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June 2020 Babies-Six months on: mobile babies, feeding adventures, and still sleepless nights! 3rd thread

835 replies

UKtoSK · 04/01/2021 00:46

Hi everyone! I made a new thread as we were at the end of the last one. A new thread for the new year! I changed the title as we don’t have newborns anymore!

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Busylizzie85 · 07/05/2021 10:05

Oh @Smiffette 😔 it's so hard and although Ivy is better now than she was I do know your pain! I was hoping ivy would be sleeping through by now but she isn't and I expect when I go back to work in a few weeks she still won't be and I'm dreading it.
Does she have a full feed every time she feeds or is it a couple of mins just for comfort?

Smiffette · 07/05/2021 14:49

@Busylizzie85 oh no, I hope she does start to sleep better for you!

It can vary between 7 - 15 mins but I think of the 5 feeds over night maybe 1-2 are actually hunger the rest comfort.

When she has her three meals a day she doesn't have massive meals... I think she's more of a snacker

Busylizzie85 · 07/05/2021 16:13

@Smiffette sounds hard work ☹️ I'm not sure what to suggest, Ivy was doing similar overnight but it got easier once she was eating 3 meals and on formula during the day and I stopped feeding to sleep for naps and bed time. She self settles well now minus the leap 7 blip we just had but will always wake twice sometimes if I am very lucky once but often cry's In her sleep so I have to sit and wait to see if it's a full wake or a moan/cry for 10 mins before going back to sleep. Her day naps are rubbish though and are only ever between 30-45 mins which I know makes a difference on her night sleep to some degree.

Gigitree · 07/05/2021 20:14

I’m so sorry to hear that @Smiffette that sounds so incredibly tough. I wish I had something helpful to say ❤️
Have you spoken to your health visitor about it at all? I know in the early days my HV mentioned there is a nursery nurse she could refer me to if I wanted some help with sleep things as I mentioned I was struggling to get Grace to nap anywhere but on me. I don’t know if locally they have anything similar that you could be referred to?

mrssunshinexxx · 07/05/2021 20:19

It's so bloody tough mine was like this and I thought I was going to die I was so tired she would wake EVERY sleep cycle I had to slee train her in the end it was 1 hideous night then 2 hard ones but just being persistent then it just clicked she has slept 8-7/7/30 ever since pls DM me if you want any tips or help i understand it's not for everyone but I would like to say I never ever left her room until she was asleep it was never a cry it out thing and I never would I shushed and patted her bum until she fell asleep but I just didn't lift her out the cot she soon got the message ! And I got my sanity ! X

HaichMal · 08/05/2021 14:37

Just been catching up. I'm sorry again that it's been so long since I posted. I've had a tough time with mood and everything and just haven't been able to keep up, or I would catch up but forget to post. I think if it was a Facebook group or WhatsApp with it's notifications and things I might have more chance... hoping things are improving though and I can read and post more regularly.

Charlotte is 11 months old tomorrow. We had her 10 month check last week and are having a review in 3 months as we scored very low on the gross motor skills. Of course, that afternoon she stood for the first time so I'm sure she'll have caught up soon enough. We got a home visit but I think that's because she was being weighed regularly and they wanted to double check all is fine there still.

For milk and food, she's still breastfed and doesn't have bottles - so no milk at nursery (can't remember which mum was worried about that), but it can vary a lot. At 8m she decided to drop a lot of her daytime feeds in one go, so she ended up on 3 meals plus 2 snacks quite early on, and then she started adding a few of them back in. She'll sometimes go on for like 30-60 seconds and then decide she wants solids instead. Meals can be hit and miss. We're doing a lot more blw style now but she doesn't always want what we give her. Sometimes she only eats a little and sometimes she eats a lot more. She likes to drop food, sometimes just for fun and often when she's finished. I'm not worried too much because she's getting lots of what she needs from my milk while still trialling lots of different foods etc.

@UKtoSK if Jia has a dairy allergy, wouldn't she be reacting already to the dairy in your breastmilk? DS2's face reacts a lot to mayonnaise and salad cream, different brands of ketchup etc and we haven't figured out why yet but he has no other symptoms.

Sleep wise, we're still all over the place. She was self-settling really well in Dec, Jan she cut her first two teeth and she would fight going to sleep and push out of my arms etc, then Feb was good and she started sleeping through/ only have one or 2 wakes with a really long stretch, and then March hit and two more teeth cut and I'm guessing leap 7 and I've had fun with longer bedtimes, which are a mix of cluster feeding and alternating feeding and rocking until she gives in, and more wake-ups. Last weekend was really tough with multiple transfers and bedtime lasting more like 2 or more hours rather rhan 30-60 minutes, but then the last few nights we've gone to barely waking during the night again and not quite as bad at bedtime. I really need to do something about the rocking because I'm having issues with my back and it's not helping. Daytime naps are fine though unless she's at nursery. I too thought sleep would be much better by now @Smiffette. It was with both my boys. With this fun with sleep and lockdown/ covid restrictions, I am struggling often with mood or patience.

Smiffette · 08/05/2021 15:26

Thanks Ladies, I think I was having a particularly rough few nights and it was getting to me.

I'm getting my positive head back on and being hopeful that things will improve soon!
I am so lucky to have such a happy funny little girl in the day time, the sleep will come.

Picklesbaby · 08/05/2021 21:37

@Smiffette we’re a month back into work now .ivr been having a really hard time if I’m honest . He just refuses expressed milk at nursery . Still feeds to sleep at night & wakes every hour . I have no idea how il get him to sleep when we stop breastfeeding and feel so down about it after a year of such little sleep I feel like stopping breastfeeding and just handing him over to dh .
Glad to hear your feeling more positive though x

HaichMal · 09/05/2021 06:01

@Picklesbaby it's surprisingly common I think for bf babies not to have bottles, especially at nursery. My friend's little boy didn't really have milk at nursery until he had some in a cup after 1 when he would have some cows milk with a snack.

Charlotte doesn't have a bottle at all and I never got into the habit of trying her with it in a cup either, but she does fine without having any at nursery, even though she's there 8 hours and just ears and drinks water instead. She does need a feed as soon as she gets home though.

Have you tried it in a cup or is it just at nursery he won't have it? Does he eat and drink water OK at nursery? If so, maybe take that pressure off yourself and not send him with any. Could you speak to La Leche League or local infant feeding or something for some advice/support? I've found my local La Leche League leader really helpful. I've been there though, wishing she would take bottles so someone else could have a turn/ take charge. It's so tiring being the only one. Does he feed every time he wakes in the night? Are they long feeds meaning he's definitely hungry or short ones for comfort or just to go back to sleep. A bf expert may be able to help reduce the number of night wakings if they're not just for hunger. He'll also need to be pace fed if he does have bottles, so it's more like bf.

Not sure if that's helpful or not, sorry.

HaichMal · 09/05/2021 06:04

@Smiffette that's a lovely, positive way to look at it. Of the August 17 babies who will be 4 this August, I think the vast majority if not pretty much all of them, now sleep through bar illness, toilet or sleepwalking. Some wake early, some self-settle and some need their parents in with them to go to sleep, but generally they sleep fine once they're asleep. So yes, I don't think the sleep thing lasts forever. I try and tell myself that. Although it can be frustrating and tiring having long, drawn-out bedtimes with lots of feeds and rocking, there will come a time before too long when she doesn't need or want that help at night anymore.

mrssunshinexxx · 09/05/2021 07:46

@Picklesbaby there is no way Nelly would take a bottle of my life depended on it !

mrssunshinexxx · 09/05/2021 07:47

Out of interest can I ask if you would have the vaccine if you were pregnant ?
I feel totally conflicted 2 of my midwifes and my GP have very subtly said not to rush to get it but then women have died in the third trimester from covid I feel like I'm stuc between a rock and a hard place

I have been called for it and I'm only 28

Gigitree · 09/05/2021 10:21

@mrssunshinexxx I’d be interested to know why they’re subtly telling you not to rush for it.
It’s such a personal decision when it comes to getting it while pregnant, as everyone will have different health risks to consider.
I’m not pregnant so haven’t done a lot of research into what the pros and cons are of getting it while pregnant, but I would most likely get it. I’ve had both my doses already and feel relieved to be covered now.

mrssunshinexxx · 09/05/2021 16:10

@Gigitree I think the main thing is it's a brand new vaccine and no one can say with certainty that it's safe for a unborn baby I personally have no health conditions am young and healthy I am definitely steering to not having whilst pregnant and just being v careful in third trimester x

Picklesbaby · 09/05/2021 20:52

@HaichMal he refused a bottle from 3months , we switched to a cup with the same result, he doesn’t have one at home either . He eats okay,I send his water cup and they say he just refuses or takes little sips throughout the day. .It makes me feel better to hear Charlotte is fine without it! it’s just that my frozen supply is down to last 2 bags and it’s hard knowing what to do for best so pehaps I should just stop sending milk all together. It only gets wasted lol
He has a 5/10 min feed maybe twice all the others are suck suck back to sleep . We have an appointment with the health visitor on Wednesday for our developmental check so I will look into talking things through with an expert . I love him to bits and just want to enjoy every second with him but I also can’t remember the last time I slept more than a 3 hour stint or wasn’t in bed by 9pm. 😅Thank you for replying x

UKtoSK · 10/05/2021 05:42

Gosh I haven’t looked at this for a long time, I agree it would be so nice to have a private Facebook group or WhatsApp chat as it’s so inconvenient checking this page without notifications to remind me. I also feel a bit uncomfortable sharing photos here knowing that anyone could look at them.

Sorry that others are also still having a hard time with sleep. We’ve just had tooth #4 cut through last night and I am soooooo tired from all the waking and nursing. Jia takes 20-30 minutes each time to feed and go back to sleep so when she wakes 5+ times a night I get so angry at her!

We started her at nursery last week, I wasn’t really ready for her to start yet but we sort of needed to guarantee her a place that we liked and nearby (can literally see it from our kitchen window!) so starting her just an hour or two in the morning until she turns one and then will have her stay for lunch too. I have been staying there with her so far while she adjusts but she is doing so much better than I expected, playing with the teachers and not crying once even when I leave the room. At home she still cries sometimes when I shower and leave her with her daddy so I am really surprised she is doing so well!

Speaking of her daddy, anyone else found having a baby a much bigger strain on their relationship than they expected? Some days I’m ready to just throw the whole man away!

OP posts:
UKtoSK · 10/05/2021 05:47

@HaichMal yes you make a good point about my milk, I have thought about that. I did wonder if that’s why she’s so gassy at night and if she would sleep better if I gave up dairy but honestly I’m not prepared to give up the cakes and desserts that get me through the sleep deprivation without a 100% guarantee it would help!

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HaichMal · 10/05/2021 06:19

@Picklesbaby I found my local La Leche League leader by simple typing "La Leche League (area name)" into FB and it found the group, which had her details in. You could also try posting in the group as well if you found it, maybe get some reassurance that it's not just you and advice from other mums as well, which your local leader will then back up and reply to as well. There's also the "yummy mummy breastfeeding" group on FB, which has some trained experts in as well as a lot of mums. Both of those are free as well, including talking to your local La Leche League.

Re the HV, just be aware that their advice can be outdated or very biased. I've heard awful stories of HV being anti-bf or just very ignorant and pushing formula/ stopping etc. You might have a good one though 🤞🏻

I do understand the "I love you to bits but please let me sleep!" Charlotte was every 3 hours last night as well but it takes me a while to go back to sleep. I'd also love some energy. I couldn't keep my eyes open yesterday afternoon while she napped, even though it was the perfect time to get stuff done, and I've been wanting to go to bed at 8 this past week as well as I'm so tired.

HaichMal · 10/05/2021 06:26

@UKtoSK I tried dairy-free for a bit when I wasn't sure if it was cmpa or fast let-down when I was really struggling with Charlotte. It was a bit easier to cope than I thought - except when eating out - as I got a little bit of dairy-free chocolate and some soya 'butter' and made my own stuff. It helped me cut down a bit, which I needed to do, and lose weight. If I'd had to go soya free too I'm not sure how I would have coped! I'm definitely half fueled by sugary treats as well, aren't we all?

I've also been there with the relationship strain. Not as bad now we're on our third but after our first we struggled for a bit, and now it's more fed up/ jealousy that he gets so much more time to watch what he wants, be child-free (while I love them to bits, a little break without working would be nice), doesn't have much of anything to do once they're in bed, sleeps better etc etc. He wants more of my time and attention I have energy or patience for at the moment, but he's learned to deal with it without making it my problem too. Some men really struggle I've heard having to share their partner's attention or just aren't really helpful/ supportive about how much care and attention a baby needs

HaichMal · 10/05/2021 06:26

Sorry! I've written very long posts again 🤦‍♀️ I can't seem to write short ones

mrssunshinexxx · 10/05/2021 06:57

@UKtoSK when she was newborn and first few months yes but we were dealing with a lot of other stuff. Now things are much better but I am very much her full time parent he doesn't have to think about anything but then he works away and his job allows me to not go back to work so I can't whinge too much. I hope it doesn't go backward when this baby comes . Are you struggling? X

UKtoSK · 10/05/2021 12:44

@mrssunshinexxx we are doing a lot better now than a few months ago but @HaichMal put it perfectly “he wants a lot more of my time and attention than I have energy or patience for”. I also do most of the parenting which I am happy to do but it’s hard not to resent his getting grumpy over lack of intimacy when I am up all night and he sleeps peacefully and takes himself off for a bath or a nap whenever he wants in the day too!

OP posts:
mrssunshinexxx · 10/05/2021 13:13

I feel you, I just think sadly there lives will never change in the same way mums are just something else @UKtoSK
Being pregnant again I can't think of anything I want to do less than have sex I am so exhausted by bedtime I want to watch telly eat junk and crash as the insomnia is baaaad

Busylizzie85 · 10/05/2021 16:06

My partner has Aspergers so not only is he a man who generally does not have a clue he also does not understand on another level and explaining it takes a toll. He gets up and mainly does what he wants at weekends for example and I get very resentful sometimes. Since having my hair cut back in November I have only managed to dry it with a hairdryer twice and straighten it, I long for a morning off but he does not get it!

Picklesbaby · 17/05/2021 11:08

We had our 12month check .
@HaichMal I’m afraid you were right about the health visitor 😅. La leche have been very good though I’m going to continue feeding when he wants to as I don’t feel he does eat enough . I hope your getting more sleep .
We are in grey and black for most of his development & have been referred . I have also been referred for a parenting class . I had to laugh but if they can get him to sleep they’re better than me.