anxiety is showing its ugly head again and I really don't want it to overwhelm me at some point. No PTSD comeback yet, but it's one of those things that stay dormant but don't disappear, isn't it. Message if you need a chat xx

Thank you @PurplePansy05 I was thinking the same about waiting lists on the NHS. I did try and get some private therapy once with someone who listed mc as their specialities but honestly she was totally clueless and I didn't have another appointment.

I've not been diagnosed with PTSD but I'm pretty sure that's playing a part. Apart from that one appointment ive never seen anyone about any of it and now I'm wishing I had. The penny really dropped today and I don't think I should leave it much longer as I just want to enjoy Elliot without this massive cloud hanging over me. I also haven't spoken to my husband about it at all so I should probably do that as well. He's not one to check in and ask. Thanks, I'll take you up on that PM offer. I'm off for a shower and bed now. Today was just draining.

Also if you're considering it at all @PurplePansy05 you should definitely go for it. Don't put it off like I did! Xx

@Daffodil21 Get some rest now. Big hugs. I have a cloud too. I get it. xxxx

@biscuitcat DH just pulled out the instructions. Think we got it wrong. He'll sort ot out tomorrow. I'll report back xx

@Daffodil21 and @PurplePansy05 In my area I can access the women’s health counselling service for up to a year after DS birth. I had some sessions before he was born when I realised I was terrified of a vaginal birth after the missed miscarriage experiences. My midwife referred me and I was seen within a week I think, although that was rushed through because I was about 36 weeks then. It’s definitely worth asking if there is a service around just in case there is one available on the NHS for you. After DS was born I decided I didn’t want to continue with the sessions but I was told I can go back to them at any point in the next year without another referral and I have started thinking about it again recently. Sending hugs to you both xx

@Daffodil21 ahh is it? I saw another one with a list of charities but sometimes with things like that I’d worry who I was being sent to in case I knew of the person 🤦🏼‍♀️ Maybe it is easier just to go privately

I can’t imagine how hard it is to cope after something like that. I often thought it must get better after you have a baby if you’ve experienced loss but it actually must also make you realise exactly what you’ve lost too 😢 My friend has had 3 mc. I’m just hoping and praying every day that she says she’s pregnant again and has made it to 12 weeks ☹️ It’s not until that happened that I’ve realised how ridiculously lucky I was to get pregnant relatively quickly and it all just went so smoothly. It’s such a blessing to have a healthy baby

12 weeks is an artificial deadline @sarah13xx. One of mine was after 12 weeks and there are ladies on here who have had later losses much later on too. There's no cut off date for MC, sadly. And it's true that unfortunately having a baby doesn't make the past any better, it makes the present and the future brighter. I found Baby Loss Awareness Week this year very hard for reasons other than before - as you say, it's really hit home what I've lost and what could have been. But it's a bittersweet thought too because I wouldn't have had my son if any of my earlier pregnancies succeed. It's a very complicated reality to navigate through every single day, full of contradictions.

@Millymay13 Sadly no such service here, but it's so needed! How are you feeling now? It's interesting to read we're all a bit more vulnerable again, not sure if this is the right word, but you know what I'm trying to say. I thought I was alone in that and nearly didn't want to say anything. Grateful @Daffodil21 brought this up. I am in fact surprised with how much old/new anxiety in general having Leo has brought to my life, it's a lot worse than I thought and I think it affects me worse because of the past. I need to address this somehow. Big hugs your way too xx

On a lighter note, I bit the bullet and bought the Tripp Trapp. If anyone is thinking about it, Lesters Nursery World have a deal £71 off with a number of accessories & free delivery. I also have a JL gift card and will buy the remaining accessories using it so I will have absolutely everything for it brand new for just over £200. Still not cheap, but better than over £360 and will sell well, too. xx

@Millymay13 this is worth looking at, thank you. I'm glad it helped youand I'm glad it's open to if you need it now. Sending you a big hug too ❤️

@sarah13xx it's so so hard to explain. For me personally it has got better because I do now have a child, and there came a point I thought that would never happen. I don't feel desperate and hopeless like I did before but I definitely need to sort this out. I also think I am genuinely in a little bit of shock that he's here and he's ok. For my whole pregnancy I always expected it to go wrong, and I still can't actually believe that it didn't. He really is the best thing and I want to just be able to live in the moment and focus on him rather than lingering on the past. I like to think I'm a resilient person but honestly, it broke me. Like @PurplePansy05 I really hate the 12 week thing. All mine were before 12 weeks, but as Pansy says, that marker doesn't really mean anything. I also hate the whole 'don't tell anyone until you're 12 weeks' thing because then if it does wrong you're all alone because nobody knew. I really feel for your friend. Pansy and I are proof that there is hope, even after 3. But we have both also had medication this time. My inbox is always open if you need some advice for your friend.

Baby Loss Awareness week was an odd one this year wasn't it @PurplePansy05.

I actually don't think im more anxious now because of it @PurplePansy05. Im sorry that you are. There should definitely be some help available for this. I'm actually more chilled as a parent than I thought I would be. Even saying that im parent feels like I'm lying, even 11 weeks later. You'd have thought it would have sunk in by now! Will do some research tomorrow.

Sorry to have brought the mood down ladies. Sorry some of you are feeling more vulnerable too (@PurplePansy05 not sure that is the right word but I can't think of a better one!)

Honestly this thread made my pregnancy much more bearable. It was so nice to just talk about being pregnant normally, so thank you all.

@PurplePansy05 I’m doing ok and trying hard to be here in the moment, but I know there’s something holding me back. I was only thinking the other day if it would be useful for me to contact the counsellor again or not, my issue being that I just can’t see a way that I’ll feel ‘better’ and wonder if this is just me now. I suppose the key thing is if it affects day to day life then I should contact them, and at the moment the thoughts aren’t too intrusive.

@Daffodil21 Yes to that feeling of a kind of shock that DS is here and ok, and that saying I’m a parent feels wrong (even though DS is in my arms as I type this). I feel sad that I couldn’t appreciate being pregnant or feel able to celebrate the stages. But also I’m so happy to have DS. I don’t know, it’s so complicated!

My positive note is that I was excited to receive my order of a tuppence and crumble star shaped towel yesterday and can’t wait to try it out. I find it so frustrating that DS always kicks his towel off when I’m drying him so I’m hoping this one will solve that problem, especially for when we go swimming so he can stay warm whilst I get dressed.