December 06: For my first birthday mummy I would like.......

[Indith]

Here you go Eli!

I almost put 'your clothespegs' on the end there. Ds loves clothespegs. Came home from Rainbows the other day and dp had made a deal with ds. He could play with the clothespegs as long as he did it in his playpen and let dp make dinner.

Indith, ds2 also does that in those highchairs, fortunately he hasn't worked out how to get out of the super tight straps on the one at home! We took all 3 dcs to soft play today and ds2 was following ds1 and dd round it all, even down the slides, he just turned himself around and slid down feet first on his tummy. He doesn't seem to realise he's only 12.5mo!

I've got depression . Been feeling knackered and irrational and angry for a while but put it down to hormones and sleep deprivation. Since Christmas it's got much worse so dh sent me to the GP today. She gave me ADs which I'm not 100% sure I want to take but feel I should so the dcs get 'nice mummy' back, rather than the screaming harridan who's taken over recently.

Jabber, house sounds amazing - we'll book our flights asap . Glad the pneumonia's over - what a nightmare for you.

FGS, hope the dr explains it all to you tomorrow.

aawww olihan. Glad you went to the Drs. I've been thinking the same lately. I am tired, drained, short-tempered and emotional I told DH the other day that his starting his own business a few months before DD2 was born was wonderful for him and the girls but just double the stress and anxiety for me. I wonder what I have to look forward to at the moment.

Good on your DH for encouraging you to visit the GP. Do you think you'll take the ADs?

I'm going to take them for the 6 weeks until dh moves back home, just to see. If they're causing lots of side effects or other probs then I'll stop and try going down the exercise/time to myself route. I just don't feel like I have much of an option while he's away beause the dcs (esp ds1, who's at that challenging 4yo stage atm) are copping the worst of my moods and I feel so awful about it. Ds1 is having nightmares most nights, he and dd are throwing some almighty tantrums and I know it's because of me. They're picking up that something's wrong.

Have you been to your gp? I didn't think I'd got as bad as I had until I sat in my gp's room and sobbed for half an hour. It was a real relief to tell someone, tbh and to have a reason behind feeling so crappy constantly.

I've seen my GP so much lately with DD1 and 2 and also my heavy periods and knee problems. I'm not sure I've got the energy to go again. I've just started the pill this week so I'm hoping that might regulate my cycle a bit and reduce the blood loss too.

My main problem is that I spend ALL of my time looking after DD1 and DD2, and DH and DHs business, and doing Pre-school committee stuff and I do NOTHING for me. I resolved to start water aerobics last week. I went last week. This week DH had to work late so I couldnt go...

FWIW I think you're doing the right thing to start taking them. It's really not long until your DH will be home for good

Yup, I recognise that scenario. It's rubbish. I think it's so easy as a SAHM to put everyone elses' needs before your own. My GP recommended that I timetable in a non negotiable period of time when I escape from the house/kids/life and just do what I want to do. I'm going to ask MIL to have the dcs for a couple of hours on Fri am so I can go to Borders, have a Starbucks and sit and read a book. My stepmum called it 'mental health time' when I was talking to her, which is pretty accurate.

Goodness - {hugs for Oli and FGS} What a rotten time you're both having.

I changed my clothes 3 times today - completely soaked to the skin, there was one point where the rain was going up my nose!

Aww, oli, so sorry you're having probs If it makes you feel any better, I simply can't go off of the AD's I've been taking since ds1 and all that birth trauma. I'm on a really low dose but it's just critical that I keep taking it. Otherwise the whole family suffers along with me.

FGS, as far as the squint goes, I had been thinking that her prescription didn't sound strong enough to be causing it (i.e. accommodative esotropia) and that it was likely a muscular problem which would mean a surgical correction in most cases. However, she is certainly still young enough to try vision therapy. Are there any behavioral optometrists in your area? I know that speaking as a parent I would hate the idea of surgery. One good thing about vision therapy is that you have a chance at improving her binocularity which surgery most likely not do.

They have already taken our house off the realty link but we will be going back in Feb to take some things and I'll get some pics to post on FB. Still planning the permanent move for May unless a spectacular job offer comes in before that.

"would" most likely

Oh, and ds2 is most definitely harder to keep up with these days. He has gone from Buddha Baby to Destructo-Man!

Sounds like a sensible idea Olihan. DH has said I can have some me time this weekend.

Jabber - thanks for advice ref squint. I'll talk to DH about it.

Margo - hope you are a bit drier today

Regarding DD1s urine results GP said they it is not a bacterial infection and that they have found white cells in her urine which needs further investigation. So we have to do another urine test and my mind is racing, and I am worried

((Oli and FGS)), am also sorry you've both been having a rough time. Oli, I know how easy it is to put depression down to other things...or, just not to know which is causing which (as if it matters anyway) and get sort of stuck. Great that you told your GP, and hope the ADs help. DH was on them for a year (a couple of years after his brother died, plus he had undiagnosed SAD) and it took him a ocuple of tries to find the best one for him, but well worth it - he thought of it as a sort of psyche equivalent to putting a cast on a broken leg while it mends: doesn't fix it, but supports it so it can fix itself.

FGS, am at the amount you're doing for others and heartily endorse me-time - I got seriously grumpy after New Year, and realized same sort of thing. One swim and a solo lunch later, I remembered myself a bit - must make it regular, somehow!

I am so sorry your dd is having wee problems, having anything as yet undiagnosed is worrying - hope you get some answers soon.

Me, I'm a bit awol as have mother staying this week

Oli, FGS, whilst very sorry to hear how you're both feeling I'm glad you've recognised it and are prepared to do something. From experience, it's a lot easier to get out of a shallower hole iyswim! I do think that childcare can be somewhat relentless (esp for SAHM's) and it's hard to see life as anything more than a series of chores. I know exactly what you mean about nothing to look forward to, FGS, it's a big rut and esp in Jan it's hard to see anything positive. Everyone's ill, it's dark and cold all the time, if not raining, urggh.

DP and I have been trying to cheer ourselves up (I recognised I was on the downhill slope last week) by planning things for the next couple of months so we booked tickets to see Thomas at the National Railway Museum and arranged a few other things to look forward to. Does make a huge difference. Doesn't have to be big, just your favourite tv programme, a glass of wine, a takeaway at the end of the week, gossip mag, bath, whatever. I was really pleased last night because I did all the stuff that needed doing until 9.30 then happily sat in front of Sense & Sensibility. So I felt like I had an evening, even though it was only an hour (and dp interrupted twice!).
I'm really ranting on here, but anyway, look after yourselves

Olihan and FGS feel for you both and sending you hugs from a very grey and windy Spain Agree with AQS its good that you´ve recognised it and hopefully things will start to improve...although I know from personal experience what an uphill struggle it is....

And yes JAN is a horrible month, weather here lousy too which never helps, its good to plan ahead and I´m looking forward to a trip back "home" next month - can´t wait! Lots of real shopping, pub lunches and good TV - yipee!!

Have any of your LOs gone strange with their food lately....? DS has always eaten well but is rejecting most things of late, he only seems to want to eat sweet potato, well that and porridge and yoghurt, oh and fruit pieces but doesn´t want any of the (real) food I prepare him, turns his head away in disgust and then becomes upset....

Echoing what everyone else has said, FGS and Oli. Glad you've recognised it and can move forward from here.

Bebespain, DD2 has started to reject her old favourites now, and only wants to eat food that's on my plate, even if we're having exactly the same thing! I'd be quite happy to share, except that I have to add salt to my food (how often do you hear that! I have scary-low blood pressure, so the docs recommend adding salt!)

My grumble is that my back isn't getting any better, and I now have numbness down my left leg and acute pain around my hips. Joy, joy, joy. I have taken to sitting on a gym ball at work, which is the focus of much hilarity, and with my TENS and heat I can pretty much get through the day.

I think we need a scream emoticon At least it will soon be February.

February doesn't fill me with joy either [grumpy aq] BP, that sounds dreadful, is it because you're not able to get enough rest that things haven't got better?

bebespain, yes my lo too! V.frustrating, he's even given up most fruit (but was happy to eat the banana cake ds1 & I made today ) so I am at a loss at present. He's a bit poorly (when are they not?) but since just before Xmas he's been refusing at least half of what I offer him. I do find if I hand him something, he'll chuck it, but put it on his tray or the corner of the table & he'll consider it so it's clearly an independence thing.

Now, has Weirdbird re-appeared yet?

[hugs to all]

No WB for a while now. Hope she's okay.

Thanks for all the kindness. Had a shocking night with ds2 (up from 3am - 5am) but thought I was okay this am until ds1's friend's mum rang to say she needed to change his playdate from this pm. Ended up in tears so phoned MIL who came over, sent me to bed, did my ironing, took 2 loads of washing away, entertained the dcs all day then brought me some dinner after the dcs were in bed. I think she's the best MIL in the world .

BP, sorry to hear there's no improvement in your back. What's the next step?

Oh and ds2's very fussy too, bebespain. Infuriating and frustrating but I seem to remember it passing relatively quickly with ds1 and dd.

Oh, Olihan I'm v.glad your MIL is such a star, though. I hope a bit of sleep helps & ds2 has a better night tonight.
Glad to hear it will pass, I do not remember this with ds1 at all! He didn't get fussy until 2ish and even then it wasn't that bad.

I've lined up the Medised if he does it tonight, tbh. I know it's wrong to give it to him when he's not ill and not in pain but I can't cope with another night like it.

FGS, I had no idea your dd1's wee problems were still going on I had bladder reflux as a little one. I forget exactly what they did about it tho, as I was only 4 at the time.

Oli, your MIL sounds like a saint. Take care of yourself and let her help out lots. Once the AD's kick in you will feel like a new woman! do you think your ds2 is teething? I've been wondering that with my ds2 as he has also gone off a lot of his food and will be fussy and clingy for no apparent reason. He is also into everything atm. I just don't remember ds1 being this bad. He's still getting up once around 1:00 am. I would so love to have a full night's sleep someday...

For those of you still bfing, how did you drop the middle of the night feed? I'm having a terrible time dropping any feeds for that matter. Ds2 seems to be happy nursing quite often if I let him and tbh, a lot of times if it will just keep him from tearing up the house for a few minutes I consider it a good trade-off Got to get serious about weaning tho. I want my boobs back.

Don't know Jabber re the middle of the night feed. I'm still feeding morning and bedtime, then whenever he wakes in the night as it's (usually) the quickest way to settle him. Until dh is here all week I can't drop it. I don't offer during the day unless he's really upset but he doesn't ask.

Don't think he's teething - he just wanted to play, grr. Last night was better, he settled straight away after a feed but I couldn't sleep. Typical!

Thanks everyone. My DD2 is grumpy and clingy at the moment. I think it is her teeth as she had 7 come through between halloween and christmas . Hopefully they are neearly completely through now.

DD1 is still not well so she isnt swimming today but she wants to go and watch her friends swim (probably so she can have the cookie afterwards. I have to drop her repeat urine sample into the Drs and then we are coming home and watching DVDs. I'm keeping her off pre-school this afternoon.

Tomorrow I am not working. I am taking DD2 to the childminders and keeping DD1 off pre-school again so we can have a 'duvet day'. I asked her what she wanted to do, go shopping? on a train? etc and she said she wanted to watch telly, cuddle and read books so that is what we're going to do. I'm looking forward to it actually.

BP - hope you feel a bit better soon...

FGS, those days with PFBs are fantastic. I really treasure the one I had with DD1 after Christmas. Enjoy!

Jabber, I have no advice about dropping feeds, but would certainly welcome some! I too am quite happy to feed DD2 to keep her out of trouble, but I'm so fed up nursing in the middle of the nighr. Even with her in bed with me I can't sleep through it like I used to. I think tough love is called for now Not very good at being Wise and Consistent Mummy.

There's nothing that can be done for my back, other than continuing with my exercises, sitting on the gym ball, using TENS, etc. I am not allowed to lift DD2 in the night (shame) or hoover. DH is loving it

My advice to Oli & FGS (and anyone else feeling that way), go for it and get some help (you already have Oli, good girl!). I was prescribed ADs after DD1 and didn't take them as I was terrified of the side-effects. Struggled on for another 3 years going down down down. I've been on really mild ADs (more for anxiety) since July and, as Jabber says, I do indeed feel like a new woman. It's truly amazing. I've practically had no sleep for the last week and I feel absolutely fine, emotionally and physically. I still get weary from being a SAHM (and I'm a single mum in the week and I have NO support from anyone - lucky you Oli: your MIL sound's heaven sent) but my mood is so up. One of my friends said I was so cheery she was worried I was turning into an American. No offence Jabber !!

The only drawback (for me) is that my sex-drive is rock bottom. This worries DH (and me, a bit!) but seeing as we only see each other at weekends, it's not like we'd be at it like rabbits every night anyway.

WB is on facebook. Will give her a poke though it sound's like she's pretty busy!

"Me time". What's that?? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ...